Avah's Circumstances

There are a lot of questions that I don’t want to answer, but I will drop my top two since I can’t decide which one is the most burdensome.

People around my age will blurt out something like ‘Why don’t you date?’ while ‘When will you get married?’ earns tons of points every family gathering, or whenever an annoying old hag will ask my mom about my age.

Have I avoided questions like these for a long time that I’d get worked up once someone asked about it?

I’m not sure.

I don’t want to answer those not because I don’t know what to say, but because I don’t know how to make people understand my reason. They might even book a psychologist or an ‘albularyo’ if they knew what’s making me take a step back about being in a relationship.

Can I tell them, ‘Hey, I think I know something that will happen to me and I don’t like it,’ when I’m not even sure if I’m having a rerun or an advance screening of my life?

Could it be that I’m living someone else’s life somewhere?

I don’t know.

All there is that even I, who could suddenly remember and see random flashbacks, can’t have a good grip on the thoughts my mind is sending me.

Are those memories premonitions of a fixed ending that would come to me?

Can I even call them ‘memories’ when they are not mine to start with?

Are they mine?

I don’t know.

I don’t want to know.

It was May 11, 2014… or should I say it ‘will be’ since it’s a future date that I thought would not come because people believed the world would end in 2012 when I started writing down these unexplainable scenes from my mind?

I know it sounds crazy, but I can vividly recall that day.

No, those days.

My memory can go back to a scene in an airport, which is a bit absurd to start since I haven’t been in one, but I was in the airport saying my goodbyes.

“Are you sure you’ll be okay?” asked someone who handed me two bags - one big brown satchel and a tiny black clutch bag.

I gave him a nod with a forced smile and remembered apologizing, “I’m sorry I had to leave it all to you.”

He caressed my cheek and gave me a peck, “I got it all under control so just take care. Oh, and, don’t look at other guys soon-to-be Mrs. Theodoro Pangarap.”

The conversation went on as if I knew him when it was difficult to even make out his face. It was blurry. It’s like whenever I wake up in the morning without my prescription glasses kind of blurry.

I chuckled and said with a salute, “Aye, aye, Sir Theo!”

He pinched my nose and kissed me once more, “Be quick, I’ll miss you.”

I dropped my things and hugged him, “I don’t want to leave.”

He patted my back and whispered, “Silly. You have to or you’ll lose your job.”

He sounded serious that his voice got so deep but I thought of being dramatic and pulled out from the hug, “Fine! Then I’ll lose this stupid job-”

“Elisia,” He cut me off. “I didn’t tell you that for you to not go.”

I cupped his cheeks and laughed, “I know. I’m just kidding, okay? I’ll miss you, baby.”

“I’ll miss you, too. If I can, I’ll go with you.”

“But you can’t.”

Both of us sighed before he said, “I still have work to finish and somebody needs to be in charge here.”

I couldn’t help but feel bad, ‘I’m sorry you have to do all of those when we should be doing it together.’

He gave me a reassuring smile and hugged me again, “It’s okay.”

We stayed like that for a couple of minutes more before the announcement echoed through the area, “Good morning, passengers. We are now inviting those passengers of 6WYFN28 to Bukidnon with small children, and any passengers requiring special assistance, to begin boarding at this time. Please have your boarding pass and identification ready. Regular boarding will begin in approximately ten minutes. Thank you.”

I looked at my ticket, “That’s my flight.”

Theo looked at the time then trapped me in his arms before kissing me a little longer than the first ones, “I love you.”

“Bye. I love you, too,” I answered and waved as I walked away.

As I roamed further in, I saw the group that I should join. It didn’t take me a minute since one of the guides got this big banner that says, ‘Happy Tours, Flight 6WYFN28 to Bukidnon.’

“Ms. Diego?” inquired the guide who approached me as I’d gone nearer. I nodded as an answer, then she gasped and began to shake my hand. ‘Congratulations on your wedding, ma’am.’

I gave her a silent, “Thanks.”

At first, I was so confused why this Elisia Diego seemed aloof. Is she someone who got power in this company? In a snap, I got the answers that she has the authority, somehow. This version of me is in charge of the reservation tours and had to fill in if someone backed out at the last minute.

It didn’t seem to be a punishment as you can travel around without spending any money, though you have to listen to a nagging director for hours, until now.

Until now, for her.

My mind tells me to be angry at her boss because he is the one who wanted me to fill in a five-day tour.

“That stupid Mr. Johnson wants me to be away for five freakin’ days when my wedding’s next week! I got to squeeze everything within two days before my big day. How insensitive is that! I hate that goddamn monster, but these irresponsible people who didn’t respond to our calls are much worse! Like what the hell,” complained me, or, that was what this Elisia’s protests.

“This way,” said one of the staff with a little flag while ushering everybody.

The reserved seats were for forty-nine people. Forty-six of it for the passengers and three for the tour guides, but since there were two who did not show their ‘freaking faces’ at the arranged meet-up time, she was called here.

This flight is at five in the morning, she was contacted at three.

Once boarded, I sat on the front row and occupied the two-person seat. I settled on the one by the window while I put my bag on the other near the aisle since no one would be sitting there, or at least that was what I initially thought.

Right when Elisia put earphones and sunglasses on, a voice called and tapped her shoulders, “Ma’am?”

When the sunglasses had been put down, I could see the three tour guides standing in front of me with a tall guy, taller than Theo, behind their backs.

“What can I do for you?” I asked.

I could see them nudging each other, probably urging someone to explain the situation. One of the girls stepped up, “Well, ma’am, he’s a-”

“Hm?” I inquired further as I didn’t catch what she said.

“I made a reservation here,” said a voice that seemed to come from the deepest layer of the Earth. We all looked at him and he stared back before turning to me, “Your bag is on my seat.”

My brows raised but I let it slide since I didn’t want to lose my poise. I did think of chopping his throat because of his smug attitude, though.

I removed my bag and told him, “Good morning, sir. Before you take a seat, kindly give me your information so I can check-”

“Leon Constantino,” was his curt reply.

I wanted to make a joke about his name but Elisia just looked at the three guides. They all nodded after looking at their list.

“Sorry for the inconvenience, Mr. Constantino,” I said as he sat down. He fished his phone and was about to wear some earphones when I remembered something. “Say, Mr. Constantino, did you, perhaps, reserve two seats?”

“Because if you did, I want you to get whoever that was and fly together so I can go home, you stupid man,” were once again Elisia’s thoughts.

He didn’t answer right away and just looked at me with a poker face on, “What are you talking about?”

I wanted to say that he shouldn’t answer a question by a question but I used my business smile and told him, “Nothing. Sorry for disturbing you, sir.”

He shook his head and finally put on his earphones and slept. I wanted to do that, too, but the guides were still standing there so I asked them if they needed something else.

“You need to sign here, ma’am,” said the only guy in the group, and the other one handed me a paper - their list of passengers. I scanned for Mr. Constantino’s name and put my signature next to it.

“And here, too, ma’am,” they told me as one turned the pages where I saw my name.

Diego, Elisia Phoebe

Officer In Charge