About a month later...

Summary of my life: I am not pregnant yet, I do not talk to Mr. X who has already gone to Switzerland, and I continue to go to college.  Or rather, pushing with the belly.  As much as I loved doing the works of my house, I found that deep down it was just a distraction from my studies.  I’m going into the fifth semester, and I’m becoming more and more convinced that I’m not going to be a lawyer.

Regarding pregnancy, Carlos and I agreed that as soon as my classes were over, we would make an appointment to find out why we do not have a child yet.  And so it was, I went on vacation, and we made the appointment.

— Welcome. - says our doctor, extending his hand to both of us and then pointing to the chairs.  We sit down, and he asks: — What is the reason for the consultation?

— We have been trying to have a child for a long time, but we are not succeeding.- explains Carlos. — She does not take the pill, and we do not use condoms.  So we’re concerned that we can’t have it.

— Maybe I’m infertile. - I say, nervous.

— I understand. - says the doctor, staring at me. — I will pass some fertility tests to you then, Dalia and we will see the possibilities after your examination.

I’ve done several fertility tests, I’m afraid you can’t be a mother, not fulfill my dream.  A week later the tests arrived, and the doctor called us right after.

—Mrs. Salazar, your exams are fine.  You’re healthy and fertile.

—Good. - I say smiling towards Carlos who is with a serious face.

—So the problem might be me. - concludes Carlos.

—Good, take it easy, Carlos.  I’ll direct you to do the spermogram and see if it’s really you who has the difficulty.

We returned home and noticed that Carlos was still down.  I make the dinner we ate in the middle of that silence.  As soon as we’re done, he goes to the couch and I put the dishes in the washer.  The way he’s acting pisses me off, so I’m going to go down to the living room and find out what’s going on.

— What are you worried about? - I ask with my hands on my waist, stopping in front of the television.

— Many things worry me. - replies Carlos, being vague. — Now this possibility that I can not give you a child…

—Carlos, could be with me. - I say, sitting next to him. — If we can’t have children naturally, we’ll find a way.

— Which way ? - asks Carlos, staring at me.

—I don’t know... – I answer. — Maybe it’s not yet the time to have our child.

— Do you want to give up? No longer want to have a child?

—Of course I do, I’m just taking a chance. - I say. — Forget what I said, I’m sure it’ll be all right when exams come.

I get up from the couch and go to my room, deep down I really feel that possibly having a child is not a good idea… Maybe it was just a sign… but for what?

***

After that night, we avoided talking about it until the test results came back.

— Once again, everything was normal. - says the doctor, making me and Carlos breathe relieved. 

Then wrinkles of concern arise in our foreheads: So what is the problem?

— If we are both healthy... – says Carlos, holding my hand. — Why don’t we have a child yet?

—Well, since you’re able to have children, I believe that can be psychological. Stress and anxiety may be keeping you from getting pregnant soon. What I can prescribe is that you have patience and control your nerves. Forget you’re trying to get pregnant, and soon the baby will come around. Many couples can also conceive after an adoption... if you really want to have a child as soon as possible…

— Thank you, doctor. - says Carlos, harsh. — We will relax and try to have the baby naturally.

Carlos gets up and holds my hand, helping to get up. We walk out of the office without a word exchanged if we want to.

— Do you agree with the doctor? - asks Carlos leaving with the car.
—Yes, maybe he’s right. - I answer without understanding.

—You know what I think? That we should keep trying as hard as possible, I’m not stressed or anything, and you?

— Possibly I am. - I answer. — I think we are being pressured by everyone and ourselves. We should relax.

—I think we should keep doing. - says Carlos, parking in an alley. — Right now.

He pulls me into his lap and starts kissing me. If it were in other times, I would find it very exciting, but I just can’t feel anything… take a deep breath and say touching my husband’s chest.

—Let’s go home, here you can catch us.

—Really? You always found the possibility of being caught exciting… – recalls Carlos with the confused expression.

—We’d better go home, I really don’t want to risk getting caught … not today.

—All right. - Carlos says, a little irritated. — As you prefer.

The route is made in complete silence, as I look at the shops through the window, my thought is far away… in Switzerland… I wonder what X would have to tell me… he always knows what to say… now I need him… at least that’s what I feel.

We arrived home and I feel obliged to compensate Carlos for the refusal I gave in the car, I stop in front of my husband and kiss him while I take his coat off, he pulls me closer to him, squeezing me. He takes off my coat and my blouse, leaving me only in a bra. He lifts me in his arms and takes me to our room.

Carlos lays me down on the bed and finishes taking off our clothes. That same feeling I had in the car back… his touch does not excite me, I look at my husband, but I do not feel the desire I had before… What is happening to me? My husband stares at me, for sure he noticed that I am not in the mood.

—Is everything all right? - asks Carlos.

—Yes. - I answer, holding his neck and bringing his lips to mine. — We just need to warm up a little more.
Carlos starts kissing my neck as I stare at my computer wondering what to do. Then I close my eyes thinking of Mr.X ...

“Your eyes stare at me, wishing… I take your lips once again… what a wonderful taste they have. I descend through her chin, neck and then stop admiring her beautiful breasts. My lips touch them slowly… one at a time. I take one of them while my hand touches the other. I suck them, making delirious pleasure… I descend with my tongue through your belly… kiss the inside of your thigh. I know you want my touch soon, but I want to taste your whole body, so I’m going down to your delicate feet. I kiss them with all the pleasure I feel… You smile at me, then I come back and bury myself in the middle of your thighs… I will finally feel it in its fullness.

I caress her clitoris with my tongue, stimulating her. Increase the movement, as you respond with your body... your taste is the nectar of the gods ... luck of the man who can have it all to himself. Your taste is vicious, making me lick you with more and more will. You arch forward as I touch your breasts with one of my hands and the other penetrates. You groan loudly, going into ecstasy as your delicious liquid flows through my mouth... What a woman’s delight are you, Thalia...

Your orgasm stimulates me to put my limb throbbing with desire, inside you... hot... you’re so hot, and it gives me more pleasure in having sex with you... I watch your expression of pleasure... I feel your stuffed breast touching my pectoral... your belly trembling with each thrust. I increase the pace and you follow... Your hands on my back dictate silent orders, every scratch tells me to accelerate, and I do... I belong to you… you belong to me. In our hallucinated rhythm , we get lost in ecstasy and pleasure ... me and you... our bodies ... Ahhh... our sweat... when we least expect, the climax of our pleasure happens... our orgasm is expressed by screams and groans... "

—That, dear! - I scream in ecstasy, holding my husband.

— Ah Dalia!- cries Carlos sticking in my hair.

We sit in silence listening to our unbridled breaths… my heart is tight… it’s the first time I make love to my husband thinking of Mr.X