◇ KEL ◇

◇ Brescia, Italy ◇

I only meant to give him a quick goodbye kiss.  For old times' sake.  I didn't want to say goodbye to him yet, but I had to leave Italy now and go back to my busy med student life in New York.

But when he kissed me back, I couldn't really deny my feelings anymore.  Miles kept kissing me till I had to convince him to go back inside his car.  I could feel Alessio and the other bodyguards watching us, and, frankly, I still didn't like the unwanted attention. 

I knew they were just doing their jobs, though.  It was what they were being paid to do.  Nothing creepy about it.  It was just their sworn duty.  They were keeping an eye on us in case any unexpected company approached Miles or his car.  

Now that Miles and I were alone in the backseat, I was trying to enjoy our fleeting privacy before I had to leave him here in Italy to go back to my life in New York. 

It wasn't the first time we kissed, but his unusually sweet behavior tonight definitely caught me off guard.  Albeit we weren't talking much during the whole drive to the airport with him behind the wheel, I didn't imagine it would lead to this.  At all.  The tension had been palpable, but I didn't quite expect that it would be this sexual.  Or that he wanted to be intimate with me again.

Did I want his affection?  Sure.  I loved being this close to him.  It was perplexing and reassuring—frustratingly in equal measure.   I'd always thought I wasn't the romantic or sensual type, and back when we were living together in his house, I honestly never imagined I'd fall head over heels for a guy like him.  

But...it happened. 

The pain was tolerable now, much more tolerable compared to the first time he punctured my skin with his bare teeth to drink my blood.  Or maybe Miles did something different this time to minimize the pain I felt?  Probably. 

Or maybe it was just me.  Maybe I was just too aroused by our physical intimacy that I just didn't care how much it hurt.  I kissed the side of his face while my fingers clasped his soft hair, his arms tightening around my waist and hips. 

He hugged me against his warm body with my thighs pressed onto his lap.  I was practically straddling him in the backseat of his car, but we were still fully clothed.  He did unbutton the top of my blouse, though, just so he could gain full access to my neck.

There was a constant tingling and aching sensation right underneath the spot where his mouth was, but it wasn't that bad.  It hurt at first but I didn't shed a single tear.  I had braced myself for the pain—probably why it felt more tolerable this time. 

If this was him being careful, I'd let him feed on me anytime he felt the need to.  But I also knew he would rather not, because I would be away from him for a while.  Again. 

We led very different lives now, and I wouldn't blame him if he thought this might be the last time we'd get to be this intimate.  That it might be a long while before we get to see each other again.  A few months?  A year?  Two?  I just didn't know for sure.

"Babe..." I almost flinched when he gripped my hair away from my shoulders to draw more blood from my neck.

Miles didn't say anything and only replied with a throaty moan.  It sounded like a grunt of annoyance, almost as if he couldn't be bothered to pause what he was doing to me.  He hugged me closer to his chest with his firm arm wrapped around my hips, trapping me on his lap. 

The back of my thighs were rubbing against the fabric of his jeans while my knees were pressing hard against the backseat cushion, causing some unpleasant sensation.  But I didn't mind.  He needed my blood.  I had to help him.  I owed it to him to help him get rid of the pain.

As I'd told him before again and again, I was willing to help him any way I could, especially whenever he needed my blood to control his sporadic pain attacks.  But now...my brain couldn't help but question whether he thought my blood would be enough to satiate his thirst.

Perhaps he only saw me as a temporary relief to his insufferable mental and physical anguish.  But should I feel bad about it?  Because he only needed me for my blood?

No.  I shouldn't feel sorry for myself.  In fact I should feel better that he was reaching out to me this time and no longer pushing me away.  He was seeking my help, finally, and allowing himself to be vulnerable around me, unlike before. Which meant, he was learning to trust me more now.

"Sorry," Miles muttered after a noiseless minute.  "Did it hurt?" He licked my sensitive skin as he waited for me to answer.

"A little," I murmured as I kept my eyes closed.  I was concentrating on the softness and comforting warmth of his tongue on my neck. 

He was kissing me again, soothing the slightly painful wounds his bite had left on my exposed neck.  I couldn't explain the pleasure I felt from his sweet, gentle kisses on my skin and from giving him some of my blood,  and I'd never felt anything like it before.

When he pulled away to look me in the eye, I thought he was going to kiss me on the lips again.  But he didn't.  Instead he just gave me a quick smooch on my cheek and hugged me tight for a moment.  Then he carefully pushed me off of his lap. 

Slightly disappointed, I sat beside him in the backseat, alone and sitting with him in the dimness.  Maybe he just didn't want me that way?  It made sense, even if I wished otherwise.   Maybe...he thought I just needed some foreplay before he used me to get what he needed.  

My blood.  Nothing more.  He only wanted my blood.  Not me.  

Wait. Why was I making a big deal out of it?  Was it merely a little pang of jealousy?  Yeah.  Just plain old envy.  Because I knew for a fact that he'd been sleeping with other people for blood, but, apparently,  he just didn't want to do the same with me. 

It kind of hurt my feelings, but maybe I should just push my ego out of the equation.  He just didn't see me that way, and part of me knew I should just understand, because it was obvious he didn't want a romantic relationship with me.

The jealousy still felt like a solid punch in the gut, though.  Try as I might, I couldn't help but imagine him being intimate with other people who let him feed.  It seemed so easy for him to do it with other girls.  Why not with me?  Did it disgust him or something?

When he let out a sigh beside me, I glanced at him and saw him massaging his forehead. 

I swore inwardly.  Did I ruin it for him now?  Did I give him another headache?  Shit.  I didn't mean to.  I only wanted to give him some of my blood to keep the pain attacks at bay.  I should apologize, in case I gave him an unpleasant feeling.  "Sorry."

"No," Miles muttered and turned to stare at me despite the dimness.  Thankfully, the lampposts around the airport parking lot was keeping our surroundings from being pitch-dark.  "Don't apologize."

Okay.  So he didn't want me to say sorry. But what was bothering him now?  "What's up?" I buttoned up my blouse and sighed at his reticence.  It was like we were back to him being uncommunicative again, and I didn't like it at all.

"I just don't wanna have sex with you in a car." He chuckled softly and looked away.  He shook his head weakly, as if annoyed by the mere thought.  "Sorry. You deserve better."

I pulled a face at his explanation.  I didn't really ask for him to explain or apologize, but I appreciated his straightforwardness all the same.  "You feel better now?" I muttered while I tucked a clump of his hair behind his ear. "No more pain in your stomach area?"

"No. Sorry it hurt." Miles kept staring out the window, his voice muted and full of regret.

Or was it self-loathing?  Was he having negative thoughts about himself again?  Because of what he just did to me?   "Hey."  I sat still beside him, waiting for him to say more.

After a while of pensive silence, he still wouldn't look at me, and it confused me even more.  What did he really want to say?  That we shouldn't be intimate because I "deserved better"?

Did he feel like I wanted to push him to do more?  "It's fine. It wasn't...as bad as last time," I said in a hushed voice, deliberately changing the subject.

"I'll miss you."

What? Why was he telling me this again?  I leaned closer to him and touched his cheek.  After a moment of me just coaxing him, he eventually turned to face me again. 

I felt a sudden pinch in my chest while he stared into my eyes.  I could almost feel his sadness just by looking at him, and it made me feel quite guilty.  I didn't want to leave him again this soon, but we both knew I had to.  

"You can come see me in New York anytime. Just text me or...give me a quick call."

"Just focus on school." Miles leaned in to kiss me on the lips. 

It was just a quick, gentle kiss, but I loved the gesture even more because I could feel much more sincerity from him this time.  It made me want to kiss him back, but my guilt was eating up my courage again.  "I'll come see you soon. After exams. Okay?" I stroked the back of his hand that was palming my thigh. 

"You don't have to." Miles glanced away and faked a quiet laugh.  "I'll be busy, anyway." He sighed out loud. "Just...stay in New York. Keep your grades up."

Okay. Fine.  He was telling me to live a quiet life in New York and finish my studies.  He wanted me to focus on my goals and my career in the medical field.  His work would also keep him too busy to have time for me and our relationship—if it could even be called a relationship.  

It was a tad disappointing, but I had to understand that he only wanted the best for me, and he was only making sure I kept my priorities straight.  "I'll call you," he murmured while his hand gripped mine on my thigh.

Our fingers stayed interlaced for a lengthy, comfortable moment of silence.  I nodded faintly at his promise, knowing well he was only trying to alleviate the emotional struggle I was dealing with at this point.  "Just...don't do anything brash without talking to Ricchar or...your parents."

"Yeah. Okay," Miles sighed, his tone rather unsure.

"What's your next plan?" I watched him stare at the back of the driver's seat, noticing the way his brows and forehead furrowed.  What exactly was he thinking of?  Was he still upset by what happened to me in San Pietro?  Was he still blaming Enzo? 

"I'll talk to Charr about...what to do next." He rubbed his left hand onto his nape while he stared at our entwined hands on my lap.  

"About what?" I mumbled, curious and eager to hear more.

"I'll try to...clean up Pappa's mess. Maybe convince him to stop working with the mob." He scoffed and slightly shook his head. "Highly doubt he'll listen to me, but, I'll try."

"Okay." I knelt on the leather-covered seat to give him a hug. I kissed his cheek and felt some relief when he hugged me back.  "Just be careful. Please."

"Yeah. You too," Miles murmured to me after he gave me a quick kiss on the corner of my lips. "See you soon."

"Cut back on the pills, and drugs. It's damaging your liver and kidneys more."

"I'll try." He pulled away and lightly pinched my chin, our noses touching. After we exchanged awkward smiles, he looked out the window and let out a sigh. "Go. The plane just arrived."

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