I convinced myself the first time round it just wasn't our time. What’s my excuse this time? There was a moment where I would have taken him back in a heartbeat. But that was back when I believed in the oldest of all tales... that we would last 'forever' that somehow we would be still together by the end of high school, that we would last beyond that. But we were just kids at heart. We didn't know any better.

You spend so much time getting to know someone you convince yourself that you know who they are, but you don't. I thought after all this time knowing we were kids at heart but still in overheads. Pulled into different directions, part of our problem may have been we couldn't let go of one another when we should have.

"Christopher, do you honestly think this is the answer?" I asked.

He stood up, "I thought it was what you wanted. Its what I want, I don't want to waste any time anymore. I want to start a life with you," he said.

I took a moment to myself, "I don't want to move in with you... not at the moment anyway. I want to be with you but rushing things and starting a life together isn't the answer. "

He gave me this look that said I'm losing the girl of my dreams. His head hung low as he looked down at the box, he clenched his jaw as he gulped before he closed the box. I saw his heart break in two.

"Its not that I don't want to move in with you... I just want to enjoy what we have at the moment." I said.

He stepped back from me and if looks could kill my heart would have been punctured. He then turned his back on me and walked away. I gave it a week or two to let him sulk about my decision.

"Christopher could we meet up and talk about this please? I don't think you understood what I meant." I texted him.

As I impatiently waited for his reply, which what felt like the longest hours I waited for him to respond to me. Every so often I would check that he was online.

"No I understood perfectly, you don't want a life with me that was clear. I don't want to be rejected again thanks." he replied back.

"No that isn't what I meant Christopher and you know it! We need to talk about this." I told him.

"Fine we will, I will hear what you have to say. We'll meet up at the stars restaurant at 6. "

A few days go by since we had made an agreement to meet and talk about it all until he texted me.

"Look I'm being held up at work so can't do it tonight,” he replied.

"When will that be?" I asked.

"I don't know, we'll see. " he replied.

That’s when I knew he was avoiding to meet up about the whole thing. I didn't want to either but if there was any chance of saving us and maybe making a future with one another then I want that. I want him to be part of that future. Days turned into weeks and weeks shortly turned into months passing by after that. I tried to stress the importance to him that we needed to meet up and resolve this. But he didn't seem too bothered let alone care. Excuse after excuse was given to not to meet up.

And then I received a message "Hey Delilah, I'm sorry I've been busy for a while there’s a party over at Glasgow this Saturday night."

"Thanks is this another warning for drunken texts?" I jokingly texted back.

"No actually I was thinking if you would come with me." he text back.

"You want me to come to a party with you?" I replied back.

I thought to myself maybe its where he would address the matter, that he will tell me how he feels and lets it all out as we are alone from the crowd. Maybe I can even confront him in person.

I had talked to my friend Emily about it but she didn't seem to think it was a good idea.

***

Sitting listening to music in my room as she convinces me that the party isn't a good idea.

"No you aren't going! It’s Glasgow and it’s the weekend! It isn't a good idea Delilah." She said.

"He might confess...” I cried.

"Confess that he doesn't want to talk about you two. Talk about how he is avoiding it. I'm asking as a friend, to not go to that party it’s for your own good." She pleaded.

I was pretty stubborn and not knowing what could happen sounded way more appealing than what I know would happen if I didn't go.

The day of the party came.

"Hey Christopher" I texted him "Is the party still on?"

"No sorry its cancelled." he replied back.

"So are we still going to meet up then and talk?" I asked him.

"I told you I don't know, I'm kinda busy at the moment. " he replied back.

He can invite me to a party he has time for but he can't meet up with me that is about us. Its like everything is more of a priority than me. If it isn't work, its finical difficulties or family issues.

Why do I get the feeling he is avoiding this?