anguish

/ˈaŋɡwɪʃ/

noun

Severe pain or ill feelings towards someone

رنجش // معنی :

خفگی ,ان بھن , کدورت

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رنجش ہی سہی دل ہی دکھانے کیلئے آ 
آ پھر سے مجھے چھور کے جانے کیلئے آ

The clouds sailing above, creating a new art by moment, naturally evolving from one masterpiece to the next. The beauty here was for eyes born as free and loving souls, for the hearts that hears the soft song of the wind as soothing as the sweetest lullabies.

She was standing on the porch looking at the mountains covered with snow, wherever her eyes went she saw mountains and snow lots of it. The air was cold; bone chilling but she seemed unfazed by it. Her petite form wrapped in a shawl. She looked at the ground covered in white beauty. She was lover of nature. Playing woth snow, eating lots of ice cream was amongst her favorite things to do in winter, but now all remained was a body without any soul.

She was alive but not living. Her dreams, her ambitions, her values, everything was crushed. She was punished for a sin that she didn't commit.

She turned around when she heard footsteps coming her way.

"Agha jaan apko bula rahay hein"
(Agha jaan is calling you)

She looked at the elderly man and nodded her head.

"Aap chalay mai ati hun"
(Alright, you can go i am coming)

The elderly man nodded and turned around to go back in. The air was really cold for his old bones, he couldn't stand there. She looked at his back. He was Ghulam Bakhsh; the housekeeper. When she came in this house three years ago she was like a bird whose wings were cut off and she was left to writhe in pain and die.

Agha jaan took care of her and Ghulam Bakhsh also helped her, he was kind and compassionate man. He always treated her like his daughter.

She took one last glance at the mountains and went inside.

She knocked the door and slowly stepped in the room. An elderly man was sitting on a chair, his glasses perched on his nose, a book in his hands. She went and sat on a chair next to him.

"Kulliyat e Ghalib" she read the title of the book and a small smile played on her lips. Agha jaan loved reading poetry, he even gifted her some of his favorite poetry books which she read in leisure time.

He closed the book and took off his glasses placing them on the table he turned towards her.

"Aap ne mujhay bulaya tha Agha jaan?"

(You called me Agha jaan)

"Ji, kuch kehna tha apsay" 
(Yes i wanted to talk about something)

She nodded her head gesturing him to continue.

"Asfandyar ka kamra tayar karwao, wo kal araha hai"
(Asfandyar is coming tomorrow, prepare his room)

His words took her breath away. She sat there still looking at his face with shock evident in her eyes. Dread filling her veins.

"Agha jaan mai... " 
(Agha jaan me)

"Ghulam Bakhsh ko bhi keh sakta tha. Lekin tum uski bivi ho is liye tumhein kaha hai. "
(I could have told Ghulam bakhsh but you are his wife, that's why i am asking you)

Lekin wo to mujhay apni bivi nahi mantay 
(But he doesn't acknowledge me as his wife)

She tried to speak but no words left her mouth. He picked his book and started reading again. She sat there for a minute or two looking at nothing in particular, lost in her thoughts.

When she stood up to leave he called her.

"Wareen"

She turned around and looked at him.

"Ji Agha jaan "
(Yes Agha Jann)

"Beta garam kapray pehno, sardi lag jaye gi" 
(Wear some warm clothes child, you'll catch cold)

He smiled gently at her and she couldn't help but smile. Everyday he said this to her and she smiled at him reassuring him that she will wear some warm clothes. But the reality was that she didn't feel any cold. She was dead from inside. She didn't feel anything.

She closed the door behind her and stood there for a minute. Now her steps were going towards his room. Her hand slowly reached the knob pulling it she opened the room. Stepping inside she turned on the lights and looked at everything.

She was coming here after three years. After that unfortunate day when she was mercilessly thrown out of this room by its owner she never dared to look at it. She slowly stepped forward and took in everything, it was all the same since she first saw this room. She walked towards the bed side table and picked up the frame, but she couldn't look at it any longer and placed it back.

After an hour the room was clean. The curtains were changed, the sheets were changed. She set the closest and placed toiletries in the bathroom. After giving it one last look she came back in her room which was opposite to his room.

She took a shower and let her muscles relax under the warm water. After changing her clothes she grabbed her novel and sat on her bed. She tried to read it but couldn't. She placed it on the bed and clutched her hairs.

Why was he coming back? She was living peacefully and now he was coming back to ruin her peace. And what was Agha jaan trying to do she didn't understand. He could have easily told any servant to tidy his room but he called her why? She didn't know.

The old man was playing with fire and she knew, she was going to burn in it.

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She woke up because of the light falling directly on her face. She scrunched her face and rubbed her eyes trying to get the sleep out of it. She groaned loudly, her head was heavy. She sat up straight and looked at the open curtains, a maid must have did that. She thought.

She looked at the clock and her eyes went wide, it was one pm. She quickly got up and went in the bathroom taking a shower she changed her clothes. She dried her hair left it open. She wore a mustard shirt and white trousers, grabbing her cashmere shawl she went downstairs.

She descendend the stairs and walked towards the lounge. She could hear some voices coming and her heart started beating faster. She slowly went in.

"Aslamu Alikum "

Agha jaan looked at her and smiled, he placed the cup of tea on the table and gestured her to come closer. She slowly moved without taking her eyes off the ground and sat on the sofa.

" Walikum Aslam, Wareen tabiyat thek hai apki? Itni dair tak to kabhi nahi soyi aap" 
(Are you alright Wareen? You have never slept for so long)

"Sorry Agha jaan, wo raat ko dair se ankh lagi thi. "
(Sorry Agha jaan, i slept late last night)

She replied and placed a hand on her knee which was shaking badly, it always happened when she was nervous. She could feel a heated gaze on her and she lifted her head slowly.

Two stormy grey eyes stared at her and she felt her heart stopping.

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