Hailey-

Today was a normal day, I was in the kitchen with my parents, I was having breakfast while my father read the newspaper and my mother made breakfast for the fraternal twins who had not yet woken up. A normal day, the first day of school this year and my last first day in high school, that seemed great, but I didn’t feel that way. I’m still not clear what I want to do with my life after leaving my adolescence behind, not yet.

Maybe it's normal that I'm not attracted to any profession, although I think it has to be necessary, I wouldn’t focus my whole life on a job that I don’t passionate about and I think that no one would, it’s a matter of time, maybe this is a goal of the last year in high school: discovering what we want to continue and, above all, discovering who we really are.

"How do I know which profession I want to study?" I asked.

"When you are passionate about what you do, you have to feel emotion when you dedicate yourself to it and you feel that it’s worth spending time on it," answered my mother as she left my brothers' breakfast on the table.

"What if I don't feel that way about anything?" I asked again.

"You're going to feel it, darling," this time my father replied, turning the newspaper sheet, "You don't have to worry about it, you'll see that you'll feel it when you least expect it."

"Are you talking about love?" Matthew joined the conversation when he entered the kitchen and sat next to me, but not before kissing my forehead.

"I was asking them about college degrees," I bit into an apple, "I still don't know what to study."

"Didn't you want to be a doctor?" Matthew spoke with his mouth full and Mom scolded him.

“That was what I wanted when I was five years old. Matt, it's been twelve years since that.”

"Our dreams as children are our true desires as adults", we all look at him with surprise, nothing smart ever comes out of that mouth. "What? I read it on the cereal box."

I rolled my eyes and my parents laughed, my mobile rang, it was a message from my best friend notifying me that he was coming home and that he was ready to go to high school.

"Mm, I must go now," I commented, as I grabbed my backpack and still had my eyes on my mobile.

“Do you want me to take you?” Dad asked and I denied it.

"No, Logan is waiting for me outside."

I said goodbye to everyone and left the house. Sure enough, Logan was there, in his black Porsche, he signaled me to hurry up and I did, I went in as a co-pilot and kissed his cheek. Without further ado, we headed to the institute.

(….)

The history teacher was talking about what his class would be like this year, but my mind was elsewhere. The fact that I don't have much time to figure out what I want, before I make a big decision, like the one I should make in college and even not being sure what I want it to be, it was killing me. I don't even have options! Nothing attracted me right now, my mind is in another world. I'm worried about failing, I have a family with great titles. My father is right, I don't have to worry about thinking about these things, but it's impossible! I can't relax and wait for my passion for a college career to come alone, maybe the time comes to choose and I have nothing in mind. But what is passion for a profession? I cannot know what it is if I never experienced it, it can come, but I won’t know and I will let it go, without realizing that this is what I have to feel and what I have to live to be sure of my future. I'm not ready for that yet.

I looked at the people around me, all living their normal lives, without worrying about their futures and surely some are already decided. I could not help but become more frustrated, while they chat animatedly I am here, deep in my thoughts and in my fear of failure.

"Miss Ryan?" The teacher's voice brought me back to the present and I was startled.

“Yes?”

"Your father is a historian, right?" I nodded, "Has he ever told you about 'The Crisis of 29'?"

"Ehh, I think so," I smiled nervously.

"Could you comment on something for the class?" he asked and everyone turned to see me, my face was red as a tomato right now.

I swallowed, not knowing what to do, opened my mouth to say something, and the doorbell rang for rest. Saved by the Bell.

"Remember, guys, bring a map of America for the next class," said the teacher as we all gathered up our things and almost ran out of there.

I left as soon as possible, I did not want the teacher to stop me to ask me things that he thinks I know because my father is a historian. I sighed with exhaustion, the first day seems to me the most exhausting, everyone shows up in every class as if we haven't seen our faces before, just because our teachers don't know who we are and some don't remember us at all.

I went to my locker and there I kept the books that I would not use all day. The cold metal of the locker reminded me that when I was drunk and entered the river in the dead of winter, something I would never do when sober. I felt a look on me, so I looked for it and when I found it, my heart accelerated.

Travis was a few meters from me, leaning on his locker looking at me, while drinking something from Starbucks and that was unusual, I never caught him looking at me. He smiled realizing I was looking at him, too, so I quickly turned to my locker, more nervous than ever. I sighed, maybe it was still drawing me a little, but only a little.

"Hailey," I turned around when I heard Logan's voice behind me, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, just ..." I sneakily looked at where Travis was supposed to be, but he wasn't there anymore, "I thought I saw Travis looking at me."

“Really?” He asked surprised, as I said before: it was unusual for Travis to look at me, “Have you not been confused?”

"Sure, he was right in his locker looking at me while drinking something," I whispered.

"And the question is, who wouldn't look at you?"

"Stop saying stupid things," I hit him on the shoulder and closed my locker, "Are you hungry?"

"No, I had breakfast before I came. How about you?"

"Me too, but I'm dying for a coffee."

"I need a coffee right now."

With that said, we headed to the cafeteria, where all the teens were having breakfast and talking to each other, separated by groups. I went to the coffee vending machine, bought a coffee for myself and another for my friend. Logan had gone to look for a free table, so I had to find him, which seemed difficult since there are many people and many tables.

I started walking around the cafe looking for Logan, walking among all these people made me nervous, I sighed again and looked around. I was standing in the middle of the cafeteria and still couldn't find my friend. Where did he go? I looked again and my eyes met Travis's, again, he was sitting next to his soccer team and his cheerleaders, they believed they were the center of the whole institute and they were. Who would not want to be like them? I really don't want to, I was never interested in anything they think they have just for having "popularity", it is clear that none of them will have a great future and that is why they take advantage of feeling good in high school. I reacted when I noticed that I had been looking at Travis for a few minutes, so I turned around and kept looking for Logan, until I finally found him and sat across from him.

"You were late," his eyesight stayed on his cell phone.

"I couldn't find you," I gave him his coffee and started drinking mine, "What are you looking at?"

"Nothing, just social media," He put his phone down and began to drink his coffee.

"Have you thought about what profession you want to pursue when you graduate?" I asked.

"I think I want to be a chef," I looked at him in surprise, he had never cooked me anything in these years, "but I would need to know how to cook, of course," We laughed, "I always wanted to be a motor racing driver, but I don't know if that is studied. So I have other options, like pursuing something that has to do with sports or studying law, as my father wants," His father was a very successful lawyer; I wouldn't be surprised if he wanted his son to be like him, "What about you? Do you have something in mind?"

"Nothing, not a single idea," I hid my face in my hands, I was already very overwhelmed, "and I am afraid of not knowing what I want when the time comes to choose."

"What was acting like? You always did well with it", He was right, I always did well pretending, "And you have participated in theater classes all these years, that gives you a good reputation as an actress."

“Do you believe?”

"Obviously," he put a hand on his heart, "I, Logan Patrick Wester, I give you my word," I laughed, "and speaking of theater classes, I heard that the charts are already on the board, so you can sign up."

"Would you sign up with me?" I asked almost pleading.

"If I could, I would, honey. But I have to focus on training, as this is the most important year to pursue a career in sports."

"You will go very well, I'm very sure."

"I know, we are talking about me," we laughed, he always made those comments full of self-esteem.

(….)

It was time to go, so I gathered my things and left the high school, I stood at the entrance waiting for Logan, since he had to take me home, while almost everyone had already left. I sat on one of the steps breathing deeply the air that emanated from the trees around me, the day was very pleasant, it was not as hot as ever and much less humid, it was perfect for me. Nature creates absolute tranquility for me, birdsong is music to my ears, the smell of flowers and freshly cut grass are the most beautiful smells that exist, green for me is life.

Living in a very populated place, there are not many possibilities to feel nature, the pollution caused by humans destroys all the beauty of this planet and few people worry about it. Nature gives us a lot and we take advantage too much, hopefully one day we can return all the good things that it gives us every day.

My thoughts were erased when I felt someone standing behind me.

"It took you a little while," I got up and shook my jean since the steps were full of dust, I turned around thinking Logan was there, but I was wrong, "Travis?"

"Hailey," he said and smiled.

“What are you doing here?”

"I study here," he said obviously, "you left this on your table," he referred to my cell phone, which was in his hand and which he then handed me.

"How distracted I am, thanks," I picked up my cell phone and smiled at him.

"No reason," he smiled again, he had a too beautiful smile, "Oh, and Logan asked me to take you home, he said he can't because he has things to do, so it will take a little longer."

It took me a few seconds to figure out what was going on, would Travis take me home? Travis Campbell himself?

“Are you serious?”

"Of course," he laughed, "since I have to go to my house and we live nearby, don't you want me to take you to your house?"

Do I want he to take me home? That is the big question.

"I ..." I hesitated, would I let Travis take me home assuming we were completely unknown? Although in reality if we are known, our parents know each other and still maintain a friendship, so it would not be as strange as it seems and should go with him. What other option do I have? Walk or wait for Logan? Walking home alone is dangerous because I don't live close enough to walk back and anything could happen to me, just like waiting for Logan, maybe he'll come out later and staying here also seems dangerous. So I had no other safe option, since the idea of Travis taking me to my house seems safe to me and it's also a moment, I wouldn't go back to his car again, it's just for this time, "Okay," finally I said.

“So, let's go?” I nodded and he guided me to his car.

He pressed a button on his keychain and a gray Audi rang, I was surprised to see that beautiful car.

"Is it an Audi Spyder r8 v10?” I asked fascinated.

“How do you know that?” He seemed impressed by my knowledge of vehicles.

"My best friend loves these things, so I started to like those things since I spend so much time with him," I shrugged "and my brothers also like it, I think that being surrounded by boys I have more knowledge about some topics that other girls my age don't have."

"I find it wonderful," he smiled, but I noticed that when he spoke about Logan he seemed uncomfortable, "I don't know many girls who like this kind of thing, in fact I don't know any girl who knew about cars."

"Will you let me drive it?" I looked at him almost pleading, "I swear I won't do anything to him, I know drive perfectly."

"Do you also know how to drive? You are a box of surprises," he laughed, that laugh that I loved, "Maybe another day, when we are more confident, today I drive," he approached the passenger door and opened it, indicating to come in and I did.

He sat as a driver, started the car, and turned on the radio, where "Hotline Bling" a song by Drake was playing. We put on our belts and he started driving to my house.

I looked out the window and couldn't help thinking about what he said earlier: When we'll have more confidence, I only trust my friends and family. Why should you trust him? Does he want to continue seeing me? I remember that I lost his confidence when we stopped being friends, when he decided that the best option was to get away from me without saying anything to me. It was a bad idea to think about that, I really wanted to go out, because I'm afraid to cry. I'm very weak, I took a deep breath and exhaled as my grandmother taught me, for overcome moments like this.

"I like your hair," Travis said trying to break the ice.

"Hmm, thanks," I touched my hair that came down to my waist, it was blond but the tips were a pastel pink.

"It makes you look prettier," she smiled and looked at me for an instant, then turned her gaze back to the road.

"Thanks again" I looked towards the window, I was very flushed, I could see it in the reflection.

We were silent throughout the trip, the music was the only thing that could be heard along with a little noise from outside, and I thought about it, the trip with Travis was not as uncomfortable for me as at the beginning. We got to my house and he looked at me.

“See you tomorrow?” He greeted, but it seemed more like a question.

“Thanks for bringing me.”

"You're welcome," he kissed my cheek and smiled.

I got out of the car before he saw my flushed face, I closed the door carefully and he didn't leave until I had entered the house.

"Did Logan change the car or did he bring you a boy?" - asked my mother, who was in the living room, sitting on the sofa with her laptop, I deduced that she was working.

"That is not your problem," I quickly went up to my room listening to my mother's laugh.

When I entered my room, I closed the door behind me and threw myself on the bed, not understanding anything that happened during the day.