“You, what?” Annie nearly screamed in my ear.

I just said nothing, what do you want to say to that.

“Why the hell did you make such a decision on your own, like that without talking to me first?”

“Because you went backpacking in India for three months,” I told her.

“I could be reached.”

“Barely, when was the last time you checked in with your mom?”

She was pretty infamous for disappearing once in a while. She’d improvise going to some sort of new age secluded retreat or something, and give no news for weeks. I sent her a message weeks ago actually, and she only replied now.

“That is beside the point.”

“Don’t go around judging me, Amyrilis.” She had gotten herself involved in some sort of weird Tantra sex cult where she changed her name to Amyrilis and was having spiritual orgies, whatever that is.

“That’s not the same, I could always get out, what you’re doing—.”

I cut her off. “First off, Missy, this is not the 1600s, divorce is a thing. If it was really to go to shit, it’s always an option.”

“But you said this wasn’t what you were going for.”

“It isn’t. I agreed that this was long-term. If it doesn’t work, we’ll look at alternatives first like having each relationship on the side or whatever. That, as the kid is concerned, this is until he comes of age, at least. But it doesn’t mean that I’ll never leave no matter what. You’re acting like I’d stay even if he beat me up or turned into a serial killer. This is not a prison, this is a marriage.”

“Wouldn’t you prefer to be with someone you love?”

“You dated Richard for his money, you’ve been with Trent because you didn’t want to be alone, and how many one-night stands have you had exactly? I’m not saying that to judge you, but you’ve been with men without having any love involved and you were okay with it. So what’s different with me, that I’ll be married? Besides, it doesn’t mean love can’t be part of the equation, just that it was not part of the initial decision. We actually get along very well.”

I was in Xander’s parents’ backyard. Miki was running around happily, and I was walking slowly with my phone on my ear. It was a pretty nice backyard. Miranda has definitively the green thumb. There were massive flower beds everywhere with bushes and trees. Everything in full bloom. The breeze carried the smell of lilacs to me. It was a good home. I understand why Xander love it here, or why it gave him the desire to find himself a place similar.

It was an old stone house that had probably been built in the late Tudor era, with a few extensions that had been added along the years. Stones and timber predominated the decor. Massive wood paneling was inside some of the rooms. It was beautiful. Nothing I could find where I’m from. The sheer amount of history alone is incredible.

I could imagine myself working on similar landscaping designs around our home.

Our home. It felt a bit odd to say it, but I caught myself thinking this more and more. The idea was sinking in slowly and taking root.

Miranda had been helping me with planning the wedding. We hadn’t picked a date yet. I should tell my parents I was engaged before someone posts something on social media or something, and they learn it this way. They’d be pissed.

“I just want you to be safe,” said Annie. “You’re really far now.”

“I’m safe, I’m okay, and planes exist, far is very relative. I mean, you’re far more isolated than me right now.” She had just crossed into Sri Lanka and was in a small hostel, finally checking her messages and using an internet connection stable enough to make a phone call.

“Is he cute?”

“He is,” I admitted.

“How cute are we talking about?”

I looked around, making sure I was still alone.

“Black curly hair, a little over six feet would be my guess. In good physical shape, with a sexy English accent.”

“Rich?”

I scoffed, this was such an expected question from her.

“He’s not a millionaire, he won’t whisk me away on a private jet or yacht or anything crazy, but he got a good job, and unless he loses it, I won’t be hungry and I won’t get my phone line cut any time soon.”

“There is a very wide margin before starvation and private jets. Mind specifying things a little.”

“I don’t know his exact salary.”

“You’re marrying a guy without knowing is annual income?”

“Yep,” I said. “Oh, and I let him sell his nice London townhouse so that we can move into this decrepit old house in the middle of nowhere. It’s wonderful, you’d hate it.”

“Man, you are such a weird woman.”

“I know.”

“Do you have a picture at least?”

“Sure,” I dug in my phone a bit and sent her one.

“Not of the horrifying haunted house, dummy.”

I laughed.

“The man, gimme, gimme.”

I complied.

“Well, hello, there. Not too bad. You could definitely do worse.”

“I don’t know if I should say thank you, of fuck you.”

“I don’t think it’s me you’re gonna fuck.”

“You have no common sense,” I noted in a sigh.

“Tell me you tried the merchandise before buying.”

“Okay, I think this has gone far enough.”

“Oh, for Christ’s sake, you’re not a prude.”

“No, but you’re rude,” I said. “You’d be the first to raise the feminist flag if a man talked like that about me or you, but you act like he’s nothing but a sex toy, that is a little offensive. You want to know if we slept together, yes, we did. We also talked, like adults do.”

“Get down your high horse, Missy.”

I sighed, this is taking a pointless tangent.

“I’m not on my high horse, it’s just that sometimes I’d like our conversations to have meaning.”

“What are you accusing me of exactly?”

I sighed again. “Nothing, I’m just tired, I’m rambling, I should get going.”

I made short order of ending that conversation.

Annie and I had never been the closest. One day, in elementary school, she had decided that we were suddenly the bestest of friends. She also acted a little disproportionately. We never really had anything in common. I had moved recently to a new town, there was this girl who wanted to be my friend and I was desperate not to be alone, and that was it. But there as been times when I’ve felt more alone with her around than without.

I’m not sure why I kept that odd friendship going. After a while, it became a sort of habit. Plus, after a while of me distancing myself, she’d pop out of I don’t know where and reenacted her initial friendship declaration all over again.

I’ve had other friends, friends with whom I’d connected better with than Annie. But life happens, someone changes city, some got married, or changed job, things happen and suddenly distance creeps in. After a while the hobbies don’t align anymore, or the lifestyle. We say, ‘let’s keep contact’ but in the end we don’t and drift apart.

Only Annie has always fought against this, tooth and nail.

This time though, it’s me who leaves, moves away, get married, and a kid. I don’t know if it’ll last after that. I’d like to be sad of the prospect of losing a possible friendship, but the truth is, I don’t mind that much. I don’t know what it says about us, or me in particular.

Maybe it’s why I had so little qualms in moving abroad in the first place. When I have this limited connection with many of the people around me.

It’s not that I don’t have friends, it’s just… I don’t know, I don’t know what it is.

Miki ran back to me with a wide doggy grin. He was having a great day.

I had been having a good day too before that call. Calls with Annie tend to put me in a weird mood. I decided not to let this ruin my day and went back inside. The sky was getting cloudy and there was probably rain coming ahead.