Why am I like this?

"Never allow their opinions to rule over your own"

Amal's POV

"So how is school?" Azad asks curiously as she seat drags a chair close to me, to take a seat making me stare at her in suspicion I knew she was about to blow up any moment from now seems like she hasn't gotten over it yet.

"oh you know the same" I reply with a smile, the last thing I would want is for her to start exaggerating which would happen any moment from now.

"Are you still getting bullied again?, I knew it but Abtal just never believes me when I tr-"Azad rants making me sigh

You see what I mean! she is just so protective, don't get me wrong I love the fact that she cares but, I have heard from the vice principal about how my sister went to visit aka threaten her after the first bullying incident when i was hospitalized.

Along the way she asked me for names of the people who did it, but of course I didn't see anyone so I told him the truth thinking it would end there but no instead, my name got mentioned in multiple Assemblies and everywhere else, I became famous but the wrong type of famous as i was known as the girl who almost died but she survived. yet up till today no one ever spoke to me even though they talked about me to one another,yes i know they are all so caring!

"No!, i'm not getting bullied big sis, I said same because you know how high school is,it never changes" i lied straight through my teeth with a smile, i couldn't help but to regret why I told my parents that it was okay for them to travel to visit our uncle and aunt and attend their marriage because even though I remember telling them I'm a big girl who is almost an adult and that i can and will be able to take care of myself, they invited my sister and her husband to come and stay with me don't get Me wrong I love them but...

"Are you sure?" she asks again

"If she says she isn't getting bullied then she isn't getting bullied" my brother in law Abtal states making me send him a thankful smile he just nods, oh I forgot to say my brother in-law isn't like my sister he actually gets and understands me.

"But you were there last time she was in the hospital and-"

"Shh" Abtal shushes my sister who is his wife she stares up at him he hugs her leans down and kisses her forehead as if to calm her down, she opens her mouth again as if to rant but My bro in law being cheeky and also trying to take her mind of the issue aka he Wants to save me because we are a team, he playfully leaned forward making her to duck her head and peak at me with red cheeks while I took that as a queue to leave, so i slipped of the table and started to make my way into my room.

You see everything that happened downstairs,it has been happening ever since that event that happened on the first day I wore my hijab to school, a few years ago that memory is stuck inside in head and now I can't forget no matter how much I wished I could, it was like a permanent tattoo, that remains fresh until the day I die due to the viruses that are still perching on my wounds. Also in case you didn't know, I was talking about Ayana and her squad and their sick joy of plotting my death..yeah at a point it got that serious.

"The table is full maybe next time" Anaya says making me frown but i nodded before making my way towards the very table next to the trash bin, taking little bites of my burger,

Two words I can use to define how I was feeling at that day was 'sad and confused' as i watched Ayana and other people chat with their friends while i-i was alone. I was pulled out of my thoughts by the sound of my phone beeping making me pull out her phone.

"So how is it going?" Azad texts for me for the umpteenth time so she was really worried about me going to school today, why well she knows the pain, which pain?, she hasn't shared any with me, and even her two best friends have called to ask if I was okay.

"Weird because 1.everyone keeps on staring at me, 2. Ayana told me the table was full when the table was having enough space for six people and 3.i- " i flinched and screamed as I felt something like hot source entering and burning my eyes I continued to scream and cry for help as i gripped unto the person that hurt me tightly.

"Please help me!" i cried to the person as my eyes were burning, it felt like death would have been a more beautiful choice right now but no i'm not suicidal, it was just that the pain was so intense!, but all i got in reply was laughter...hell i could hear it everyone was laughing, can't they see what is happening?, can't they see my tears?, can't they see that i'm in pain?, all this questions were left unanswered as i felt someone grip my neck and dragged me along I was as blind as a mole so i followed.

"Want help?" a voice asks making me nod eagerly because not only will i need the help of a nurse but maybe a doctor too so i followed the person blindly.

I felt it my head being pushed under water, I could feel the burn in my eyes reducing making me smile in relief but being a human I needed air, a lot of it, but right now I really didn't have any of it, so i tried to come up for air but instead the hand kept pushing my head deeper into water making me let out more screams as i tried to get the hand to let go of my neck but the grip was too strong, I started to feel my head starting to get heavier and heavier as I started to choke and that seemed to scare my sweet 'saviour' because my head got pulled out but I couldn't see anything not even my saviour because everything was blurry, i watched as the darkness took over my body hit the cold ground all i could hear was...

"We will kill you every single one of you" my eyes fell close.

That is all i can remember from that day but the next thing i know was that, i woke up in a hospital room to that annoying beeping sound,To my sister taking all of the air my lungs needed as she hugged me so tight telling me it was a miracle that i was awake and alive, also telling me that I had been in a coma for two weeks up till that day. I still wonder how because it just felt like i slept for a day and woke up not after two weeks and then, she refused to let go or to go back to her school as they were so close to the examination period at that time.

She also cried a lot while apologizing because she felt like it was her all fault because she left but I really didn't and still do not blame her at all, I mean she got married and had to move away also, there is school that's not her fault, she can't always be here for me during the holidays anymore and to be honest i'm not selfish either,i am happy for her.

Also there is the issue of her going to report and threaten the principal

About my situation that was mainly the bullying, but now it is worst and more secretive instead of harming me like they had done in the past, it is now words that hurt and not that punches or the slaps and like they say words cut deeper than a knife and what am I? if not just a human?

"You are getting late for school Abtal is waiting to drop you off" Azad yells from outside my door making me frown in disbelief at how time flies.

"I would be right there" I yell before rushing to pack my bag pack but then I frowned as noticed something I haven't transfer Mr Hart's homework to my real notebook for Math's making me groan.

"Why am I like this?" I groan to myself as I began to search for my note which was no where to be found!, I grabbed the jotter in which my assignment was inside and rushed down the stairs.

"You ready?" he asks his sister in law

"Yeah let's go" i say with a grin

"Byee" Azad says to her baby sister...me

"Byeee tell mommy and daddy that i said bye and Salam when they return" i say with a smile

"I would,take care of yourself" Azad yells after me making me smile she just leans in and kissed my forehead before I rushed out of the door. why?, because if it was up to her,I would probably never leave the house.

"So how is school be honest?" Abtal asks making me let out a sigh

"It's surprisingly not that bad but neither is it that good either" I confessed, he is that cool brother in law I guess we do relate with one another very well.

"Really?" he asks curiously

"Yeah, the bullies are there but you know that haters are always gonna hate" I say with a shrug

"Bullies huh?" he asks his eyes held so much anger making me try to quickly repair my damage.

"Oh not you too" I whine wanting him to not do what my sister did, I mean he was a senior lawyer...if he does talk my school...can be closed forever...oh shizzle why couldn't I just keep quiet?

"You know I was wondering about why you got rid of your head scarf?" Abtal states making me freeze why is he so fast in tracing things...urgh lawyers.

"It is not because of them" I lie almost immediately, because I can't have anyone figuring me out, it just irks the fudge out of me.

"Great!, please let it be not for them but your choice only to wear of not wear your hijab" Abtal states making me speechless I opened my mouth to talk but then I got cut off.

"We are here" Abtal states with a smile while her own was no where to found

"Thanks brother in-law" I say before opening the door and running into the school not wanting to hear more about the issue of me changing because of my bullies.

But to be honest I knew that I was changing, and it was truly because of them but I just want to fit in, not have them run away from me because as they say 'i looked like a terrorist' even though I'm scared to hurt an ant because they are also living things...yeah i'm so heartless smh!, why is the world so judgemental?, I wish there was someone out there who would see me for who I am and not what the society thinks of me?, I mean I'm not that bad just really sarcastic, to anyone who is hearing me right now, please be my friend.


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