…time stood still as we stayed young forever…

“This sight never gets old, huh?”

Ciel asked as he nudged my side, making me tumble, but I soon gently nudged him back. 

Even though it’s been six years since we got to meet each other anew as two different individuals than before, Ciel still seemed to be as fragile as the day we met. To me, he was as delicate as a porcelain ballerina and just as beautiful. Nothing could compete with his graceful appearance. Nothing. Not even God could ever succeed in competing against him. 

“Yeah, true. No matter how often we do this, we can’t ever seem to get enough of this sight, can we?”

I answered, staring at Ciel from the side, admiring his beautiful soft facial features. No, I could never get enough of this beautiful view sitting beside me. That spark in your eyes whenever you see these sundowns, that spark that traps me inside your realm of grace, that same spark is enough to engulf me in your charm. I could never get enough of seeing your beauty. Nothing in this world could please my inner desire as much as you do. Being around you satisfies my desire, but not to the fullest. To be pleased to the fullest of what this shady world can offer means to call you mine and to be yours for eternity. For eternal pleasure, the only thing desired is you. You’re all I need, Ciel.

Even though we aged, Ciel still seemed to look even more beautiful than ever, and his aging process was graceful, more graceful than mine. Mine mainly was growing in height and slowly getting more masculine features with a bit of acne, so compared to my aging, Ciel ages gracefully. His skin was still as smooth and soft as I remembered from our past life. Looking at him closely, the desire to stroke my hand through his delicate hand and gently caress his cheek, feeling his silky snow-white skin brush against my hand, grow within me. I subconsciously extended my arm, slowly reaching out to him and touching him with my hand, softly stroking through his hair. He turned to me, confused about why I was doing that, snapping me out of my thoughts and starting me a little. I quickly pulled my arm away, grasping for a leaf flying towards me and showing Ciel the leaf in my hand, trying to play it cool. He then turned back to watching the sundown as I heaved a sigh of relief. 

‘Control yourself. I won’t always watch over you and help you out, you know? lover boy?’

‘When will you ever quit calling me lover boy?’

I pinched the top of my nose and closed my eyes, heaving a sigh in annoyance. Ezathriel will probably never stop with this stupid nickname! Why does he even call me lover boy? Ciel and I aren’t even a couple yet! Sadly, I wouldn’t be complaining even if we were, but we aren’t.

‘Nope, I’ll always call you that. It suits you very, very well, you know that?’

‘No, I don’t. How does lover boy suit me at all?’

I must’ve sounded dumb, but at that moment, in all honesty, I couldn’t care less, mainly because no one could hear our conversations. It was always only him and me talking in my head like some maniacs. If people could listen to us, they’d think we belonged in a mental hospital to be cured of the brain damage we suffered as I was reborn and Ezathriel died. 

And once again, who would have guessed? Ezathriel just chuckled at me before teasing:

‘You love Ciel more than anything in this world, and you drool over him all the time. Like literally all the time.’

‘I don’t drool over him all the time. No need to exaggerate it that much….’

I know I tend to simp over Ciel and have lewd thoughts about him, but it’s not as bad as Ezathriel states, or is it? Nah, it can’t be that bad. 

I looked at Ciel’s sparkling eyes again and heaved another sigh. The sparkly ocean reflecting the sun rays, which the sun had emitted while slowly sinking into the sea, competed with the spark in Ciel’s eyes. An outshining graceful spark, formed by life and joy, competing with the endless ocean, as big and mysterious as the galaxy shining down upon us, shining with a million stars but never outshining Ciel’s eyes. 

‘I’m not exaggerating, but anyways be more careful. One day he’ll catch you, and then it’s over.’

I sighed. Ezathriel is one hundred percent correct. The day Ciel catches me drooling over him, he’ll think I’m a pervert and leave me behind forever. I’m not ready for that. No, I’ll never be prepared to say goodbye to him ever again. But, no matter what happens, I swear I will protect him and keep him close to me. It doesn’t matter who and where anyone gets in my way. I’ll do anything for my Ciel.

He will be mine. No matter what gods I have to fight, he will be mine one day. No God, no ruler, no one can stop me.

“Are you okay? You look kinda pissed?”

Ciel asked, waving his hand in front of my face, snapping me back to reality. Only after seeing his hand in front of my face did I realize that my facial expression had stiffened. I glared at the sundown in front of us, like a predator looking at his prey. I quickly forced a smile upon my face and answered cheerfully:

“Yeah, I’m alright! Why wouldn’t I be?”

Cold sweat was running down my spine. Every single breeze blowing past us sent shivers down my spine, drying the sweat on my back. The salty smell covering my nose and softly numbing my senses now blew past me in a harsh, unpleasant manner. 

Ciel suddenly scooted closer to me, making our hands touch, sending a tempting sensation through my body, making me shiver. His hand felt so warm and soft. His fragile slim fingers had fair, silky, smooth skin. Laying on mine, his hand rubbed against my skin, spreading warmth throughout my body. Wherever he touched me, I felt a tingling sensation. 

His face was only inches away from his. Inches kept us from kissing, engulfing the other’s lips, and softly pleasing my urge to mark him as mine. His shirt slit down his left shoulder, exposing the silky, smooth, snow-white, fair skin on his neck. The skin I wanted to lick, suck on, and leave hickeys to mark what’s mine. 

I felt even more cold sweat forming on my neck, feeling each drop of sweat run down my spine. My mouth started to water, right with the urge to just smash my lips on his and devour him whole, sinking my teeth deep into his pink, plump lips. I want to feel his silky skin rub against mine. I want to feel his breath on my skin. I want to feel his breath hitch in pleasure and sensation when I touch him. I want to feel his body twitch below me and create a heated sensation on our skin, a sense erupting whenever we touch, a temptation igniting whenever we please our urges together, a feeling so surreal and heavenly, one would go crazy for. I can’t imagine the pleasure I’d feel from hearing him moan my name, the unimaginable joy I’d feel from being allowed to touch him and engulf him in my realm to keep him by my side forever. Oh, Ciel, just call my name and say the word. Your wish is my command. How I wish you’d say you loved me the way I love you…

“I don’t believe you, so spit it out. What’s wrong?”

Shoot, what am I going to answer him now? His face got closer to mine. I felt my face heat up slowly while the blush rose to my ears, and a tingling sensation covered my face. 

Now I could feel his warm breath on my lips. His calm breathing overtook my own and started to calm my racing heart. The pounding within my chest slowly quieted as I felt Ciel’s breath on my lips. His breath slowly got engulfed in my own, creating a beautiful harmony as our hearts started beating in the same rhythm, ruthlessly ignoring everything around us and trapping us in the moment filled with affection and comfort. The only desire keeping me sane was the urge to engulf his lips in mine, devour him, show him how much he means to me, bring out his actual worth, and show the world that he is mine.

Time stood still as I started leaning in, ready to kiss him as I stared into these ocean eyes, those eyes formed of grace and beauty, reflecting joy and warmth in the spark deep within their beauty. The more I stared at him, the more I saw. The deeper I looked, the brighter his eyes shone. The heavier my heart felt, the lighter my head felt, the louder my heart pounded, and the quieter my thoughts ran through my mind. 

“Nothing’s wrong. Why do you think so?”

I asked nervously, trying to avoid eye contact with Ciel but his mesmerizing eyes trapped mine. Staring at this phenomenal mystery in front of me, I couldn’t take my eyes off his. He trapped me within his charm once again. I smiled at him nervously, forcing myself to look as normal as possible as I felt my shirt damp because of the cold sweat it was covered in. It felt as if the ocean was staring deep into my soul, analyzing my whole being and engulfing it softly, trapping me inside his eyes, the being of a mere human who got the chance to relive his life. It felt as if Ciel saw through every single little white lie I told. Every little lie I told him to protect myself from harm, it felt like he always knew I was lying. It felt as if Ciel knew what I was telling him was a lie, but at the same time, he felt comfort in those lies and decided to believe me blindly, blind from reality and with closed eyes. Narrowed vision only to see and believe what he wanted to see and trust. It was as if Ciel wanted to black out the reality he was living in and escape by blindly believing every single word I told him, every single lie I told him. He wants me to tell the truth. He wants to believe that I do so. 

The silence surrounding us got interrupted by a falling tree branch. It cracked in two as soon as it fell, turning our attention away from the moment we trapped ourselves in. 

Ciel turned his head to the fallen branch and stood up to pick it up. As soon as he extended his arm to reach for the branch, a white bunny with bright blue eyes suddenly hopped into a bush, running away from us. It looked similar to the majestic white deer I saw six years ago. It even had identical fur. The engraving on its coat was the same as the one on the deer. I also got up, walking over to Ciel and the rabbit to get a closer view of it. As soon as I did so, I noticed those unique blueish patterns on its fur. They weren’t only similar to the ones of the deer. They were the same! This engraving can’t be pure coincidence, can it be? But where was the black one? Was the black deer here, too, or did it get abandoned by the white one? 

“This rabbit is so adorable!”

Ciel suddenly exclaimed, slightly startling me in progress. He then scooped the bunny up and started cuddling it. Oh, how badly I wish I had been that bunny…

I mentally slapped myself to focus again. I couldn’t take the risk of spacing out right now. I had to get a hold of myself and ensure I discovered the secret behind this weird fur pattern. My suspicion grew the more I stared at this bunny. How could this bunny have the same fur as that deer I saw six years ago, and why was it at the same place as the deer? The more I thought about it, the more suspicious I got. Was this another trap by the rulers? 

I got closer to the bunny and started analyzing its features. It looked exactly like the deer! They were identical! The pattern on their fur, the eye color, the facial expression, and the behavior! It all aligns perfectly! This bunny had been the deer I saw back then! It had to be!

‘EZATHRIEL!’

‘What is it, you little punk? What’s with the yelling?’

I rolled my eyes at his sassy attitude and cut straight to the chase, still glaring at that bunny, not letting it leave my sight.

‘This bunny looks exactly like the deer I told you about six years ago. They’re identical! Do you know anything about this?’

‘Which bunny?’

I mentally slapped myself and tried to keep my composure, making sure not to scream at the top of my lungs. I can’t imagine how weird I would have looked if I had obeyed the urge to yell at Ezathriel. Ciel would have thought I went mental if he saw that. 

I turned around to face Ciel's direction, smiling at him, who was having fun with the suspicious majestic rabbit, warmly, adoring his gracefulness, and motioned towards the rabbit with my head, signaling which one I meant to Ezathriel.

‘Hmmm, this one indeed doesn’t look normal, kinda looks like the rabbits in heaven.’

‘Rabbits in heaven?’

I turned away from Ciel and started into the sky. The sun's brightness had already vanished, covering the sky in a blue-purple gradient, engulfing all the white clouds in those two shades, and immersing us all in the bright stars falling from the sky. I nearly forgot. Today is the day the stars fell from the sky, the day we both died and started to regress, regress our life, and change the outcome of our rating given to us by the rulers, the gods of this world. Never would I have thought I’d see that same sky, the one I saw the night I died. Again, never would I have thought I’d see it with you out of all the people I could have encountered it with. Never would I have thought I’d get a second chance, a chance to bury all the sorrow and regret hidden deep within my heart. To conceal this regret and hatred toward myself, I’d do anything to hide my excruciating past in the affection I will shower you with. To live without regret, my goal has been seized to the situation I live in, the case gifted to me by the gods, the suffering I was doomed to endure. The excruciating pain provided me with fuel to fix what I had broken. 

I was an asshole,  unworthy of living. This is what I deserve. I deserve to live through this pain and endure it forever. Instead, I am condemned to hold onto this pain. Having to seal it deep within me to atone for all my sins in my past life. This was indeed the destiny I was condemned to, an excruciating punishment to call fate. Fate has put this upon me, fate as righteous as a decision of the rulers could get. 

‘Yeah, animals go to heaven or hell, too. This rabbit is a heavenly creature. I can’t tell why it is here and its objective, but I can only say that it is watching over someone it used to love here. It must’ve come down from heaven to protect someone or protect its home.’

‘So once ascended to heaven, you can come back down?’

This would indicate that maybe Ciel’s soul also descended from heaven! Oh God! What if he knows? What if he remembers?

My heart started pounding heavily and irregularly in my chest. It was pounding as if it were going to jump out of my chest any second now, leaving my body behind to shatter the way it would the second it hit the ground, the way it went to ruin that day. Parts of my vision started to blur as all sounds around me began to fade. The terror within me started rising to the surface and showing itself all over my whole face.

‘No. That’s not how it works.’

Hearing Ezathriel state this and correct my intrusive thoughts and fears eased my pounding heart and stabilized my breathing, slowly bringing my composure back. My hearing returned to me as my vision cleared up, giving me back my orientation through my surroundings. I felt the sweat that had formed on my back slowly slide down my skin, running right next to my spine. I heaved a sigh of relief, feeling the weight on my chest slowly lift itself off me, sending me a light, nearly weightless feeling of relaxation throughout my body. 

‘Once you die, you are either in heaven or hell. You can only return short term in a spiritual place.’

‘What is a spiritual place? Are me and Ciel, no, is this cliff a spiritual place?’

A deep chuckle echoed through my head, numbing my hearing. I felt my muscles tense as my body stiffened. I gulped the pressure I was feeling down or trying to, and the anxiety I felt in my throat slowly started to suffocate me. It felt like a rope around my neck, a rope slowly tightening around it to stop my breathing. 

If this place is a spiritual one…this could mean that maybe Ciel could start remembering our past here.

‘Yes, this cliff is a spiritual place.’

‘Does this mean Ciel would be able to start remembering our former life?’

Ezathriel’s chuckling suddenly quieted down. It was dead silent in my head. Shit, does this mean that it’s possible?

‘This could only happen under special circumstances. Don’t panic. The circumstances right now aren’t special. Nothing here could trigger him to remember anything. I suggest you be more careful in the future, especially in spiritual places where you see such animals from heaven or hell.’

‘Okay, I’ll try my best.’

I heaved a sigh as I reopened my tightly shut, squeezed eyes and looked up at the risen half-moon. The beautiful oval-shaped planet in the universe lights up the dullness of the shallow night sky. The brightest source of light was the moon and the stars around it, engulfing it and helping it shine even more brilliantly, outshining the whole world and covering it in its charm. The same way Ciel does with me, every time he smiles, my entire world lights up, and the sun of my world starts to show itself in all its glory and beauty. And every time he cries and soothes himself in this place, the moon rises and ascends to the top of the universe to offer its comfort, just like it did now. 

The moon shone high above us all, outshining and reminding us mere beings of our insignificance to the universe and its rules. Us humans, to the universe, we were less than an ant, is to us, we were so insignificant to the universe. I’m sure the death of a mere human like me wouldn’t have bothered the universe at all if I hadn’t been a 50/50 case. Still, the death of Ciel, the impersonation of perfection, peace, and symphony between the sun and the moon, an unbeatable harmony, would have probably bothered the universe a lot. At least, that’s what I can guess. A mere human like me does not know the universe more than the insignificance of my presence does. I am nothing compared to the gods that rule over us. 

“It’s getting late. Let’s head back home. We have school tomorrow.”

I smiled at him, reassuringly that we had to get going now. Ciel sighed and put the bunny down, who also seemed sad and displeased with the situation and Ciel’s actions. His floppy ears lowered themselves, and he stared at us with big teary eyes, begging us to stay. His small button nose was shaking in distress, and he hopped closer to Ciel’s leg, trying to convince him to stay here a bit longer. 

Even animals cling to him like chewing gum. Well, it isn’t like I am any better. So I have no right to say anything about that.

While heaving another sigh, Ciel scooped the bunny up again and brought it close to his face, gently kissing the tip of its nose and stroking its forehead. He then exclaimed in a sad, grieving tone of voice:

“I’m sorry, little bunny. I can’t take you with me.”

The bunny’s happy facial expression dropped as it started to tear up again, and its snout started to vibrate, shaking in distraught and displeasure. It looked so sad. It seemed like that had happened before. It looked like its former owner had abandoned it before, leaving a horrible trauma in that poor bunny’s mind. Pity rose to the surface on Ciel’s face, and I knew what he was about to ask. I heaved a sigh, seeing Ciel turn to me with sparkly eyes and a begging, excruciatingly adorable look on his face, trying to convince me to say yes to whatever he would ask me now.

“Michael…can’t you take the bunny in?”

Now the bunny started looking at me with teary, sparkly eyes, nearly successfully trying to soften my composure and will to say no. They both, especially in combination, were deadly killers made up of cuteness and grace. It was undeniable the fact that these two broke my composure and put a lot of pressure on me was undeniable. Looking at them closely, I never thought I’d think Ciel and that bunny look alike, but they do. Their cute sparkly, big, brightly shining eyes reflected the moonlight and stars in the sky, adding even more beauty and grace to their cute puppy looks. Seeing the stars reflect in Ciel’s ocean eyes, making them shine even brighter than before, engulfing the royal blue deep within them, making it even harder to say no. The irresistible charm those two had emitted slowly got to me. My lips were sealed, I tried to open them to say something, but no word would come out of my mouth. It felt as if all the words racing through my mind were idly trying to form a proper sentence that I could say to answer Ciel. I had to answer him! Come on! Answer him now, Michael Knight!

“Uhhhh…yes…I can…”

‘What the hell was that? Are you stupid?’

I mentally started to cry as Ciel cheered at my response. Well, at least he seemed happy that I’d take care of the bunny. I heaved a sigh as Ciel, and the bunny celebrated together and smirked. 

“I do want a small reward, though.”

“Hmm, what reward do you want?”

Ciel asked as I stepped closer to him, gently taking the bunny from his grasp. As I stared into those sparkly ocean eyes, I could no longer suppress the wide cheeky smile forming on my lips. 

The second our gazes met, I saw the sky, the stars mirroring themselves in Ciel’s eyes as some of them started to fall from the sky, creating a beautiful mesmerizing symphony of the ocean and atmosphere, a grace not even the gods could compete with. No matter the creation and glory of a god, none of those gods could ever create something that gets close to the heavenly universe Ciel’s eyes offer, a realm of his own, a realm I desire to be in so deeply. My desire to be engulfed in his domain, to be cradled by his care and fulfilled by his love, could never grow any less than it was that day. Day by day, my desire to be his only grew. I couldn’t do anything to suppress its growth. Its growth was unstoppable, just like my love for him. Nothing in this universe could make me hate him. Nothing could ever stop me from loving him. Even if he doesn’t love me back the way I love him, nothing could ever stop me from loving him, even though it hurts. It hurts so bad.

I then leaned in and laid my head on his shoulder, embracing him with my free arm and whispering into his ear:

“It hurts…”

“What hurts?”

Ciel asked while gently wrapping his arms around me and playing with my hair, softly caressing it in an attempt to soothe my shaken composure. Feeling his warm hands on my body and his firm, gentle grip around me eased the pain in my heart. He reduced the pain caused by the hole he left within my heart today in our past life. 

Seeing the stars fall, seeing the reflection of the sky I looked up at in our former life. My heart was torn once again. It felt like my heart had shattered into a million pieces. All the pieces I tried to collect so effortlessly, all those pieces had been lost again. All the happiness of being by Ciel’s side suddenly vanished while the deep grief and emptiness in my heart took over, surfacing all over my face. I dared not hide my feelings, not now and not today. The house of cards I built slowly started to shake and collapse as I held back tears that were forming in my eyes. All the work and effort I put into being the best friend Ciel wanted me to be, suddenly fell to the ground. They shattered, daring me to collect all the pieces again. They dared me harshly as I felt the hollowness residing deep within my heart, slowly covering and engulfing my whole heart in the hole that was left that day. 

“Don’t ever leave me again….”

I mumbled into his neck, enjoying Ciel’s body’s warmth. The warmth he emitted soothed me like a poem. It brought harmony back into my body. It eased the overwhelming sting I felt in my heart. 

Ciel only hugged me tighter and asked gently while stroking through my hair:

“I won’t leave you, I promise.”

Hearing his reassurance made my heavy heart feel a bit lighter. I smiled to myself and leaned back again. I stared into his ocean eyes which were filled with care and affection. I leaned closer to him, making us feel the other’s breath on our skin. I slowly leaned in more, giving Ciel a chance to back away from me, but he didn’t. Instead, he started leaning closer to me too. It was unbelievable. 

Feeling his soft lips gently brush against mine made my heart flutter with joy and inner peace. Time stood still as our lips engulfed one another and softly let out skin brush against the other. Those ocean eyes I stared into made me greedy. I wanted more than just a kiss. I wanted to feel Ciel’s body on mine, his skin rubbing against mine, and his breath hitching on my skin. 

Suddenly Ciel opened his mouth, allowing me to enter it with my tongue. My breath hitched in excitement as I slid my tongue inside Ciel’s mouth, licking the front of his teeth before engulfing his tongue and benignly playing with it. Ciel vigilantly wrapped his arms around my neck, letting me wrap mine around his waist, holding him in my arms just how I desired to. His slim waist felt perfect. His waist was so easy to hold. All the affection I buried deep within me slowly started to arise on the surface. Seeing Ciel’s heavenly eyes, feeling his pinkish lips on mine, just living in the moment we created was worth the wait. It was worth all the suffering I endured during the last few years. All this excruciating pain was finally worth it. 

As our tongues engulfed themselves and pleased the other’s desire for love and affection, I started to tease Ciel a little bit and played with his tongue in his mouth. Ciel blushed at my gesture and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to achieve control over my tongue. I chuckled a little. He was so adorable. I also closed my eyes and took hold of Ciel’s head, gently grabbing him by his hair and making it impossible for him to escape my grip. 

We soon broke the kiss to catch our breath. I stared deep into his ocean eyes and saw something different than before. Those lively eyes now stared back at me lovingly. His pupils had widened and were filled with affection, peaceful, loving affection. 

“I love you, Ciel…”