Leon

I think I heard wrong, my queen would not have made an attempt on her life. I get up and start walking, wondering why she had never told me, even though it was her thing.
- Why didn't you tell me? - I can't stand it and ask her, who was crying a lot. It cut me to the heart.
- I was afraid to tell you," she whispers, looking at me with those beautiful eyes clouded with sadness. I wanted to go back to the police station and kill that bastard once and for all.
- My queen, never be afraid to tell me anything, OK? - I ask her, and I sit down next to her again, pull her into my arms and there I let her cry for everything that had happened to her. We stayed like this, the two of us in our own little closed world, where we didn't need anyone else and where we would always have each other.
- Would you like some more water? - the doctor asks.
- No, thank you! I'm fine, I think now I finally got the weight off my back.
- Do you want to reschedule the session?
- No. Do you think you're ready to continue?
- Do you think you are ready to continue?
- Yes, I am.
- Good, then continue," the doctor asks, taking out a notebook. She starts to write down a few things, while my queen sits up better on the couch and holds my hand tightly. I knew this was hard for her.
- After I tried to kill myself that night..." she whispers, and I freeze to hear this sentence. I was so afraid that something had happened to her; I would never have known love.
- Go on... - Dr. Bastos encourages me.
- I was ashamed, you know? It was humiliating to see what had happened and that it was my fault.
I look at her shocked.
- It wasn't your fault," I declare, and she smiles sadly.
- For me it was, until the day I met you. That very night, I was so hurt, with so much pain in my body, and so ashamed of myself for not having been able to hurt you.
- Miss Sanches, it is normal to feel this way.
- Doctor, it's not normal for me to have been raped by a madman who thought I had to be his.
- You misunderstand me, what I mean, Miss Sanches, is that it is normal for a person to think that it is their fault for being raped. And you have to understand that you are not to blame, you understand?
- Yes.
- Do you want to continue?
- Yes, I want to get it over with. I was dropped on the floor bruised and bruised by a madman, and I honestly didn't think I could leave.
- And then what happened?
- I think it was a miracle that I got out of there and made it home. As soon as I got home, it was dark, I was afraid to turn on the light and see how badly she was hurt.
My God, how my queen suffered, and still all bruised. Oh, how I wish I had met her sooner and avoided all this pain and suffering she was going through.
- I was ashamed of what happened and thought I didn't deserve to live, it was as if my soul had been ripped out of my body.
- And how did your family react when you found out?
- My parents died a few years ago in a plane crash, only my sister and I were left. You see, I had never been beaten in my life, not even as a child... As I was saying, the pain was so great that when I got to my room I remembered that I had gotten a birthday diary from my sister that my mother had left for her. I could only think of one thing: I should kill myself. So I opened the diary and started writing in it...
- What did you write?
- That that day was my 18th birthday and that I had decided to end my life.
- And then?
- Then I took a stylus from my desk drawer and decided that this was the moment. I went into the bathroom, and when I turned on the light and saw how bruised I was, clothes torn, humiliated and dirty, the only option I found for myself that would make sense was to take my life, and that's what I tried to do. I saw that there was only one way, and that's what I did, I passed the stylus on each wrist. I cried a lot, because I was wanting some relief from the pain I was feeling," she says softly, and I squeeze her hand, showing that I was there to support her.
- And that was all you could think about at that moment? - the doctor asks her, and I felt like sending her to hell, couldn't she see how my queen was suffering?
- For me that was it, if I killed myself I wouldn't have to face anyone and be pointed at for deserving to be raped.
I am shocked by what I hear.
- And why do you think you would be pointed out?
- Because, incredible as it may seem, there is still prejudice, they think that we women deserve this kind of punishment to learn that we should behave where we are.
- Where did you hear this?
- In my first therapy sessions for abused people. There I heard every story I could write a book about - my queen speaks with such sadness, at that point I am angry at my race.
- Did these therapies help at all?
- Not much, to be honest. They helped me to be able to go back to school and finish my studies, so that I could start college.
- How did your friends react when they heard what happened to you?
- They didn't hear about it.
- Why not?
- I didn't want them to find out that I had been raped and get a few pitying looks and a few "well done" chuckles. Doctor, as soon as I thought I had killed myself, I went into deep darkness finding the peace I had been searching for, and after I found out that everything I had done was in vain, I despaired.
- Why did you think it was for nothing?
- When I cut myself, I immediately heard my sister Vanessa's scream, and I asked her for forgiveness.
- Why did you ask your sister for forgiveness?
I feel like screaming at what an insensitive doctor she was.
- Because my sister didn't deserve to go through the same shame as me! To have her name dragged into the mouths of gossip-mongers on duty? No, my sister is too good to be linked to this case.
- What does your sister think about all this?
- Of course she didn't take it well - Duda laughs nervously.
I saw that this consultation was getting her all worked up, so I spoke up:
- I think we'd better stop here.
- Do you want to stop, Miss Sanches?
- No, I want to finish it soon.
- Then go on... - the doctor encourages her, and I see my queen opening the water again.
- As I was saying, as soon as I found out that she was alive I was shocked, and my sister, poor thing, was devastated. That was the end of me. I couldn't want to live anymore, you know? And then I tried to kill myself one more time... - she whispers, and I must have misunderstood.
- And how did you do that?
- I ended up pulling out all the IV access and left it bleeding until I passed out again. I thought that then I would find the peace I longed for. But when I woke up, I was tied to the bed," she smiles sadly and continues, "My sister was in the room and had cried a lot. It made me feel like a coward for not being a good sister.
- Was there something else?
- Oh yes, we fought, we cried. What about the fear that I was pregnant by that monster? And what's worse, that I had contracted some STD? Do you think it was easy to hear from Dr. Lucas what had happened to me again? Do you think it was easy to hear him say that I had to take a cocktail of drugs to prevent a probable STD? But thank God I was clean, because that son of a bitch had the decency to at least use a condom.
- And then?
- A police report was filed at the police station, and do you want to hear the irony? I had no panties on and I heard that, probably because he was a maniac, he took my panties as proof of the abuse.
Hearing this cut my heart and made my blood boil even more. The urge to kill Pedro grew.
- At first I barely slept, kept being sedated and had nightmares until recently.
- And what happened? Did they find out who is the person who raped you?
- Yes, they caught him yesterday," she smiles for the first time since we entered the office.
- What was your reaction when you heard this?
- Relief. I was kidnapped, tied up, and also received a bit of psychological torture, but finally my boyfriend managed to find me and knocked him out. Now the son of a bitch is behind bars.
- And are you ready to come face to face with him again?
- No, not yet. Now, if it's really necessary, what do you do? I'll stay.
- Are you afraid of him now?
- Not anymore. For years I was afraid of him, and now, knowing who he is, I see no reason to be afraid anymore.
- What do you think it will be like now?
- Now? A good question. I want to live. Funny, isn't it?
- What's funny?
- Now I know that it wasn't my fault that I was raped, I spent years feeling like crap and I felt like I was dead inside, and I guess I was. But since I met him, I started to feel alive.
- So Mr. Vitorino gave you your life back?
- Oh, yes, he also gave me his love, his affection, and that was enough to bring me back.
- And you, Mr. Vitorino?
- She taught me what love is!
- How do you feel about coming back next week? How are you feeling now?
- Let's go back, yes. Now I feel that my weight is gone.
- This is very good, indeed! Our conversation was for you to put your weight off.
- And what happens now? - I ask, curious.
- It's good that you both come, so we can talk about our fears.
- Then next week, at the same time? - Duda asks.
- Yes, the same time.
As we were leaving, she calls us and asks:
- How are you sleeping now?
- Very well.
- Good, so I don't have to give you anything to make you sleep.
- No need, doctor, I have my own medicine.
We thank her for the care and leave. I saw that it was already a little late, we had spent almost three hours in consultation. We went to the reception and made an appointment for next week.
- What did you think of her? - I ask cautiously.
- Honestly, I was irritated with so many questions, and then I started to talk, and that was a relief indeed.
- Now what are we going to do?
- I want to eat something - then I remember that we didn't eat anything, and I hope Olivia made something.
- Let's go to my place.
- I don't want to be any trouble.
- You are no trouble at all, and besides, soon you will be living with me.
- You're terrible," she says, laughing.
- I don't want to sleep alone anymore, my queen! Will you sleep with me again?
- OK, I'll sleep with you!
I start the car, and we drive to my house. I can't wait to have her in my arms again. Tonight I will sleep very well accompanied by my beautiful queen and I will make her forget the past, or my name is not Leon Vitorino, her prince.