Palo Alto, USA

I had always thought of myself as a monogamist, one of those people with a delicate sensibility receptive to their partner’s feelings and held high considerable unbreakable honor. 

Sienna had been gone for almost a week now. And loneliness was a devil of pain. 

Every minute of my life was meticulously planned. An addiction to productivity was a real disorder I proudly had. But succumbing to a routine is better than total free time without anything to do of value. 

That funding the investors had given us came with strings. Sienna helped with some of those, but the burden fell hard on my shoulders. I was elated by the opportunities but devastated by the workload. It might take a few months to get used to the pace after all.

I was eager to forget it all for a few minutes a day over drinks at the office. But then I received a text. I responded. As I had done in the past few weeks, I responded.

I didn’t think I would go through with it. She was this little pretty young thing. We met at a business networking event a few months back, and she was enamored with me. She asked for my number, and I handed her my business card. This was certainly not the first-time other women and men approached me for prospect more than just business. I gave her a subtle signal that I had a girlfriend, but the girl was not deterred.

I blocked her, and I unblocked her. Morality was high on my conscience, but curiosity won out. And the adventurous excitement of hiding it all accelerated the whole affair. 

It was supposed to be a one-time thing. To get it out of my system, so to speak. Sienna didn’t have to know. The first time happened after lunch. She was in town and wanted to talk. And talk we did, and we did more than talk. I booked a hotel near the restaurant, thinking it might last an hour or two, not the whole afternoon that it was. Rescheduling other appointments that day was a nuisance, but the experience in the hotel room that day was unforgettable.

She stripped her clothes down one by one and swayed her hip to the music that was on until there was nothing left. I felt the excitement I hadn’t felt in a long while. I was hypnotized by this luscious lady that I barely knew. The sight of her bare flesh and the alluring invite of her stare was sufficient to drive a sane person mad. My hands were shaking, my body was sweating, and I gulped. I did go mad. Our hands were all over each other in horrid heat. When my lips met hers, the kiss grew carnal in a matter of seconds. I reached my hand down to touch her delicate center. She was already wet and waiting frantically. I played her as I once played violin. I moved along the fold of her sex and repeated the movement as if to produce a sonata. The woman screamed out for more, but I liked to take my time. Like all great art, I liked to take my time. The temperature was rising at an alarming speed, and her moans and groans were the only sound I heard. But being the mini authoritarian that I was, I didn’t satisfy her plea. The woman was begging incessantly.

“Please. Sophia…Sophia…go inside me….” 

I smiled as I proceeded to put her nipple in my mouth and twirled my tongue all over it. The woman squirmed in my gasp as I sucked harder. She spread her legs wider. And I entered two fingers into her, she screamed with pleasure. I wasn’t gentle as I always was with Sienna. As I saw the woman ascend to the peak of ecstasy, I wondered where all this excitement for my own girlfriend had gone. And what had I become? What had our relationship become? A well-matched partnership was what we were. But what about the fire? Was the fiery passion in our love truly extinguished? 

         What happened that afternoon happened in many more afternoons under the disguise of meetings. And I didn’t regret it. I still performed excellently at work and excelled beyond anyone’s expectations. Although I still harbored some guilt, for I knew it would hurt her if she knew. And Sienna must know about this eventually. I intended to tell her. All of it. But there didn’t seem to be a right time. We both were too overwhelmed with our responsibilities. Then there was the $50 million investment. Then Sienna had to prepare to go to London. Then Sienna was physically in London. She was not here and telling the truth weighed heavier.

         Besides, how should I tell my partner and the number one business partner that I have been having an affair? There was a possibility that we would break up, my heart would go to dust with the wreckage of our relationship, and then she might chose to sell all her stakes in the business, although I hoped with everything I had, hoping that speculation was not the case.  

Sienna had been gone for almost a week now. And loneliness was a devil of pain. So, I responded to those texts again. I went to dinners with that woman again. And I spent afternoons and nights at a hotel with her again. When shames became predictable, it was simply something one does. 

I kept going as if I was in a trance. With Sienna gone, I didn’t know how to break the words to her. But I didn’t expect that it was Sienna that put me out of my misery. 

I turned on my phone after the rendezvous one evening. I gritted my teeth as I saw a couple of missed calls from Sienna. It was Friday, and she texted me that she had had this party at a friend’s house.

I hoped to call back when it was the morning her time. This type of party might run late. She was back with her friends after all.

But she didn’t pick up her phone that following Saturday. I called her again on Sunday, and there were no responses. Nervousness wracked me, I called all our team members in London, and they assured me that she was alive and fine and still answered their calls. But she didn’t answer mine.

Either something was wrong, or she knew. I didn’t know how she knew, but she must know somehow by some means. I left breadcrumbs all over the place. Of course, she knew.

I had some time to think of what to tell Sienna. The truth was difficult to fathom. It was now late on Sunday and almost Monday morning in London. Two full days without a response was abnormal. She hadn’t done that in all the five years we were together. 

But as I sat down to inspect the phone, it rang out. I jumped as I saw the caller. This late? 

Sweaty palms and drumming heart, I clicked accept.

“Sophia.” She sounded wretched. Guilt in my voice, I tried to keep my hand steady.

“Sienna…” I didn’t know if I could form a sentence. Despite all the public speaking skill training, this was an entirely different matter. This was me facing my sins and confessing them all.

“I’ve let you down…and I believe you know.” 

“That’s an understatement. How long has this been going on, Sophia? How long have you been making me a fool?” I heard exasperation in her voice, loud and clear. 

“Two months.” My answer was met with deafening silence. Awaiting her to measure my crime and hand me the appropriate sentence, I told her how it happened. I told her my weakness. I didn’t hide any details that she had asked. 

“I’m sorry that I’ve hurt you, betrayed your trust, and I understand and respect your decision if you want us to go our separate ways,” I said sincerely and truly. I hoped my sincerity could calm her down and make it all alright. But we both knew things were not alright. Nothing was.

We had avoided those words as if they were a plague, those words that were hidden in plain sight. The words ‘affair’ and ‘cheat.’

What surprised me was her calmness. She caught me off-guard.

“…I read somewhere that a relationship is beyond a person. A relationship is a place you want to be. So, Sophia…where do you want to be? What is it within me that you found not enough? In what way am I lacking? What did she do that give you the high, the excitement, the adventure?”

I stammered a response. Those questions. All I could come up with was nothing. She was perfect. There was no way I could find her lacking or not enough in any way. For once, someone who was good at her words in a spotlight with thousands of audiences didn’t know what to say. I could hear Sienna wasn’t having any more of my nonsense.

“This is ridiculous. I feel ridiculous. You are the one cheating on me, and I feel like I need to work things out.” Sienna sounded breathless, and it broke my heart.

         I expected her temper to be explosive, and if she was around, I would let her beat me to a pulp. I deserved it. But this long torturous pauses between each agonizing reply. This was too much to handle. I heard a long sigh from the end of the line. It was as if she had thought about this for the whole time that she had gone missing.

“I have a proposition to make.”