I instinctively backpedalled into Xander’s warmth. There was a burning sensation on my wrist, and I dropped Eloim’s hand to cradle my wrist closer to my chest.

At that moment, both my ankles were pulled on. Xander held on to me and got dragged a few feet forwards.

“Enola, enough,” he boomed.

The pressure released and I fell limply, to scramble back inside Xander’s embrace.

That’s when the weight of everything that has happened and everything that could happen, really hit me the hardest, and I turned to hug Xander and fell apart.

The prayers continued, Hector pursued his conversation with an unresponsive Enola. Xander tried to sooth me, but I knew he was running out of steam too, and he just hugged me hard, his face buried in the crook of my shoulders. I heard him mutter a feeble, “I’m sorry,” at one point.

I wanted to tell him it was not his fault, like I had told him before, that everything would be okay, that we were strong, but it was only gibberish coming out of my mouth, just fractured words escaping in the wrong order.

I just wanted this to be over.

I gave little attention to what was happening in the room, which seemed to be a whole lot of nothing.

Marcus came to us with water bottles, we straightened and took them.

The moment we were concentrated on drinking, I was dragged again, only this time, it happened faster, with Xander’s hand only casually was laid on my hip, and nothing more. Both him and Marcus tried to grab at me, but none of them had the time to do so fast enough to stop me from being taken away.

I didn’t even find the energy for a good scream, those are not as easy to do as the movies would like you to believe.

It took maybe two seconds for me to traverse the whole room and find myself in the next one, with the door slamming behind me.

I still couldn’t see anything, there weren’t that many lights installed on this side.

I had nothing, I was out of strength to fight, so I did the last things that I could, as I heard banging at regular intervals on the steel door behind me.

“Enola,” I said. “I’m not here to take your place, I could never. I know that Xander still loves you, despite all the adversities the two of you went through. I know he feels guilty for not having been there enough for you, when you needed it the most. I know that no child can’t hate his mother, not one that did so much to protect him.

I know it was you by the road that hailed the car that saved Eloim. When he will be old enough to understand this, he will hear the story and be so proud to have had such a wonderful mother. I know that you probably felt very guilty for not being able to care for Eloim as much as you would have wanted.”

A dark shadow in the shape of a woman appeared in front of me and she looked pissed.

“I know that it’s probably why you try so hard for Eloim now. You want to protect him, you want to be there for him. You love him with all the love only a mother knows.”

She started to walk my way slowly.

“I could never replace that. I would never want to even try. You will always be in their hearts, until their final days.”

Tears were coming out of my eyes, making my vision blurry as I tried to focus on the walking corpse coming my way.

“I will never be what you have been to them, but I could be something else. A different chapter in their lives. No one can spend their entire life living in the past and in grief, they have to move on to be able to to find some semblance of happiness.”

The banging continued behind me and I could hear the doorframe begin to crack.

She was standing between my feet now, looking down on me.

“Eloim is a wonderful little boy, but he’s suffering very deeply. What has happened is still haunting him.”

Oh, she didn’t like me talking about that.

She bent over me, with her hands on my arms, the touch so cold, that it burnt.

The frame broke and the men began piling out of the room.

Xander tried to free my arms, Marcus went on my other side, attempting the same thing. Johnny was apparently still with Eloim. The other three men took position in a half circle behind her and resumed their work.

“Christ, En, have you even looked at yourself,” said Xander. “You’re terrifying to look at. How can you imagine a little boy not to be scared to no end with you? No matter how good your intentions were, you’re hurting him.”

She turned her head to him.

“He needs to focus on the world of the living and not go through the flashback of watching his mother die and rot every time he looks at you. You’re traumatising him. Nothing here is Mila’s fault. Time continues to go on, even after you’re gone. Things can never go back to want they were. We all need to turn the page and be happy, and that is including you too.”

She stared very intently at him.

I hadn’t realised Eloim had awakened and walked behind us until we heard his blood-curdling scream.

Enola’s eyes snapped to him, and it’s like she realised for the first time how terrified he was.

Eloim when into a massive panic attack, and Enola’s expression, behind all the gore, turned to horror.

Xander nodded at Marcus, leaving me to him, and went to cradle his son.

She released my arms and retreated.

I couldn’t see her anymore but I knew she was still there. I leaned on Marcus as my body became rubbery.

Again, it would have been easier if I’d just lost consciousness, but I wasn’t so blessed, and I just looked at the scene with my eyes half-closed at the men helping her to, I hope, cross over.

It was like her touch had drained all life out of me and colours faded slowly into blurs.