My hands automatically flew to my mouth. Tears rolled on my cheeks nonstop. I feel like I have become a deaf. I do not want to believe everything that I am hearing. Dad is a good man—at least that’s how I perceived him to be—but I know my sister will never lie to me. She is Lianne Drear Atienza for Pete’s sake! Her mouth has no filter, she says the truth no matter if the ones hearing it would be hurt. That is what she is. Straight forward… frank. I know my sister more than anyone else and she never lies.

“W-where is Dean and Cassidy?” I am still in shock but I have to be strong. I have to see my little sister and brother.

“In Dean’s room. Cassidy is clueless as to what is happening—I think.”

I composed myself. I breathe deeply repeatedly and then fixed my hair. I practiced my smile. I can’t let my little siblings that their big sister is a weak ass bitch. They love me because I am strong and happy-go-lucky. I can’t let them see I am hurting.

We went out of my room to go to Dean’s room. The smile I practiced slowly faded away as I look at Dean with a bruise on his face! The tears I stopped form rolling earlier started to race on my cheeks.

What have they done to deserve this? And how stupid am I not to know this happened? I’m a failure. I failed to protect my siblings… my Mom.

“It was last night. You weren’t home because you were working. You couldn’t go home last night because of the thunder storm right?” Lianne started talking while she also looking at the sleeping Dean’s peaceful face, “I was playing with Cassidy and Dean when we heard loud voices… of course, as curious as we are, we went downstairs and we saw Dad b-beating up M-mom.” Her voice started shaking again.

“Cassidy saw Mom crying so she ran towards Mom…” Her tears roll on to her cheeks, “You’re smart, Dana. You know what happened next. I-I c-can’t say it…”

“Hush, Lianne. I’m here. Don’t worry, okay?” I tried to comfort her even if I, myself, do not know how to calm my nerves.

“W-we tried to stop Dad…” She still wouldn’t stop talking, “b-but he got mad and started hitting us… I tried to protect them, Dana. I swear!” Her voice is becoming hysterical, her body trembling, “C-Cassidy, being a child she is, she ran toward Dad and bit him… s-she almost got p-punched by Dad… h-he was so d-drunk, Dana. Even Cassidy who is a freaking child… T-that goddamn man! D-dean protected Cassidy as I couldn’t stand at the time.” She clenched her fist as if she is seeing what happened last night.

“D-don’t worry, Lianne. I won’t go anywhere, anymore. I’ll stay here and look after all of you. I promise.” I caressed her face with my trembling hand.

I do not know what to feel. I am enraged. I am confused. I am hurt. My emotions are all mixed up, I do not know what to feel. Just when I thought I’m finally getting a grip on the problem my father brought a few weeks ago then this will happen.

I’m sobbing silently as I hug my sister. I look at my two other siblings. Cassidy is hugging Dean while facing Dean’s back. They look so peaceful. My angels…

Days passed and I kept my promise to Lianne. Since it is our semestral break, I stayed home every time my Dad is home. He is not always at home because he has work. He works from Monday to Friday in a far province. He goes home every Friday night and leaves home for work every Sunday night. Basically, I don’t accept tutoring sessions from anyone every weekends. It’s all good anyway since I can still work on weekdays but I know I will have a hard time working when semestral break is over.

I find it funny how from being a fairy tale like story, my life became a disaster. I once believed that my life was so perfect—at least that is what I perceived it to be. That is why I’m having a hard time processing all of the happenings in my life.

Friday night and I was prepping to sleep. I just got home from Mrs. Flores’ house as I had an appointment with her. I worked until 7P.M. today because I heard that Dad won’t be coming home for tonight. I still need to work because I do not ask for allowance from my Mom anymore—in fact, I am the one who gives her money because my Dad is not giving her money anymore. He just spends his salary to alcohols and cigarettes. He’s not the same person I knew when I was a kid.

I was already comfortably lying on my bed when I heard a loud voice. My brows furrowed hearing my Dad’s voice, “I thought he wouldn’t be coming home tonight?” I asked myself as I get up to go downstairs.

As soon as I reached the living room, I saw Dad shouting at my Mom’s face. My siblings are also there as they were watching Netflix earlier when I got home. I saw Dean hold Lianne’s arm tightly, afraid of what may happen. Just by the looks of it, Dad is drunk.

“You useless slut! Get me some food, I’m fucking hungry.” He said in a loud voice.

“Don’t cuss, the children can hear you!” Mom hissed that made Dad angry.

He raised his left hand and slapped Mom, “You don’t fucking tell me what to do! Stupid bitch!”

I gasped as I quickly ran towards Mom, I caressed her cheeks and gave Dad a glare, “Why did you do that?”

Instead of answering my question he laughed as he held my jaw—grip rather, “Why? Do you want me to do that, too huh?!” He shouted. I flinched and felt something… fear. It was as if I felt like peeing on my pajamas because of how loud his voice echoed inside the living room.

I could hear Cassidy crying calling for my name. I looked at them and tried to smile, Dad still holding my jaw. Dean tries to cover Cassidy’s eyes with his trembling little hands while Lianne is hugging Dean and Cassidy as she cries silently.

I gave Dad another glare, “Please, stop drinking alcohol if you can’t control yourself.” I calmly said, “You’re my Dad and I respect you but I won’t let you hurt my Mom and my siblings.”

“You useless brat! I was the one who gave all of you your lives so I have the right to do whatever I want to all of you! All of you made me suffer for more than a decade and you’re telling me to stop drinking?” He said as he pushed me… so hard that I almost kissed the floor. Mom immediately went to me and helped me get up, she goes in front of me as if trying to make her body my shield.

“Don’t hurt your daughter, Leandro!” Mom shouted.

“Oh, shut up, Desiree! She’s my daughter, too. Can’t I do what I want in this goddamn household?!” He fired back.

I looked at Lianne and silently gave a sign to bring Cassidy and Dean upstairs but before they could even get up Dad went to their direction. Dean is now sobbing loudly as he watch Dad go towards their direction—pulling out his belt from his pants.

I quickly ran towards them. I blocked him so that he wouldn’t be able to hurt my siblings.

“Get out of my way brat! I’m so irritated by the noise these kids create every time I’m having a fucking good time!” He shouted at me but I didn’t budge even if I saw him raising his arm and about to whip his belt.

I closed my eyes ready to take the pain but before I could feel anything I heard a loud thud. I slowly opened my eyes and saw Dad who just turned his back on me. Mom threw a plate on him to stop him. We couldn’t react fast and the next thing happened so fast.

Dad punched Mom on her stomach and whipped her with his belt repeatedly. I ran towards Mom hugged her to use my body as a protection. I shout in pain every time the belt gets a contact with my skin. I hear my Lianne crying loudly now.

I looked at her with tears on my eyes, “Lianne! Get Cassidy and—Ah!—D-Dean to my room. Lock it. Quick!” I shouted in between my shouts in pain.

Dad tried to go after them but I hugged his feet so he wouldn’t reach them.

“Come back here, you stupid brats! Let me teach you a lesson for being loud!” He shouted glaring at them, “You! Get off me!” He repeatedly whipped me again with his belt, this time the metal part of the belt hit the side of my eye. For a moment, I lost my grip on his feet to hold the part where the metal hit me.

I cried in pain. My vision is becoming blurry but I can’t let him hurt my siblings. I hugged his feet again and did not mind the pain I was feeling and when I saw my siblings finally upstairs, I let go of Dad’s feet.

Limping, I went to my Mom to check on her. She’s barely conscious. I cried silently while hugging her. My sobs filled the living room. Everything suddenly became quiet, only my sobs could be heard. I roamed my eyes around the house and saw Dad lying on the sofa… sleeping—probably, due to his drunkenness. Minutes passed before I finally gathered all my strength to stand up. I helped Mom get up and assisted her to go upstairs. I decided to let her sleep in Lianne’s room. I also made sure that the room is locked before I went outside to go to my room.

I knocked on the door as it was locked just as I have instructed Lianne, “Lianne, this is Dana. Please, open the door.”

It hasn’t even a minute but the door quickly opened, I came and sat on my bed. I smiled when I saw Cassidy already sleeping.

“She fell asleep, crying.” Lianne said

“You should sleep, too.” I said caressing Cassidy’s peaceful face.

“I can’t…” She said as she got up. Minutes later she went back holding an ice compress from my small refrigerator here in my room, “Come on. Let me put a compress on your bruises.”

She motioned her hand to me. I smiled at her cold voice. Still the seemingly cold-hearted girl with a warm personality huh? “No, you go to bed and I’ll be the one to put ice compress on my shits…” I said, grabbing the ice compress from her, “…And that applies to you, Dean. Don’t just watch me. Come here, hug me before you sleep.” I didn’t mind the sudden throbbing pain when I raised both my arms to ask for a hug. He ran towards me to hug me as he silently cry. Lianne’s tears also didn’t escape my eyes. I smiled at her and motioned my hand to tell her to come and hug me, too.

“Dana?” I heard Dean’s voice, “Can we just leave Dad? I don’t want to see him ever. He’s bad!” His voice was shaky when he said that.

I sighed, “Unfortunately, we can’t”

He let go of me to face me, “Why? Do you still love Dad even if he hurt you and Mom?”

I smiled sadly. Dean is just ten and he doesn’t deserve to go through this.

“It’s complicated, Dean. I know you are old—you would always say that—but you are not old enough to understand the reason why we can’t leave Dad.” I calmly said, still smiling.

“But he hurt you. Fathers should be a good figure. They are supposed to love their family and hurting a family is not a sign of love.” I can’t believe this kid could say such powerful words. He is just ten for Pete’s sake!

Even I, don’t want to live with Dad anymore but what can we do? Dad is the only one who can provide for us. If we leave him now, there’s a big possibility that we can’t continue our studies. I can work my ass off for them but it wouldn’t even be enough to pay the bills, what more to send them to school. I haven’t graduated high school, yet and it would be hard for me to look for a job. Mom doesn’t know a lot of works as she was raised with a golden spoon on her mouth—before she got disowned by her own parents when she decided to marry Dad.

“I know but we can’t do anything about it now. There are things that are out of our control and all we could do is to always be prepared and watch how things play out,” I pat his head and smiled at him, “Things will get better, soon. For now, sleep because you will need the energy tomorrow.” He nodded and went next to Cassidy to sleep.

I smiled looking at them. Yes, I hope things will get better, soon.

“Dana…” I looked at Lianne when she called me.

“Hmm?”

She hesitated for a second before finally opening her mouth, “Thank you… for keeping your promise not to let anyone hurt us but please next time don’t let anyone hit you, too.”

“Promises are sacred, Lianne. Once I say the word promise that only means I intend to keep it no matter what,” I smiled at her, “Don’t worry too much about me. I’m a black belter in taekwondo and aikido. These…” I smilingly show her my bruises and scratches, “…are nothing compared to my love for you, for Mom, for Dean, and for Cassidy.”

She just smiled a little but I saw her secretly wipe her tears.

‘I hope you grow to be stronger than you are, Lianne…’