I tried to think about Xander’s proposition, but it was so out there, that I found it hard to wrap my mind around it at all. Logic failed me, but my hormones didn’t. I had thought I’d grown to control them pretty well, but when I went to bed that night, that is not what my lady parts had in mind. So sleep came in slow.

I couldn’t say that I was not attracted to Xander, because I clearly was. And I must admit that like many others before me, seeing a man being a good father made my ovaries insta-ovulate. I don’t know what’s going on with that, or why it’s so effective. Maybe it’s the fact that we are so easily surrounded by men-child that seeing someone capable of responsibilities had a deep biological effect. Maybe it’s why suits are so popular too.

Either way, I was not ready to dismiss this entirely.

And Xander had been right on one account, I liked Eloim. He was adorable, and kind, and affectionate. He could very easily weasel his way into my heart, and that would have been something I would have worried about if we would have simply considered dating. Like he said, gaining a family, to then lose it, can be really rough, and I wasn’t sure if I was down for that.

And I also couldn’t deny his point about money. I wanted to put some money aside, save up, have something left when retirement would come, but I was only keeping afloat. I didn’t have a crazy lifestyle, nor was I seeking one. I wasn’t looking to find myself a sugar daddy, but not to have to worry about money, could change everything.

But then I had no idea how this part would work between us. He said he had houses, so I guess no rent, but I had no idea about the rest. He did mention the possibility for me to paint full-time, or at least, as full-time as I could, as I guess I would most probably become a stay-at-home mom, or at least until Eloim would reach school age. When would that be? Next year? The year after? When do kids start school in England?

What about the other expenses? Painting is not a reliable source of income. I could do great, but I could also do terribly. How would I pay for things then? My phone, clothes, everything else?

I had been adding millions after millions of questions to my list, so many that I was probably forgetting as many as I was getting new ones.

I was distracted all day, but the sheer realisation of being able to move away from this job, was one of the greatest moments of my day.

Don’t get me wrong, I like my boss, she’s kind to me and had grown to become a good friend, but I couldn’t imagine myself work here for years to come.

My legs were killing me most days, and I still needed a second job to be able to pay all the bills and not accumulate any more debt.

Deep down, I needed to talk to someone about this, but it was such an outlandish proposition, that anyone would consider me insane to even think about it. I mean, who does that?

But what if it worked? What if I could be happy in that relationship? What if a few months from now I had a son and husband, and a house, and I’d be doing something that I love, and not being worried about the bills constantly. What if I could build a life for myself? Or God forbid, even fall in love?

I spend most of my day in silence whenever I wasn’t talking to clients, lost in my thoughts.

I got home later than usual, to the smell of something cooking.

“No,” I heard Eloim say. “That’s not how Mila does it.”

Miki barked happily at my arrival and Eloim rushed to hug me and tell me about his day, as it was becoming his new routine.

“Come help Daddy,” he told me once he was done about his daily retelling. “Daddy is doing spaghetti wrong.”

Walked into the kitchen to a smiling Xander. I beamed at him.

“So what is going on here?” I asked.

“Apparently, it has to be your recipe, and this is not it.”

I looked at his ingredients, then at what was in the refrigerator.

“I have a bad news, Eloim, I don’t have the exact same ingredient I’d used for the sauce, but I can promise you we can do something good nonetheless.”

“Okay,” he said, dismissing the whole thing completely, as he considered this issue closed.

Xander shook his head in disbelief.

“Maybe it’s just the novelty of it,” I suggested

“I’m not so sure.”

I added a few ingredients to his, but mostly left his recipe as is. It looked quite good, actually.

“Could I ask you a few questions?” I asked, my voice lower.

“Sure.”

“I mean, just to clear a few things up.”

“Sure.”

“Like, erm, money. I mean, you said I could paint and take care of Eloim and that would be that, but neither of those are good stable sources of income—,” I began.it took him maybe a few seconds to realise what I was talking about.

“Mila, I was ready to hire you to work full-time twenty-four-seven. That’s not cheap. I didn’t offer marriage to save up on that expense. If you can help me with my son, and can bloody well help you with your living expenses. Enola hadn’t been working in three years and we could afford that. I’m not saying I’ll buy you expensive branded stuff all the time though—.”

“That’s not what I’d been asking,” I rushed in. “It’s just that I wanted to know how bills would be divided and all that. Otherwise I’d have to find myself a job, and though I speak English, it can always be challenging abroad, and I wasn’t sure how it would have to be. I mean, when Eloim will go to school, things would change, so I’d probably get a job then, but before that—.”

Xander cut my rambling off.

“I said you could be a painter, I meant it. If you get income from it, we can see how we divide things, but if you get none, I’m still covering all the basics. You can also come back here once in a while to see your family. I’m not a millionaire, but I have a decent enough salary to support a full family on my own if need be, and pay for a few plan tickets when you want to visit your parents.”

I nodded pensively. I felt so shy to event ask about these things. It felt wrong to expect for someone else to pay for me, for anything. As if it was dirty, vain, as if I was exploiting him. My rationality told me that we were both gaining something in this, and it had been his proposition to begin with. But my emotions told me that he had a son tugging at his heartstrings and making him do things he might not have wanted to do otherwise.

“Is it only for Eloim? I mean, sure no one would ask something like that otherwise, I just mean, if things were different, I mean—,” I rambled again.

“I wouldn’t go straight to marriage if things had been different,” he admitted. “But I’m not saying I would not have considered dating you.”

Does it mean he’s attracted to me? Or does it mean I’m not terrible enough to be on his blacklist? I could have asked. It would have been the best, logical way to get answers, but obviously I was not logical right now, and I just concentrated on helping out with the preparation.

I saw Xander give me a few side looks, but he said nothing either. I guess I’m not the only one a little taken aback by this whole situation.

We set the table in silence and put the pan and everything in the sink.

“I got my plane ticket for San Francisco, it’s tomorrow afternoon, so I guess we’ll leave while you’ll be at work,” said Xander, finally, as I was wiping the counter clean. I stopped.

“I haven’t told Eloim yet. I suspect he’ll freak out.” He was clearly worried about him. He gave the boy a quick glance. Eloim was watching the television quietly, with Lily covering his little lap.

I bit my lips nervously.

So if this leads nowhere, this will be the last dinner we’ll possibly have together. I felt my heart squeeze painfully.

Xander came next to me. I looked up at him.

“What if I just tried something first, to see how it goes?” he asked.

I nodded. “What?”

“A kiss.”

I nodded and he lowered his head to mine. Our lips touched, tentatively at first, delicate caresses, but it made me feel longing, more than being apart. It had been a while since my last kiss, and my body desired nothing but to feel this sensation again, to be reminded of how good it felt.

I dipped my head further and leaned into it, pressing my lips harder against his, he replied in kind, and I instinctively reached around his neck and pulled him closer. He circled his arms around me and pressed me against him. The heat of our bodies intermingling. Our tongues lashed out and the kiss went from chaste to pure lust.

My buttock was pressed hard against the kitchen cabinets and I had to make a conscious effort not to moan. His hands knocked a spatula off the counter—which clanked on the floor—with his hands moving over my back, and we broke the kiss at the cacophony.

Xander froze as he looked up and I looked behind me. Eloim was looking at us with wide eyes.