Is it possible to change your mind about sleeping with someone while you're sleeping with them?

I asked myself that question in my head, wishing badly for a way out of something that I got myself into. I was so upset about leaving for school, and my fight with Jay, that I had found myself in a hotel room with a man that I met at the store. Call him a rebound, call him whatever you want, but I'm going to call this a mistake.

Every time he touched me, I couldn't help but think about Jay's touch, and how his was nothing like it. It's like my body belonged to him, and he knew exactly what to do with it. But this guy? Please. Seems to me like he's only focused on pleasing himself, and his four inch penis.

Not once has he tried to actually make me feel good, I mostly just feel like I'm being assaulted. Gosh, is this really how guys out here are fucking these days? I must have really lucked up when I met Jay!

When he was FINALLY done, I sat up in bed, rolling my eyes slightly. He smiled at me lustfully, and I half smiled back, watching as he peeled the condom off. I need to get the hell out of here, I thought to myself, putting my close on as he flushed the condom down the toilet.

I can't believe I just wasted my damn time, and body like this! I feel so dumb! I was already dressed when he came out of the bathroom, and he stared at me confused. "Leaving already?" He asked, and I nodded sadly.

"Yeah." I said simply. "I have somewhere to be." I told him, grabbing my bag and phone.

"Okay," he said, walking me to the motel door. "Are you gonna call me?" He asked, his caramel skin glowing in the moonlight.

"Yeah." I said, lying to his face. "Of course." I half smiled at him, trying to seem not to eager to leave. I cannot believe I just had sex with him! I can't believe I didn't even enjoy it.

My heart felt like it was in pieces inside my chest. All my life, I just wanted to be with one man sexually. To marry him, and to love him. Now I'm at two men, and I'm not marrying or loving either of them. If you told me as a little girl that finding "the one" was such an issue, I wouldn't have believed you.

Did romances brainwash us? What exactly is the issue here? Why is it so hard to find a decent man? They're telling young woman that romance is out here, and it's real, at the same time telling boys if you love her, treat her badly.

What kind of sick and twisted programming is this?

I got into my car and locked the door immediately. Sometimes I regret even laying my eyes on that man. I was perfectly fine, and content with my life until he came around. I didn't question anything, and I definitely didn't need anything from a man.

I thought fucking someone else would make me realize that I didn't need him, but it had the complete opposite effect. The only thing being with him made me realize, is that it's not easy to find a man to be comfortable with, and who knows your body.

I stared down at the clock that read 1AM, and I knew I was in for a shit storm. I had told my parents I was staying with a friend, but what I really wanted to do was go home and cry in my bed in peace. Maybe they'll be sleep since they weren't expecting me.

When I got home, all the lights were off, so maybe that's a good sign. I can't believe that I actually want to come home. There were probably a million other places to go. I couldn't deal with ANY human interaction right now.

With that thought in mind, I made my way to the back of the house - and yes this walk is as long as you can imagine. I thought I was free and clear because all the lights were off, but I was wrong.

As soon as I opened up the door to walk in, the kitchen light flew on. "Where have you been?" My eyes widened, and I dropped my phone and keys on the cold marble floor.

"Mom! Wh-" I was cut off by the entrance of my father, and blinked in shock.

"I called Juliets mother, she said you never came there, and you never planned on sleeping over. So tell me, where did you go?"

"No where I-" she cut me off, standing up out of her chair.

"Why are you lying to me?" She asked, standing close to me. "Do you want to lose your car privileges?" She asked, picking up my keys off the floor.

"Privileges?" I asked her, baffled at her threat. "You call this PRIVILEGE?!" I yelled, beginning to cry. "I sit in this stupid house all day fucking depressed-" I once again, didn't get to finish my statement because I was cut off by my mother.

"Really, Charlotte?" She said, grabbing my hair and punching me in the face. "Fucking?" She asked, and I tried to fight her off.

"Stop putting your hands on me!" I yelled at her, the tears streaming down my face.

"You don't tell me what to do, I'm the parent!" She snapped, her blows getting harder and harder. She somehow managed to wake the whole staff, but of course they didn't get involved out of fear of losing their jobs.

"Helen-" I heard my father call out her name, and I managed to get her hands out of my hair. "Helen!" He yelled, and she gripped my shirt instead. I managed to fall to the floor, resulting in my shirt ripping open. Of course I wasn't wearing a bra, so my breasts were on display for the whole house.

My father finally managed to hold her back, and my eyes widened in embarrassment, and desperation. I began to cry out loud, and managed to grab my keys and phone and bolted out the door.

I could hear my parents calling for me, and I ignored them, jumping in my car and taking off. I was so upset I could barely see straight, and I didn't know where else to go, so I drove towards the city.

I could see my phone lighting up with calls from my dad, and I sent him to voicemail every time. Maybe it was only a matter of time before this happened, and everyone exploded, but I didn't expect my mother to revert back to her old abusive ways so fast.

When I stopped the car, I ended up in front of Jay's penthouse. I don't know if I meant to- or maybe I did, but he was the only person that I wanted to see right now. I brought down the rear view mirror to see my face, and I sighed at the horrible sight.

Since I was mixed, my skin bruised so easily, and I could tell from the pain that this was going to be bad. I wiped away my running mascara, and held my ripped shirt over my bare chest as I made my way up to his place.

I'm glad it was nearing 3AM, and I wouldn't see many people. I finally made it to the door, and started knocking profusely until he let me in. "What the-" his door flew open, and I went inside almost immediately, and fell to the floor crying. "Charlotte?" He asked, bending down beside me. "What happened?" He asked, looking like he felt sorry for me.

"My mother started punching me, and then she ripped my shirt off in front of everyone!" I explained, breaking down even more.

"Hey, it's okay." He sighed, grabbing his throw blanket off of his couch, and putting it around me. "It's okay." He whispered, wrapping his arms around me. "It's okay." He just kept repeating as I cried in his arms. "They can't hurt you anymore, Charlotte." He led me into his bedroom, and I fell into his bed. "You don't even have to go back there, you can stay here with me." He said, rubbing his hands through my hair as if he was comforting a small child.

"Really?" I asked him, surprised that he even offered.

"Yes, of course." He nodded, tucking me into bed. "I have to go to work now, will you be okay until I get back?" He asked, and I nodded my head drifting off to sleep.