A while later, David and I went downstairs together. He got into the company's business car while I got into Daisy's car.  

My nerves were inexplicably tortured. I even resented David for suddenly telling me the news that Jessica would come back. After three years, I didn't know how to face her with any emotion.   

Countless days and nights, I desperately wanted to see her but was also afraid to see her...Afraid the silence and awkwardness after meeting would be too painful.

Daisy started the car, glanced at the rearview mirror, changed lanes and asked me, "Sunny, why do you look so worried?" Then she shook her head and added, "...It's not like you at all!"

I smiled, "Do I have to be heartless to be like myself?"  

"David told you the news that Jessica is coming back, didn't he?"  

"Yeah." I responded with a grunt but opened the window and lit a cigarette.  

"No wonder. In this world, except for Jessica, no one else could perturb your nerves so much, Sunny!" Daisy sighed.  

"You're thinking too much. She's not so invincible, nor am I so vulnerable." I still smiled in response.  

Daisy shrugged, "Sunny, you know best whether you feel warm or cold...The brighter you smile, the more heartbroken you are."  

"You talk as if you know me so well." This time I finally put away the smile that Daisy believed was fake to prove I was not as heartbroken as she said.  

"We've been friends for so many years. If I don't understand you, who will...Sunny, let me tell you the truth. Although we all feel sorry for you and Jessica, I have to tell you: once a woman changes her heart, the man she once loved becomes like a used cigarette. It can no longer give pleasure but only makes the eyes red. The only thing she can do is discard this used cigarette. Do you understand what I mean?"

"Why are you telling me this?" I asked, taking a deep drag of my cigarette.  

"I hope you can be more nonchalant."  

After a long silence, I unwillingly asked, "What is love?Isn't it just a promise and then a lifetime of persistence? Why make a promise to someone but not have the guts to stick with it?"

"Sunny, love is not as simple as you think. You should understand why David and I can make it to the end while you and Jessica can't."  

I fell silent again. I did understand. David and Daisy, although not from very wealthy families, still had decent family backgrounds. They were well-matched. As for me and Jessica...I clearly remember that before Jessica went abroad, her father bought her a Cadillac CTS as a graduation gift...But does love really have to be measured by material means? I didn't quite understand!  

Daisy said again, "Jessica really loved you. You know she went to study in the U.S. to avoid her parents' arranged marriage. She hoped that after three years, her parents would accept the fact that she was with you. But why did she break up with you after going to the U.S. I don't quite understand either...Maybe it's really because..."  

I didn't want to experience the emotions of the breakup again and interrupted Daisy, "Enough. Just as you said, now that she has changed her heart, I am just a used cigarette that can no longer give pleasure."  

"I was just using that as a metaphor..." Daisy comforted me again.  

There are people in this world with a special ability to comfort a dying person to death. No doubt Daisy was one of them.

...

I spent the whole day accompanying Daisy to buy items on the list David gave her for their wedding. We had a simple meal together in the evening and then went our separate ways.  

Although I had been up all night yesterday and worked as a laborer all day today, I was not sleepy at all when night fell. Walking down the street, whenever I saw couples snuggling past me under the neon lights, I felt endless loneliness and emptiness.  

I habitually wanted to empty my mind as if my nights should belong to nightclubs. I told myself: Maybe drinking some alcohol tonight would make me sleep more soundly.

Listening to the blasting music in the bar and watching the flashing lights and people gyrating madly, I soon downed several bottles of beer and felt dizzy. I enjoyed this feeling with no worries,no loves or hatreds, only vague and illusory tipsiness.   

There were two resident bands in this bar that performed every night on alternate days. Tonight happened to be Robben's "Tear the Nerves" band on duty. Robben and I were on good terms, sometimes playing music together.   

Robben used his fingers to clamp the guitar strings, making a noise like friction, and teased me with a smile, "Sunny, come play with us..."

I put down my beer bottle, jumped on stage, and took the guitar from Robben's hands. I said to the other band members, "Let's do 'Still Young.'"  

Everyone nodded, and various instruments started playing. Under the flashing lights, heavy metal music began to swell.   

With the venting that came with drunkenness, I stood on one leg on a prop ammunition box and began to frantically play the electric guitar, roaring out, "Imaginary hands clutching the big flag, coat tucked into my bones, desperately remembering the way back, turning around and smashing into the bumpy wall; Oh my, I can't come back; Oh my, you're a little tired, Mama, hurry up and give birth to me, give birth to me...Raise your voice and tear open your throat..."

After singing only half of it, a young punk with long hair, wearing a black jacket and gold chains, glared at me and shouted, "What the f*** are you singing, you country bumpkin...Hurry up and change the song..."  

I stopped and squinted at him, "Say that again, you little bastard."   

The long-haired guy kicked over the nearest tom-tom, "You stupid c**t, I told you to change the song!"

"F*** you, old man..." Standing high up, I kicked the long-haired guy in the face. As if finding a vent for pleasure, I grabbed the guitar and smashed it. In the blink of an eye, the guitar was smashed to pieces, and the long-haired guy was curled up on the ground, screaming in pain.   

The long-haired guy's followers rushed at me with beer bottles, but Robben and the band members blocked them. In the chaos, I saw someone calling the police, so I threw away the remains of the guitar and ran out of the bar...

...   

In the interrogation room of the police station, the light was shining on me. Sitting opposite was an elderly policeman who seemed quite amiable.   

"Name, gender, age, work unit."  

"No...Officer, that bastard really deserved a beating. He kicked our drum set first. You know we musicians treat our instruments like brothers. He hit my brother, so how could I let him get away with it?Officer, I really didn't want to fight. It's just that there are bad guys among the crowd!" I said with a crying face.

"Enough nonsense. No matter how many excuses you have, fighting and brawling are wrong. The law does not give you that right. Do you understand?"

"Officer, I know I was wrong. I have done deep reflection and self-criticism. I should not have ignored the authority of the law. In the future, I will exercise vigilance, be a good law-abiding citizen, and resolutely not drag society down!"  

"That's enough. Don't talk nonsense...Go pay the fine."  

"You won't detain me, will you?" I asked cautiously.   

"The young punk you beat up only suffered minor injuries. He agreed to settle privately. You pay his medical bills, lost work expenses and the fine, a total of 6,000 yuan."  

"6,000!Officer, I don't have that much money on me!"   

"Call your family or friends."   

Upon hearing the words "family" and "friends," I suddenly felt lost. At this moment, I truly felt how lonely I was in this city where I had lived for two years.   

I certainly could not call David or Daisy. Firstly, their wedding was approaching, and I didn't want to trouble them with this. Secondly, they had expressed countless times their hope that I would live a stable life. It was better not to let them know about such things in case they were disappointed!

...  

After thinking for a while, the face that hated me excessively yet was too beautiful appeared in my mind.   

Call Betsy. Yes, call Betsy! Anyway, I was just a scumbag in her eyes with no image to speak of. Let her pay the fine for me first. Then next week when I got paid, I would pay her back the money I owed, including what I had borrowed.

At this time, I was truly grateful that I had written down her mobile number this morning. 

I took out my phone, found Betsy's number, and called it.