Illuminate by MVManalo
Illuminate
Illuminate by MVManalo
All Rights Reserved. P.E.R.K.S
Cover Photo Credit to Owner
*********************************************************************************************************
For many years I have been searching, asking who I really am. But as if none or no one can tell me about me. I guess, I can only know who I am and who I really want to become in the future. Mama had 3 miscarriages and I luckily survived so they gave me the name Victory.. Though I am called by the nickname Beck, I really wanted to have nicknames of Torey, Vicky or maybe a different name such as Bernadette, Therese or Shelby, Diane or more over, Samantha so I can get the cutest nick name Sam. Hihi, it's way cooler than Beck or way hotter than the name Victory, you know. When I was six years old, I loved to stay with my grandmother or we call her Lola. She loves dancing to the tune of Tango and loves to play records why I love listening to music up till now. Ever since I was a child, she and my Lolo would pick me up from school and I would stay with them for days. Lola would cook fish and vegetables and Lolo would make "sara-sara" or rice coffee, which is very popular in the province. I always love the smell of Lola's room, the scent of baby powder and expensive perfumes she bought in the Veterans Store. One time, I stayed with them and since schools over and I'm on a vacation, my Mama agreed for me to stay with my grandparents. One day Lola was invited by her neighbor friends to play "mahjong" and before it's been a popular game for elderly people and adults wanting to burn time or as past time game. So I was playing with my friend inside his dad's room when he saw his dad's gun. He tried to get it on top of the dresser and jokingly pointed it to me. We never knew it was loaded, but since the gun is heavy, when it blurted a shot the bullet went straight through the floor, which literally went in and broke the wooden floor. I didn't know what happened afterwards but when I ran out to tell Lola about it, I became deaf and couldn't hear a single thing. That was one of the many times that my life was endanger but as if I was saved from every single event or accident over and over again…
Snob, shy and quiet. That's me. One time, Papa's aunt invited us to have dinner in their home. I was taught to be polite but I really can't stand the old lady's perfume. I hated it and on one photo I was like snobbish in a way, but actually I was repelling the smell of my Papa's aunt's perfume. Actually she is one of my grandmothers too, since she was Papa's relative. Form then on I think some of our relatives on y dad's side saw me as snobbish and called me sophie or "suplada' in Filipino language.
My elementary years were not so bad. We lived in a small town but people were so friendly and treated us like family until my youngest brother and I grew up. We joined a theater school where I became fond of singing, acting and dancing. My parents weren't very religious but when a friend of theirs hooked them on a community where they help cast out demons or evil spirits, our life became interesting that I couldn't imagine not living with the same home I lived for 20 years.
One evening one of Papa's brother in the ministry asked for help since his daughter has been suffering from depression and said to have been visited by a scary and evil spirit. The girl told her dad that the spirit was black and was always with her, following her where ever she goes, even when she goes to sleep. He seemed to stay close to her why she couldn't sleep and rest well form many years now. My Papa's community of prayer warriors prayed and did encantation to drive off the bad spirit and let the girl go of his scary bondage. In fact I was there and talked with the girl personally. I told her to be strong and that she will be free in no time. And she was after a few weeks, I saw her again as one of the lectors of the church I was also serving as a choir member. She smiled at me when we bumped into each other but as usual she never spoke much ut now at least she can smile than when I saw her bed ridden and helpless a couple of weeks ago. She is definitely healed. Thank God.
High school wasn't that so much fun. But I was in the band as one of the singers in our school and a dance instructor for my high school classmates during the years I still believe that I can make a difference in the world. I have lived and learned that helping the poor and orphans is what I wanted to do when I grow up or when I get rich and capable of supporting organizations for the orphans and underpriviledged. Before I reached high school, I again experienced another accident. It was when I was playing touch base and when I ran over to our neighbor's house to touch the gate, I didn't see a tricycle or a three wheeled motorcycle in front of me and slammed me flat on the ground. I then woke up under the tricycle luckily unharmed. I got dizzy when the driver helped me up and Lola was so worried she cried seeing me in that state. Though I felt a bit head strung. I still can't believe I am alive and my body still in good shape. I wonder who saved me this time from the incident?
I think I lived up to my name Sophie or suplada until I was in college in the 80's. I was still shy and quiet but was smart enough to excel in my studies especially in History and English subjects where I get accelerated and received high grades for my academic years in college. I had friends well two of them, Veronica and Chris, my two fave people in the world.
But I still question myself. Who I am and what am I to the world?
Nightime came and Papa as usual would bring me to bed and tuck me in. He will then do that to my youngest brother after he see to it that I am well and be able to sleep. He would tell me stories but now he didn't want to because my brother caught a cold and he wanted to care for him as soon as I let him go. Mama was busy cleaning the kitchen since it was a Saturday and tomorrow a big day for Sunday Mass. Papa kissed me on the forehead and attended my brother. I continued my prayers and slept like a baby I think. Then…
Who is Christ? Sino si Kristo?A big voice asked me and I woke up feeling so scared. The voice maybe didn't intent to frighten me but he made sure I understood the message. And that is the question, who is Jesus to me.
I asked Papa about it but he just said that the voice or angel maybe was asking me who is Jesus to me. During those times, I served the Church, prayed the rosary and attended church based programs and an avid member of the religious community. Yet, I haven't felt the true meaning of being a servant of God or loving God, Jesus.
I came to know Jesus when I joined a Lay Community and there I learned how to clean floors, cooked meals, pray unceasingly and talk to God all the time in silence and in sisterhood. I served and songwrite for the community which made me one of their singers and songwriters for their social media platform helping people to bring them closer to God through Mary by the blood of Jesus Christ.