I hadn’t quite accepted how I felt about him yet until I craved him. I just wanted to be with him. To be in his presence… maybe even held in his arms. I craved for him to talk to me, even if it was by a random text to see how my day was. I craved for his touch. I craved for his attention. I hadn’t craved anyone the way I craved him. I would even look at my phone to see if he was online and I would immediately get the urge to want to message him. But I had to restrain myself from seeing as desperate. But I couldn’t take it any longer I wanted to meet up with him. So I decided to text him and organise something.

“Hey Christopher, I know you won’t get this till later but I have this party that I was invited to from a friend because I’m one of the guest there to speak. I was wondering would you like to be my plus one?”

“I know have cancelled the last few times. But this time I promise I will be there. Where is it?” he asked.

“You know that little place next to the bar in town? Its there. Doesn’t start till 18:30pm. I’ll see you there. I replied back with a smiley face. I’m so nervous just thinking about it!”

“Don’t be, I have every faith in you that you will be great!” he replied.

The day came when had my friends and family surrounding me, along with a few strangers. I kept looking at my watch as the minutes ticked by. I kept watching out for the door to open and see him just arrive in time for my speech. I kept looking, around the room looking above peoples heads check in case he had came in and I had missed him coming in the door. I got up on that stage, the best view in the house for an opportunity to scan the rom one last time to find him. But there was no sign of him. So I did what I always did… I put a brave face on, hiding behind a mask. Acting as though I hadn’t been let down. That I didn’t witness before my eyes a broken promise.

Is it silly to have believed him when he said, “I promise.”

When he said that I genuinely thought this time was different. That he would be there for me, the way he would support me. After I had gotten in from the event I received a text from Christopher. I didn’t know whether, to fling my phone to the wall or just completely blank him. It would take more than his apology to fix this. But like every other time I tried SO hard to fight against the urge. But I craved in and read his message.

“Hey Delilah, look I know that I missed your special night. I got held up at work and I couldn’t get out the meeting they held. I’m sorry.”

“Tonight was special to me. I wanted o share it with you.” I replied back.

I’m sorry that I missed it but I’ll make it up to you. I promise. He replied back to me.

“You promise? Is this the same promise that we would meet up but we still haven’t. Is this the same promise that you would be there for me tonight, but you weren’t in sight.” I replied.

“There wasn’t anything I could do! I couldn’t just walk out the meeting Delilah. Look I know I missed tonight, but believe me please… I did want to be there I’m hoping you would let me take you out for dinner. You can tell all about it.” He replied in hope I could accept his offer.

“Are you sure you will make it this time?” I asked, skeptic that it wouldn’t turn out the same result.

“Yeah honest! I will be there at Stars for 18:00pm. I look forward to seeing you” he replied back with a smiley face.

***

Time rolled on, it was time to get over my nerves and meet Christopher. My heart pounding away at the speed of a run away train. The anxiety setting in as the butterflies; were swarming in my stomach! I shouldn’t even be nervous, its not like he is a total stranger. I know him so why am I so nervous? The taxi pulled up to the restaurant, I started to shake like leaf. I took a moment to compose myself. I took a deep breath and then made my way into the restaurant. He hadn’t arrived quite yet I figured he would maybe be a bit late because of his work. So I got us a table and ordered myself a drink as I waited on him. Waiters and waitress’s as well as strangers stared at me as they walked past me as they saw I was on my own. Every time I heard the door open I got excited and fluffed my hair a bit and made sure my make – up was okay. But it never turned out to be him time and time again. The minutes turned into the long hours and then eventually the place became empty. He didn’t show up, I should have seen it coming I guess. There was a little doubt at the back of my mind but like ever other time I believed him when he said he would show up.

I slammed the door from behind me taking my frustration out. I ran up to my room and buried my face within a pillow letting my screams of anger out. At this point in time I didn’t really care if my make – up smudged all over my pillows. I wasn’t just angry with the thought of once again me getting all dressed up having somewhat hope to thinking he would follow through this time round with his word. He sounded so promising, but I guess that’s what the problem wasn’t it? Believing ever little world he speaks with.

PING! Went my phone as I received a text. And sure enough it was him! The one that made me wanting to throttle him but love him at the same time.

“Hey Delilah, I’m so sorry for what happened tonight. Something came up and I couldn’t really drop it and leave. My phone is in pretty bad shape at the moment. I know this is twice that I have let you down. But I will make it up in some way.” He texted.

I couldn’t even bear to look at his name; let alone want to hear what he had to say for himself, I was that angry. Somewhere between being angry and crying with anger I became unconscious and waking up to another day. In my head I thought things would be different. I had this image in my head where I would be nervous the adrenalin running through me, making my heart pound. But I would still step out that taxi and as I take my steps into the pub there he would be sitting at a table waving me over. We would laugh, catch up and have a good time. But I guess I’m used to being let down time after time. I come from a father of broken promises so I guess how could I expect any other guy to be different.

***

“Hey, how are you doing?”

Puzzled as to why they had messaged me nonetheless I messaged them back.

“Hiya I’m good. How are you?” I replied back.

I’m doing alright, just chilling out at the moment at the caravan. How’s life treating you?” they replied back.

“Yeah life has gone well. Just finished college waiting on my results to see if I have a chance at my second year. Feeling beyond nervous. What about you?” I replied back.

“Haha, I’m sure you will be fine. As for my life its nothing special I’m afraid to say. So what are you studying at college then?” he asked.

“I’m studying sports and leisure, hoping to then after my HND course to go onto P.E teaching.”

“Yeah I remember you being amazing at sports at school. Especially basketball :p” he replied back.

“So what you doing now that you’ve left school?” I asked.

Nothing much just looking for a job at the moment nothing interesting. I’ve had a job working on a temporary contract in Capital. He replied back.

“What is that you want to do?” I asked.

“At the moment… ANYTHING but mainly admin.” He replied back.

“Well if you want then go after it!” I replied back.

“Haha, yeah I’m trying!” he replied back.

The conversation continued for a good few hours. I thought it would be one of those hi – hi how are you, how’s life and then that’s it to the conversation. But we talked into I the late morning.

“So Delilah are you doing anything Thursday night?” he asked.

“Not that I can think of.” I replied back.

“Perhaps you could meet me at the local pub in that case” he replied back.

My friends then looked over my shoulder.

“Who is Greyson?” One of them asked.

“No one” I said in a high-pitched voice blushing a little.

They both then wrestled me for my phone. One held me in restrain as the other took my phone from my grip. They both started looking through my text with him.

“Yeah okay… a no one that invites you to go out somewhere with just the two of you.” One of them said in disbelief.

My other friend piped up “So are you going to go then!” they asked.

“I don’t know,” I said in an unsure voice.

“Give him a chance you never know Delilah.” One of them said.

With that they replied for me. This scared me the most because I didn’t know they would be saying to him on my behalf.

“Yeah okay, sounds like a plan.”

I looked at my friend.

“What did you just type?” I asked scared of her reply.

Oh I just said that you said yes to meeting with him,” she said as she gave me a your welcome sarcastic type of smile.

“What! Why!” I said questioning my friend’s decisions for me.

“Because you need to get back out there. You and Christopher are long gone. You need to give this one a chance, you’ll thank me.” One of them said.

I tried to get my phone back but I dived in headfirst. She held my hand with one hand as she typed away with her other hand.

“What time shall I get you there?”

“ About 6pm” He replied.

“There you go you can have your phone back,” my friend said as she handed it back to me.

I reached out for it taking it from her grasp as I said “Oh you mean I can have MY phone back? How kind of you. Are you sure you don’t want to continue your conversation with him?” I said.

“You are going to meet with him Thursday at 6, dress well and have make up on for god sake. Got to look your best.” One of them said.

I sighed, “Why did you do that?” I asked questioning her intensions for my love life.

“Like I said you need to get back out there. You can’t keep waiting around for Christopher, decide when he wants you back in his life,” said one of them.

***

The taxi rolled up at the restaurant, there was a part of me that doubted he would even show up. But all that doubt melted away as soon as I opened the door. There he was sitting at the table he had gotten us. He waved me over and I waved him back at him. I walked over, where I found he had already gotten me a drink. It was awkward at first, but after we got talking it wasn’t so bad.

“So have you seen any new TV shows?” he asked me.

“Oh where to start?” I said with my chin resting on my hand as I laughed. “Oh there’s Teen Wold, Drop Dead Diva, Hot in Cleveland and SO many films!”

I love films as well…. Not heard ANY of them though ahaha. Do you watch any anime?” he asked me.

“No sorry.” I said as I took a sip of my drink.

“I bet I know your type of films. Twilight or is it just the TV shows you watch?” he said.

“Of course movies.” I said in a sassy tone. But then again there are the occasional TV shows I watched.

“Have you seen any new and good films?” he asked.

“No not recently. Have you?” I asked.

“I’ve seen deadpool. I liked that film.” He said.

“OMG I really want to see it!” I said in an over excited tone of voice “It looks so funny!” I said.

He chuckled at my reaction, “It seriously is, if you want I’ve got it at home, we could watch it if you want?” he said.

I suddenly found myself hesitating… should I really go over? What if something happens? I managed to stall for a minute until he asked me again.

“So do you want to come over to mine ad we can watch it?” he asked.

“You mean tonight?” I asked confused.

“No” he said as he laughed at me “I was talking about maybe next Thursday.”

Without think I said, “Yeah sure that sounds good.”

The waiter then passed by and Greyson asked for the check. A few moments later he brings it back.

“So what’s my half?” I asked him

“What do you mean?” he asked me.

“What’s my half of the bill?” I asked him.

“I’m quite sure what you mean because the bill has already been paid for” he said as he handed the waiter back the bill he walked by our table.

I smiled and shook my head at him.

“What?” he asked as he put his wallet back in his side pocket of his jacket.

“You.” I said.

We walked our way out the restaurant waiting on my taxi coming for me.

“What about me?” he said giving me one of his half smile smirks.

“Nothing” I said smiling.

“Let me guess your admiring my good looks” he said as he mocked his looks.

“No” I said as I shook my head and laughed at him.

“Then what is it?” he said as he leaned in with one hand on the wall above my head. Our faces now pulling close to another like magnets. His eyes looking at my lips and then back at my eyes.

BEEP BEEP. The taxi had arrived.

“I… better go” I said taking one more glance at his eyes.

Clearing his voice, “Yeah… I’ll see you Thursday.”

He walked me over to the taxi.

“So how much will the fair be?” he asked the cab driver.

“£10 mate”

“I think this covers it, keep the change.” He said as he handed him over the money.

Not long had I gotten in did I change from looking glamorous to a slob. Hair tied back, no make – up on, and changed into my most comfy and baggy pyjamas. My phone then started to ping –it was a group call. Damn what it was to be popular for once.

“So what was like? Oh where did he take you?”

Unconscious about it I smiled as I told them the details.

“He took me to the Stars restaurant” I said.

“Oh that’s quite a romantic place.”

“Anyway… he was really sweet he was like a real gentleman. The conversation just kept flowing, and he paid the bill and my taxi fair.”

“Oh my god!” she said in a high pitch voice “That is so sweet! He would be the real deal”

“So when are you next seeing him?” My other friend asked me.

“Next Thursday I’m going over to his watch a film.”

“Yeah right you won’t watch a film” My friend said in a smug way.

“Okay, goodnight guys I’m off to bed now”

***

Thursday came and I was beyond nervous to be going over to Greysons house. Each ear blasted by my music from my earphones to calm down my nerves. I barely knew the guy, he was in one or two of my classes back in high school but now suddenly I am finding myself going over to his. This is crazy what am I doing? Its too late to get my dad to turn the car back around. My pulse raised, as I got closer to his house. I stepped outside and took a deep breath before I chapped his door. I thought to myself I can do this and not may not happen. Go with the flow.

I chapped the door, he came to the door and welcomed to his home. It looked small from the outside it was big and cosy. We were home alone thank god for that!

“Can I offer you a drink?” he asked.

“No I’m good thanks you” I said.

The tv already set and ready to go to start the film. I sat down anywhere… he sat next to me. As the movie started I found myself snuggling into his shoulder. My head snuggled into his shoulder as my hand rested on his chest. He then put his arm around me and placed in his other hand on mine. He rubbed his thumb across my hand and just something about him doing that felt soothing.

“You hand is cold,” he said.

“More like that’s an excuse to hold my hand,” I giggled.

Something about being cuddled into him I felt content. I felt happy. I could feel his heart racing, he was as nervous as I was. After the movie had ended Greyson said,

“So I have to ask what are we? I mean, I know that you are scared to put your trust into somebody else’s hands. Your heart, your mind, your soul, and your body they won’t be careful. But I would never want to hurt nor damage any of them because they are all of your features that make you who you are. The features that made me fall hopelessly in love with you. Yes you don’t know me but let me show you why you should. I don’t want pieces of you I want the whole thing, I want Delilah.” He said.

“Well since I’ve done this now.” I said as I swung myself around so I was sitting on his lap. I wrapped my arms around his neck as I passionately kissed him.

“I think we can rule out friendships” I said giving him smirk.

I then changed the subject.

“Greyson, what is that smell?” I asked.

“Oh” he said with a daunting facial expression. He then lift me up and threw me at the other side of the couch as he ran through to save the dinner.

I got through to the kitchen to see if I could be any help to him. But what I saw was a table set for two. With rose petals scattered on the table with a couple of candles lit. It was like something out of a movie. I also saw that he had made my favourite dinner dish; he remembered when I told him.

“Is that?” I asked him.

“No… well maybe or maybe it’s just a coincidence that I like that too.” He said in a smug way.

That’s when I knew Greyson was nothing like Christopher, if anything he was far from it. I don’t know what I see in this guy. He may not be the world’s number 1 top model. He isn’t the bravest of people I guess. But the way he just makes me laugh, when I talk to him I am physically smiling from ear to ear. He makes me laugh the way I want a guy to. He’s sweet and doesn’t make a stupid excuse to not talk to me. If anything he is always eager to talk to me first. He can hold a conversation. We’ve only been talking since last Sunday night about literally nothing exciting. We have talked about from what artist do we like, musically to what films we like. To even about game consoles and just random things. Its great and its refreshing. He is down to earth and so sweet and considerate. Yet in a way, I feel guilty that I should be waiting for Christopher – things are back to being confusing with him. But then again I can’t wait around forever for him to make effort. To wait to make his mind up on what he wants with us.

Everything was coming together with Greyson and me it had only been a month since he had became an item and things were going well. But this time I had giving up any last remaining hope for Christopher to arrange something with me. I moved on with my life; learning to put my trust into another persons hands. And just when I thought I was beginning to be over him… I received a message off he last person I would expect to.

“Hey Delilah, I get you didn’t respond to my last message I sent because of how mad you were with me. I know in the wrong I wanted to show up but I couldn’t. I’m sorry for standing you up. Anyway, I’m hoping what you will meet me at the park. If you don’t show up I’ll understand.”

I thought to myself can he honestly think that meeting me at the park just to hear his apology make up for the ambiguity he had given to me since I let him back into my life. He tells me how he feels but doesn’t do anything about it. That is where I am so confused, but I know with every word he has spoken to me with he is being genuine. As reluctant as I was to decided to go, not because I wanted to hear another apology from him. But to get the answers I wanted and deserved to know.