2008

They say that the first year of marriage is the worst and the most decisive for every newlywed. But our first year was wonderful. I decided that I would only start college the following year and Carlos received a raise, so we managed to buy our own car. I took a German course to occupy my time. The good part is that the two of us always had time to be together. We did all the meals at home and looked like two rabbits, now with a little more moderation, although it was difficult for me to uncouple my hands from him. But it was like I said… our first year was incredible... at least until that wedding anniversary dinner.

— Happy two years! - says Carlos, kissing me while the waiter serves the red wine in my glass.
—Happy two years!- I answer, lifting my cup. I savor the curious dinner to know what he is up to, because we had agreed to spend every wedding anniversary at home with an intimate celebration. — The dinner is wonderful.
—I’m glad you’re enjoying it. - replies Carlos, enigmatic.

I stare at him, trying to imagine what the dinner means: Or it was a very big shit, because it explains the fact that we are in a public place, making it impossible for me to kill him. And even make a scandal worthy of Dahlia Penedo Salazar. Or he has a stunning newsworthy of this dinner.

—What was it, Dalia?
—I’m wondering what this wedding dinner means.- I answer quietly. — I know you didn’t bring me here just for my birthday. Then what is it?
— Right… I can’t fool you.- concludes Carlos. He touches my hand and takes it to his lips as he faces me, sweetly. — I’m applying to be a partner in the company.
— Do not joke?!- I say ,surprise.

For months, Carlos only talks about this opportunity, but the owner never gave much certainty, although my husband revolutionized that place and boosted sales. I know I’m suspicious about talking, but without my husband, that place is nothing.

— And now? What do you need to do? - I ask, curious.
—Now I need to create a project and then deployed. I’m thinking of expanding the network to other countries… I have several ideas and… I’m afraid to choose the wrong one. - confesses Carlos, worried. — Not to mention that this will increase my work routine, that is, it will reduce our time together. And I brought you here because I want to make that decision with you, since our marriage will be the most affected by that decision.
— Thank you for thinking of us. - I confess holding my tears. The fact that Carlos put our relationship as a priority made me see how much he loves me. — But I think you should accept. It’s a unique opportunity and I don’t want you to miss it. Our marriage will be fine, because I will do everything so that nothing influences us.
—I will also do everything so that nothing influences us. - promises Carlos.

As soon as we get home, Carlos lifts me up in his arms and carries me to the bedroom. Kissing puts me on the bed and opens the zipper of my black dress. He kisses my shoulders slowly, as I unbutton his shirt, touch his pectoral. He presses his body against mine towards the bed. Her touch explores me full of desire. It penetrates my body carefully as it touches my lips as if it were a jewel uncovered.

—Nothing will affect us. - whispers Carlos, admiring me to the promise made at dinner. — Nothing…
—I love you. - I reply the kissing right away.

We make love tonight real slow, like it’s our last night together…

***

The theory doesn’t work in practice… and that’s what happened to our promise. With the opportunity to become a partner, Carlos increased his working day to the point of not being able to see the week. He went out to work at seven in the morning, when I was asleep, and returned at eleven or midnight, when I was asleep again. I only talked to my husband on Sundays, if I may call talking about his project. But since it’s important to Carlos, it’s important to me.
At first, it was okay, because I had the German course three times a week and college filled a good part of my time. There I met Filomena, a common addiction: life simulation games united us. We always talked about the game, tips and, over time, we spent talking about our lives. Like me, Filomena also married early, which made her my friend and confidant. With her, I vent about the absence of Carlos.

— This is called routine. - Filomena explains as the waiter serves her watermelon juice. — When Antonio and I completed two years, it was also like this: the fire goes out, the eye in the eye ceases to exist and when you notice is sleeping with that old shirt, messy hair while he has that immense belly of lazy. Then we became our parents.
—Gosh, Filomena! - I say, knocking on the table.— Turn your mouth that way!
— How long are you not having sex?- asks Filomena bluntly.
— Much longer, we never stay like this… I do not believe that we will transform like this.- I say sadly. — I don’t care about that, but I do care about the fact that we were so distant… before we spent hours and hours talking. Now the only subject we have is… work and society…
— Think positive: at least you have time to play with me...- says Filomena, trying to cheer me up.
— Yes.- I answer, discouraged. — That is all I have done that motivates me.
— Unless you are interested in something more… intriguing.- suggests Filomena facing me maliciously.
—What do you suggest?- I ask, curious.
—A few months ago, I started playing red light center, which is a game almost equal to what we play…- explains Filomena.
—How cool? Why didn’t you tell me about this game? - I ask.

—So, that’s right where the "almost" comes in...- Filomena replies. — it’s a game very similar to what we play, except that there is virtual sex. You can have sex explicitly with the other player. And as I know you, I know you don’t see much fun in that sort of thing.
—Right. What’s the fun of having sex with someone virtually? - I question.

I always liked skin contact and did not see much fun in virtual sex. At most exchanged erotic messages with my husband.

— Know that many people make and participate in this game. Even from college. - confesses Filomena. — I fucked our criminal law teacher over there.
—I don’t think so! How can you know it was him? - I ask, surprised.
— criminallyteacher.barcelona22cm, a very obvious nick, by the way. - replies Filomena, laughing.
— What is yours? - I ask, eating my croissant.
—Why don’t you get in the game and find out? Red light center... – replies Filomena, trying to instigate me.
— No, thank you.- I answer, shaking my head. — I am very satisfied with what we play.
—As you wish. - replies Filomena. — I am waiting for your call behind the site.
—I think it’s good to lie down, because it will take. - Return laughing.

***
I get home and for a change, no sign of Carlos. I go into my room and turn on my computer, letting my game log in while I take a shower. As I sink in the bathtub, I wonder if this situation would be like this forever. That situation is exactly what I did not want in my marriage. I finish my bath and lap my robe, going to the front of the computer, which to my surprise, did not log in the game.
I take a deep breath and try twice again to get the same message. If Filomena were here, she’d be saying it was a sign for me to look for the game. I open the browser looking for some news about that problem in my game and I can’t find any note. I’m about to close the browser when my curiosity takes over: what do you have to take a look at the site? Surely it will only prove that I am right.

—Red light center...- I say as I type the name in the search. 

It does not take long and there are several results and the first is the site of the game. I stare at the screen, feeling a mixture of curiosity and fear, as if I was doing something wrong. I take a deep breath and double-click the game link as I say to myself,

—Okay, Dalia, come on.

I hear the front door open… a bunch of keys are put in the pot… steps to the kitchen…the refrigerator is opened… cupboard door open…a noise of the glass being smashed on the floor…

— Shit!- curses Carlos short.

I close the window without even looking at the site and go to the kitchen, where I find Carlos collecting the shards of the glass. He lifts his head and smiles blandly.

— Hi, stranger. - Greeting my husband standing at the door.
—Hi, Dalia.- replies Carlos, throwing the shards into the garbage bag. — Sorry, I did not want to wake you.
—Did not wake me, I just got out of the bath.- I answer, smiling. 

I hug Carlos, smelling the perfume I gave him on our anniversary. Feeling him like that, I notice how much I miss him here in our house:

— I’m glad you came home early.
— Well...- says Carlos, pushing me away. He takes another cup in the closet and serves some water while saying: — But it was because of Elson that I was filling my bag to go to the guys' party, so I just came to change clothes, and I’m leaving.- ends up going to the room
— Wait a minute, what party? - I ask, annoyed, going after him. — Why didn’t you warn me? I don’t even know if I have clothes to go to.
— So... - says Carlos, opening the wardrobe. He turns to me, nervous, trying to find the right words.  — It’s a party… but it’s just for the guys… you know… remember those boring dates between the guys… it’s going to be like this… you got it, right?

— No, I did not understand.- I answer, seriously. Actually, I did not understand... Is it just me or is Carlos changing me to go out with his friends? I sit on the bed and cross my arms closing my face as I say: —I want you to explain to me this story of you going to a single party with your friends.
— Dalia...- says Carlos, touching his face. — What bachelor? Everyone knows that I am married to you.
— So if EVERYONE knows that you’re married to me, you should know that you need to invite me, too. - Batting, angry.

— Dalia, What’s the problem? When we were dating, you never cared about me hanging out with them and now you’re there, making a point.
— Want to know what the problem is? - I ask getting up, irritated. — First, I don’t mind if I go out with them. But you always say you can’t leave early to go out with me, and I understand, but now for them, you can. I stay here at home every day waiting for you... I rescheduled that reservation at the restaurant that you love so much, because it never gave. It was always work... now Elson calls you and you go. You think that’s fair?
— So the problem is Elson? - asks Carlos, irritated.
—It’s not possible that from everything I’ve said to you, the only thing you’ve heard is Elson’s part.- I mean, angry. — Carlos, the problem is that we are increasingly distant! And you do not make the greatest effort to stay together!
— And you do? - asks Carlos, harshly. — Do you, Dalia?
— I’m always here, Carlos... every day... from Monday to Monday... I wait for you... I make lunch that you will not eat... the dinner that you eat alone at dawn... I dress up at night waiting for the love of my life that lies next to me and sleeps ,ignoring me completely. I clear all reservations, dinners in the homes of friends and my parents... I listen to their conversation from work, exhaustively...

— I’m also trying... I’m working to have a better life, the life I promised to give you. - shoots Carlos. — This discussion, in fact, only revealed to me one thing: that you need a distraction... a child maybe.
—Carlos, a son will not solve anything! I want you, understood! You! - I shout, raising my arms. I take a deep breath and then say: — You’re right, fighting doesn’t solve anything. You need to be distracted... Go to the party.
— Dalia... - calls Carlos my name. He approaches, pulling me close to him and hugging me. — Excuse me, I love you. - touch my hair and kiss my forehead. — I promise I will be more present at home, okay?
— All right. - I answer, biting my lips. — Have fun.
—Will you be all right? - asks Carlos, worried.
— Yes, I just need a good night’s sleep. - I reply by touching his shirt.
— All right. - replies Carlos, walking away. He picks up a change of clothes and says: — I’ll get ready in the other room. I promise not to be too late.
—All right.
— I love you. - declares Carlos, stealing a little stamp and going to the other room.

I look at my computer with our Paris photo of screen saver. I pull the door of my room and walk towards the desk of my computer and open once again the browser that restores my last window. It appears in red and gold letters illuminating my entire room on the site with the words:

Red Light Center
 Adult Virtual World