I had always believed that some things were organized by fate. Today proved that to be terrifyingly true. When I got home, before I even got to thank Richie for the…ice-cream, the car doors burst open, and revealed a very determined looking Mama, but she smiled at me, thanked Richie, then dragged me upstairs to my room, and sat me on the chair.

“How was your outing?” She asked me doing something with her lips. I think it was called smirking. The door opened, and maids rushed in, some holding dresses, some with make-up, the rest with food.

"Fine thank you, Mama"

We immediately got to work, first with me having a relaxing soak with Mama, and then food. My dress was a strapless silver ball gown and that cupped my breasts properly, so all I needed was a strapless bra. I hadn’t fully developed, so I was a bit flat-chested. When we finished with make-up, which was only mascara and lip-gloss, it was already 5:30. Mama left to get dressed, and the maids left me for some quiet time. This was it. I looked in the mirror, scrutinizing my appearance. I looked hideous, like always. People always lied to me, saying I was beautiful, but I knew better. I would always be hideous, and I would always look like her, no matter how much I tried.

I hated myself.

Glaring at the mirror, I repeated my mantra, glaring deep into my own eyes.
“You are worthless, useless. And you’ll die alone. The only reason you’re here is pure luck. You don’t deserve an ounce of happiness, and what you did today was despicable. Utterly despicable. You’re the reason everyone abandoned you, so fake that smile as well as you can, because you’ll be faking it forever.” I breathed in and out. I was my own bully. Funny how many complain of other’s bully them, but I’m here bullying myself.

I smiled at my reflection, holding back the tears that threatened to fall. I heard the music that had started playing, and slipped on my heels, ready to dance the night away.
I looked at the living room, which had been transformed into a ballroom, and all eyes snapped to me. I put on my signature smile and walked down the stairs, holding the railing for support.

Uncle Max was at the end of the stairs, his arm open for me to loop mine through, and he smiled at me.
We danced for a while, and I danced with the rest of the 16 men. It was supposed to be 16. I looked at Michael, who was flirting with some chick I didn’t invite, and I turned around about to leave, when the scent of Axe mixed with wood filled my nose. I turned back around with a smile of my face, and took in his appearance, he was as handsome as ever.

“Richie” I breathed. He smiled, and we started dancing to the beat. 

“You look amazing Arianne.”

“Is it weird that I really want to kiss you right now?”

“No.” I sighed, feeling guilty. I shouldn’t be feeling like this. I loved Michael. “Don’t worry, it’s because it was your first kiss. Once Michael kisses you, you’ll forget all about the kiss.” He said, and I looked into his eyes. I had to be determined for our love, and I was only feeling like this out of frustration. I loved Michael, and I was now more determined to fix us than ever.

“Thank you, Richie.” I smiled at him. “You’re a great best friend.”

“Anything for you Arianne,” He whispered in my ear, making me shiver. He nuzzled the crook of my neck, chuckling at my reaction. 

“Oh God” I breathed quietly, finally realizing that he was leaving today.

“Arianne.” He groaned, making me shiver again. 

“Promise me something Richard.” He raised his face, then looked at me. 

“What.”

“Promise me that,” I paused. “You’ll wait for me.” I looked into his eyes.

“I promise.”

“Don’t leave without me.” I said to him. “I’ll see you off.” I said quietly, as the song was ending.

“I promise Arianne.” He said, kissing my forehead. “Anything for you.”

The song ended to soon and Mama came up to me smiling softly.

“If you weren’t getting engaged to Michael, I’d have thought you were in love with Richie. That looked intense dearie, are you okay?” 

“Of course I am Mama.” I smiled.

“It’s time for the announcement.” She said, and walked briskly to the stage, microphone in her hand. “Thank you all for coming to Arianne’s 16th birthday party, as we welcome her into society.” A round of applause was given. “Also, I would like to announce her engagement to my son!” Another round of applause. I glanced at Michael who was glaring at me, nothing but hatred in his eyes.

He walked up to the stage with a fake smile, and collected, no, snatched the microphone out of his mother’s hands. “There shall be no engagement people, except my courtship with that lovely lady at the back- wave Emily!” He said. “I will not be getting married to that.” He said, like I was a disease. 

“You’re nothing but a gold-digger and a slut, where’s your mommy and daddy, huh? Why can’t you just kill yourself? It would do a lot of us a favour. Nobody loves you Arianne, get that through your thick skull.”

His words hit a place I didn’t know I had. They attacked me like bullets, but with greater force. All eyes were on me, filled with pity. He really hated me. I finally came to face with the truth, he hated me. 

**Kill yourself.

My heart thumped hard against my chest, as I scanned the crowd, looking for help, seeking comfort. Mama was slowly approaching me, like I was a wild animal, and maids surrounded me. 

**Kill yourself.

It felt like I was dead, completely and utterly dead. My eyes felt tingly, then nothing. I felt nothing. 

**Kill yourself.

It was like time had slowed down, but it had only been a couple of seconds. 

**Kill yourself. 

I composed myself, and gave them one more smile. Some looked shocked that I could smile through the pain, but that’s what a fake smile was. Fake. I picked up my dress, glared at a smirking Michael, who looked dumb-founded, that I could even glare at and ran up the stairs of the house. I heard footsteps behind me, but I didn’t bother to check. Immediately I got to my room, I locked it and slid down the door. I couldn’t feel anything. Nothing was there, it was like it was all gone. I searched for an emotion, anything, but they were all gone. I walked and looked in the mirror, at my calm and composed look, how I looked completely normal, then I punched it. Hard. I had never thrown a punch before, so it had to hurt, but I didn’t feel it. 

I pulled my phone out of the pocket of my dress, and looked at the time. 8:17 pm. I was 16 years old today. The day that I got my first kiss. The day that I kissed my first love’s best-friend. The day Arianne died. I threw the phone at the mirror, cracking it. From afar, I could see the screen had split in two. Like my heart. I sat on my bed, lost in thought, till I heard frantic knocking on my window. I got up and opened it, to see Richard standing on my balcony. No questions asked, he stepped in and hugged me. 

I didn’t even hug back. I just felt empty. Was I dead? His lips were moving, I think, but nothing came out. The room was spinning, then it stopped. Michael would never love me. Ever. I had to come to terms with that. He finally released me, looking at me with concern.

“Arianne?” He whispered. “Are you okay?” He shook my shoulder’s gently. Was I okay? I giggled. He looked shocked at my state, looking at me like I was crazy. I giggled again, then took his hand and twirled under it. “Arianne?” He asked, sounding like he was going to cry. 

I hummed and wrapped his arms around myself, swaying to the beat I was humming. I stroked his cheek softly, grazing my fingers along his skin, feeling him shiver. Stepping on my tippy toes, I whispered in his ear. “Arianne is gone.” I giggled again, leaning him to the front of the cracked mirror. “They finally killed her, but that’s okay.” I giggled again. “I’m better”

Opening the door to my walk-in closet, I grabbed the duffel bag hanging in the wall, and started stuffing clothes in it. When it was filled with clothes, I moved to my bathroom, to get the necessities. 

The duffel looked like it would burst if I added anything else, so I threw it to Richard who effortlessly caught it. 

On my shoulder was a pair of black leggings and a blue crop top. I moved back to the middle of the room, where Richard was watching me curiously, then I unzipped my dress.

“Whoa!” He yelled, covering his eyes, his face flushed. I sighed, and removed his face from his palms. When he looked at me he turned an even deeper shade of red.

“Get used to this, because you’ll be seeing me like this very frequently.” Confusion masked his face, but I ignored him, and put on my clothes. I got my compact boots from my closet and slipped them on. Looking in the mirror, I was still unsatisfied. I undid my bun. I know it sounds insignificant, but this was like my thread to sanity. Consistency. My long brown hair dropped from its stylish torture and stopped at my waist. When I turned back to look at Richard, he was gaping. I fished my cards from under my bed and stuffed them in my bra.

“Okay Richie” I said “Let’s go to Canada"