The next day I woke with a start. It was early, which made sense since I had gone to bed early for once. Feeling optimistic, I pulled on my bikini, grabbed a towel and my snorkelling equipment and galloped my way down to the beach. I tossed my towel down on a rock and practically ran into the water. It was lovely this early in the day. Nobody was here at this time, and I could act like the weirdo I was without having to worry about people’s opinion of me.

In serene silence, I glided deeper into the sea until my feet couldn’t touch the seabed. Then I pulled on my black mask, positioning the breathing tube securely in my mouth. Dipping my head into the water, I breathed.

The world that opened itself up to me under the surface was otherworldly. I was instantly enthralled. The rocks that appeared dark and threatening from above were now detailed and beautiful. Scattered all over the jagged surface were exotic plants that swayed gently in the underwater currents. Tiny fish swam in clusters not far from me.

I puzzled over their proximity. Weren’t they afraid of me? But of course they weren’t; by now they were used to the probing eyes of humans.

I paddled about in the water, gaze transfixed downward. As I swam farther into the sea and toward the stacked blocks of rock of the breakwater to my right, I discovered more exotic fish. Some were silver, long and thin, with a long, protruding nose. Some were black and round. Others were colourful like rainbows. I watched, fascinated by this hidden world. Rarely did I explore it, and each time I did, I was just as flabbergasted as I had been the previous time.

On a rock four metres down, I spotted a large and shapely seashell. I knew right away that I wanted it. I peered down for a bit, measuring myself up. Could I do it? I had to try. Removing the breathing tube, I took a deep breath and dove.

My legs worked feverishly as I pushed myself through the weight of the water. Finally, my hand closed around the shell. For a moment I panicked; what if there was something in it? But I had only a second to decide, and I took the risk. I grabbed it, and with my feet secured on the rock, I pushed myself up, paddling up to the surface. Breaking the shimmering glass wall, I surged up out of the water, taking a deep gulp of fresh air. I took off the mask and held up my hand, studying the pretty seashell. It was an ebony white conch striped with silver, the inside a startling fuchsia. A feeling of pride spread through my entire body, and I floated there, grinning to myself like a fool.

‘That’s a big one. Nice catch!’

I jumped. Or rather, I tried to jump, seeing as was in the water. The familiar rumbling voice came from somewhere above me, and I tilted my head back to see. To my side was the breakwater, made of huge, tan rocks stocked on top of each other. Perched on the last rock was Mr. Cocky, one muscled leg dangling over the edge. The light caught it, and I stared at the golden hairs dusting his skin, traced the curve of his large, bony foot. I could imagine him running those feet along my legs.

Repulsed by myself, I discarded the thought and instead looked up into his amused eyes, trying to find my voice. ‘Yeah, I like it. Hopefully there’s no sea monster in it.’ Oh my god. I could have hit myself. I felt the blood rush into my face at my own stupidity.

But he only laughed; actually threw his head back and guffawed. I felt lucky to witness it. He let it all out. A loud, rough and infectious cackling that had me smiling timidly back at him.

‘Not gonna lie,’ he managed at last, ‘there’s probably something hiding in there.’

I pouted at him. ‘Since you’re big and brave and all that, why don’t you have a look for me?’ I was shocked by my bold words. I couldn’t be sure he would answer or even do what I’d asked, but I tossed the seashell at him anyway, a perfect throw that he caught effortlessly.

‘Nice throw,’ he commented with a raised brow. ‘How come?’

‘Rounders,’ I replied instantly, ‘and some handball.’

‘Huh. Any more sports I should know about?’ Maybe I imagined it, but I thought he looked slightly impressed.

I frowned as I tried to remember them all. ‘Swimming,’ I said at first, ‘football, basketball, volleyball, skiing, badminton, athletics, hockey.’

He blinked. ‘I would say you’re lying, but you don’t look like the type.’

I shrugged. ‘I like sports. I’m alright at them too. With my dad’s urging, I ended up trying out a lot.’

Now I didn’t imagine his impressed expression. He studied me silently for a while, then lifted the shell, dragging his gaze toward it. So quickly I nearly missed it, he grabbed onto the shell and tipped it, his thumb and index finger jutting in, pulling on what I later realised was a claw. He slid out a crab and tossed it into the water behind him.

‘There, sea monster disposed of.’

I didn’t know what stunned me the most. The easy way he had disposed of it, or the fact that this jock, who I at first would have categorised as unacademic, knew the word “dispose”.

He casually threw the shell back at me, and with unbelievable gratitude, I caught it.

‘Why don’t you join me up here?’ he said.

‘Um, I’m not sure how I’ll get up.’

‘Oh, swim around here, there’s a ladder.’

I did, and climbed up a rusty ladder sleek with algae, self-conscious of the fat squishing up on my belly while I was bent over. When I reached the top, all this beautiful man did was stretch out his left hand. I grabbed it, allowing him to pull me up the last step. It was quick, but the grip of his dry and calloused hand on mine felt good, and my hand tingled at the unexpected touch.

He threw out his right hand then, and it took me a moment to process that he wanted to shake my hand. I tentatively reached out with mine, and felt his touch send warmth through my entire body. I couldn’t help but marvel over how beautiful his hands were.

‘I’m Jason,’ he announced, pulling me out of my reverie.

I peeked up into his smiling face. ‘Mithra,’ I returned.

‘Mithra? That’s an unusual name.’

‘Yep.’ I didn’t elaborate.

He turned, starting toward the beach, and I did the same. I sort of angled my body so he couldn’t see my belly, pulling my long hair to the right, further obscuring his view of me while I wrapped my arms around myself. I needn’t have worried though; he was looking straight ahead.

‘So what are you doing out here all on your own?’ he asked, his voice neutral instead of creepy—as it should have been coupled with a question like that.

‘I figured I’d go for a morning swim. Besides, I can take care of myself.’

He eyed me up and down, and I felt my shoulders drawing in. ‘Really? Do you know self-defence?’

I cut my eyes to him, deciding to go for honesty. ‘No, but I really want to.’

‘Hmm. Why don’t you start?’

‘Well, it’s just I don’t know what kind of self-defence to go for. I don’t know where, either.’

‘I can help you.’

My eyes had drifted away from him, but now I looked up, startled. How was he going to help me? He continued speaking.

‘I work as a martial arts instructor at a gym. I teach both offense and defence. If you want to learn self-defence, that’s the place to go. I’ll be your instructor.’

He sounded earnest, kind, trustworthy. Could I really trust him? No, of course I couldn’t, I had just met him! Besides, it would probably cost a lot…

‘It’s a tempting idea but…I just met you.’

He got the hint. ‘Well, it’s up to you.’

By then we have reached the sand of the beach. He faced me.

‘Well I’m off,’ he said. ‘See you around.’ He turned on his heel and sauntered away. I stood planted on the ground, stunned by his sudden exit.

Had that really happened? I tried to recollect the experience, but once again my memory was jumbled and foggy. I frowned, realising that the nerves and shyness I felt around him impaired my ability to think clearly.

Having stood for a long time by myself, I shook off the lingering aftereffects of Jason-induced emotion and headed back to my hotel room. After taking a quick shower and getting dressed, I grabbed my bag and headed to the parking lot. I figured that if I was going to consider going to a gym, I might as well buy some work-out clothes, seeing as I had none with me.

I hopped into the CRV my dad had lent me, and immediately jumped as my skin came in contact with the scorching seat.

‘Ahh!’ I shrieked. Then, mortified, I looked around, making sure no one had been close enough to hear me.

Satisfied that I was alone, I turned the ignition and headed to town. It was only ten minutes by car, which I could have easily walked, but with the sun so high up and the dry heat beating at me, it felt better to travel by car with the a/c on. Hopefully the environment could forgive me this one lapse in judgement.

By the time I’d gone through ten shops, I finally found some cheap and loose-fitting knee-length shorts in a lovely marine colour. An additional ten shops later, I found a loose white tank top along with white and comfortable running shoes. Feeling triumphant about my purchases, I got back into the car.

As soon as I sat down, the phone rang.

‘Mithra.’

‘Hey girl! What’s up?’ Jasmine’s animated voice brought a smile to my lips.

‘Oh, I’m just out shopping. You?’

‘I’ve got lunch break. Listen, about that guy? I found out his name! It’s Jason. But the issue is that he doesn’t seem to have Facebook. I mean, how weird is that? My one-hundred-year-old grandma has got one, and he hasn’t? Ugh, it’s so frustrating. And Jake didn’t know what he works with either, so I’ve got literally no way of reaching him. Hey, have you seen him around the beach since yesterday?’

My lie was quick and automatic, though I felt a twinge of guilt at my unwillingness to help her. What kind of friend was I? It was so selfish, but I couldn’t help it. ‘No, I haven’t seen him.’

‘Aw, shame. So what did you get?’

‘I bought some fitness clothes in marine and white.’

‘Oooh, sounds nice!’

‘Yup. Oh and, guess what! My uncle offered me a job as a receptionist!’ My voice had risen several octaves, and I immediately lowered it so people wouldn’t look at me like I was a crazy woman.

‘Oh my god! That’s awesome! When do you start?’

‘On Monday. So I figure I have just a few days of freedom left, and we better make the best of them.’

‘Don’t worry. We’ll party!’

‘Wohoo!’ I shouted laughingly, and then we both hung up.

I headed back to the hotel. As I pulled my car up, I saw him again. He was standing with another guy who was about a head shorter. Jason’s beauty totally dwarfed the poor guy. Their conversation was muted, faces solemn. Just at that moment, the other guy nodded, turned, and took off, leaving Jason standing on his own, left arm reaching across his chest to scratch his right shoulder. I wished I could do it for him.

I dismissed the thought. Feeling strangely confident, I walked up to him.

‘How come you’re always skulking around here? You’re obviously no hotel guest. I haven’t seen you at breakfast.’

His eyes shifted to me, amusement colouring his features. My breath caught. He swept his hand out toward the garage.

‘I work here.’

‘Oh.’

I fidgeted, embarrassed. Of course he worked here, you idiot! You’ve seen him twice standing by the scuba diving wing!

‘And yeah, I don’t stay at this hotel ‘cause I only work part-time, seeing as I’m also a gym instructor.’

Two jobs? I’d never even tried out formal employment, and here was this guy with two jobs!

He glanced at my shopping bag. ‘Adidas? Have you been out shopping?’

I blushed. ‘I, uh, yeah.’ Then I thought, what the hell. ‘I was gonna take you up on that offer. About self-defence, I mean. I want to learn—I need to, actually. I’m nineteen, it’s about time I knew how to defend myself.’

I was babbling, I realised. I didn’t even know I was a nervous babbler.

His eyebrows rose. ‘I’m glad! You’re sporty, you’ll learn quick.’

Then I sensed something, a new feeling I wasn’t at all familiar with. Slowly it dawned on me. I felt…flattered. My cheeks began to crimson in a blush, and I hurriedly spoke to draw attention away from it.

‘So where is the gym?’

‘In town,’ he replied. ‘I usually take the morning shift here. Then the evening shift at the gym. I could offer you a ride there.’

I was surprised by his kind offer. ‘Thanks for the offer, but I do have a car. I’m going to start working here at the hotel—as a receptionist. If I get the morning shifts, I’ll be able to start at the gym.’

‘Great! So you’ll join?’

A sudden image popped into my mind. Me at the gym, probably barefoot (eek), kicking, causing my layers of unattractive bulk to wobble wildly.

Before I could chicken out, I said yes.

‘Alright, good. I’m actually going to the gym now. I suppose you don’t want to start today?’ He grinned, causing small dimples to form under his eyes, which were sparkling mischievously.

I stood transfixed, suddenly hyper-aware of him. My eyes were drawn to his hair, illuminated by the sun’s rays. It was that perfect, warm shade just between brown and blonde. Unlike Jasmine’s hair, which beneath the dyes and highlights was a greyish, washed-out colour, Jason’s hair was lustrous and thick. Glinting in its depths were shades of gold, bronze, sandy blonde and a warm brown. It was a total curly mess on his head, some locks spilling down his forehead, some stroking his ears, some sticking out at the back of his head. I found myself imagining how soft it must feel to run my hands through it.

I blushed, embarrassed by my inability to control my thoughts.

‘Um, no, I’m busy today.’ Not. ‘But I’d love to start tomorrow!’

‘Great. Well I gotta go.’ He nodded, turned, and walked away before I could say goodbye.

I gazed after him, confused by my own feelings. How come time passed so quickly when I was with him? I couldn’t even process what was happening before he was gone. And when he was, I couldn’t remember a single detail from our encounter. It was frustrating. I needed a distraction to put my mind off him.

I decided to look for my uncle. Luckily, I find him in his office, bent over some papers. I knocked softly on the open door.

‘Uncle?’

‘Ah, Mithra, there you are. Everything good?’

‘Yup. I was just wondering. Will I be able to take the morning shift, or will I get the evening shift?’

‘Oh, the receptionist I dismissed had the morning shift. Which would you prefer?’

‘The morning shift!’ I said a little too enthusiastically.

‘Perfect. Any more questions?’

I was too embarrassed to ask about anything related to salary, since I was already staying at the hotel for free.

‘At what time in the morning do I start?’

‘At seven a.m.’

I blanched. Seven, in the morning! Ugh, that meant I had to get up at six. Jeez, talk about a massive change. No more sleeping in late. I sighed, knowing I had to do this.

‘Sounds good,’ I assured my uncle. ‘Do you need any help around here?’

He laughed. ‘No, enjoy your freedom while you can.’

More than grateful, I walked out of his office and kept walking until I reached my room. I fell against the bed.

What the hell was I going to do? I had just said yes to joining a self-defence class at a gym. And my instructor was going to be JASON. Jason, of all people. One part of me was thrilled, the other petrified. Sure, eye candy like him would keep the gym really interesting. But on the other hand, I just knew that I would be desperate to impress him and horrified at making mistakes. Not to mention he was going to put my self-control through hell.

Once again, I tried to remember what he looked like, but simply couldn’t. The details of his hair had faded from memory. I still didn’t know if his eyes were blue or green or grey. I was struck by a sudden obsessive need to look at him—hard, focused, so I could put it all to memory. Sadness nearly overwhelmed me at having to accept that I could never have this magnificent male. But it was reality, and I was a devout realist. Pleasure surged through me at remaining true to my ideology.

I got up, trudging over to the full-sized mirror and staring at my reflection. My face was emotionless but inside I was fuming with scrutiny.

Staring back at me was a girl. No, a woman. I couldn’t decide if her features classified as cute, beautiful, stern, hard or just plain ugly. I simply didn’t know if I was pretty or not. I guessed that sometimes, if I was dressed a particular way, or if I was flushed with emotion and decorated by the sun’s kiss, or if I had highlighted my eyes with glittery brown eyeliner and mascara, then I could consider myself beautiful. But those instances were rare, and mostly I spent the days reminding myself that I was ugly and overweight. If I saw a man that was ugly and overweight, I wouldn’t be attracted to him either, unless he impressed me with a splendid personality that dwarfed his outer looks.

I sighed. Come on Mithra; don’t be so hard on yourself. I concentrated. My hair was nice. It was long, reaching past my shoulder blades, stroking my hips at the front, and three times as thick as Jasmine’s hair. The fact that I had grown it so long without bothering to cut it was the reason why the hair was generally unhealthy, with split ends and thin strands. While my mom liked to criticise it, I had gotten compliments on my hair even from strangers on the street.

Besides the fact that it was long and thick, I was a brunette. When I had been young, my hair had been a darker shade of brown, almost black. But years of exposing it to harsh sunlight had bleached the hair a little, so it was now a lovely shade of golden brown, streaked with blonde, darker brown and bronze shades, the ends of it shining golden in the sun.

I then looked at my face with an expression of obvious displeasure. The round shape of my face was decorated with well-shaped, if not small, eyes. The irises were a subdued moss-green colour. My nose, which my mom always called cute, tipped up at the end in a round blob. My lips I was at least pleased with. They were full and red, not too big and not too small. To top that off I had big protruding ears, thanks to my dad. And that was the reason why I nearly always had my hair down, framing my face and shoulders.

The rest of my body was, well, boring. Defined curves, a curved back and a big, round behind. I supposed my body was hourglass in shape, since my shoulders were wide. My upper body was not very long, which gave the illusion that I had long legs. Stretch marks from weight loss and weight gain covered pretty much all of my body: my hips, my inner thighs, my breasts and behind. I sighed. They would be there forever, and that was my fault.

I supposed that inside all the extra layers of fat hid a pretty and fit girl. It was only that I didn’t have the energy and the strength to dig her out of there. I had tried, but any weight loss had resulted in prompt weight gain, since I couldn’t keep it up in the long run. It was a sad truth that one had to live in constant disappointment with one’s own body, but by now I’d mostly gotten over it.

Then the imperfect woman in the mirror frowned. Get a grip Mithra, she commanded. Work on your personality, not your appearance. When had you become so shallow? I realised that she was right. I turned from the mirror, flicking my hand in a dismissive gesture.