Cupid’s Lair
Gene Yuan

"Gene Yuan!"

Achlys Sean's loud voice caught me in surprise. Eyes were all over us which makes me feel uneasy. It's not that we are not supposed to be seen by anyone in our Academy or because I'm scared that people might find us weird, but because I hate attention. I hate how they looked at us weirdly.

Still, Sean seemed to love the idea of people seeing us together. At some point, I felt like he has this sense of superiority among the other students for taming the so-called, lone wolf. Surprisingly, I don't care about it because somehow, it is true. Not that he tamed me but rather he made me feel comfortable.

"Let's have lunch together." He says with excitement while holding a bag full of bread that he probably bought at the cafeteria. As I spend more time with him, I noticed that he has a cute smile. He blushed easily and talks a lot, the exact opposite of me.

I like how his eyes flicker with thrill and delight while telling me his passion. I tend to get infected with his excitement whenever he talks about how he would create a film based on my works. Sean become my reader and editor. He helped me when I ran out of ideas to write, or when he thought that there is some element missing in my works.

"Stop staring at me and get up." Sean teased before pulling me up from my seat. My gaze shifted from his face to his arms resting on my shoulders as he dragged me out of my classroom. "Let's go to our secret place and eat." He said talking about the empty classroom where we had our first conversation. It wasn't a secret place actually, but when we were in that classroom, no one would dare to disturb us.

I'm a bit taller than him but when our bodies are close like this, he looked bigger, which might be because of his athletic physique. I tried to pull away from him a bit to send away the unnecessary jittery I felt for having our bodies close to each other. After all, I can only fall in love with men and the irrational heartbeat that I keep having when he's with me, is already a warning sign that I should avoid getting close to him more than what is necessary.

"Did I make you uncomfortable in some way?" Achlys Sean asked when we entered the empty room that we used as a hangout place. We have our clubroom but this place is more relaxing for us.

The window is wide open, letting the gentle breeze in, cooling the room from the stifling heat. Loud noises from the school ground could be heard but it wasn't unpleasant to the ears. It's rather calming on my part, calming my heart that keeps on skipping beats whenever our gazes meet.

"You looked displeased when I drag you here. Am I a bother?" He asked continuously, persistent to get an answer from me.

Another thing that I learned about him is that he is so pushy and persistent. When he wants something, he will do everything, anything just to get it. He bothered me for a whole week just to join the film club that he created with his friends out of impulse and appointed me as his screenwriter since they still don't have one. But despite being in his club, the only time I met the other members was when I joined. It seems that he just asked his friends to join for the headcount in creating a club.

"Not really. I just hate unwanted attention." I answered truthfully and sat across him. He sighed and didn't say a word again before he handed me a bunch of assorted bread and a bottle of cold lemon tea juice.

"The more you avoid people, the more you'll get unwanted attention, Gene Yuan. Although keeping you for myself is also a good idea." He nonchalantly said while munching a coco bread that he loves so much.

My heart races waywardly and even if I keep telling myself that his words don't have any meaning behind them, my embarrassment showed up in my face. I could feel my cheeks burning which made Achlys Sean stop chewing and stare at me with a surprised expression on his face.

"I didn't mean that way! I mean... Ah! Jeez!" He said defensively, his cheeks were as red as mine. I looked away and eat in silence to end the conversation we just had.

For a short period, there was an awkward silence between us, although I sometimes see him looking at me from my peripheral. And it was hard to control the loud and irregular beating of my heart. I shouldn't feel this way because I already know what will happen if I let the fondness in my heart grow for this straight guy.

I felt pain in my chest when I think of Eros. The sweet taste of the bread I'm eating becomes tasteless in my mouth when I remember how he ignored my calls when I got into an accident. He never showed up no matter how many messages I send or calls I did just so we can talk everything out. He abandoned me when I needed him the most and that was my wake-up call. That's when I promised myself that I won't be lured into Cupid's lair again.

I won't fall for the temporary bliss and excitement he will offer. I won't. Not again. After letting me savor the real taste of love. The bitter taste of reality for someone like me who can't be with a woman. I am nothing but a sinner, whose only salvation is Adam.

"Oh! This one's new." Achlys Sean's voice interrupted me from thinking of my first heartbreak.

I looked at him but his eyes were on my notebook that I didn't know he brought with him. It's become a habit of his to check my new written works in my notebook. And even I don't admit it, I'm looking forward to his every comment and suggestion about my work.

Achlys Sean put down my notebook gently on top of the desk and gazed at me, his smile, gone. "Why won't you write a love story?" He has a stern look on his face when he asked me that question.

I frowned at him, totally confused. "I did. Most of my works are love stories."

"Yeah, that ends painfully." He commented without taking away his gaze from me and continued his speech.

"You were left behind. You were abandoned. And no matter how much you cried, no matter how loud you call his name, he wasn't there anymore. He left you in Cupid's lair. A sacrifice so he could get out on his own." Achlys Sean stated the last paragraph of what I wrote earlier with an empty expression.

"You learned your lesson. You already knew the reality of love. It is nothing but fleeting happiness that leaves an everlasting pain." He uttered the last line of what I wrote in my former work in a low voice.

I avoid his penetrating gaze while trying to calm my restless heart as he proceeds to utter some of the ending lines of the stories I wrote in the past as if he memorized it all.

"And when you finally rested your eyes, you thought, ah! Finally, my curse has ended." Achlys Sean heaved a sigh and pushed the notebook in front of me.

"Those words...it's like a note to yourself so you won't fall in love again." He stated the obvious that I only answered with a desperate smile, to hide the pain that is slowly creeping back to my senses.

"Have you ever entered Cupid's lair?" I asked while staring at the clear sky and fluffy clouds peeking from the classroom window. Like a huge canvass of a summer afternoon that I can't appreciate because of the pain that keeps coming back to me from that December night.

"From the outside, it looked like a place that filled with promising things so that you will end up entering it without hesitation. It is like a house made of candy that lured Hansel and Gretel inside just to be locked up by a wicked witch."

My gaze went back to him with a dreadful smile curved in my lips. In my eyes, I know that what was written on them was nothing but suffering and pain. For some reason, I feel like if it's him, there's no reason for me to lie about my feelings. He has that effect on me. With Achlys Sean, I feel like I could be honest with him.

"I struggle my way out of his game room for such a long time. But until now, I'm still trying to unlock the gate of his huge mansion without looking back. Because I know that if I do..." I stopped for a moment to avoid Achlys Sean's penetrating gaze.

"If you do?"

"If I do...I will end up being ensnared to his schemes again. And I don't want that."

Achlys Sean didn't say a word after that and I remained silent until it was time for us to go back to class. I picked up my notebook and was about to go when he stopped me with his ludicrous comment.

"Maybe the reason why you can't get out is that you're all by yourself. Maybe he's not as cruel as you think he is." He walked towards me with a broad smile on his lips when I turned to look back at him.

He stopped a step away from me and ruffled my hair gently. "Maybe there is a reason why he won't fully let you out of his lair. Like you entered his place with the wrong person, and he only wants you to escape with the right one."

Achlys Sean rested his arms on my shoulders once again to walk me back to my class.

"I don't care. I still hate him." I uttered in an annoyed voice.

Achlys Sean laughed heartily again and looked at me with amusement.

"Don't hate Cupid so much. He might pick on you again when you are not aware." He said after pushing me lightly inside my classroom and waved before entering the class next to mine, leaving me astounded not by his words, but by the racing heartbeat of mine.

And that made a question popped into my head.

Crazy Cupid, you're not trying to hit me again with your cruel arrow, aren't you?

--

"What do you mean he lost his memory? How come he could remember that bastard but not me?!" The man with familiar heterochromatic eyes is fuming in anger as he talked to my older brother, while I remained empty with emotion as I watched them.

"Calm down, Sean! I know this is hard for you. But we can't make him push himself to remember everything! Gene almost die! Let's just be thankful that he only lost a portion of his memories." Phoenix shifted his tired gaze on me and sighed.

"Besides, what Gene remembered is the time when he and Eros broke up."

"That's exactly why I can't calm down."

The man called, Achlys Sean, exasperatedly brushed his wavy hair with his fingers. When our eyes met, all I see were guilt, longing, and despair. As if he is blaming himself for something that he did. As if there are things that he wanted to apologize to.

"Because he was still deeply in love with that bastard friend of yours even he was abandoned. You didn't know how long I've waited...how much I sacrificed just to be with him...just to earn his trust...his love." He said almost mumbling to himself the last line.

I looked away from him, trying to stop the pain I felt in my chest from spreading further. Just seeing his lonely eyes makes it hard for me to breathe. It's different from what I felt with Eros even though they looked at me in the same way.

I heard footsteps coming towards me but I didn't look at him even when he sat at the stool beside me and held my hand gently.

"Do you honestly not remember me, Gene Yuan?" He asked with desperation. I pulled my hand from his grasp and coldly said my parting words.

"Maybe you're not worth remembering, that's why I forget you," I uttered while watching his reflection from the window as they dyed with agonizing expression.

I shouldn't feel anything but I guess my heart still recognizes him. Because despite my cold facade, I can't deny that my chest hurts when I saw his expression.

He sighed before meeting my gaze from the window's reflection and smiled painfully.

"Maybe you're right. What do I even expect? When all these years that we have been together, I am nothing but a mere replacement for your first love." He said bitterly before leaving me confused by his words.