I felt my head pounding before I woke up. I’d never had a hangover before, and I could already tell I didn’t want to repeat the experience again anytime soon. Questions began filtering through my head. Why did I smell aniseed? How much had I had to drink? How the fuck did I get home?

I stretched before I turned over, my eyes flickered open, and shock rocked through me like a bolt of lightning. I flew off the bed before you could click your fingers, ignoring the thumping in my head and the turning in my gut. Xavier was on my bed, fast asleep.

We hadn't done anything had we?

My pants, oh god, I wasn't wearing pants. I grabbed a pair of sweatpants from the washing hamper beside my bed and pulled them on. I sat back down on the edge of the bed and placed my head in my hands.

What had happened, what could I remember?

Ryan, the drink, the punch I’d thrown, the tequila, Oh crap, the tequila! The thought of the alcohol burnt my throat and flip flopped my already sensitive stomach. The dancing, I remembered the dancing, and the really possessive guy. Xavier had punched him... after that everything was a broken blur of happenings. He'd driven me home, we came in to my bedroom and he'd stayed... oh god. I just couldn’t work out how everything fit together. The night before was still a broken puzzle with random pieces missing.

I didn’t have time to think about it for much longer. The nausea overtook me and I ran for the bathroom to empty my stomach. The after taste of alcohol from the night before stained my mouth, only sufficing to magnify the nausea tenfold. I rolled away from the porcelain bowl and leaned against the bathroom wall. After all this time, had I finally had sex, only to forget it ever happening?

Okay, granted, if I would have known a few days ago that Xavier fucking Smith would be the guy to finally pop my cherry I'd have laughed until my brain exploded, but I still would have wanted to remember it, even if the idea of it being him was absurd.

“You okay?” Xavier asked, his shadow covered the doorway. His proximity to me caused me to feel more naked than I'd been last night when I propositioned him. I took a deep breath and shrugged. “Just dandy.”

I stood up, I needed to wash the horrible bitter metallic taste from my mouth. I picked up my toothbrush, squeezed some toothpaste on it and brushed. I pretended like Xavier wasn't there. I pretended that I was here, alone, like I normally was. It was simpler that way, maybe he'd get the idea and just leave.

“We didn't have sex.” He said, like it was nothing. Like sex wasn't an intimate act, he said it like he just hadn't done the dishes, or put the toilet seat down.

“I... Uh...” my words stumbled out broken, I couldn't speak, and just like that he had caught me off guard yet again.

“You looked worried, I thought I better put you out of your misery early.” There was the hint of a laugh in his voice. Why couldn’t he just leave? I needed him to leave.

I rinsed the toothbrush off then turned to face Xavier.

He was smiling, like he knew some kind of a secret. I frowned and pushed passed him.

I walked back into the bedroom, but stopped in the middle of the floor. I stopped where I'd stood only hours before. Oh god. I had actually done that. I had stripped in the middle of the room. We may not have had sex, but he'd seen me pretty much stripped bare. My face flushed and I wrapped my arms around my waist. What the hell had I been thinking? Why on earth had I tried to seduce him?

“Look, I was wondering, maybe I could take you to meet the rest of the band?” Xavier suggested, he was giving me a peace offering. Something to smooth over the rough waters.

The idea swirled in my head, I couldn't deny that meeting the band who'd got me through countless all night study sessions would be awesome. I just had to be realistic. This was Xavier, and as much as I didn’t want to admit it something was going on with me, and something was going on with how I saw him.

Suddenly Xavier oozed raw sex appeal. It was dangerous.

I had tried to throw myself at him, and he had turned me down. The guy who'd been known to sleep around on tour, have a different girl after every show, had turned me down. I had to keep protecting myself from hurt, even if the only thing at stake was my ego.

“I don't think that's a good idea.” I replied.

“Suit yourself.” Xavier said as he walked across the floor. He sat down on my bed and pulled his boots back on. He was acting cold again, and I wanted to ask why but I didn't.

“Why did you stay?” I asked instead.

“You asked me too.” He stood up and shrugged. He averted his eyes from mine, avoiding looking at me at all cost. “Don't worry. It won't happen again.”

“I asked you to stay.” I repeated, surprised at myself. Why had I asked him to stay?

“Yes.”

“But you didn't have sex with me, Am I defective or something?” I questioned. I folded my arms around myself. Maybe I was frigid after all, maybe Ryan was right. I frowned and the nausea from the hangover returned tenfold.

Xavier laughed under his breath and shook his head. “You're not defective. You were drunk.”

I scoffed, had he just tried to take the moral high ground. Was he trying to pick his halo up off the ground or something? I knew him and I knew his reputation, Xavier was known for sleeping around with girls. Drunk or not.

“The guy who never sleeps with the same girl more than once suddenly has morals about a drunk girl throwing herself at him. Excuse me while I go find the bullshit police.”

Again I regretted the words the moment they left my mouth. He had told me when he had come to visit me at work, I didn't know his whole story, but I had thrown the tabloid rubbish in his face yet again. I looked up at him, almost afraid to see his reaction. It surprised me though that his face showed very little emotion, it was blank. Then he just smirked, and left my room.

He left.

After his broken ford started and left my driveway, the phone rang. I looked at the screen, it was Isla.

“Hello.” I said flatly down the phone line.

“Oh thank god. Xavier said he was driving you home, I had to check that you'd actually let him.” Isla sounded relieved.

I frowned and grasped the phone tighter, He had been really good to bring me home, to look after me, and I'd just been a judgmental moron in return. Fuck.

“Isla... I need you, bring coffee.” I groaned as I flopped back on my bed and perhaps a paper bag to put over my head.

Around 30 minutes later Isla was walking through my house calling my name with an impossibly bright happy voice. I was hung over as hell, my head was thumping, and she sounded like she was ready to run a damn marathon.

She walked into my bedroom a few moments later and sat down on my bed.

“Here you go... Whoa!” She said as she reeled back, her eyes were wide with shock. “You're wearing his jacket.”

“Huh?” I replied as I took a coffee from Isla. She pointed at me causing me to roll my eyes and look down. Oh god. I really was wearing his jacket. I fished my hand inside the left pocket then the right. Fuck! I had his damn wallet.

“Crap.” I complained out loud. “Now I have to call him.”

Isla's wide eyes hadn't left me for a moment, and her jaw was still hanging open. She motioned between us a few times then almost shouted “Explain, details... don't leave a thing out.”

“Last night is kind of fuzzy.” I remarked. “The details are murky even to me.” Murky was an understatement, it was like I could see the entire night happening in front of me, over and over again, except there was a distorter in front of my eyes, changing bits and pieces. I wasn’t sure what was real and what wasn’t anymore.

Isla clicked her tongue and shook her head “I shouldn't have let you drink so much.”

“Its fine, apart from the thumping head ache, the nauseated stomach and the fact I attempted to throw myself at Xavier, I'm great.” I lied. I wasn’t great at all, anything but and now I had to face him again.

“Oh hon.” Isla pat me on the back. “Did you guys…?”

I shook my head and pointed to the jacket “No, He put me in to bed, he took really good care of me in fact. Still 100 percent virginal.” I sighed.

“Then why are you so upset?” Isla replied

“I wasn't very nice, I was kind of a jerk actually.”

“Call him and apologize then, you will need to return his stuff at some point anyway.” Isla suggested.

I sighed, loud and exasperated. The last thing I wanted was to talk to him or see him again but I knew she was right. I was going to have to see him, and I had to apologize.

“Thanks for the coffee.” I replied finally as I took a long sip.

Isla smiled then looked down at her watch. “Oh sorry, I've got a photo shoot in an hour. I wanted to make sure you were alright before I went though, you sounded so down on the phone.”

I smiled and shook my head, unsure of how Isla did it. How she managed so flawlessly to party into the early hours of the morning and still wake before 9am with little resemblance of a hangover. I was so jealous it hurt.

“Have fun.” I smiled.

“I will. It's for a fireman's calendar.” She giggled as she got up off the bed. “We'll sort out picking your car up later, okay?”

“Okay, Bye.” I groaned sipping on the coffee again.

Once she was gone I stared at the phone for what seemed like hours. In reality though it was only minutes. Every time I thought about calling Xavier my heart contracted and I felt weak. Maybe his number was different than the one I had. Mom had insisted on giving me an updated version of my digital address book a year ago, but maybe it had changed. Maybe I could avoid him until he needed to buy something, maybe he’d cancel all his cards and buy a new wallet. I frowned, no, I had to call him.

Tentatively I dialed the number in to my landline phone and waited. The call connected and I began to count the rings. It got to ten before a grumpy sounding Xavier answered.

“What.”

“It's uh… it's Scarlett.” I sounded weak, but not as weak as I felt.

“Yep.” He sounded impatient, his tone reminded me of how he'd talked to me when we were teenagers, like it was painful to hear my voice.

“You left your wallet here, and... um... Your jacket.” I muttered, as I pulled on the warm knit jacket.

I didn't want to take it off, it was warm and smelt like aniseed, but it was also his.

“Fuck.” He whispered under his breath. “I’ll come back.”

“I'm sorry I'm such bad company. I'll leave it by the door. You know so you don't have to see me.” I replied, hurt stinging the back of my throat.

“No, we need to talk about a few things. I'll be there in an hour.” He replied using an authoritative tone. I didn’t think to argue.

“Oh okay. Yes.” I replied.

He hung up the phone before saying anything else, so I sat there, phone to my ear listening to the dial tone for almost a minute.

Then I realized he was coming back. I couldn't be still wearing his jacket when he returned.

With reluctance I unzipped it and threw it on the bed. I stared down at it already missing its warmth and scent. I sighed and ran topless into the bathroom. After I had a shower I dressed in clean jeans and a slim fitting white shirt. I walked down to the kitchen holding his wallet and jacket in my hands. I placed them down then I sat down at the table, and stared at the glass top.

I felt as vulnerable as I had in high school, waiting for Xavier's next move. Except this time, a whole new range of possibilities flew through my head. Exhilarating and scary possibilities.

True to his word he returned an hour after our brief conversation. The minute he walked back through my front door, I felt my breathing change from slow and steady to shallow and weak. What the hell was happening to me?

I noticed very quickly that he'd had a shower too, his hair was tied back and for once I could see all of his face. His hazel eyes bored holes into me as he walked over to the table, he looked uncomfortable, like he wanted to get out of here as fast as possible.

“About last night, I don't remember a whole lot, but I know I threw myself at you.” I gulped, my face reddened. Stripped and offered myself was a more apt description, but I didn’t want to be detailed. The sooner we both forgot what had happened the better.

“It's fine.” He said picking his stuff up off the table. “Like you said, you're not my type.”

I was surprised to find that his words hurt. I wasn't sure I wanted to be his or anyone's type, but hearing him admit I was right physically hurt, and in a place I hadn't expected; my heart.

“Still you were a gentleman. You took care of me, and I was an idiot. I called you out on stuff I know nothing about.” I said hoping he could tell I was being genuine. “I'm sorry.”

Xavier's eyes flashed with something and he smiled. He was beautiful when he smiled, and I wasn't sure how I'd never seen it before. He shrugged then sat down.

“You're right though. I have a reputation, an accurate one. It isn't your fault you don't know why.” He replied, he sounded empty. I felt something tighten in my chest. Oh god. I didn’t feel empathy for Xavier Smith did I?

“Explain it to me then, you’ve got nothing to lose by telling me.” I offered. Could we do this? Could we be friends? Furthermore, did I want friendship from him of all people?

Xavier shook his head and looked down at the floor. “Actually that couldn't be further from the truth.” He murmured.

Confusion washed over me, Okay so maybe we weren't friends, but I wasn’t the worst person he could vent to.

“I know we're not friends, but I”

“Why aren't we friends.” He whispered, interrupting me. “Tell me.”

“High school. We were different, you disliked who I was...” And I didn’t understand him.

He shook his head and looked back up at me. His eyes burned with something I’d never seen before. “I didn't dislike who you were. I disliked the idiots you called friends.”

“So you say, but it was me you humiliated. It was me you called fake. You posted a video of me dancing like a nutcase at the family Christmas party. Call it fun and games, but it hurt.” I spat back, the empathy I’d felt moments ago whittled away to nothing. I felt bad the instant I brought it up though and I wanted to take it back.

“We talked about this at your work. I apologized. I'm sorry I was a jerk.” He shifted in the seat and looked down at the floor. “But that was 5 years ago. We're both different people now.”

“Sorry, I guess I’m not over high school. Maybe I never will be, it was a torturous time for me, and you helped contribute to that.” It was true I was holding on to high school and all the pain I felt, but part of me wasn’t sure I still held anything against Xavier at all anymore.

Xavier stood up and began to walk toward the door, and I followed behind him. This really hadn't gone very well. I'd apologized, but for some reason I felt worse than I had before he'd come back to get his things.

Once we were at the door, I whispered “Sorry.” Although I wasn't really sure why.

The one brief word caused Xavier to drop his things and turn around to grab me by the hips. He used his strength to push me against the wall by the door. My breathing became erratic, and my entire body was pulsating with something I hadn't really experienced at such an intense level before. Want. Xavier's hands slid up my body, like they had in the bathroom at my parent’s place, except this time I didn't stop him. He lifted my arms over my head, letting his hot breath fall against the curve of my neck. I held back a moan. He pulled back and held his face inches from mine. I wanted his lips, and I wanted them now.

“If you were truly still angry at me about high school, you wouldn't be looking at me the way you are right now.” He whispered as he removed his hands from me. He took a step back but I couldn't move. I needed the wall to support me.

“I... I...” I couldn’t speak, everything inside of me was on fire, courtesy of Xavier and his seductive ways.

“Scarlett, tell me the truth, please.” He pleaded, he leaned back in closer to me, and rested his hand against the wall I was leaning on.

I took a deep breath and brushed my clothes off.

“You should go.” I whispered, my voice wavered, leaving was the last thing I wanted him to do, but this couldn't happen. I couldn't let myself fall further into lust with Xavier of all people, and the more I was around him, the more those feelings felt like they were strengthening. He would hurt me. I knew he would.

“Scarlett,” He warned, his other hand caught my hip and his face drew closer to mine, he caught me off guard and just like that the words spilled out like his touch was some kind of truth serum.

“I haven't been in a relationship since high school Xavier. Ryan and I... we never went passed 2nd base.” Xavier’s eyes widened, he shook his head slightly. “You were right, I liked Vax. A lot. I thought about Vax... you, when I...” I couldn't say the words. It was too mortifying. The look on Xavier's face told me he knew exactly what I was trying to say. I wasn’t sure why I was being so honest, perhaps his touch was like a truth serum.

“You're a virgin.” He whispered, his grip on my hip loosened and he tilted his head. “How?”

“Aside from what you think, high school really did scar me Xavier.” But it wasn’t really you that caused that.

The ever present smirk fell from his face, and his eyes darkened “I messed with your head.”

Shit, I didn’t want him to blame himself, it wasn’t really him after all.

“You weren't the worst thing about the place.” I protested.

“But I wasn't the best either, I was an asshole, and you've just found out the guy who fueled your sexual fantasies was the guy who made your life hell in high school.” He looked angry and disgusted with himself, and for some reason it pained me that he thought of himself that way. I wanted to stop it.

“You weren't the only one who made my life hell.” I corrected.

Xavier let go of my hip and turned around. He ran his hands over the top of his hair and swore under his breath.

“No wonder you hate me still.” He croaked.

“I don't hate you.” I whispered surprising myself. “I just don't understand you.”

“You don't want to understand me.” He muttered as he bent down to pick up his jacket and his wallet. “I'm not worth it, and you deserve better.”

He walked out the door without letting me reply, not that I could think of anything else to say. Thoughts were flooding through my head, but I couldn't seem to filter them into words. I slid down the wall and took a long slow breath. My heart was still racing from his touch, he'd set me on fire, and I'd liked it. I wasn't drunk now, I didn't have that excuse anymore. I'd told him the truth, I'd let him know just how inexperienced I was, I'd let him know his alter ego had made me hot... and he'd run. I felt the bitter sting of his rejection for the second time in 24 hours.

Suddenly I didn't care about high school, his reputation, my inexperience, or even the fact he was the boy from a band I liked. The only thing I cared about was how he wasn't here anymore.

I needed to call my Mom.