Chapter Three

The September’s shaft of light shifted and I felt its warmth on my skin. Drops of sweat trickled down my skin and it seems never-ending even when I was constantly wiping them with my own towel. We were in the middle of a dance presentation practice for an upcoming competition of the school’s Foundation Week. I took my hydroflask on the bench where we all put our belongings. On the side of my eyes, I noticed Tatiana annoying one of our male teammate.

All of the SHS students were assigned differently to their own respective Teams. Those who were in the same section or even strand didn’t literally belong to the same team. We were all placed and categorized in a specific color based on where our personality and skills that accordingly fits to a Team’s nature.

I was in the yellow team together with Tatiana and some of my classmates. There are also familiar faces from my own batch but on different strands and our team is also made up with few 12th grade students from their own specializations. I silently observed my team and noticed how everyone seems to be comfortable with each other even with the differences.

We weren’t a perfect team, but I guess, it’s what makes it fine; because it isn’t perfect.

Our house leader suddenly called it a day. She ended today’s practice early because the dance steps weren’t complete. I took a peek on my watch and realized it was beyond lunchtime. I haven’t eaten anything yet.

I approached Tatiana. ‘’Yanna,”

“Hmm?” She hummed in response.

“I’ll go first…”

She turned to me and nodded. “Sure, sure. I’ll help with the steps further. Take care of yourself!”

I swiftly walked the distance to restroom of the senior high school building. It wasn’t that much long of a walk but I still wanted to run. Our team practiced in the wide spacious hooded area of the front College of Medicine. And that building is located behind on our own. But there’s something with it that makes me nauseous. I just want to leave this specific area immediately.

I quickly changed into more comfortable and cleaner clothes. I also bathed myself with my fragrance hoping that it’ll erase the sun’s kiss to my skin. I silently wished that the scent of my sweat was gone with my expensive perfume.

It only took me several minutes until I was finished. In a haste manner, I left the restroom and when I was outside our building, I was struck with mischance when I saw him waking on the corner. He looked like he used the short cut to their course’s building. But I didn’t understood why and how he instantly noticed me…and also stopped on his tracks.

It was awkward. And I don’t understand why he had to stop and take a look at me. He should’ve walked straight and directly—not wasting his own precious time to mind me, but he did. I just don’t get him.

I don’t know him—I mean, here; I just know him by name but we were basically, still strangers—or okay, schoolmates. I put that thought in my mind and I was somehow cheered up by the thought even when I felt anxious of his stares. Forcing myself to ignore him unintentionally, I walked comfortably. But even when I wanted it to be like that, it seemed like my other self wants the otherwise.

But I was reminded with another thought. And it made me remember that I wasn’t able to properly express my gratitude to him. And it’s like the other me decided right away without even thinking of it deeply. I was too late when it dawned at me and realized how I slightly shifted my direction and it was directed to his side. And once again, here’s to his looming stares that never fail to augment my worries. It gets to me…and sometimes contracts to my core.

It seemed as though my self-confidence was lost when I noticed his heavy gaze to my approaching shadow. I hid my arms to my back to slightly pull the hem of my dry fit shorts. And of course, he even noticed my minor movements. I don’t really know what his deal is but I just want to cut my guilt—and maybe, it’ll end my interactions with him.

I didn’t notice that he halted his way and waited for me to come near until I realized that I was the only one walking. I stopped when I was somehow in proximity to him and immediately put the right distance between us.

He gazes on me and I saw how his eyes twinkled along with the sheer of afternoon glow of autumn’s fall. The wind embraced us both and I heard the tumble of crisped unsaturated leaves all over our surroundings.

“Hello,” Thank God, I managed to greet him without the stutter.

He nodded and I instantly noticed how he restrained himself to smile. But, I think he failed when both sides of his lips rose upward when he greeted me back. His already smiling eyes beamed more and it shaped like crescent moon.

“Hey,” It came out like a gentle whisper.

I had no idea what to do next. I stood there, comparable to frozen, in front of him. I wasn’t thinking that much when I decided to come near him—I don’t really know what I should be doing right now. My steps just found its way to his place.

I nodded too—just to save face and wouldn’t look fool in front of him. I pretended to glance around as if there is something enticing or more attractive than the person in front of me. My chinky eyes roamed around the surrounding to coddle the overwhelming weight I have in my chest, but I failed to make it calm. I knew for sure that my eyes gave it away.

A low and deep gentle cough of hem I heard; and it attracted my attention. I was welcomed by his expressive twinkling eyes and I realized how unfair it was to some people. Here in front of me, is a man gifted with much adoration from heavens. He seems like he’s the Almighty’s favorite for he was gifted with tons of blessings in life and beauty with his appearance and probably, also with soul.

It’s as if I am extremely lucky that he granted me a gaze. I laughed inside my head because of my thoughts…because the truth is, I really don’t feel anything towards him and to this coincidence interaction—or in any circumstances I had with him. That maybe, if it wasn’t of me, forcing myself to think anything on situations with him—then perhaps, I would really be uninterested communicating to him. I just feel empty towards him…indifferent even.

Wait a minute…why does it sound like a big deal, Chelo? Should I have any feelings—friendly or casual—to him? Okay, my thoughts are starting to weird me out. It’s not that I’m uncomfortable but this is my first time going to this extent just to ease my worries! And no—I am not worried because of him! I’m just worried because it’s weird of me right now because it’s my first time feel empty towards someone! My soul isn’t even friendly with him! I just feel indifferent!

Maybe…because it’s my first time interacting with a person of years older than me—or perhaps, because this is also my first time to have a talk with someone that isn’t from my batch or classmates. Right! That’s it! It’s because some of my first since I’ve lost my memories is with this stranger.

Damn, Chelo! What the heck are you saying? I’m spitting nonsense! What do you mean by firsts? It sounded like our relationship is already in deep-stage when in fact, the firsts that I said was meant by me, talking first time to a stranger or outside my comfort circle!

God, I think I’m running out of my mind. I don’t even drink maintenance medicine. The only maintenance that I have is for my skincare.

I want so bad to slap myself because of my thoughts. Eventually, I shook my head then took a deep breath. Then, I shifted my gaze and put all of my attention of him. I was surprised when I met his eyes again that once again deepened over an unnamed emotion.

I blinked several times. It wasn’t my first time seeing his expressive and almost soulful eyes this close. But I am still surprised every time I notice them. And I’m still wasn’t wrong when I’ve seen them twinkle way back—because heck, his eyes are really twinkling,

His russet hues glistened along with the motion of the afternoon sun’s direction. The sun is slowly losing its brightness, shifting to a calmer and peaceful orange hue of dusk.

I don’t know, but I felt a little weird. It was heavy…but I also sensed something with the burden that I carry at the moment. I was about to speak to break the silence between us but it was intervened when his attention shifted from the sudden shout of his name.

“Axel! I was right! I thought it wasn’t you for a moment,” A lady walked swiftly to his side. She was also wearing the familiar all-white uniform of their degree. I was impressed by her beauty and sophistication that she held to herself. And when they stood beside each other, I realized that they look good as couple; both had an angel-like gentle features and milk-colored skins.

“Faye.” Axel watched her, slowly nearing beside him.

The lady, Faye, smiled sweetly at him. “You’re on way to our room, right? Let’s go together!”

However, all of Axel’s attention was directed on me while the lady was muttering something—and this made her also take a lingering look to me with her mouth agape. Her lips fell open when she realized that Axel wasn’t paying attention to her. Her words echoed with the air but still, within swift of seconds; she managed to smile at me.

“Oh—“ She stopped. I was honestly surprised with her soft voice. “Hi, I’m Faye! You can call me by my name!” She greeted me then she gazed on Axel, “Is this your sister?”

The glisten on his eyes was suddenly gone and it was replaced with alarm. I felt something inside me weird with this situation I’m in. For several moments, I couldn’t point out what I felt earlier, but now I realized them.

I shook my head to Faye. I waved my hands just to clarify the mistake. I saw how Axel shifted his direction just to face his body at me. His whole attention turned to me. But my eyes remained looking at the lady.

And, it was then and there when I realized…that I really have no idea what and how to answer. Was he my friend? I don’t know! Heck, I’m not sure!

“Oh!” It’s like a light bulb suddenly ignited above Faye’s head when the silence of waiting for an answer lengthened. She gave Axel a knowing look. I saw how he clenched his jaw with that.

“Anyways, our break time is almost over. Let’s get going,” Said by Faye. She turned to me and flashed a soft smile. “Is it okay, uh…”

“Chelo,” I answered with confidence.

She bobbed her head repeatedly, definitely noticed my sudden swift. “Okay, Chelo. Me and Axel will get going. We still have class.”

I nodded. I showed no interesting emotions. Because, what should I really do?

“Sure.” I smiled at her, and then gazed on him. “See you when I see you, Axel.”

Axel stared at me. I wasted no time to be drawn by my thoughts on how and why his eyes once again glistened with another emotion I don’t want to name.

My indifference towards him heightened. I don’t know how or why. But it did. I couldn’t feel anything towards him. I just feel, okay with him or whenever I think of him. There isn’t even a significant emotion that I feel to him. It’s just…indifference or was it empty?

But then, I remember the minor things he had done to me. And I still wasn’t able to mutter my gratitude. I wish I had done that before, so that I won’t have to have another interaction with him. I just don’t want to feel indebt to anyone.

Turning my back, I saw the familiar—similar hues of sunset on that specific afternoon. Days had already passed after that weird encounter. The sunset seems alike to that strange day. But its afternoon glow that shone on me gave different warmth to my skin.

I took my hydroflask on the bench and drank water from it. It was already 5pm and we’re still practicing our routine for the upcoming event. I think we’ll end our practice by 7 in the evening. My teammates suddenly became too competitive and wanted a perfect execution of routines.

After several minutes, our short break ended and it was again another round of ta tiring practice. I wasn’t that much good of a dancer, but at least I don’t look funny with my movements. However, I was still positioned at the back because of my height and maybe…because I wasn’t great. I was just fine, the kind that I’ll not be a laughing stock.

I followed our routine neatly. I danced along them with accuracy but I know I somehow looked stiff with my movements. But, I still continued and exerted effort. Our formation changed and Tatiana was beside me, girls were at the back to wait for our turn. The boys were on the front as they danced their own part. I was silently watching them until I felt a pinch beside me; it was from Tatiana. I gazed at her with my eyebrows furrowed; slowly caressing the squeeze she gave on my hip.

She sneered on me looking like an annoying Cheshire chat. “Your crush is at the back. He’s looking at you again.”

“What?” I hissed in irritation. I don’t have a crush!

She pointed something behind me with her lips, and I was a fool to follow her directions. And heck, I was surprised when I saw Axel meters away from our position. He sat on one of the benches of the outside of their building. It was too far from my distance and the surrounded large trees were encircled with curved benches that follow its shape. It was called the circle of life in our school.

Our eyes met at a distance. And I hated myself on this moment because I looked stupid when I immediately looked away. I feel shit because every fiber of me suddenly felt awkward! I should’ve ignored his stares! I look affected with it when the truth is, I am not!

I heard Tatiana’s annoying chuckle. I bit my lower lip to prevent myself to pin her. I ignored her despite her mocking smiles being thrown at me.

“Oh, I’m sorry, it wasn’t your crush.” Tatiana whispered. “He’s the one pining on you.” She added. “Hmm, you’re so pretty Rapunzel.”

I felt myself heat with her words. I drenched my lips. “Go to hell, Yanna.”

I was surprised when the men’s part was already finished. I was too engrossed with Tatiana and the stares behind me that I wasn’t able to notice it. The girls slowly stood up and did our routine. I was still positioned behind while Tatiana was on the front because she’s a great dancer. And suddenly, I wasn’t feeling good with my movements. It felt more stiff than usual, and I could hardly follow the steps. ! I was never like this before on our previous practices! I badly want to run away and hide myself from everyone!

Especially that even until now, as I dance stiffly like a robot, I can still feel the weighing burden of his gaze behind me! I feel terrible!

We shifted positions and I was behind Tatiana. She secretly glanced at me and flashed her teasing gaze and smile. When she realized my disposition, she laughed so loud like a fool.

I am so ashamed of everything right now in this moment. The heavy feeling that I’m sensing behind didn’t help at all. And I know it’s his stares.

I just want to end this day.

The grass felt home when I sat on it after the dreadful hours of practice. We were having a short meeting and our team leader was in the center on our imperfect circle. Nothing came inside my mind so I focused my attention on the plants. I clenched my fingers around the thin leaves of grass. I pulled it and it was out from the soil.

“Okay, we’re done for tonight. Please rest properly and drink vitamins!” Our day was ended by our Team leader.

I stood immediately and bid goodbyes to my friends from our team. I guess I was the first one to leave because I was walking alone on the way out of the campus. The surroundings were quiet but I didn’t felt scared. However, look of Mom’s face due her wrath feared me more.

With my haste and cautious steps, I arrived on the same waiting shed near our campus. I sat on the bench to wait for a ride I know how to go home alone though. But this is my first time going home at night. I knew Mommy is starting to get worried of me already. I just realized that I should’ve waited for my friends and walked with them. I will always be influenced by my fears.

It’s been several minutes but I was still alone in the shed, I already texted my mom that I was on my way home. While waiting, I noticed a small kitten hiding on the sides of the post. I peeked and saw that it was shivering but I couldn’t risk my health.

I took few steps away from it. I put another distance of me and the kitten. Then, my gaze went back on the road and I saw an approaching car. I froze and stared on the familiar vehicle. It stopped in front of me and when the driver’s seat opened; it was Axel.

I swallowed the lump in my throat as my stares lingered on him. He remained standing on his current position while his one arm was propped on the above corner of the seat’s door. He was wearing a plain mustard round neck shirt right now. And his biceps on his left arm where he propped it on the door somehow flexed. I also noticed how his silver wristwatch on the same arm twinkled along with the night city lights when he slightly moved.

My gaze moved from his arm to his body and finally to his eyes. And there goes his glistening eyes again. I was almost pulled by the glimmer but when my mind poured the worries on how to greet him; I panicked and went back reality. A few moments later, I decided to smile at him.

He seems to relax with my greeting—my smile seemed to be key for him to get comfortable with me. Still, he stayed on his place, putting the right distance for the both of us. I kept staring at him, my eyes lingered on his own…waiting for him to say something, if there is any.

“Uh, you’re about to go home, right?” He asked in a low voice.

I blinked. “Yeah…”

“Let’s go home together, then?”

I was surprised with what he just said. I couldn’t control my eyes and it widened and moved to see something on his twinkling with an emotion russet hues. I wasn’t able to think for a response immediately. Because, I’m not sure! Should I go along with him? I don’t know him that much! And even if his reputation at school is neat and good—that should not be a basis to go home with a stranger! Basically, he’s still a stranger to me!

“I mean, I’m willing and if it’s okay with you then, you can have a ride.”

His shifted atmosphere gave me the impression that he realized what he just did. He remained silent though; his eyes awkwardly gazing on my own, weighing my surprised emotions. I couldn’t find the words to say because I am still surprised with what he said! I am beyond surprised actually. And I was so scared of myself because I might lose my common sense and my remaining brain cells in mind!

“Hey, I mean, I’m sorry if it’s weirding you out…” He prompted. “But I promise, I can be someone you can trust. I—I…” He struggled finding the words.

“—I know your Mom!” The words finally went out from his mouth.

Surprised, again, I couldn’t mutter for a response. But he continued. “Your mom is Ms. Alana Ojeda. She’s a, uh,”

I waited for the next. “…a friend, of my father.”

But, I still couldn’t find the courage to speak. I remained staring at him, looking for something at his soulful expressive eyes. Silence reigned within us and I was so close on giving up. Slowly, I heard the gradual beat of my loud heart, but there are moments when the beats disappear, but it comes back louder and fiercer. And I didn’t understand myself…but while I was waiting for his words—I was slowly getting deaf and blind over something.

I tried to hang on over something, but I was having a hard time finding for something physical. So instead, I visualized a hanging rope on my mind. A firm strong rope where I clutched on it determinedly—like I’m about to lose something and fall on the endless pit of uncertainty if I didn’t hold onto it firmly. I needed something to grasp onto and imagining it on mind eased me a bit.

“…and, I am also your friend—“

My rope suddenly became thin and my firm grip became unstable. The cord cut and I almost imagined myself falling. His recent words were so sharp that it pierced my senses grasping on the rope.

I felt deaf to what I just heard. I remained unmoving and I couldn’t hear anything but a screeching sound of a heartbeat in a monitor slowly drawing a flat line. My eyes widened and I didn’t fail to notice the struck of blinding lighting on the other side. The strike of thunder had no voice amidst its large and blatant figure of rumbling uneven line. But I know, even when my peripheral vision saw the strike on the faraway east, my attention is still fixed on the man in front of me.

I felt my old and rusty cogs slowly moved. His words felt like the missing piece of the machine of me that I started to finally function because of those. My throat went dry but I was slowly becoming deaf and blinded with the looming truth.

“—before,”

And the moment I sensed myself deaf from hearing his words, the sudden downfall of the weak rain embraced us. I welcomed the cries.