No girl had ever affected me the way Scarlett did. Even in high school I had wanted her. I had hated myself for wanting the preppy goody two shoes, but I had and I had it bad.

Of course being the idiotic pubescent boy was, I dealt with it the worst way possible and made her life a misery. I didn’t want her to hate me, I wanted her to notice me. Notice me she did but it was never in a good way. Before I knew it, I’d fucked up any chance of being with her.

After the sex tape that Ryan and his idiotic troupe of morons cut and released I had wanted to tell her she could rely on me, I knew it wasn't her in the video, and I wanted her to know I had her back. But I never did. Everyone at school, including me had seen the video, but they hadn't really looked too far beyond the content. The girl with that fuck face Ryan didn't have a mole on her left hip like Scarlett did, she had smaller boobs than Scarlett, and her fake tanned skin was at least five shades darker than Scarlett’s alabaster skin.

I'd grown up with Scarlett after all, I'd watch her grow and my raging hormones made sure I’d taken every detail into account. I thought about her so much I knew her body like the back of my hand... literally.

She was right though, I'd been a giant ass to her in high school. I'd humiliated her and she still hated me for it now, five years after high school had finished. Not that I blamed her. I hated myself.

Instead of being there for her I decided to run as far and as fast as I could as soon as high school finished. Dad had big dreams for me, he always did. But I only wanted music, and Scarlett.

I couldn't have her, so I chose music, and formed my band.

I'd been foolish in those first two years. I drunk so much that I still barely remembered getting out of bed some days, let alone recording. By some miracle though, we were signed to Emperor Records despite my innate lack of professionalism.

As we rose to fame I took advantage of the sex that seemed to be freely available. I slept around. I can't deny it, I dipped into the pool of willing girls and had my fair share of one night trysts. But that was all I was capable of. Afterward I'd always feel so disgusted in myself. All I ever wanted was her, but I'd missed my chance, empty hook ups was all I was good for.

The closest I’d come to a girlfriend since high school was Lucy…. But thinking about her made my heart hurt. After Lucy and what I did to her, I spun out even more. Until Jay pulled me from my doldrums and helped me get back on track. I’d told myself I just wasn’t supposed to find any kind of love. I wasn’t deserving.

It was a conclusion I had come to respect, until I'd seen Scarlett again at her parents place. She wasn't the same young 18 year old I'd seen last. She seemed sure of herself now, or at least better at hiding her fears. Either way, She'd made me fall right back to where I'd been only a few years before. Completely at her beck and call and she still didn't even know it.

Now she stood in front of me, almost naked, except for a tiny scrap of material I could rip off within seconds I wanted to. Goddammit I wanted to tear it off with my teeth. She was beautiful, and it took every part of my fractured moral fiber to stop myself for cupping her soft ass in my hands and pulling her against me. I'd already hardened at the mere sight of her standing there. It had been an almost instant reaction when I'd walked out of the bathroom, but I had to fight it. She was drunk, and shaken. That asshole Ryan had been a jerk in the club. Although she had held her own, he'd taken her back to that place of her past she hated. I knew what that like.

“Do you want me?” She murmured. Her head dipped and she looked up at me with lustful eyes.

My body twitched and my hard on throbbed mercilessly against my jeans. Fuck, I more than wanted her. I wanted to make love to her, and then make her fall in love with me too. I wanted her to fall hard, like I had. But I couldn't, not like this. Not yet. Maybe not ever.

I bit my lip as I walked toward her. Her eyes closed.

I stole a generous look at her curves, committing them to memory, just in case I never saw her like this again. Realizing what I was doing, I shook my head, not like this, this was wrong.

I unzipped my jacket, touching her hand she sighed and I almost lost my willpower then and there. My breathing hitched and I forced myself to cover her beautiful skin with my jacket. I let out the breath I’d been holding as I zipped it up. Her eyes flung open, she looked hurt causing a surge of guilt that stung my insides.

“I'm only telling you this because tomorrow you won't remember it.” I whispered, leading her to her bed. “I want you Scarlett, but I won't take advantage of you.”

Once she was in bed I walked toward the door. I needed to leave, get out of here, take a cold shower, drink a beer and have a serious session of regrouping my thoughts. But I couldn’t open the door, my mind was fighting with me, I was desperate to both leave, and stay.

“Xavier.” She whispered from the bed. Her voice was quiet, but she was asking for me, Xavier, not Vax, and it warmed the part of my heart I reserved solely for her. “Please, just stay with me. I won't throw myself at you again. I just don't want to be alone...”

I turned back to face the bed, she'd had me at 'stay' I didn't need any more persuading than that. I walked across to her desk and sat down on the computer chair. She was facing away from me. She flipped over on the bed, then sleepily shook her head.

“Hold me.” She urged, I could see tears in her eyes, it killed me inside that I had made her feel that way yet again. I'd always hated to see her hurting, even more so when I'd been responsible for it. I moved swiftly across to the bed and lay beside her. I lay over the covers, not willing to trust my resolve and opened my arms. She rest her head against my chest and curved her almost naked body in to me. Within minutes I felt her muscles begin to relax against my body and I sighed.

The girl I'd loved for years finally lay in my arms, but I knew come tomorrow, when her drunken haze was gone, all that she would be left with was regret.