RAQUEL

He loves rainy days

An overcast paradise he calls them

His favourite movies include Braveheart and pretty much every Marvel movie

Guilty pleasure, he will happily watch Pretty woman over and over again

He wants to open his own garage.

Favourite colour- green... the same as me

But!

He's 21 to my 31.

It was just lunch, nothing more. I ponder more on the chances I may be in my feelings about this. That time spent opened more doors to levels and complexities in us both.

I know I need to stop this 

I know I shouldn't allow myself to keep being around him

But I can't 

"For the last time Angie, let it go," I snapped in frustration. I know she can be annoying; the extent to which she's been bothering me today had been alarming. After I returned to the office after lunch with Alex, admittedly I was in a good mood, smiling like a Cheshire cat and once I stepped into my office she was waiting at my desk bombarding me with questions.

And even as we engaged in our usual sleepover we had once a week, for the past two hours she's been unrelenting in her questions. And the one I fear to answer myself that she asked," Do you have feelings for him?"

I had told her how I had met him and as expected she laughed her lungs out about my poor trench coat. When he came to my office I was surprised and once I introduced them both, it clicked to her that it was him.

One of the first things she said about him after she assessed him was," He sure has a nice face."

The smirk she had worn turned into a full out smile as she said," Bet you've thought about sitting on it a couple of times."

If it weren't for my dark skin tone, my blush would have been more apparent. Thus no progress had been made in the office after Angie's comment.

"He's just a kid," had been my excuse but I had neither refused nor confirmed Angie’s assumption. Deep down I had imagined doing a lot more than that.

What is wrong with me?

"There's nothing wrong with you. Why would you even say that?" she asked moving closer to me on the couch, the movie on the screen long forgotten at this point.

"I already have Derek and he's the kind of man, women would kill for. And I'm busy hanging out with a younger guy whose white no less," I ran my fingers through my curls, a general habit of mine when I am irritated.

"Oh please, Derek isn't a real man. And last I checked there's nothing wrong with dipping your toe in the swirl pool, babes," she nudged my shoulder, wiggling her eye brows suggestively.

"And give my mother a heart attack! No thanks."

"You can't keep letting that woman control you. It’s bad enough she practically bullies you and treats your little sister better. Don't give her the satisfaction of holding power in your life."

I know she's right.

Still... the little girl in me holds the hope of getting her to one day love me.

"I wish it was easy."

She always mistreated me, after all I was a reminder of her failed first marriage to my father, the good for nothing bum, she labelled him. 

All because he didn't make the type of money she needed to gain the lifestyle she wanted since he's a mechanic.

It also never helped I had acquired his skin tone, I grew convinced when she looked at me, she saw him.

Morgan my younger sister came from my mother's second marriage to a big shot attorney. She was more like my mother with her light skin tone and hair. Inevitably there was a division in the family. It was my mother and Morgan always criticizing me, making me feel less than what I was. I wound up being close to my father and to this day I still was. He was the only one in my corner.

Unlike me, Morgan being the typical mommy's baby turned down the offer to go to UCLA and married the first guy to propose and now she had 3 kids. I'm not judging her for her choice, if anything I'm glad she's happy, despite the torment she put me through with mother. What I didn't appreciate was mother putting it in my face that I was still single and that no one would love me.

It hurt, it still does.

"You're doing that thing again," Angie stated as she grabbed a hand full of popcorn keeping her gaze on the screen.

"What thing?"

"Where you zone out and literally stare off into the abyss of nothing. I still find it annoying when you do that,"

"Sorry." I said sheepishly," Have a lot on my mind."

"Busy daydreaming about your new lover."

Grabbing the cushion, I smacked her upside the head with it as she burst out laughing.

"Stop acting all innocent. Leave that good girl shit for your dad."

"I swear Angie, you're too much sometimes. How hasn't Reggie left your ass yet?"

"Easy," she shrugged carelessly," I know how to ride it," she smirked. My eyes nearly popped out of their sockets, 

The hell is wrong with this girl?

"Eww! I do not need to hear the details of y'alls sex life."

"You're just jealous because it's been a while for you."

I hate how right this chick is.

***

A week

That's how long it's been since I last spoke to Alex; a part of me missed interacting with him- in the innocent sense of course. Whenever I came to Derek's office I avoided him like the plague and I felt ridiculous that me, a grown ass woman at that, is falling out of sorts for some kid.

Terrance and I were making progress. More dinner dates as of late, random texts returned springing new hope to the possibility of us making it. We haven't been intimate but still I was glad things had improved so I knew keeping my distance from Alex was best. In fact this attraction to him is only some random phase.

A simple phase though isn't supposed to keep me up on some nights, twisting sheets whilst dreaming of him drinking from my essence.

Once my driver parked the car, I was almost at the entrance to go see Derek when I noticed a message from him.

Have a dinner meeting with investors. Sorry, will make it up to you- D

And from 70% progress, we drop down to square one. Turning on my heels, huffing out a breath having come this far, for some odd reason I felt as if all eyes were on me. As if they sensed the quick dismissal just now and I speed walked to the car where Philip was waiting. It was only the sight of an individual sitting across the street by the bus stop bench that halted my pursuit to the car.

Alex?