“Okay, here are the pros and cons. You struggle financially, I don’t. You don’t have much time to dedicate to what you love doing, but this could give you that freedom. I have a home, well, two actually if we count the one I bought with Enola to renovate, but has never been finished. I live in another country though.

Eloim really loves you, and you seem to like him. I get that it’s not how most relationship starts in the western world, but for most of history, and in still large part of the world, arranged marriage and marriage of convenience are still a thing, and even accounting for location where religion is stopping people from divorcing, there is still a lower divorce rate than the rest of the world in arranged marriages.

The biggest reason is probably that a lot of people use love as a crutch to carry a relationship. But from experience, I can tell you that, however a relationship starts, it will face ups and down, and if the rush of lust and affection at the beginning of the relationship is all there is to it, then it’s going to crumble, sooner or later. Relationship can be hard at time, but those that enters one knowing they will have to work for it, then to keep putting in the effort, effectively make it more probable of success than others.

I refused to get myself in a new relationship where Eloim would create a bond with a new woman, just for her to leave a few years later. Separations are really hard for children, and given what he has gone through, I’m even more careful of anyone entering his life. Which means, it’s hard to know from the get go how it would go. No matter our own views of the world, dating is not seen with the same seriousness as marriage.

I’m not gonna marry on a whim though. If I do this, I do this with long terms in mind. We could see how things go, if we can’t make it work romantically, we could still see other people on the side, but it would be while keeping the family unit intact. If I do this, I’m getting Eloim a mother more than me a wife. I’m not saying this would be an inescapable prison, and as things go we could readjust along the way, but it would be with his future in mind, always.

I also know how hard it can be to start a relationship with someone who has kids. How easily it can be to grow a connection with those kids, sometimes even stronger than the partner, and how hard it can be to let them go when the relationship falls apart. Which is why a lot of people are very wary of getting into a relationship with someone with kids. This would protect you in that regard.

I know we don’t know each other that much, but what I’ve seen so far I like.

Maybe we could make this work. If things get serious and you want children of your own, I’m not against the idea, as long as Eloim is not put aside in the process. I know it’s a lot to consider, and I don’t want to rush you, but I’ve also extended my stay as long as I could here. I will need to go to San Francisco for a little under two months, and then it’s back to England. I would have liked a decision as soon as possible, but I get that something like this can’t be rushed.”

I nodded silently, a little numb at the shock of this proposal.

“Are you shutting me down?” he asked looking at my face.

“No, but I’m not saying yes either. I need time. Even if it was a yes, I would need time. It means leaving my job, apartment, country, everything. I have a lease, I can’t quit my job without a minimum of two weeks’ notice. I have pets, which I think can’t cross the borders without getting their papers and vaccinations done one month prior to travelling. I need to find myself a visa. All of this would take time.”

“I understand, and I can help with this.”

I nodded, and took our empty plates to the sink.

“What about moving abroad? Would that be an issue?”

I shrugged as I poured water in the sink. Xander got up to help me.

My emotions were in shambles. He seemed like a kind person to me. He was handsome with his curly black hair, always dressed impeccably, and occasionally donning a suit which is pure Viagra to most women, myself included. He had this toe-curling accent, and if I’d been my younger more naive self, I would have had an instantaneous crush on him.

But now, I was older, and I had gone through more than a few bad breakups and I had been in not rush to find someone again. Even less move straight to marriage. My parents would lose their shit if I even told them this.

“I never really minded where I live,” I told him. “Don’t get me wrong, I love my country and culture, but I also love to explore others too. I’ve lived abroad in the past and have enjoyed it. I would not move somewhere where I would not be safe, or worried about my well-being though.”

“Of course not,” he told me. “But England is not a bad country to live in.”

I nodded, “It seems so,” I mused. “I would need a few months before going straight to marriage, or the next thing that would happen is my parents thinking I’ve been indoctrinated into some weird cult and taking a plane to drag me out of there,” I said attempting for humour.

He smiled. “That could make for an eventful wedding,” he conceded. “We don’t have to go at top speed, but within the year.”

That was not completely unreasonable, as things went.

“Have you even thought of having children?” he asked me.

“Yes. I wanted children.”

“Wanted?”

“I’m not twenty anymore. I mean, plenty of women have children in their thirties, and some even in their forties, but the older, the harder it gets. Most relationships around here last a few years before kids get involved, so it would push this even further, and I’ve never been desperate enough to seek children without a significant other, and those relationships ended, and I’ve been single for a little while now. So my desired for children has grown into uncertainties.”

He nodded in silence.

“I guess this could change it,” I noted.

“It could,” he agreed.

I washed and he dried everything. Then we put it all back in their respective places in the cupboards. Eloim rush in, full of uncanny morning energy and it pretty much put a lid on that conversation.