"Surviving is so much harder than we thought that's why some of us decided to just exist instead live"

Zach's POV

"So i heard about what happened to Amal?" Ayana says to me making me raise a brow...why is she here? Why is she even talking to me?

"Yeah, Everyone has" I say walking away from her but she grasps onto my arm making me freeze, I hate it when anyone touches me when I am not expecting it, she's lucky I didn't throw a punch her way.

"Is she okay?" she asks making me pause and stare her...is she seriously acting like she cares? Now when the girl is hurt?heck she was the one who started this whole let's all hate Muslims movement.

"I would have punched you, if you were not a girl" I say coldly making her to flinch and removed her hand from my arm, meanwhile I continued to make my way down to my government class.

Ever since that day Amal got hospitalized, Random people have been coming up to me asking me about Amal, pretending that they care. I honestly want nothing more than to smack them all for being so fake but i can't, so instead i didn't really give them the answer they wanted either, I answered their question with another question until they got tired and left me Alone.

"If I ask would you give a wrong answer?" Grandma asks as she stares at her grandson aka me with worry in her eyes

"Maybe grandma" I say with a grin

"ouch" I say as my grandma hand slapped behind my head...yeah I was just messing with her.

"Don't say maybe I'm worried about you kids" She scolds me, watching me as I took my drugs for my disorder, I'm still on medication for my bipolarity, if it weren't for this drugs I'll be unstable emotionally, I smiled as she handed me a glass of orange juice which I used to take the drugs. Turns out I forgot to take my drugs before going to school, opps.

"But you don't even know her" I say making her send me a look in disbelief while I grinned.

"Why are you so possessive about her?, you were never this possessive with Sam" Camila says making me raise a brow at her

"Call him anytime you want" I say with a smirk

"Urghh see what I am talking about?" She complains

"Grandma I gotta go" I say while standing up

"to see his wife" Camila says making me roll my eyes

"Not my wife,she's just my f-"

"friend yeah I know" Camila says with teasing grin making me just send her a dry look

"see you later grandma and squirt" I say pressing a kiss to my grandma cheek while I send my sister a mocking look making her mouth fall open...realizing that I had just called her squirt.

"I'm older than you" I can hear her yell after me making me smirk as i slammed the door shut.

I started making my way towards the hospital I didn't even feel like driving today so i just decided to take the uber instead, I let myself get lost in my own thoughts.

I waved at the guards who were at the gate before I started to make my way down the road, after staying for barely 10 minutes I was able to stop a taxi.

"Hi man where are you heading too?

" the national hospital" I say obviously  leaving the message that I didn't want to talk but of course the taxi driver decided that I was his new talking buddy, I just nodded along to everything he said not wanting to be rude so back to the issue at hand, first of all yes,i'm very mad at the Fact that guys hit on my best friend, if I knew them personally, I would have found them and given them a nice beating of my own.

But I guess I'm also mad at myself too,why didn't I save her?, that is what friends do right?, if she was here,she would have told me that " everything doesn't just go according to your plan but according to God's plan which is the best plan" I chuckle to myself at the thought before looking up at the sky it was already dark out, I got out the taxi after paying and thanking him.

"Hey man, are you okay?, I just you look like you got a lot of things on your mind?, do you want to talk about it I'm here for yo-

" no thanks I'm fine, bye" I say before I started to make my way into the hospital gates getting even more lost inside my own head and frowning ocean of thoughts.

"If there's really someone out there, please let Amal heal not only the outside but on the inside too" I say out loud but then I wait and nothing happens making me let out a sigh, what am I even doing standing and talking to the sky?, It's official I'm going crazy. I laughed at myself before I pushed open the doors.

"Good evening sir" the lady says with a smile making me grin back

"Good evening mam" I say back to her before I made a beeline to enter the elevator, not wanting anything to stop me from getting to Amal's room. soon the ding sound was heard

"God I hate hospitals" I mutter to myself as the scent of drugs and the stench of sickness and death entered my nose

I ignored the voice in my head telling me to run because once I enter, I wouldn't not be able to leave but that fear started when I stayed at the psychiatry and my dad never came to pick me up, once upon a time "on time" I eagerly knocked on the door,only to have it opened by Amal's brother in law, he is very nice.

"Good evening?" I say making him nod he says it back to me

"Good evening dear, you came to see her right?" Azad states smiling up at me who smiles shyly before nodding

"Aw you really have a bad timing,She's asleep" Azad says with a sad smile

"Oh that's fine,I will just wait for her then" i say taking a seat we sat in silence everyone getting lost in their own thoughts, even though no one has pointed it out,Zach feels guilty, ever since the first day he dropped by, he had cut of from visiting her, not intensionally but that's what bipolar disorder does, it just messes with your emotional dynamic especially after been triggered, one minute you want them close, never wanting them to leave and the next you are pushing them as far away from you as possible,anger,sadness,irritation, dealing with it wasn't fun but well it is who he is and he isn't perfect at all and he has grown to accept it, I mean if Amal could accept herself then why shouldn't he?

Though in his case the guilt had triggered his mental disorder which messed with his own circle of emotions, that was why he decided to take his drugs before coming, he didn't want to change his mind like he has been doing for the past few days after arriving at the hospital due to him feeling a wave of too many emotions at once to the point that he felt like he was about to have an episode.

"It has happened before" Azad mumbles making me frown

"What?" I ask in confusion

"Hasn't she told you about the hijab incident?" Azad asks curiously

"Yeah,she told me a restricted version of it" I say

"Well that's because she doesn't know half of it" Abtal says making his wife nod in agreement.

"Really?" I ask curiously

"Yeah she was in the hospital for two whole weeks...unconscious" she states making my eyes to widen two weeks unconscious, i may not know much about medical stuff but i do know that people hardly wake up from coma that lasts that long.

"What?" I say shock clear in my voice

"Yes,it was a Normal day I was preparing to go for my psychology class when she called..."

"hey big sister"

"Hi,so what got you so pumped this morning?" Azad say to her as she was trying to finish up making dinner for herself and her husband.

"You are aware how today is world wide hijab day?" Amal asks happily while her sister starts to make her way back into her room to dress up

"Technically tomorrow but Yup" Azad says while trying to put on her pajamas while still holding the phone to her ear.

"Well i'm going to he participating this year" her sister states making her to freeze with her hand and head stuck inside the pajamas top but not completely only half way, She looks at her phone with wide eyes as If was her sister that was standing in place of the phone in her hand.

"what so soon?" she says out loud not knowing what to say the girl was not so small besides it was her choice if she wanted to wear it or not.

"Yeah I am already 15 now turning sixteen in a few months i'm not too young to join the hijab squad" Amal's excited voice says her sister wants nothing than to tell her that she wasn't referring to that aspect but she kept her mouth shut.

"OK,big girl but do you even have a head scarf?"she asks okay so maybe Azad is looking for a way to discourage her sister..but for a good cause of course.

"Yes and it even had poker dots on it it's looks like the a lady bug, it is cute also before giving me mama gave me a lecture...which I loved it makes me want to wear it more to be honest" Amal says and Azad can almost feel her excitement.

"Well i'm happy for you make sure you keep me updated on how your day goes" Azad say with a smile

"I will bye" she says before hanging up the smile fades away from Azad's face let out a sigh making her husband Abtal to stare at his wife who looked pale as a sheet of paper as if she was about to collapse ever since received that phone call from her sister.

"Stop being so worried love" he states taking a seat next to her and pulling me closer to him

"I have to be,i mean,she-she just started wearing her hijab today" she state totally panicking

"What the big deal in that?" Abtal asks softly

"She-I know what she would go through and what's so sad is that I won't be there to protect her" I say sadly Abtal hugs her as if to provide comfort for her and take away all of her worries but it was barely working.

"Don't worry Azad, she's going to be doing just fine,she's excited isn't she?" my husband asks her give him a small nod

"see that's a good sign, right?" he says while pulling his wife in for a hug he leaned in and kissed her on her forehead making her close her eyes with a smile, she looked up at my husband, he smiled at her and her cheeks flushed as she puts her head on his chest.

"I just don't want her to suffer like I did" Azad confesses and Abtal wants nothing than to hug his wife to protect her from it all.

"Then pray pray to Allah (God) to guide and protect her" He advice's her

"I will" Azad States while pulling away she kissed her husband on the cheek before smiling.

After a few hours Azad finds herself making her way into the hallway of oxford saying hi to a few before rushing towards her psychology class and settling in the seat in the middle to avoid attention.

She watched as the professor kept on talking but her mind her mind wasn't anywhere close she was pulling out her phone and texting her sister.

"So how is it going?"

Lil sis is typing...

Azad smiled at the phone before looking at her teacher not wanting to get caught also feeling that her sister was still alright.

She took the notes while looking down at her phone which her sister had not stopped 'typing' maybe she got into trouble for texting during classes.

"Mrs HaKeem please put your phone away or I would have to take it" a voice says making Azad jump in fright

"Sorry Mrs Jacob" Azad says while turning off her phone turning to face the lecturer but in her mind she just couldn't wait for the class to be over.

"So how is the newly wedded girl?" Ariana asks with a teasing smirk making her groan as she dropped her head down table

"Stop groaning and tell us how does it feel to be married?"Ariana asks

"Are you trying to find a way to say I told you so if so don't bother because he is a wonderful husband and am lucky that's all I can say" Azad rants knowing that her friend was going to make Fun of her anyway...after all when Azad didn't like Abtal, Ariana was always telling her about how he would be the husband for her...and it turns out that she was right, Azad Regrets telling her anything on the phone a few months ago.

"Not that but I wanted to also ask is he-"

"God Ariana no" I say blocking her

"Okay okay I won't ask fineeeeee" Ariana says drawing the word fine because she was extra as heck.

I know you are probably wondering about how Ariana looks well, she is a beautiful girl with dyed blond hair,she had big green eyes and she was tall and well she loved to eat but still managed to stay just the right shape.

"But seriously it's been what a month or two, wait? is it more than that well you got married during summer break which was the last time I actually saw you so you can't blame my curiosity"Ariana says taking a bite of her chicken wing.

"Seeing has nothing to do with whatever it is you wanted to ask Ariana" Aysha says making Azad send her a thankful smile which she returns. Okay let's meet my second and last best friend Aysha,She's half Mexican half half Arabian with really light blue eyes, she had a wave of black curls and she had two very deep dimples that makes you smile back for no reason,she is also my sister in law,she was always the one to pull Ariana back onto the ground whenever Ariana Begins to float what ever that means.

"Go ahead and gang up on me you know what fuck all of youuuuuu,so what's new?" Ariana says dramatically making us laugh she is that dramatic friend you will want to have.

"You guys remember Amal?" I ask slowly

"I can't forget her even if i tried, she is so cute and sweet, remember you took us over to your place?" Ariana says with a smile recalling the little girl with big brown eyes that loved to play with everyone and smile at everyone.

"did something happen to her?" Aysha asks worriedly making azad smile,Aysha never failed to notice when something was wrong but Ariana is the slow one sometimes

"No and Hopefully nothing does she just well today is her first day with a headscarf" Azad says seriously

"And that's a big deal because..."Ariana asks while taking a bite of her apple

"The first time I wore it I got bullied, I mean life wasn't always as easy as it seems now for me,I've been unoppressed aka a random fool made it a rule to take off my headscarf for me saying I was getting oppressed by islam,not to talk about the psychological bullying like punish a Muslim day that was created for bullying people like me,Aysha and every Muslim out there or in some cases even the physical bullying, i mean it does not always stop at someone screaming 'go back to your country' I just don't want her to go through the same thing I did" Azad says with a sad sigh

"What! Why would anyone even do that! what's so bad about being a Muslim?, I hate it when they do that!" Ariana rants angrily, Ariana hated the fact that I got bullied for my faith, sadly we hadn't gone to the same highschool I met them all in uni.

"They judge a lot and it's not fair i have been your friend for 4 years I mean your pretty harmless,Terrorism is not a religion,they are just freaking stupid" Ariana rants and honestly she wishes the world had Ariana's mind set but they didn't and it's a sad sad world.

"Don't curse" Azad says with a sigh making Ariana smirk, Azad knows what's coming next and she absolutely hates it when anyone curses but then again, her best friend was a pro at it.

"Fuck! fuck! fuck!" Ariana says with a smirk making Azad groan

"So like I was saying don't worry about it, if another motherfo is going to mess with her,the fucker who will lay a simple finger on her,I don't care if his father is a fucking king, he or she will face me and my socks full of butter" Ariana says making Azad put her head on the table, thinking about the possibility of her sister getting hurt and Aysha noticed this.

"I think what Ariana meant to say is that your sister would be just fine, i mean it's a new age now, maybe she won't go through what you did plus, if she ever do get bullied, you know you would be the first to know right?, she will let you know" Aysha says comfortingly making Azad nod feeling a little bit at ease,she lets out a little smile but frowned upon seeing the black car pulling up in the drive way.

"What no!, That was not what I meant at all" Ariana States with groan and then Aysha and her bickering about God knows what, while Azad's eyes caught and was never leaving the black sports car that was parking.

"Isn't that Abtal's sweet ride?" Ariana asks making her friend nod, Ariana was a girl who knows and worships cars while me I could careless about it, just along as it can transport me, I could careless on what the brand name is, which is why I am yet to know the brand but I do know it's a sports car.

"Yeah?,what in goodness name is he doing here now?" Azad murmurs to herself

"Maybe he misses you "Ariana teased making her cheek flush

"Shut up" Azad says with a groan as she blushes watching as her husband was making quick strands towards her, she saw it all the girls looking at her husband who ignore them her husband wasn't ugly not at all!, he was what some people would call a pretty boy and he had on a black suit,His hair wasn't in it normal hairstyle well it kind of was in a quiff but it was messy yet he still managed to look so handsome, God,how did she get so lucky?

"What are you doing here?, I have two more classes befo-" Azad starts to explain because she was wondering why he came to pick her up so early before she could wonder more her husband was cutting her off his voice full of emotions...sadness? .

"Amal is in the hospital, we need to go" Abtal says making the three of them freeze and Azad was breaking down, she knew it would happen but no one ever listens to her.

***

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