“I love you, Ciel….”

These words had slipped out of my mouth without carefully considering the consequences that awaited me for saying that. But at that moment, I didn’t care. I couldn’t care less. I was happy, filled with happiness. For the first time in years, did I feel like this. Maintaining this happiness was a challenge I dared to take on. If maintaining this feeling is all I need to do to find inner peace and be happy with Ciel, then I am willing to dare take this challenge on. 

My heart was pounding as I stared into these wide-opened, sparkly eyes. Ciel’s eyes' surfaces started tearing up, reflecting the starry night even more. No, his eyes, they were outshining the whole sky. Nothing could ever compare to him. He is the most intriguing person in this world, the literal perfect being in this universe. A being so desirable to call my own.

Ciel’s lips shakily opened themselves in an attempt to speak and answer my confession as all of a sudden, a tear as clear as a crystal ran down his cheek, staining his skin and slowly making its way down to its fate: to shatter on the ground.

It felt as if my heart had dropped to the ground as I saw those crystal-clear tears stain Ciel's face. Then, panic arose across my whole face as I started to overthink my decision to confess, finally realizing the consequences that awaited me for my poor judgment.

Oh no, did I make him cry? Is he crying because he doesn’t love me back, and I just took his first kiss like that? Panic arose over my face as my whole body was frozen. What was he going to say? Why does time have to go by so excruciatingly sluggishly right now!

All these thoughts, wielded by panic and inner terror surfacing on the outside, slowly started to nag at me, bringing all these screaming voices of terror back to me. I was left clueless, and I was lost. I was scared to death and afraid of what will happen now. 

My breathing became irregular as the sweat drops started forming on my back, daring to run down and drench my clothes in sweat. My damp shirt started feeling hot on my skin. It burned as if a fire had arisen all over my back. It was hot, my body felt hot, and my head pounded hard alongside my heart. My heart had hammered against my chest, setting it on fire. 

All of a sudden, I was pulled into another kiss. This time it was a sweet petite peck on my lips. 

“I thought you’d never say those words, you idiot.”

He then pulled me into a delectably tight hug, embracing me and laying his head on my chest.

I shakily wrapped my arms around his waist again, laying my head on his left shoulder, taking in the lovely scent of Ciel while feeling my eyes tear up and my vision blur with tears. I soon started to feel the water drops leave my eyes and fall to the ground, shattering into a million pieces while forming new smaller teardrops on the floor. Those tears I shed evolved into smaller pieces, unbreakable to the flow of life, just like I had been that day. 

I couldn’t believe it. This moment was everything I had dreamt of all these years, it was all I had wanted for so long. Finally, my patience and efforts paid off, resulting in an unbelievable moment. 

So this is what true happiness feels like. It's fulfilling, a true harmony deep within me, a symphony worthy of giving my all. Daring to give it my all, daring to rewrite my story, this had been a challenge I took on, a journey of exhaustion and peace. A trip I sincerely enjoyed, an experience filling me with pleasure. 

Ciel gently ran his hand through my hair, kissing my cheek softly, feeling his lips on my skin send shivers down my spine. 

Then, overwhelmed with the situation, I buried my face deeper in Ciel’s neck, avoiding eye contact because I must have looked weak, so weak and pathetic that I did not dare look up. 

“I love you so much, Ciel.”

I mumbled under my breath, slowly daring to lift my head again, facing Ciel directly. Ciel smiled at me and gently wiped some of my tears away with his sleeve before they could leave tear-dried stains on my face. 

“Now, now, stop crying, you big baby.”

He chuckled at me, smiling brightly. I cupped his delicate face and softly pulled him into another kiss. This time it was a small gentle kiss, only placed on his lips to show affection and express my love for him. 

There it was again, this gentle feeling of his lips brushing against mine and softly caressing each other—a heavenly feeling I deeply adored and craved day and night.

After breaking the kiss, we both decided to go home as it had gotten quite late. 

On my way home, I couldn't stop smiling. Having a bright, cheeky smile across my whole face must've made me look like an idiot, but I couldn't help it. I was just so overwhelmed with joy.

My beating heart couldn't calm down. My chest was pounding as if it was going to explode with joy. Butterflies fluttered in my stomach. The heat had already risen to my face as I replayed these memories repeatedly. I was still stunned and in disbelief that this had happened. 

Suddenly a sigh of relief echoed throughout my head before Ezathriel spoke up again.

'Finally, you finally got him, Loverboy.'

I chuckled at his comment, not minding the sass hidden in his voice, and answered, smiling like an literal idiot:

'Yes, he is finally mine.'

The smile on my lips widened as I realized I had finally done it. At last, Ciel was finally mine. Finally, my goal has been achieved. 

Arriving home, I dropped dead on my bed, not caring about anything my parents said. All their nagging couldn’t bring me down in any way that day, and I was too happy to be brought down by negativity. 

The following day, I woke up early to come and pick Ciel up from his house. Naturally, I made sure to look good. I bought a small flower bouquet on the way to surprise Ciel. The flower bouquet held many roses and smelled quite aromatic and soothing, its sweet smell reminded me a lot of Ciel. All those delicate roses reflected his graceful appearance as well.

I waited outside his house, nervously fidgeting with the flowers, making sure they weren't too overdone but not too insignificant. 

Soon, Ciel sneaked up to me,  jumping on my back, wrapping his arms around my neck and his legs around my waist. I pecked his cheek before turning my head around to face him. I smiled at him widely the second I saw his gorgeous face. 

"Hi Baby, how are you today?"

Ciel blushed at the new nickname I gave him as I just chuckled before running my hand through his hair, gently cupping his face, and rubbing his cheek with my thumb. 

As I saw the spark in Ciel's eyes, it slowly set my soul on fire once again, engulfing me in the only heaven I desire so badly. Yet, no matter how many times I saw it, this tempting, burning sensation his eyes offered never managed to disappoint me. 

Maybe it was just my imagination, but today, the spark hidden deep within Ciel's eyes shone even brighter than before. That hidden treasure in his eyes was even more visible today than it usually was. As a result, it was less obscure. In fact, it was more open to the rest of the world to stop to stare at its offer to engulf its visitor in a realm of perfection. 

Seeing that, I was very enlightened. It felt good being blessed by Ciel's grace early in the morning. It always felt like a treat given to me by the universe. A treat provided by the rulers of this world. A reward I dared not be ungrateful for, a prize I cherished deeply. 

"I'm good, and you, how are you feeling today?"

He shot his soft cheeky smile at me. I couldn't help but blush at my rising sun, the sun arose upon the sky of my soul, lighting my soul on fire. An enlightened spark has lit up the darkness within me, guiding me to find true happiness. A joy I had never experienced before, a pleasure I desired heavily. I could stare at his gorgeous smile every day, every hour, every second of my life, and I'd never get tired of it. His smile filled me with joy and aroused me with pleasure.

"I'm even better now that you're with me."

Ciel once again blushed at my cheesy line before punching my arm and complaining with a pouty expression:

"Stop being so smooth, you asshole!"

His cute complaint made me chuckle as I wrapped my right arm around his waist, kissing his pouty cheek. I then pulled out the flowers I had hidden behind my back and said:

"I got these for you. I hope you like them."

Ciel looked at me wide-eyed, shocked about my gesture, before happily snatching them out of my grasp and inhaling their scent. 

While Ciel smiled softly at the roses, I gently placed my lips on his forehead, starting to shower him with kisses. Ciel laughed at my gesture and jokingly asked me to stop, but I insisted on showering him with kisses and ignored his complaints. 

I have waited long to be able to do this. Kissing Ciel was my treat, my prize for my hard work ship. 

Being allowed to hold him in my arms and embrace his fragile being was the only heaven I wanted to visit and live in, spending all my time with him. There was no more incredible heaven than this for me. I mentally thanked all gods of this world for allowing me to live through such moments. 

"What are you thinking about right now? You seem kinda spaced out."

"I was mentally expressing my gratitude towards the gods of this world, my thankfulness for spending time with you."

I kissed his forehead, which had turned bright red from my comment once again, and grabbed his right hand, gently planting a kiss on it. 

"Let's get to school now, shall we? We don't wanna be late, right?"

"Ah, yes! Let's go!"

Ciel suddenly grabbed my wrist and started pulling me to the school bus. Even though the bus usually drops by my house, I always go to Ciel's to get on with him. It has been like this for many years. It became a tradition for the two of us, a tradition we both enjoyed and cherished a lot. 

We got on the bus, ignoring all stares we received, and sat together in the back, in our usual spot. I gently grabbed Ciel's hand, rubbing circles on it with my thumb. Ciel then scooted closer and leaned on me, relaxing in my touch. I wrapped my arm around him, enjoying this moment while taking out EarPods for Ciel and me to listen to music. 

As soon as I did, Ciel snatched one of them and grabbed my phone, which the EarPods were connected to. I chuckled at his behavior as Ocean Eyes by Billie Eilish started playing. Ciel liked that song a lot, it wasn't really for me, but I didn't mind. In fact, seeing Ciel this cheerful made me very content. 

I ruffled through his hair as he pulled his head away, pouting at his now messy hairstyle. 

"I put effort into my hair this morning, you jerk!"

I busted out laughing as Ciel crossed his arms in front of his chest, pouting even more as I extended my arm to cup his face again.

"Aww, but you always look beautiful anyway."

Ciel then demonstratively turned away from me, blushing at my former statement while avoiding my touch. 

I just chuckled at him, admiring his fierce eyes. Even though he was slightly squinting and pretending to be mad at me, he was still stunningly gorgeous. The fire in his eyes, that inexplicably bright spark in his eyes, it was so mesmerizing that I couldn't take my eyes off it. Its charm prevented my mind from thinking about anything else. The deep ocean reflecting in his eyes pulled my gaze towards it. It felt like a spell had been cast upon me, making me stare more profoundly into this colorful ocean. The more I stared, the more I saw. This treasure in front of me begged for my protection and care. I dared not resist its request and obeyed its every wish. Its wish was my command. 

The bus suddenly took off, making Ciel tumble. I quickly grabbed his wrist and sat him down on my lap, preventing any accidents from happening. I heaved a sigh of relief and hugged Ciel from behind, laying my head on his right shoulder and gently burying it there. I heard him sigh before a delicate kiss was planted on my cheek. I smiled in contentment and cupped his face with my right hand, turning him to face me before planting my lips on his. Feeling his soft lips brush against mine again felt like the best treatment possible for a mere human like me to experience. I gently ran my right hand through his hair, cupping his head and pushing him closer to me. Ciel obeyed as he opened his mouth, allowing me entrance. A slight smirk crept on my lips as I licked his teeth with my tongue, seeing Ciel squint his eyes shut, blushing like a tomato. However, he didn't pull away. In fact, he got closer and cupped my face with his hands, putting his knees beside my legs and kneeling on top of me, carefully pushing himself higher as he engulfed my tongue in his. I let go of his head and wrapped my arms around his waist, softly holding him and supporting him as the bus moved. 

Luckily we sat in the back behind a small partition wall, keeping our actions hidden from the rest of the bus. So we always sat there together. It has always been our favorite spot to enjoy the other's company on the way to school, finding comfort and relaxation in the other's presence. 

Ciel's tongue kept licking and holding onto mine, teasing me to play more with his. Finally, I obeyed his command by wrapping my tongue around his, twirling our tongues around in our mouths, letting go, and reconnecting our tongues in rhythmic harmony. 

Feeling his warm breath on my skin ignited all my senses, sharpening and reviewing them. His every touch ignited another sensation on my skin, and his every movement tempted my desire for more. 

This world was only complete with him. My world was only whole with him in it. He, a remedy so remarkable and memorable that it was unbelievable, chose me, a human so unmemorable and possessive of him. Unworthy of all the love and affection I received from him, I dared beg for more. Daring to pray for more and more, daring to do this every time we touched, was a gift sent down by the heavens, a chance not to dare leave behind. Nothing could ever compare to this feeling. No matter how empty and dull I was, he filled that hollowness within me with joy and life. He, a comparable beauty to the one of Aphrodite, a might overpowering the one of Zeus, a harmony better than the one Appollo had played, fulfilled me. He was all I needed, all I ever desired and chased after, yet I dared to call him mine. 

Soon the bus ride came to a stop, and we arrived at school. I groaned in annoyance as Ciel got off my lap and swooped up his bag, extending his arm toward me. He then held his hand out for me to take. I grabbed my bag and stood up, gently grabbing his hand as he dragged me out of the bus. I chuckled at him, and we walked to our class, hand in hand. 

As soon as we entered the classroom, I noticed someone new. It was a girl with short brown hair. She had a bob cut and looked quite timid at first glance, but on second glance, she looked pretty. 

She sat there, staring out the window, tapping her fingernails on the table. It was unsightly, seeing such long, dirty nails hitting the table. Long nails were a turn-down for me, but it wasn't for everyone, so I didn't want to prejudge her too fast. 

I heaved a sigh as Ciel spoke up:

"Who is she? Is she new?"

"I think so. I never saw her before."

I answered, looking her up and down and analyzing her features more closely. It was true. There was no way we had seen her before. She must be new. 

Ciel turned to face me and said:

"Shouldn't we greet her and maybe give her a tour of the school?"

I heaved a sigh, knowing Ciel won't accept no as an answer, and nodded at him. He smiled before dragging me to her table cheerfully. 

As soon as we approached her table, her head shot up, and she looked at us. Then shortly after, she looked at our engulfed hands. The second she saw our hands and how close we were standing to each other, her smile dropped, and she sighed, rolling her eyes at me. 

I gently rubbed Ciel's hand with my thumb in a circular motion, not caring what she was thinking. 

"Hello, our names are Ciel Dujardin and..."

Ciel looked at me, signaling me to introduce myself to this new girl. 

"Michael Knight."

I answered shortly. 

The vibe this girl gave me, that first impression, I could already tell I won't get along with her. She will be no good to me. No, she wasn't up to any good, and I had to find out what she was planning! 

That fiery snake-like look in her eyes, I already started despising it before we even exchanged a couple of proper sentences to get to know the other. 

Suddenly, she smiled at us sweetly, but her sweet smile looked so fake and forced. It was truly disgusting, such an eye-sore. You could tell from the wrinkles on her face that she had already had plastic surgery and wore a lot of makeup. Probably to cover up how ugly she looked. If this was some American high school movie, I'm sure she'd portray the mean girl, the fake school bully who is secretly insecure about herself.

I frowned as she said in the sweetest and most high-pitched tone I have ever heard:

"Hi! My name's Amanda, Amanda Griffin. Nice to meet you two."

"It's nice to meet you too, Amanda. You're new here, right?"

She nodded as Ciel continued in a calm, soothing voice:

"Do you want us to show you around?"

"Sure! But please wait for my brother, Nate Griffin."

Great, she even has a brother. But, no matter what happens, I am unwilling to share my Ciel.

The looks she gave him, the way she stared at my Ciel, made me want to gag. Then, she tried to seduce him by biting her underlip and winking at him. It was so evident that it visibly made Ciel uncomfortable. 

"Of course."

I said with gritted teeth, pulling Ciel closer to me while glaring at her. She glared back at me and rolled her eyes at me. I swear, one day, those eyes of hers will get stuck in this position if she keeps rolling them into the back of her head because of me, and if that day comes, I will not be paying the medical bills to fix that. 

I then stared at Ciel before softly engulfing him in my arms and showing her that he was mine. Showing Ciel off to her made me feel somewhat proud. It did boost my pride and confidence a lot.

Ciel stood between us, looking confused because of my gestures. The moment was awkward. No one said a thing, and no one dared to move or break the tension. It was as if he was asking what was going on and asking why I was acting like this. Finally, I smiled assuringly that nothing was going on and got closer to his ear, close enough so he could feel my breath on his neck, before exclaiming:

"Nothing's wrong, darling, don't worry."

He nodded, blushing at the nickname, as we waited for that mysterious brother of this snake in front of me to show up. I prayed he would be a regular guy with some common sense left in those brain cells. I leaned back again to relieve the tension I put upon Ciel. 

Feeling Ciel's muscles relax made me realize that I had subconsciously put Ciel under a lot of pressure by accidentally pushing him between Amanda and me. Gentle, soothing circles were drawn on his hand once again to try and reassure him that nothing was wrong.

As I did so, his tense muscles started softening even more, and he heaved a gentle sigh. I then grabbed his waist and stroked my thumb over his delicate side. 

Looking down at his hand, I saw it was relatively small compared to mine. I could engulf his hand in mine entirely without any issues. I liked that a lot, no, I loved it. Wrapping my hand around Ciel's always made me feel great and unique. Remarkable because he chose me as his lover and great because I was allowed to touch him and hold his hand. 

The more I thought about this, the warmer I felt. My heart was racing. It had always run when I thought of calling Ciel mine. Pounding heavily in my chest, my heart felt fulfilled. I could hear it beat clearly, regularly but still fast and feral. The hole inside of it feels persuasively healed. At least, I persuaded myself that it was.

Soon, this Nate-dude showed up. 

He wasn't wearing the school uniform correctly, and his looks were neat and untidy. It took me one glance to decide whether I disliked or liked, tolerated or didn't tolerate them. 

His apparent attribute was visible in the way he walked. His head was held high, and his eyes reflected the arrogance hidden within his posture. He smiled at every girl he walked past, staring down at them, not because Nate was tall but because he was checking them out. 

You could already tell he would be one of those high school players, changing his girls like he changes his clothes. 

I couldn't care less about who he dates and what he does, but I am not afraid to fight him if he turns out to be as much a jerk as he looks. But looking at him now, he reminds me of how I used to be a jerk, which is not a desirable personality trait. 

I heaved a heavy sigh, letting some weight off my chest. My thought process just now wasn't that holy too. I should not dare judge anyone if I myself am not any better. 

I may have changed slightly, but change can't hide nature. Change can not cure trauma. I may have regressed my life, but the memories have stayed with me. I can't let go of them or forget them. So I forfeit myself from ever ignoring them and letting my guard down. 

They looked almost the same. They might be twins—everything aligned perfectly, eye color, hair color, body type, etc. 

I scoffed as Nate opened his mouth, staring at Ciel with a smirk:

"Yo, the name's Nate."

He then turned to his sister with an annoyed expression and asked her:

"What are you doing with those losers?"

Loser? How dare he call my Ciel a loser. I don't give a fuck that he just insulted me, but I do care about Ciel. 

Ciel looked flabbergasted at the name-calling and opened his mouth to reply before I cut him off:

"Look in the mirror. There you will see the real loser."

I glared at him with a sour expression on my face. He glared back at me, taking a step closer to me, trying to intimidate him, but I didn't step back. Instead, I pushed Ciel behind me and stepped forward, closing the distance between us and showing him that I was up for a fight. If he wanted to fight, I was willing to fight back. No one insults my Ciel and gets away without apologizing.

Staring intensely into Nate's eyes, I saw that his chocolate brown eyes were as hollow and empty as mine had been, as mine were without Ciel around. The hollowness and emptiness covering his eyes aligned well with the shallow desert reigning within my eyes. 

My blinded sight made me drift away from the fact that he had just insulted us and was starting a fight with me. 

"What did you say, loser?"

This line brought me back to the happening events as I snapped out of my trace and answered, trying to sound polite to emphasize how annoyed I was with him acting up:

"I think you heard me, but if you didn't, go see a doctor. Your ears might not be connected to that tiny brain of yours."

He suddenly grabbed my collar and yanked me closer to him as I heard his sister encouraging the fight.

His grip on me was firm and filled with anger at his backfired insults. But, even though he was furious, his eyes did not reflect his emotions. They stilled only reflected my hollowness and strain. I could not dare look away or stare deeper. The reflection soon started to transform. It transformed into the void I was trapped in years ago. No, this was a trap!

"Get rid of this loser, Nate. He touched the boy I like."

The boy she likes? Oh, I think not! 

Blindly listening to my whining heart, I did not think any of my actions through anymore. I just obeyed those screams in my head. I followed the requests of the voices I heard and the cry of my pained heart. 

"Oh, so the princess needs her older brother to help fight her battles. How pathetic."

I snarled at them, rolling my eyes and turning to Ciel, who stood there, stiff with shock. He was clinging to my shirt, gently pulling on it, signaling me to drop it and calm down.

Seeing him like this pained my heart even more. It was strained with pain and agony, distraught with the displeasure of what shape Ciel was in. Millions of knives had stabbed my heart simultaneously, destroying that glimpse of security I felt deep within it.

Somehow, this Nate guy reminded me of someone I had seen before, but I could not find out who it was and where we had met. 

"Um...why don't we just go on with the school tour...fighting is forbidden here too!"

He stared at my back as he suggested that. He looked a little scared, and I didn't want to cause him any more inconvenience, so I just agreed, smiling through gritted teeth:

"Yes, Ciel is right. We shouldn't fight here, so please apologize to him for calling him a loser."

Nate then said after his sister had nudged his side harshly, pushing him to apologize:

"Sorry."

It was so insincere I wanted to punch him across his greasy face, but Ciel still seemed to accept this forced apology. 

I wasn't very content with that, and I will not lie, but I decided not to cause any more drama. At least not when Ciel was around. 

His scared expression had been engraved deeply within my memories. I never want to see him look at me like that again. No matter what happens, I swear I will not dare let him repeat that expression. 

'Calm down, Michael.'

'Ezathriel, this is not the time. I don't think calming down will be of any use now.'

Suddenly, everything froze. It was as if time stood still. The bright sun disappeared, and the blue sky turned black. My surroundings started getting sucked into this inescapable void in front of my eyes. It was pitch black, and nothing could be seen. It was just like back then. 

Panic arose over my face as I looked around, screaming Ciel's name, desperately hoping he'd answer me, but no answer came. 

I was alone again, all alone in despair, waiting to be eaten alive, praying that I could make it back alive. 

As I was questioning what to do, a deep dark voice spoke up:

"You dare talk back to me, you, a mere human, talking back to a god?"