I Fucking Love You

I’m rushing to make it on time. I need to be on time. For her.

Riiiinggg!

The school bell rings, and I luckily made it on time. I am the typical college senior who becomes lazy after years of struggling with Calculus and Physics and that being early or even being on the campus would be worthy of celebration. I have been failing a lot of subjects in the previous semesters, yet I just shrug it off. It’s easy to reason it out with my parents: I’m an Engineering student and it’s so damn normal not to finish it on time.

But now, I am trying to change. For her.

Upon entering the classroom, I see that she’s sitting near the window aimlessly staring outside. She acknowledged me upon seating beside her. I handed her a card that says, “Happy Anniversary” and a box of her favorite chocolates. She didn’t smile but her nod already completed my day.

I knew she’s having a problem. She’s been like this for a week. She would smile weakly and excuse herself to go home early. It’s been killing me not to know what her dilemma is, and I am even her boyfriend. Good thing, I have a friend who works in our school and told me what the reason could be. Apparently, her family is experiencing hardships ever since her father was imprisoned. His club was raided, and it was found out that the establishment doesn’t have a permit and is having minors as workers. Now, her tuition piled up and they have nothing to pay it with.

I asked my friend how much the balance was. He gave me a piece of paper and there I saw that she’s been in debt of almost two years of tuition. My friend saw the shock in my face and further explained that her family made donations in the past to our school that’s why she’s still being accepted as a student. The tuition is just being added up through the years for they believe that it will be paid before her graduation.

Upon hearing this, I got the lightbulb idea. It’s still 3 o’clock so I decided to drive to the nearest bank to withdraw all the savings I have. I wanted to see her smile again and I know that paying up her debt would vanish all her worries and I would become the best boyfriend in the world. I rushed to the cashier and handed all the money and told her to have it credited to her account. I got the receipt and I am already imagining how she would hug and kiss me for being so thankful.

I thought that I would not bother her so much that day so I just texted her that I will give her something tomorrow.

I am so excited for tomorrow.

Riiiinnnggg…. Riiiiinnnggg….

Snooze. I feel so energetic. I know that it will turn out great today. I’m so excited to see her and give her a present that will make the best guy for her. I put on my favorite set of clothes and sprayed perfume to smell good. I placed the receipt in a flower basket I bought yesterday. It felt perfect.

I was about to text her when I received a message:

“Let’s meet outside the gate. I will wait for you.”

I cannot hold my smile upon receiving her text. I was thinking that she also has something prepared for me. Perhaps she’s planning to cut class and to spend the whole day together-just us. I immediately went to my car and drive while whistling. I saw her wearing a beautiful black mini dress and she adorned her hair with a red ribbon. I recognize my girl right away. There’s no mistaking that she’s my girlfriend. I stopped my car in front of her and asked her to get in. She followed my request and as I was reaching for the flower basket at the backseat, I started the conversation:

“I thought you should know; this is what I want to give…”

“Where did you get the money?” she furiously said.

“It’s my money. I earned it,” I answered as I look at her in a puzzled way.

“Okay. Drop me off on the next gate,” she commanded.

When I dropped her off, she didn’t even look at me and just went off on her own. I got so frustrated since my expectations were not met. I felt so down. I’m trying to understand her, but I cannot comprehend the fact that she didn’t even manage to look me in the eyes or say thank you. I know I just wanted to help. I was looking for a parking spot as I was planning on asking her what I did wrong when I receive a message.

“It’s over between us.”

I cannot believe what I read. I stared at my phone and repeatedly read the message making sure it was really her who sent it and that it was for me. When it dawned upon me, I hit the gas and went to the bar where I frequent to.

I got wasted that day and I was drunk texting her hoping that I will receive some response, perhaps she was just stressed and that she just said it out of frustration. Maybe she’s just conflicted about what to say for I know I invaded her privacy for checking her school account. I apologize. I just want to see her happy again that’s why I did it. I will never do it again.

Nothing. My inbox is empty. I deleted my previous messages thinking that I needed space when she would text me back. Nada. She left me totally.

My future with her was crumbling down right in front of me. I thought she was the one. I was willing to give everything for her just to make her happy and contented in our relationship. Now, I feel so useless. I feel like all of my efforts were washed away and were never appreciated.

I feel like I’m drowning slowly and I just let it happen. I heard something broke before my mind went black.