Four months later...

Over time, we became accomplices, and every day my feeling for Mr. X increased. His words warmed me and made me happy.

Mr. X says:

I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you yesterday. To make up for it, a poem.

"You’ll know that I don’t love you and that I love you

since in two ways is life,

the word is a wing of silence,

The fire is half cold.

I love you to start loving you,

to restart the infinite

and to never stop loving you:

so I don’t love you yet.

I love you and I don’t love you like I have

in my hands the keys of fortune

and an uncertain fate, unfortunate.

My love has two lives to love you.

That’s why I love you when I don’t love you

and that’s why I love you when I love you."

Pablo Neruda.

As much as I didn’t want to admit: I’m addicted to Mr. X. He always gave me good morning and good night, always kept himself present and when he could not, always found a way to talk to me.

Mr. X says:

Good night, Doce.

Dahlia Penedo Salazar says:

Good night to you, Mr.X.

Mr. X says:

I have some news for you. In fact, you’re the first person I’m telling.

Dalia Penedo Salazar says:

Say, I’m already dying of curiosity.

Mr. X says:

I’m applying for a position as Division Director in Switzerland. If all goes well, Switzerland will soon be my new home.

My heart freezes. What do you mean by Switzerland? How dare he think of leaving for Switzerland? Their Fuse must be very different, so I will not talk to X. Is this the end of us? I’m already used to his trips to France, Italy, and Austria. But he’s now moving...

Mr. X says:

Doce? Are you there?

Dalia Penedo Salazar says:

Hi... Well... I think you’re being hasty... have you thought this through? Have you ever thought that your wife might not like the idea? I think you’d better go over it.

Mr. X says:

Dalia, relax. I’m just running. I might not even make it. And as for my wife, I’ve already booked our favorite restaurant, and I’ll tell you today. From what I know of her, I know she’ll give me full support. I didn’t expect that from you.

Dalia Penedo Salazar says:

I support you, X. But what if you end up going to Switzerland? What will it be like? Did you think of everyone involved? What will it be like for both of us? What about your other virtual partners?

Mr. X says:

Other virtual partners? Dalia, I’ve been talking to you for a long time, I’m exclusive to you online.

Dalia Penedo Salazar says:

So what will it be like? Surely our schedules will not beat anymore... we will move away and... then... will be the end. And then you’ll find another one to put in my place.

Mr. X says:

Dalia, are you jealous?

Jealous? I’m jealous? I can’t be jealous, because if I am... it means I’m in love with X.

Dahlia Penedo Salazar says:

No, of course not. I’m leaving. Good luck in Switzerland. Bye.

I leave the MSN , but not my heart that beats fast: Am I falling in love with X?

***

My feelings started to become confused over time. I feel like I love my husband, but I spend most of my time thinking about Mr. X. It annoyed me easily when he talked about his wife or when he gave me marriage advice. Then my addiction turned... into passion. A terrible passion that hurts in my chest. As much as I tried to avoid it, I always found a way to send hints about my feelings to X. Especially when it came to his wife, my most hated subject.

Mr. X says:

As it is her birthday, I bought a choker as a gift.

Dalia Penedo Salazar says:

How I wish I had a husband as thoughtful as you, Mr. X.

Mr. X says:

You have one, Dalia. Can I give you some advice?

Dalia Penedo Salazar says:

Only if at the end of it, my husband turns into you. Otherwise, no, thanks.

Mr. X says:

Dalia...

Dalia Penedo Salazar says:

Dalia, no. I like it when you call me Doce.

Mr. X says:

Dalia, don’t get carried away. I’m just like any other guy. Instead of noticing my actions, start noticing your husband’s actions. You’ll see we’re no different.

Dalia Penedo Salazar says:

As you wish.

Mr.X says:

See you, Doce.

Dalia Penedo Salazar says:

Until, X.

However much he tried to follow the advice of Mr. X, he did not see the slightest similarity between him and Carlos. Not that my husband wasn’t affectionate, he tried, but we were so distant that it didn’t seem to make sense to like him. I feel like it’s time for me to tell Mr. X the truth.

Mr. X says:

Good morning, Doce.

Dalia Penedo Salazar says:

Good morning, X... we need to talk.

Mr. X says:

All right. Any problems with college? Your husband? Your family? Something I can help.

Dalia Penedo Salazar says:

My problem is you. X, I’m in love with you. I can’t stop thinking about you, and it’s killing me. I can no longer hold this feeling inside me, and deep down, I know that I also feel the same. So it’s time to be clear with each other. I’m madly in love with you.

Mr.X says:

Dalia, don’t you think...

Dalia Penedo Salazar says:

I know, X. I know I shouldn’t get carried away by emotion. But I’m already completely wrapped up in that feeling and I can’t deny it anymore.

Mr. X says:

Dalia, pay close attention. This feeling you think you have for me ... it’s just in your head. You’re too young to understand and differentiate what goes on between us. It’s completely normal to confuse things at your age... and I was too foolish to believe you had the maturity to handle it. I thought I made it clear what’s going on between us...but apparently I wasn’t. So I’ll be clearer now: I’m not in love with you, and neither are you with me. I am passionate and love my wife, and you are also passionate and love your husband. Give priority to your marriage. Make it work with your husband! You have a marriage to work on it and forget me. At least for now, I think it’s best to keep us apart. Even Dalia.

Mr. X is offline.

It shattered my heart in the coldest way I could imagine. I’m still rereading several times what I took from Mr. X. He’s right, I have to fight for my marriage to work, even if I have to stop talking to Mr. X forever.