◆ DREW ◆ 

American soil.  Finally.

It had been a while of lonesome, anxious, sleepless nights in unfamiliar territory. Going home never felt so easy and possible until now. At long last.

Broad daylight, free to drive around the city, no unwanted company, no gun-toting strangers tailing me everywhere I went. Even better, no demanding mafia boss telling me what to do. Bossing me around every way he could.

Damn. I missed this kind of freedom.

Although temporary, every part of me still cherished the feeling. Nothing like living your days and nights of your own accord. Go wherever you want. Whenever you felt like it.

Except now, I only had one destination in mind:

Elizabeth.

Was she home? Alone? Waiting for me?

Highly unlikely, but, of course I still hoped for it. I'd been dreaming of this day, hoping and praying hard for it to happen.

I stepped on the accelerator. It was a brand new car I just bought. The interior still smelled of air freshener and a newly opened shoe box.

It was another five-figure expense I had incurred just over the weekend. My bank accounts didn't mind. Perks of having a filthy rich mafia boss for a godfather.

I mulled over the other impulsive investments I'd made just recently. Actually, I also just bought a house and lot in Brazil. Somewhere private and safe.  I could take Elizabeth there as soon as tomorrow.  I just wanted a quieter, much safer life for us at this point.

Would she go along with my ambitious plans? Long shot, but, I still hoped for the best.

After half an hour of quiet driving, I saw the corner of the street I used to jog around almost every night.  I had imagined she would have sold the house by the time I got back here in the States.

For some reason, she chose to keep it.  Beth had been living alone in an apartment downtown for years after we separated, but she moved back here and into our old home several months ago after hearing I'd disappeared.

We'd bought this two-storey house before our wedding almost a decade ago. We had just gotten engaged that time, and Beth really liked the area. Quiet suburb. Full of trees. Spacious. Fresh air.

I pulled over outside our old fence—black, thick, solid concrete. A black SUV was parked inside. Where was her sedan?  I turned off the engine. The tall gates didn't open for me. Good. The security system was still intact. I checked my phone screen.

The real-time video feed streaming into my phone still showed her sleeping in the master bedroom.

With my hands slightly sweating and my heartbeat accelerating, I unbuckled my seatbelt and got out of the vehicle. Finally. I'd get to see her again. Hear her voice. Touch her. Hug her. Tell her how much I regretted leaving her.

You got this.

Everything's gonna be okay.

◇

"What's the catch?"

I stayed put and blocked the urge to come near her and embrace her tight. I had snuck into the bedroom and startled her awake just minutes ago. The shock on her face didn't exactly spell 'pleasantly surprised', but at least she didn't hurl the lamp at me. 

Plus, she was actually talking to me now.  "Why let you leave?" Elizabeth stayed sitting on the left side of the bed—our old bed—with her long brown hair looking tousled.  Her small and pretty face still looked a little puffy from sleep. "Why'd he let you go?"

I dropped my gaze and focused on the thick carpet instead. Hesitation gripped my thoughts, leaving me confounded as to what I should and shouldn't tell her.  "I shouldn't tell you."

"I need to know, Andrew." Her tone remained flat and she didn't even look me in the eye as she said the words, as if she was already expecting to hear the worst.

"You don't."

"Please." Her voice got louder, shakier. Beth stared at me in the dimness, the paleness of her skin and dark circles under her eyes giving me enough guilt to last the whole week.

Well, I just wanted to give her peace of mind, and I wanted to promise her a sense of security from now on. So it felt like it was time I told her what was really going on in my life.

"Don't you trust me one bit?" she murmured with furrowed brows and a hint of sadness in her teary, long-lashed eyes. Wrinkled oversized shirt, messy hair, not a hint of makeup on.

Beautiful. How the heck did she always look so beautiful? The fact just stuck a thick knife of regret into my chest. Most of the time I just felt like I didn't deserve her at all. 

"I couldn't sleep. Couldn't eat. Couldn't work." Beth looked away and let her voice falter, no longer holding back emotions. "For months, all I did was rot in here...waiting for you to show up like nothing happened."

Fuck it. The last thing I wanted was make her cry. Again. For the hundredth time. 

At the moment, it felt like all I'd done was give her reasons to feel like crap because nothing in our tumultuous married life was worth salvaging...and that she was unfortunately still stuck with me.

On paper, at least.  "Just tell me, D. Please."

Dammit.  Her eyes...her tears...her beautiful voice. It's just too much.  I swallowed the clod of guilt eating at my conscience again. "Ilya wants me to kill Stefano Falco and his son."

"What?"

"And Ricchar, the next heir." I stared back at her, acknowledging the disbelief in her reaction. 

"You're serious," Beth muttered. Her voice sounded like a mere whisper this time.

"Mess up the family tree so the business suffers." I sighed out loud and looked away. "Take them out one by one."

Elizabeth budged on the bed, crossing her legs under the thick covers as she appeared to let my words sink in.  "Are you...planning on it?"

I shrugged. I really didn't know. For years, I only spied for the Russian mob for fear of losing my own life. And I only dug up dirt on the Italian mafias because my boss said it was my last mission. I stupidly fell for the trap again, obviously. 

But I wasn't a murderer or a criminal mastermind. That was my Uncle Ilya's expertise. Too bad Ilya was also my boss.

"Then he could just concentrate on taking out the Tomassinis and the Marchesas. Less competition, bigger turf, more money."  Filthy, crime-magnet, soul-sucking money.

Elizabeth remained speechless for a while, not even meeting my gaze as I sat near her on the edge of the bed.

I missed these quiet, private moments with her.  Damn.  It felt like it had been ages ago since I'd last touched our bed. "I told you it's not something you need to know."

"But I want to."

"Why?" I sighed out loud again, frustrated by the subject.  I just wanted to take her away and get her somewhere remote and safe, far from my total chaos of a secret life,  and away from the deadly circle of furious mobsters competing for the top spot in the food chain.

She scoffed. "What d'you mean 'why'?"

"Don't you just want to get away from all this?" I scowled. "Leave this mess? Live a quiet life somewhere where no one knows a single thing about you?"

"You m..." She paused and scrunched her face at my suggestion. "Migrate to another country?"

"Yeah. It will make things so much easier."

For a moment, she just kept staring with a mild frown, as though perplexed by my words.  "Just like that, huh?"

"Yeah! Because I want you safe. I want you to spend the rest of your life with me."

"Leave all my family, my friends, my career?"

Of course. We had to cut all ties.  I was even willing to fake our own deaths if need be.  "It's necessary."

"You really think it's that easy?"  Elizabeth shook her head weakly, her voice cracking at the last word, tears dampening her flushed cheeks. "You selfish bastard." She hastily wiped off a tear.

Then silence. Total silence.

A minute stretched into a long while of no eye contact and heavy feelings of regret. Loneliness. Deep-seated insecurities.

Beth truly hated me now—I was 110% percent sure of the fact. It didn't stop me from confronting our past, though, and ditching all inhibitions just to find out if there was still a diminutive part of her that believed our relationship still had a chance. 

Fix everything that's been broken.  Forgive.  Trust.  Love.  Did she even want me back?  I doubted it, but, I still hoped for the best.

"I should hate you. I really should."

The emotions welling up in her eyes crushed my hopes further, but I shrugged to seem unaffected. "You should, Beth." I clenched my fist, recalling the reasons. A fucking multitude.  "I'm so sorry."

"Like that's gonna do anything." Elizabeth pressed her face onto her dainty palms. Then another noiseless, tense moment filled the dim room.

"I was just trying to protect you from all the shit that's been goin' on."

"Can't you just leave me be?" Her voice drifted off to a murmur. 

Okay. Her point was valid, and she was entitled to feel this way. But we were still husband and wife, legally.  That much I was sure of. 

"Why do you keep messing up my life like this?" She continued to smother her sobs with her palm.

"Because no matter what other people think, I'm still here." I stared at her. It seemed like she wanted me gone right this second, but I just knew I could still talk her into forgiving me. For being away for too long. For being the worst spouse. For not being there for her. 

She didn't respond and started crying loudly.

"You're still my wife."

"Screw you." Beth whimpered. She sobbed harder when I got nearer,  her hands cold to my touch while she clenched her fist, her hurt and anger palpable.

It took a while of restraint as I did nothing but try to calm her down. Darn. The situation hurt me, too. But, it was now or never. I needed to prove my intentions more than ever to her, and do anything possible to save our relationship...or what's left of it.

Elizabeth pushed me off every time I would try to embrace her, but, eventually, she just let me hold her.

Much to my relief. "I missed you." I muttered more apologies while she sobbed uncontrollably in my arms.

"I really thought they killed you."

"Stop it." I hugged her tight. Thankfully she was no longer trembling in ire. "I'm here," I muttered reassuringly. "We're fine. We'll figure it out."

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