3.

I didn't see her again until months later. She often came during the night and I was on winter break before the next semester started. I was up looking at the classes I was interested in taking when I saw headlights shine through my bedroom window. My heart started racing and my chest heaved. I knew that there was a chance that it wasn't her but who else would be stopping by at three in the morning? I haven't left my room or showered in two days but that didn't stop me from walking out of my room and nearly sprinting down the stairs. Opening the front door, I made my way out to her car ready to give her a piece of my mind. "Where have you been?" I asked, slamming her door behind me. "You have sex with me and then leave? Who does that shit?" Watching her face I could tell that she didn't have the answers, she probably never would. Ricky probably didn't know how bad she hurt me...how bad she always hurts me but maybe it didn't matter, maybe this was the game she liked to play. "No answer? You just do it for fun?"

"No." she whispers, turning her head so that she wasn't looking at me now. "I just... I didn't know what to do. I didn't mean to make you mad."

"You didn't mean to make me mad? You work your way in and out of my life like you don't care and you think that doesn't make me mad?"

"I just don't know how to handle things like this, I'm sorry. Trevor I didn't think that I would start to feel –– to feel like this."

"To feel like what?" I nearly screamed. I was so close to ripping my hair out of my skull all because of her, everything was because of her.

"To fall in love!" she snapped, finally her gaze landed on mine. "I didn't mean to fall in love with you, it's too much. I thought that maybe having sex with you would get you out of my system and at first it did. I really thought that I was okay when I left the next morning but then I kept thinking about you, and I kept wondering if you had moved on or not and I always wanted to call you but I didn't think you would answer. I'm sorry, I'm so, so, sorry." I shook my head trying to comprehend everything she just said to me. I tried to understand that Ricky just told me that she was in love with me. After all this time I thought that I was a lost cause, and in a way I still am. I'm here, and she's told me everything that I've wanted her to say for months now and yet I can't find it in me to make one more to comfort her even as the tears come streaming down her face. "Say something, please." But I didn't. I couldn't. I wanted to tell her that I was in love with her too, tell her that I've always been in love with her, but was this what love was supposed to feel like? Was I supposed to feel so lost? "Trevor, please." As soon as I saw her hand being pulled from the steering wheel to be placed over mine I moved away from her touch altogether. Leaning over, I opened the car door and got out, slamming it shut behind me. No matter how bad I wanted to turn around, even hearing her calling out my name, I couldn't. I couldn't keep putting myself in a position like that. I couldn't keep making myself get played like a fucking fool when she probably didn't even know the meaning love. So I kept going, and didn't show a sign of weakness until I was alone in my room. I didn't know that I had any tears in me until they silently slid down my cheeks, and let me know that maybe, just maybe, this wasn't love at all.