- Hey. - What's her name? What's her name? What's her name?
— Hi Nicholas. - She smiles - I was thinking about when I would see you again.
“I've been busy these days. — I give my best smile — What are you going to do now?
'I have some things from work to tidy up for Mr. Charlie.
“Oh, sure. - What to do? “I shouldn't say this, but… how about we hang out for a bit now, and have some fun?
"You mean now, now?" She looks at me a little surprised.
- So it is. I was there at the other table looking at you and I got too excited with you in that little dress, in those heels. What do you say?
“I say I don't have much time.
- Excellent. It doesn't have to take long. We can go to my car and...
- What is thinking? – She interrupts me with a frown and a not pleasant face – I'm not just quick and easy sex.
Damn it! I've really been kind of clueless now. Wrong approach. This virgin girl is doing my crazy screws inside my head.
— I'm sorry… — What's her name?
“Look, Nicholas, I'm in a hurry right now. She says, getting ready to leave.
- It's all right. I...
“Nicholas, this really isn't the way I imagined you'd get to me after what happened. I didn't expect him to treat me like a girlfriend or anything, but at least to be a little considerate and not to approach me at my lunch hour just to ease the tension with a petty fuck. - She stops before leaving and gives me a very dirty look. Oh! She had expectations. But I guess I've been a cretin now.
Do not answer. She stomps out onto the sidewalk and I think it must have been for the best. With some women you can go out twice, but with some... In my rule of three, this is part of the one-eat-off. I'm still very excited and it's not even because of her, but I need to ease it. A waitress from the place walks past me with a smirk on her face that I know all too well. I go back.
It's after seven o'clock when I call Robert at the doctor's conference where he's at. He doesn't answer the first call so I call again. Once again no answer. I decide to call later and take the opportunity to call Rachel to get me right about the payment for Ellen. Initially, she misunderstands my call at such a time, “Oh Gods, when am I going to have a woman who doesn't expect anything from me? – but as soon as I explain everything, she gets annoyed and our conversation is short. She informs me that she will have the sum total of Ellen's expenses tomorrow and that she will call me back.
I hang up and try Robert one more time. No answer. I think I'm being a nuisance. He must be very busy and here I am pissing him off. I'm so bored. It's not yet eight o'clock and I have nothing to do. Damn it's Saturday. I should have a cat or two around, but instead I'm at home bored out of my mind and in no mood to go out, which is worse. I restrict myself to watching television or accessing the internet, seeing old colleagues who found love. Big joke. This love thing is a waste of time and a misfortune. Or maybe it does exist, but it's not for me. For a moment I feel nostalgic for high school, when life was far less worrying. But high school memories always end on that fateful day my life changed so I scatter those thoughts.
“That…more, Nicholas…more.
— Do you like it? Do you like the way I'm fucking you?
The girl doesn't respond, just groans. She moans madly with the sex we're having. It is wonderful. Is hot. She is so hot.
— Aaaaaah. she screams when I put my mouth on her nipple.
What a good taste she has. It can be compared to the rarest delicacy in the world. I'm almost having a seizure from the pleasure I'm feeling. I don't remember feeling so much lust and desire in my life. She's killing me.
- You are so hot. I want you forever.
All this pleasure is affecting my head. I never say that kind of thing to anyone because it's not true, but... Maybe with this woman I want to. Maybe I can stay with her forever. Perhaps...
“Don't stop…please…don't stop.
No girl I won't stop. Not with you. I want you. I need to see you. His face. I look at her and see her black hair spread out on the mattress, her green eyes looking at me in ecstasy, her mouth open in pure pleasure. It's a familiar face. It's her. It's Ellen. For her I can try. I continue with my movements, being enveloped by her, by her moans, by her hands on my body and I come in a glorious way looking right into her eyes, wishing that this moment lasts and that she never leaves.
I wake up with a jolt with my heart racing. Damn it was an erotic dream. A fucking dream woke me up. And worse... The things that happened in the dream went against everything I want for myself. What the fuck is happening to me? I sit up, run my hands over my face, and look at the clock. It's four in the morning. Shit. I need to sleep.
I lie down again and try at all costs to fall asleep again. Pffff Totally in vain. I have a rather light and irregular sleep, after waking up once in the middle of the night, I hardly go back to sleep. Dawn I didn't sleep a wink at all. Now I'm in a complete bad mood and woe to anyone who approaches me today.
At ten in the morning my mood still hasn't improved, on the contrary, it's only gotten worse. I get a call and answer without looking at the number. I'm rude and quite harsh with the person on the other end and I curse myself inside when I realize it's the receptionist at the NGO where I work on weekends asking about my absences today and yesterday. Cum.
I didn't attend because I spent most of Saturday morning having sex and I didn't sleep straight, and this morning I had a fucking dream that woke me up in the middle of the night and wouldn't let me sleep anymore. And who is to blame for all this? Her. The girl who took over my desire by making me wanton to the extreme on Saturday and who took over my dreams by making me sick today. Ellen. It's Ellen's fault.
To relieve the stress, I decide to run a little. I easily do at least four kilometers thinking about what happened this weekend. I never missed a single day at the NGO after I started, I never masturbated to a girl after I started my life without relationships, and I've certainly never had an erotic dream so intense and with such disturbing thoughts.
This girl has not even entered my life and is already turning me upside down. She's digging through everything that's been closely guarded for years. This is not typical of me. I'm not like that. I can't and don't want to be like that. I have to put a stop. At least if I knew why she was, for lack of a better term, so nailed to me. Maybe I even know. I want you. I want you very much. That's it. I've wanted her since Rachel told me about her a week ago. But desire can be accompanied by something I no longer want in my life. Not worth it. It's one thing for me to be dreaming and thinking nonsense without the slightest control over my subconscious, and it's another thing for me to be awake and know what I want from my life and not accept this nonsense willingly.
I do not want it. I don't want it. I don't want it. I don't want it. I repeat this mantra to myself throughout the journey, wanting to convince myself of this and I think I can.
At three in the afternoon I go over to Rachel's and settle with her what I owe for Ellen's “stay” and Saturday night. I go home to prepare for the next day's classes and spend a lot of time on that. I call Rob and still have no answer. Okay, I'm a little worried now. I called several times and he didn't answer, but I didn't leave a voicemail, this time I do.