Avery

            I am at the office early the next morning.  I was unable to sleep at all, I had a million things running through my mind, and they all led back to Troy.  I look over Katie’s file, although I know the file by heart.  However, there are certain things that seem to stand out to me now.  Katie had been wearing a black dress the night she was raped.  I think back to his comment about her looking better in black.  Alone, that doesn’t prove anything, he could have seen her wearing black some other time.  It was the comment about the alley that really stands out.  There is no way Troy could have known about the alley, without someone telling him.  He has been distant and troubled, and now argumentative, could this be the reason why?  I do not like having these types of doubts about my friend.  Suddenly, there is a knock on my office door.  I stand to answer it, and Hayley comes barging in, obviously on a mission of her own for answers.

            “Avery, we need to talk.”  She takes the seat opposite of my desk, throwing her purse down and crossing her legs, an indication she isn’t planning on going anywhere anytime soon.

            “About what?”  I ask, while closing my office door.  

            “Your friend, Troy.”  Hayley shoots back, allowing her annoyance to be known.  “What is his deal, anyway?”

            “I’m not sure what you mean.”  I sit back down at my desk, intertwining my fingers.  

            “What is his problem with you and Katie?”  She is glaring at me, impatiently waiting on my reply.

            “I’m not sure.”  I respond cautiously, sounding distant as I look down at Katie’s file, coming across the photos of the footprints and foot molds taken the night Hayley came upon the intruder in Katie’s yard.  “I have some thoughts on the matter, maybe you could help me shed some light on them.”

            “What do you need me to do?”  She is leaning forward, the excitement evident in her tone.

            “I need you to call Troy,” then I lead into the details of what I need her to do for me.

            Hayley takes out her cell phone and dials the number, hitting the speaker button on her phone.

            “Troy Myer.”

            “Troy?”  Hayley inquires, although he clearly stated his name.  I am starting to wonder if it was such a good idea to involve her.

            “Yes?”  Troy questions, his tone indicating that he has no clue who he is speaking with.

            “Troy, it’s Hayley.  Can we talk?”

            “About what?”  Troy’s voice sounds guarded.

            “Avery!”  Hayley makes herself sound exasperated and totally annoyed.  “Do you think maybe I can come by your place later, I have some concerns, and you are the only person that I think will be honest with me about him.”  She looks up at me and winks.

            “Sure.”  Troy seems to sound amused at her.  “Let me give you my address.”

            Troy gives Hayley his address and they agree to meet there at seven p.m.  As she hangs up the phone, she looks across the desk at me.  “I feel like a secret agent, taking on my first assignment.”  The giddiness clear in her voice.  I give her all the items she will need to successfully complete her mission.  I am praying I am wrong about my suspicions, but there is only one way to know for sure.

            I had called Katie to let her know that I would be working late.  I was pacing the floor in my office when Hayley returns, a little after 9 p.m.  She lays out the audio recorder and the evidence pad I had given her.  “I’m not sure exactly what you are looking for, but I want you to know that he is obviously upset over making a mistake, and is fearful that it is something he can never be forgiven for.”

            “Why do you say that?”  My concern evident in my tone.

            “He practically told me!”  Hayley throws her arms up in the air.  “He kept babbling, asking me if I had ever made a mistake, or if I could forgive someone who had.  I hope you’re wrong.  Whatever you are thinking, I hope you are wrong.”

            “I hope I’m wrong too.” Hayley leaves my office and I play the audio recording, a sinking feeling in my gut.  You can hear the dinging of the elevator as Hayley arrived at Troy’s penthouse apartment, followed by the knock on the door.

            “Come on in.  Make yourself comfortable.”  Troy’s voice is the first voice heard on the recording.  “So, you say there is something you wanted to discuss regarding Avery?”  He seems to be eager to get to the point of their visit.

            Hayley’s voice is heard next. “I’m worried about Katie and how fast her relationship with Avery is progressing, when none of us know anything about him.  I notice that you and Avery are not on the best of terms, although you claim to be friends.  I wondered if there is anything I need to know about him before I allow Katie to build a future with him.”

            I hear someone taking a seat, then Troy’s voice, “Avery is a good man.”  There is a long pause.  “Would you like a drink?”  

            I hear shuffling, then Hayley’s voice, “Could I use your restroom?”

            The only sounds that are heard for a while is Hayley’s panicked breathing, a door opening, a zipper, then footsteps, followed by more heavy breathing.  Troy’s voice is heard again, “Have you ever made a mistake?”  

            Hayley’s voice follows, “We all make mistakes.”  The uncertainty is clear in her voice.

            “Who decides whether or not the mistake is worth being punishable?”  Troy’s voice is distant.

            “I don’t know, I guess the law.”  Hayley’s voice seems uncomfortable, “Look Troy, you seem to have a lot on your mind, maybe this isn’t the best time.”

            “If you knew your best friend made a mistake, a bad mistake, would you forgive her?”  Troy’s voice sounds pleading.

            “Yes, yes I would.”  You can hear Hayley sigh, “I am sure that no matter what the mistake is, it can be forgiven.”  This is followed by the sounds of the door opening and closing, then the distinct ding of the elevator, clearly indicating Hayley had left.  

            After turning off the recording, I spend some time staring at the evidence book.  I open Katie’s file, finding the pictures of the footprints and molds taken from the flower bed outside of Katie’s living room window.  I then open the evidence book and look over the stamps of the bottoms of Troy’s shoes that I had asked Hayley to get.  I realize this evidence would never be admissible in court, but this was my friend, and I had to know. With each stamp of the soles of Troy’s shoes that don’t match the photos, I breathe a little easier.  I finally reach the last stamp, and my heart sinks.  It is a perfect match.  I jump to my feet, pacing my office.  I can hear my heartbeat roaring in my ears.  My gut had told me it was Troy, but my heart doesn’t want to believe it.  Even now, with the evidence in front of me, I don’t want to believe it.  I had my suspicions after my conversation with Katie the night before, and when Hayley came to see me, I thought this would be a way to clear Troy’s involvement, not condemn him.  I had told Hayley that I thought maybe Troy was involved in another case I was investigating, and I didn’t want to embarrass him by getting a search warrant.  I thought if she helped me obtain the evidence, then I could help my friend without involving law enforcement.  Hayley was happy to help, hell, that was the plan, to help.  Now what do I do?  My duty as a law enforcement officer is to protect and serve, which would require me to go through the legal channels and then turn Troy in.  My duty as a friend would require me to be there for Troy, no matter what.  I need to clear my head and think this through.  I need Katie.  I lock the file in my desk, along with the new evidence.  It can wait until morning.  It can wait until I decide what to do.

            I pull up to Katie’s, suddenly exhausted.  I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders, my best friend’s life lays in the balance, and I am the only one who decides which way the scales will tip.  Katie meets me at the door, and I guess she can read the troubled look on my face, because she immediately pulls me into her arms.  Don’t I owe it to the woman I love to solve her case?  Wait, love?  Hell, that almost scares me more than the decision I need to make about Troy.  I have never felt so torn before in my life.  Between the realization that I may be in love with Katie, my responsibility to my friend, and the oath of my job, I am on the borderline of having a fucking anxiety attack.  Who or what do I owe more to?  The people I care about, or my job?  And if I choose the people I care about, which one?  I hate feeling like I have no control.  I feel like I am losing more of it by the second.  

            I guess Katie can sense my inner turmoil, because she leads me to a chair in the dining room.  She has prepared dinner, the table is already set, how did I not notice this?  The candles lit on the table, the romantic place settings, I feel like I am ruining something.  She begins massaging my shoulders, in a failed attempt to loosen me up.  I do humor her by closing my eyes and moaning.  She must sense defeat, because she takes the seat next to me at the table and begins enjoying her meal.  We sit in silence for several long moments, Katie being the first to break the silence.  “Guess what tomorrow is?”

            My eyebrows shoot up, “Tomorrow?” I am really starting to freak the hell out now.  Not that I don’t already have enough on my plate, but now I can’t remember whatever the fuck it is I am supposed to remember about tomorrow!

            Katie begins to giggle over my sudden panic attack.  “Tomorrow is the ultrasound.  Are you going to be able to clear your schedule and come with?”  This is the only ultrasound that has been scheduled during her pregnancy since the one done at the hospital to confirm the viability of the pregnancy.  Since it was obvious when she had conceived, there was no need to do one before now.  “If we are lucky, we will be able to learn the sex of the baby.”

            “Of course, I can clear my schedule and come with you.  What time tomorrow?”  I am feeling a bit guilty that I am so preoccupied.  I was looking forward to this.  But now, the question has already formed in my mind before I can stop it, what if this is Troy’s baby?

            “It’s scheduled for nine in the morning.  I wanted it early so that it wouldn’t keep either of us from work too long.”  The excitement is clear in her voice.  I haven’t heard her this excited since the baby started kicking at six months.  It amazes me how this woman can be so excited about this baby, having endured the violent nature of its conception.  Up until this point, I was excited as well.  It has never bothered me before that this baby wasn’t mine.  I would lay next to Katie at night with my hand on her pregnant belly, just so I could have private time with the little one and feel it move around.  I would whisper promises to it, which feel tainted now that I know who may be responsible.  

            “I will call in now and let them know I will be late in the morning.”  I smile over at her.  I can tell by the way Katie is looking down at her stomach, that the little one is on the move again.  I watch as her face lights up with every movement, she is beautiful.  She is going to make a wonderful mother.  Don’t I owe it to her and the baby to find out what happened?  I pick up my phone, calling my shift manager.  Of course, it isn’t a problem, everyone in the office is counting down the days until ‘dooms day’, as they jokingly refer to it.  The day my world will be turned upside down.  Well, they were all off in their calculations, that day is today.

            After dinner, we clean the kitchen and settle into the living room to watch TV.  Katie picks a movie we have been wanting to see, but my mind is not on the movie.  Why doesn’t Troy trust me enough to come to me?  Just because I am a law enforcement officer doesn’t change the fact that we are friends.  The question that is gnawing at me the most is, why did he do it?  I know we all had a lot to drink that night, after all, we were celebrating.  I know Troy had consumed a lot of alcohol before I had even left with Vanessa.  I can just imagine how much more had been consumed after I left, especially once Troy’s father had made Wayne his offer.  Then where did he go?  How did he end up there at the club?  How did he end up in the alley with Katie?  And what the hell caused him to want to harm an innocent person?  What was he thinking?  Was he that drunk?

            Katie rises once the movie is over. This is where we will usually spark to life, asking questions and discussing what we have watched.  I know I am looking up at her helplessly, praying this isn’t our routine tonight.  I guess she knew I hadn’t paid a bit of attention during the movie, because she doesn’t.  She reaches out for me; I rise and take her hand.  She quietly leads me to the bedroom.  We climb into bed together, and tonight, she initiates the intimacy.  

           The rays of sunlight stream in the window, marking the beginning of the new day.  Katie hops out of bed first, which is unusual for her, however, with how exhausted I am, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.  She is excited about today, which gives me the strength I need to get up.  I am worried about what is waiting on me at the office, but for Katie, I can put it all aside and be there for her today.  I go into the kitchen and pour myself some coffee while Katie is in the shower.  She joins me in the kitchen once she is dressed, a concerned look on her face.  I know she can feel how distant I am, so I give her a warm smile, and even warmer kiss before I slip off into the shower myself.  It is her day, dammit, I need to get my shit together so that I don’t ruin it for her.  When I return to the kitchen, she has prepared a breakfast of fresh fruit and French toast, which is what she happens to be craving at the moment.  

            On our ride to the obstetrician’s office, the baby is just as active as usual following a meal.  “Look, even the little one is excited!”  Katie beams.  I can’t help but notice how Katie has been nothing but smiles all morning, obviously excited about this appointment.  I smile over at her warmly, admiring her and her strength.  Throughout our time together, she has never ceased to amaze me, today is no different.  We arrive at the appointment and are taken back to the ultrasound room.  Katie had consumed two bottles of water on the way here, and she is complaining about how she is going to burst.  She gets up on the table, they place the cold gel on her stomach, followed by the transducer, pressing and maneuvering until they find what they are looking for.  I take Katie’s hand in mine and squeeze it gently when the image appears on the screen.  We can hear the heartbeat clearly, the quick little thumps filling the room.  But the most amazing part is the image, right there, confirmation of the small little life that has been growing inside her.  The doctor is reading off measurements, discussing the organ development, then asks those seven little words, “Do you want to know the sex?”

            “Can you tell?”  I ask, my eyes wide in amazement and anticipation.

            “Yes, I can.”  The doctor confirms, grinning at each of us.  “Would you like to know?”

            Katie looks up at me, I give her an inquiring look, and she simply nods, giving me her silent authorization to find out.  “Yes”, I pause, “Yes, we would like to know.”

            “If you will take a look here,” the doctor moves the transducer to position the buttocks into view, “you will see clear evidence that it is a little boy.”

            “A boy,” I whisper.  Suddenly I am filled with dread.  Is Troy having a son?  What does that mean for me once the truth is out.  Nausea threatens, and I have to force it back down.  I will not ruin this for Katie.  

            The doctor prints off several of the ultrasound photos for us to have.  Katie quickly runs to the bathroom to relieve her swollen bladder.  She returns to find me sitting in the chair outside the office, looking over the ultrasound photos.  I am trying to determine if there is any resemblance to Troy in any of the photos.  

            On the ride back to Katie’s house, she is chatting excitedly about the ultrasound and the sex of the baby.  She looks over at me, lovingly, and asks, “Do you have any ideas for a boy name?”

             I am shocked.  I had not thought about baby names, or baby themes, or baby products like Katie and Hayley had.  I just assumed she would want to name the baby, I assumed that she and Hayley had already planned everything out.  Although she has always included me in the pregnancy, I haven’t really given any thought to the baby’s sex or anything else until today.  I shook my head, “Have you thought of any names?”

            Katie laughs, “Honestly, I haven’t.  I have been so stressed lately over getting a partner and bringing in another vet, that I really haven’t given it much thought.  I knew I would wait until I learned the sex, so I guess we need to get busy, huh?”

            I smile over at her, “I guess so.”  It is hard for me to focus on the good parts of this pregnancy now, when I have that file locked away in my desk drawer looming over me.