Can I Keep You?
Gene Yuan

"Sean has left already. What's up with you two?" Fyzz said when I asked where Sean was. I hurried into our clubroom right after our class because he said that he will wait for me here.

"Did you fight?" Kaios asked with furrowed brows that I could only answer with a shrug. I wished that we did, but he started to avoid me after the night of the school festival.

"Might be. Sean's been avoiding to meet Gene for a week now." Natsu answered for me.

My heart feels heavy upon admitting to myself that Sean is truly avoiding me. I don't know if I did something wrong, but ever since the night of the school festival's last day, he won't talked to me like usual. When I get back to them after talking with Eros, he only gave simple answers or a slight nod of his head. He seemed to be in deep thought, so I let him be. I thought that his exhaustion might have finally taken a toll on him. But then, he changed over the weekend.

Before he keeps showing up in my class every break and it's been a week, but he never showed up during class. I tried checking him in our club room but I always missed the chance to catch up with him. I tried waiting after his class, but when I finally got to see Sean, he said that he was busy and asked me to just meet him in the clubroom.

"What did you do wrong?" Winter asked with a frown that I only answer with a shrug.

I'm at loss. I don't know what I did wrong. And he was never the type to keep quiet if I made a mistake. He was happy when we were heading out of the audio-visual room that night, it just happened that Eros cornered me when I was waiting for him outside the comfort room. If Sean looked for me, he would have dragged me away from Eros that night because he knew that Eros is the last person that I wanted to be with at the moment, but he didn't. Sean was already with the others when I came back from talking with Eros.

"Think, Gene. Sean's not the type to avoid people." Kaios said that makes my chest heavier.

Fyzz placed down the book he was reading and looked at his twin with a worried expression. "He did the same thing once though."

Kaios frowned, thinking for a moment the time that Sean acted the same way as he did right now. His eyes widened and looked at me with a frown.

"Did you betray or lie to him?" For the first time, I saw the twin look at me with caution. I figured that something happened before that made them wary of me.

I shake my head with furrowed brows. Even I couldn't tell what I did to make him avoid me. Sean just avoids me without notice. I never tell lies nor remember betraying him.

"I never did something like that. Believe me or not, but I never lie at him even once. I'm most honest with him than with myself." I confessed that relieved them. But it still leaves us uncertain about Sean's reason for avoiding me.

Winter stopped fiddling with his phone and looked at me with a deep wrinkle on his forehead. "Did Eros stop by during the last day of our school festival?"

I nod as a response which made him puff a troubled sigh. "Why?"

"I'm certain now. He's falling in that diapered-arsehole's trap." Winter utter in mystery. I retain my gaze on him, patiently waiting for further explanation.

"You were supposed to come together but he came back alone. When I asked him about you, all he said was, you get back with the person who lured you in Cupid's lair." Winter explained that still doesn't make sense to me, as well as with the chaotic trio who are all just looking at us with wonder.

"Who's Eros?" They asked in unison when they can't hold off their curiosity.

"My ex."

"My cousin."

Winter and I answered in chorus. The trio looked at us in awe, as if they couldn't believe what I just admitted.

"So, you're gay too?" Kaios asked, trying to confirm his understanding of what I just said. I only answered with a short nod.

"Then you knew each other even way before?" Fyzz asked which was answered by Winter.

"It's only me who knew him even before Sean approached him. Gene only learned about me when we were planning for our film." He said not even minding the way Kaios' expression darkened while looking at us. I figured that he was still running away from his and Kaios' feelings.

"Does Sean know about this? I mean the thing about you." It was Natsu's turn to ask this time. He seemed cool with my confession as if it wasn't a big deal at all.

"Yes. I even told him what happened to my failed relationship." I pause for a moment, recalling what Winter has just said earlier about me getting back with Eros and the things I told the latter that night.

I don't want to assume but I'm positive that Sean only heard that part where I asked Eros to get back together and not the whole thing that I said. I'm not dumb but I can't accept the possibility why Sean felt that I betrayed him based on our last conversation about Eros. But when I met Winter's gaze, he has this knowing look on his face that I don't want to acknowledge. Because acknowledging that possibility will only ruin everything.

"Then I'm guessing that he heard your conversation with your ex. I figured that our friend is just jealous. Don't worry about it though, give him a few days to plan a comeback." Natsu said with a wide smile on his lips before he walked towards the table, placed his phone, and starts taking his weird dance video again as if nothing happened.

Winter chuckled after seeing my face with an in-denial expression. Not that I'm stupid to know what they meant, but rather I can't accept the truth that Sean sees me that way.

"He's straight, right?" Kaios pouted at my question which make Fyzz and Natsu burst into laughter as if I said something ridiculous.

"You should know by now that Sean is just like my twin," Fyzz said with a wide grin on his lips as rested his arm on my shoulder and continued with his speech. "Gender, age, and other stuff won't matter when it comes to love. If they got shot by that diapered-arsehole, then that's it. Unlike you two," He pointed to me and Winter who seemed unaffected by his teasing. "They knew that someday, the arrow that was given to them will be taken back by that cruel God you hated so much. That's why they make it sturdy so it will be hard for Cupid to take it without using his hundred percent."

Natsu hooked his arm on Winter's shoulder. "They don't run away from love. They face it head-on. I will wager my two-month allowance, Achlys Sean will bounce back and run after you within a few days." He added to what Fyzz stated.

I sighed, still unsure what to do. I'm still at this point in life where I need to guard my heart so that I won't get swayed by fleeting happiness. And besides, my heart is still recovering from its first downfall. Even if Sean could make my heart skip a beat, I doubt that he could erase the fear that developed within me after experiencing my first heartbreak.

Kaios sighed to my silence and looked at me with seriousness. "I won't tell you to love Sean back if you don't feel the same way. But if you do. If ever he managed to bypass the wall you built in your heart, don't run away like a certain someone I know." I could hear the spite in his words but the person he's referring to seemed unaffected by his innuendo.

"That's right. Don't be a selfish coward. Like this guy." Natsu agreed, giving Winter a teasing look. But the latter just brush Natsu's arms on his shoulder and leave the clubroom without a word. I guess their words also got into him as well. But...

"It's not easy." A sad smile curved my lips. "We are men who can only fall in love with men, unlike you who could swing both ways. You can have a normal life, have a normal family. But for us? It's not typical, we are out of norms. That's why go easy on us too. It takes a lot of courage to admit our sexuality, as well as trusting that love will last in a fruitless relationship."

Kaios uttered a hollow laugh. "You both say the same thing. Normal? Fuck normality! Who even set those norms? And why are you being prejudiced just because we dated women in the past? Can't we just be with the person we love regardless of gender? You should stop labeling people according to their sexuality! You hated being discriminated yet you do the same thing with your so-called straight people who just happened to fall in love with you despite all your flaws." Anyone could not only sense the disappointment in his voice, but you could also see the heartache in his eyes as he said those words to me.

I open my mouth to refute his claims but no words dared to come out. What I will say will only sound like an excuse. There are always two sides to every story, and he just told me his. I want to blame the God of Love who puts us under his spell, but it's not as if I regret falling in love. Looking back, it wasn't all suffering and pain. I was happy with the person who broke me. Maybe, I just invested too much love that I didn't save a little for myself.

Kaios sighed deeply when I kept quiet for a moment. He walked towards me and patted my shoulders.

"Don't get me wrong, Gene. I'm not blaming you for not believing in love again and I won't tell you to believe in love. Do not trust his love, not his promises, but you should put your trust to the person itself... wholeheartedly." Kaios said with a gentle smile on his lips despite the loneliness in his eyes.

"What difference it will make? His words, his love, isn't it was all him?" I asked, bewildered as to what he meant. Making Fyzz and Natsu chortled to my ignorance.

"When you truly and fully trusted the person, no matter what he says or does, whether it was truth or lie...you won't give a damn about anything. But if you only trust their words or their feelings, there will be a time that you will ask yourself if they are truly being truthful or not." Kaios explained which made me silent once more.

Recalling my relationship with Eros back then, despite the happiness I felt, there are times that I feel scared that he might leave my side. That's why I always want to hear those three words to assure myself that he truly loves me. I keep doubting that our relationship will last. I never truly gave Eros my trust.

"You know, Gene. Honestly, love and relationship are all Cupid's bullshit. If it's me, I would prefer it if the person trusts me more than they love me. Because you can love the person you trust, and whether we admit it or not, we give less trust to the person we love." Natsu said meaningfully that was agreed by the twin.

"And Gene...love is like entering the crypto world," Fyzz said which made us look at him with furrowed brows, so he continued. "You should invest what you can afford to lose."

Kaios knocked his twin's head angrily. "You stupid brat! I'm going to tell mom about you! You invested again in that crypto game, aren't you?" He asked angrily which left me confused for a moment when Natsu explain things to me.

"Fyzz is addicted to crypto games and stuff. It's one of his flaws." Natsu said with a wide smirk on his lips, as if he loves seeing the twin have a brawl.

I shook my head and just watched them be chaotic again. After all, they just made my restless heart earlier become calm after talking to them. Although I'm still not ready to love again, you can say that I learned something today from this chaotic trio.

They don't look like it, but they sure know how to convince people with their words.

I silently left the clubroom while they are still at it just to be surprised when I saw Winter patiently waiting outside. He has a soothed look on his face as if he heard everything that we talked about.

"You didn't leave?" I asked.

Winter just smiled at me with serenity.
"Convincing, right?"

He chuckled. I figured that he too finally got tired of his distrust, not to Kaios but to himself. Winter won't talk about his feelings but I already knew that he was running away not because he doesn't trust Kaios, but because he can't trust himself that he could make Kaios happy.

I patted his shoulder and looked at him with a genuinely concerned expression.

"Don't be too hard on yourself, Winter. We both know you can make him happiest. He won't regret any decisions he made that involve you. Go for it. I know for sure, he is that one."

Winter's brows creased. "Which one?"

I chuckled. "The persistent and loud person that Cupid gave his blessings to get you from his lair," I said and left to have my alone time in my hang-out place.

I've been thinking a lot while treading the empty corridor to the empty classroom where I used to stay alone. About the things they said, Sean's feelings, and my fear. I'm still unsure of what to do if Sean was truly fallen to Cupid's schemes.

My heart is still recovering yet it keeps fluctuating because of the little things he does. I feel like my head is in a mess again. But all of those thoughts I had disappeared in an instant when I saw Sean sitting at the table, facing the open windows, as he stares blankly at the sky painted with rosy hue as the day slowly approaches its end.

Unhurriedly, I reached his side and sat beside him, doing the same thing. He seemed unsurprised of my presence as if he expected me to come.

"I thought you left. I went to the clubroom and they said that you left already." I said not even hiding the sadness in my tone.

"Sorry." Was the only word he uttered.

"Are we fighting?" I asked and looked at him but he kept his gaze intact to the beautiful scenery in front of us. "You were avoiding me lately. Did I do something wrong? If I did, let me fix it."

"No, Gene Yuan. It's not your fault. It's just me getting insecure about the things that already ended." Achlys Sean answered and finally meet my gaze. His heterochromia eyes looked blue.

"Enlighten me, Achlys Sean. I'm not sure what you are talking about."

Sean smiled but it didn't reach his eyes. "Are you sure you don't know what I mean?"

"I don't want to assume things that might cause misunderstandings," I answered with honesty.

"I see." Sean hummed and looked away from me again. And then silence came between us for a short moment before he dared to speak again.

"Gene Yuan..."

"Hmm?"

Sean stood up from his seat and faced me with a serious expression. Determination could be seen in his mesmerizing eyes.

"I made a lot of thinking since I realized something that involves you. I did lots of embarrassing things, I deduced and searched for the right words and phrases to tell the things I wanted to say but in the end, I only came up with four words." He said in a serious tone.

My heart became erratic once more but it wasn't as scary as before. I figured that I trusted this person more than anyone else. I wouldn't take his hand when we first had a conversation if I didn't.

Sean sighed and with trembling hands, he took my hand and hold it tightly as if his life depends on it.

"You don't need to give me your answer right away. I can wait. I'm good at that. That's why, Gene Yuan..."

"Hmm?"

Sean looked at me for a moment as if he is memorizing my face before he uttered the question that I didn't know will steer my heart and mind astray.

"Can I keep you?"

--

"Why are you here?" I asked with a poker face when Sean entered my hospital room with a backpack slung on his broad shoulder. “I still don’t remember you, so please stop coming here without permission,” I said trying to be cold as much as possible. But to my surprise, he just looked at me and grinned widely.

“I guess it was true that you lost your memory, huh.” The man who has the same face as Achlys Sean said that caught me off guard. My heart raced when he sat next to me and brushed his hair with his fingers, letting me see the only difference he has with Sean, the diagonal scar above his left eyebrow.

“W-who…”

“I’m Achilles Shawn, Sean’s twin. We met a couple of times before you two dated.” Sean’s twin said with a smile that curved his lips looked rather…brooding.

Of course, I knew what he meant. He attended a different school during high school and our friends including Sean, never mentioned this person. I met him once at the rooftop when I was looking for Sean. I’m not aware of his existence at that time, but I already felt something different with him.

At that time, he kept asking kind of stuff that Sean won’t normally ask. Unlike Sean, this man seems in a deep pain that no one could ever pull him out. If Sean has an optimistic view of the world, Shawn has the opposite. I could feel his suppressed hatred whenever he speaks his mind. For whom that hate is, I don’t know.

After that encounter, Sean and our friends warned me not to get myself involved with his twin and to avoid him if I ever run into him again. I didn’t ask the reason why seems they looked like they don’t want to talk about it. However, I keep finding myself unable to avoid him for a couple of times, since he kept appearing in front of me disguised as Sean. I just didn’t tell anyone about those times to avoid confrontations between the twins.

“I’m sorry, I thought you were him,” I said trying my best to act properly in front of him. Not that I think that he’s dangerous, but I somehow felt cold with the way he stared at me.

“It’s fine. I’m actually glad that you forgot about him.” He said that made me unable to say a word for a moment. He even has a wide smile on his lips while staring at me.

“Why?”

It was the only word I came up with after multiple tries of trying to think of possible reasons for what he felt. I don’t want to assume that he has something to do with my accident, but he acts suspicious right now.

Achilles Shawn ruffled my hair gently. “Because I want you.”

I thought that he was done surprising me not until he looked at me with the same expression that Achlys Sean had, and asked me the same question that Sean asked when he first confessed his feelings.

“Gene… can I keep you?”