CHAPTER THREE

When I finally got my books out of my locker, I was shaking, I have always managed to avoid her in the past, not completely, but I have never had a reason to seat at the same table as her... I didn't want to, but I could not say no, I could not speak up for myself.

There were whispers all around me, the student body whispering a bit too loud about what had just occurred, I wanted to disappear.. to melt into the walls or vanish into thin air. That would be nice.

My hair served as a veil, sheilding me from the world, I was suddenly immensely grateful for my long hair, apologizing for wanting to cut it. I shuffled my feet as I walked quickly towards my first class of the day.

"What's the matter? Can't carry all that weight?" Someone taunted from the crowd.

I choked, even if I heard it all the time, I could not get used to it, how could I get used to the fact that I was never going to be accepted by any one my age? And I was forever going to be an outcast.

I felt constrained, I wanted to turn around and shout in their faces that it was not their business, and they should mind their own stuff. But I could not, I was too much of a coward to do so. People around me snickered, some doubled over in laughter, they were laughing at me, once again... They were laughing at me. I felt my chest close in, my eye balls pickled.. I knew what that meant.

I took off running, going in the opposite direction, towards the toilet. I could hear the echoes of their laughter coming from the hallways. I burst into the toilet, panting heavily. I locked myself in one of the stalls, my head banging, the tears never ending, and the memories weighing me down.

I swallowed, my chest tighter.. fisting my hand, I hit it, once, twice, thrice.. it didn't loosen, my hand begin to itch for a blade, or a sharp object.. physical pain was more endurable, was better than this, I wanted it to end, I wanted it to stop.. I wanted it to go away. I wanted him, I wanted to be fine.

"You are the reason our family is like this."

I could hear my dad's voice ring in my ear, I cried harder.

"Can you like visit the gym? Or probably stay there forever"

"You are so ugly."

"Looking at your face is like living in a night mare."

"Why are you shaped like a pig?"

"Honey, Halloween is already over, why are you still dressed as a drum?"

Laughter.

The voices rang in my head, I closed my ears, but I could still hear them, loud and clear, like they were just saying it then.

"Please make it stop.. please..." I whispered.

I could not take it anymore, my fingers found a piece of glass beside my leg, thankful to whoever dropped it there. In a flash my sweater was pulled up to my elbows. And in a clean swipe, blood flowed from my wrist. I sighed in content, my eyes shut as I bent down, putting my head between my legs. I welcomed the numbness that I felt, this was my haven, this was my safe place. Funny how I had to get hurt to feel better.

I counted the seconds, enjoying my momentary bliss. I heard foot steps, I remained silent, I did not want another scandal.

"Hey guys, what do we tell Heather?" I recognized the voice, it was Mitch, one of Heather's buddies.

"I don't know, anything, we finally get to sit with Ciara!" Cass shrilled.

From the little I knew about them, they have always wanted to sit at the C table, C for Ciara in case you were wondering. Everyone except me and a few people wanted to sit at the C table, sitting there meant you could finally have some recognition in Brook high school.

"Thanks to Jordan." Isla says.

I scoff, I wanted help, they did not offer any, because they were too chicken to do so, but I had no right to judge them, I was a chicken myself. And they didn't owe me anything, we were not friends.. we were just had a few classes together and had a mutual friend.

"Ugh, did you have to mention that orge?" Mitch said in an irritated tone.

I had heard all kinds of insults before, never orge.. and it stung.

"Because she helped us.. if she did not look at us.." Isla started.

"She wanted our help didn't she?" Mitch asked. I couldn't see them, but I guessed Isla nodded, because she continued.

"We helped her get a spot on the C table." Mitch said. I could imagine her run her fingers through her extensions.

So that was the "help" I sighed softly.

"Honestly, I don't get why we have to pretend to like her, she is Heather's friend, not ours, why are we going through the mental stress of pretending?" Cass asked.

"Because Heather asked us to, and Heather is our friend.." Mitch replied.

My heart sank.. of course they were doing this for Heather, not me, it could never be me..

"Hopefully Heather sees the mess she is and dumps her soon" Mitch said, right before I heard them leave.

I felt I could breathe again. I got up quickly, stretching my bones that felt sore. I walked out of the toilet stall and washed away the blood that had crusted on my hand. I played my fake smiles again and walked out. Dreading the fast approaching lunch break.

Obviously, I could not dodge forever, when Heather heard we had been invited, she looked skeptical at first, then her excitement seeped through, I knew that even Heather was not immune to the C table.

When we got to the cafeteria, I knew everyone was staring at us, watching, not wanting to miss anything. I swallowed, my legs were like jelly. We finally got to the table, I didn't get anything to eat, only water, I feared they would embarrass me for eating, so I decided to drink just water.

"Glad you could make it." Ciara said loudly, so everyone could hear. I just nodded, sitting far away from her as possible.

"Oh my goodness Ciara, this table is perfect!" Mitch shrilled excitedly. I looked at the table, it was just the same as the normal ones.

"Didn't you get something to eat?" Ciara asked me, completely ignoring Mitch. I would laugh if I wasn't scared.

"No... I'm.. I'm ok.." I stuttered silently.

"Oh don't worry, I got you something.." she replied smirking. I gulped.

With a flick of her wrist, I saw something I had never seen before.

"Finish it all." She said.

I knew this table was a terrible idea.