"Lemme guess, your brain is floating again? Tell me, how long will you stay like that? It's AJ again. Clare, have mercy on yourself. Move on" I immediately turned to Hannah when she spoke.

"Huh?"

But instead of answering my question, he just let out a sigh and scratched the back of his neck.

"Clare, listen It's not the end of the world. So don't focus on AJ. Don't let yourself drown in him, didn't he leave you, make you hope, and hurt you" and just like that things started to fall again my tears I thought... I thought everything was okay. I thought I was moving on, but it turned out not to be.

I still have feelings for AJ. I just don't really understand why my heart is like this. Whenever I'm away from AJ, I feel for him even more deeply.

Is it crazy that I feel for him?

"I get it okay. I know everything" I grumbled. I know that everything is my fault. I know it's all my fault.

"That's my point, Clare. You knew everything. So please move on. Move on okay?" He said while patting my shoulder and then he left me there.

I don't know what to do. I wasn't like this when Mark left me. Yes! Left, he hurt me but why? Why do I feel more pain now than when Mark left me?

"Arggh" I almost tweaked myself. I don't know what to do. I don't know why every minute I think or remember AJ's name, I cry, I feel hurt. Shouldn't I be happy because I know everything? Shouldn't I be happy because all the cheating and using him is over? But why do I feel this way about myself? Why does it seem like there's still part of my heart shouting his name?

Why is it that my heart is still trying to find him even now, even though I know that he just hurt me?

I lay down on the bed to sleep, but why do my eyes seem to have a mind of their own? Why do my eyes want to see AJ's handsome face despite the fact that he just hurt me?

"The basic fundamental..." almost didn't want to sink into my brain everything my teacher was saying while he was teaching. It's like my brain doesn't want to accept all the lessons and it seems like the only thing it wants to accept is for me to see AJ now.

"Oy, Clare are you okay? You seem restless right now?" I immediately turned to the person next to me. I shook my head first before turning my face to face the teacher I was discussing with.

"Class, be prepared next meeting we will have a long quiz. Okay, class dismissed" after our teacher said that, my classmates immediately stood up while the others immediately rushed to the door just so they could be the first. Get out

As for me, I was just quietly looking at them. I don't know what I will feel now, will I cry or laugh? Even to myself, I don't know what emotion I will feel.

I feel very numb. Not just physically, emotionally, and even mentally. It's like anesthesia has been injected all over my body so I can't feel anything.

"So, that's your way of moving on?" I immediately turned to the person who spoke. It's Lance.

"You don't know how I feel so please Lance..." I couldn't hold it back and my tears started to fall again. I'm such a crybaby. A pathetic loser.

"Believe I know and somehow the pain can be reduced or increased. I don't know. Here's the proof about the love contract" and he reached out in a short brown envelope. I accepted that even though there was doubt in my heart.

"What is this for?"

"Just open it" even though it was a mess, I followed what he said and I did not expect what my eyes saw. Is this real?

"The contract is just a fraud. This clearly means he just used you, played with your feelings --"

"I KNOW!" almost echoed throughout the room. I even shocked myself because I screamed.

I just went and my tears started to fall again. I still covered my face.

"Tell me, Lance, what's your reason? Why are you saying these things to me?"

"I want you to know the truth"

True? I laughed at that thought.

"Truth? Don't you think that that truth you're talking about is too brutal? Does that truly know what I'm feeling right now?" I raised my face and looked at him seriously in his eyes.

"Tell me, Lance, are you some kind of a villain who loves to ruin everything?" He didn't answer me but he hugged me tightly.

"If this is your story, I will choose not to hurt you. I will put away the heartbreaker image I have inside. I'm willing to do everything just to make you smile" I was stunned for a moment by what he said. But after that, I was the one who broke free from his embrace.

"You really want to make me happy? Just leave me alone!" And I immediately ran out of the room. While still crying, I continued my run.

Lance knew everything. But what did he do? He hid all that from me. He hid it from me. What kind of friend is that? I thought that friends are there to tell you everything even if it hurts, but why does he have to say that now that my heart is about to be torn because of the pain that I feel now?

"Selfish Liar. Coward. Pathetic. You ---" I just went. Just the pain. Just because of love I am doing this. How long will I be like this?

I tightly closed my eyes at the same time as if the wind was wiping away the tears.

"I hope because ... I hope because in the first place ... I just stop and don't rely on others ... on AJ" AJ's name is like a knife stabbing into my heart.

"You know, you can do that" I was stunned by what was said. I didn't look at him but I felt that he was behind me.

"Clare, do you believe?" I slowly looked at her. And without anything, I suddenly hugged him. Yes! I don't know Xander very well but like I said, I feel like I know him.

"My heart tells me to believe what you're saying but my mind tells me to search for the questions inside my mind" I suddenly said.

I want to believe that I still have a family even though Grandma told me that I don't have any relatives anymore. I want to believe what Xander says...

"We are not forcing you to come Clare. We're just here to let you know that you're not alone in this world. You are not alone walking, we are here"

Weeks have passed. And the pain of the past still remains. Could it be that I really fell in love with him? I really hate myself for this feeling.

Just like before, he had a girl with him, he looks like a new transfer here on campus and his stomach is a bit bulging. I would have believed that they were just acquittances but for crying out loud, Gosh! For crying out loud, AJ had his arm around the girl.

I want to come up and say I'm the girlfriend, I want to tweak the girl but it's not possible because I'm not really the girlfriend. Everything is just a contract. Contract where it's just a lie. But thank you for that contract, because I had already forgotten about Mark but he replaced me with someone who will destroy me even more. AJ.

"Annika, where do you want to have lunch?" He happily asked the girl. They are both smiling.

Never once have I seen AJ so happy when I'm with him. The last time, he almost killed me.

"Just go there as before" and they both left.

My chest is heavy. The pain is pain. Right in front of me. I'm not numb to face-to-face. I could feel my eyes getting hot so I just let them go and my tears fell one by one.

So while I was at home I couldn't stop crying because of the pain. Pain where only you love. The pain of being played with, abandoned, and depended on.

And maybe because of crying, I fell asleep and when I woke up, I didn't know why I was looking here among Grandma's old things. Could it be that Xander and the family he is talking about are all I need to forget about AJ?