Usually I'm such a forgiving person. Someone could do me so wrong in one way or another, and I'll convince myself that those weren't their intensions. That’s when I end up forgiving them. But this time it was different. I knew what I had to do would be hard but I had to think of myself first. Letting him back into my life I had learned nothing lasts forever. Forever is a lie. All we had between us was what was between hello and goodbye.

For a long time, I thought that being over someone meant you didn't love them anymore. But with him... I'm not sure that is ever going to be true. I may not love him the way I use to, but I think that a part of me will always care for him. I'll always want him to be happy even if it makes me sad in the process. I'll always smile when someone mentions his name, or see a picture of him, even if it makes me a little bitter. I'll always love the memories I have of us, when we were both crazy for one another; even if those feelings are long gone. So yeah, I'm over him. But I will always still care about him.

***

There we were exactly where we had our first kiss. But the only exception was I didn't make a fool of myself falling again in the river.

"Why are we here Christopher?" I asked.

" Just wait. " he said with his hands up.

He fixed himself quickly, tugging at his jacket nervously. He then reached inside of his jacket pocket. He brought out a box; I closed my eyes hoping it wasn't a ring.

He opened up the box and inside was a key.

"Why is that in the box?" I asked.

"I think we should move into together and start our lives together." He said sounding hopeful.

From the moment he said start our lives together I freaked out. I felt my fight and flight system activate inside of me. Why you ask? Because what has seemed like my whole life for the guy, I loved to love me back; to move in with one another and start a life together. It isn't how I imagined things were going to be. Especially when I am the one who can't go through with it. I can see myself living with him in a small cosy flat but then what? How long would it even last? I don't want to have another heartache I couldn't go through all of that again. It was hard enough as a kid learning through the process but to do it again why would I want to punish myself?

" Christopher, you don't know me I'm not the girl you once knew. Time has gone on and changed. We are both different people now who want different things. You've just come back into my life. I don't think you realise, that I'm not the girl you just hook up with; for the sake of popularity or because I'm fit for a month or so. I'm not the tipsy girl at the bar you have a one-night stand with. I'm not the girl, whose smile seems like the answer to every question out there. " I said.

"Yeah that may be so... but your wrong too. I know you more than you think. I know that you’re that girl who for a while, has been dying to hear someone tell you; that you don't need to try so hard to be perfect. That you are enough and it is okay. Well, I'm telling you from my heart you aren't okay... your perfect. Yes, you may have your flaws but you are perfect to me and that’s all that matters. Just you being yourself is all that matters to me. I care about you more than you will ever know." He said as he protested his love for me.

He takes a step closer and reaches for my hand holding it as he looks into my eyes.

"There’s nothing more I want than to have that romance with you. To develop that connection that will eventually, lead to that opportunity to be with somebody; that I don't have to hide myself from. You know I remember our first date. The way you literally took my breath away, when you wore that beautiful dress that brought out your shimmering and gorgeous eyes. The way your hair dangled as the wind gently blew its breeze. I remember that sweet smell from the perfume you wore that day. I remember how you wore heels just to make yourself taller. But what I remember the most... was the way you made me feel. I have never felt so sure about something in my life." he said.

He gets down on one knee looking into my eyes.

"Delilah, I know you may think that love hurt you in the past. But lets be real for a moment, love didn't hurt you. Someone who didn't know how to love hurt you. Yes I was partially responsible and I apologise for that, but I was a boy back then. I'm a man now I've grown up and became wiser. So please for your sake don't get the two of them confused. As for other girls exactly, you aren't them - you’re right. But they aren't you either Delilah, I love you and want a happy life with you and only you." he said.

"Last time I fell for your words I was left heartbroken. So why should I believe you this time? You hurt me Christopher, I meant nothing to you. So what’s the difference now?" I said.

"I may be the guy who broke your heart but if you let me I can put the pieces back together." He said.

"You couldn't handle me even if I came with instructions." I said

"Delilah, I want to have you in my life. I want to build a life with you,” he said.

I'm not sure what I want with Christopher on one hand I see myself moving in with him. But on the hand I don't know.

What should I do?