It was a rather slow morning. I woke up to the smell of coffee and bacon. My mom was talking loudly to someone on the phone. By the time I went downstairs for breakfast she had already left the house. The note on the fridge said that she would be late today. I was in a cherry mood as I had the whole day to myself. After breakfast, I put on my favourite red sweatshirt and black jeans, took my phone and went for a walk. It was a tradition here to host a football match every Sunday so the streets were pretty much empty. I have missed this place in ways I can’t describe; after all it was my first home. Everything is exactly the way it was. The old shops, paint withering off houses, the broken street light in the town square. The familiar whiff of the air flooded me with nostalgia as I took a stroll down memory lane. The people here have lived their entire lives in this town. There is something about small towns, people get attached to them. My attachment to this place never worn off but I couldn’t live here forever. Ever since I was five I wanted to absorb the beauty of the world. To live in different places, meet new people. But this was and always will be my first home. As I was walking through the streets I saw Matt and Luke. They were both wearing our football teams red jerseys and white pants. If someone was seeing them for the first they would mistake them for brothers. But what were they doing here? They should be at the game. I wanted to be alone for a while so I turned back but I was too late.

“Liam,” Matt shouted as he ran towards me. “What are you doing here?” he asked. “I was just looking around. Why aren’t you at the game?” I asked. “It was getting boring so we left. Come here, you won’t believe what we just saw.” he said. They practically dragged me to Mr. Morris’s house. At first, I couldn’t see anything. But then I spotted a 1969 Mustang Boss 429 parked in front of his house. My dad loved cars, he taught me all about them. We used to go to all kinds of expos before my parents got divorced. What was such an expensive and vintage car doing with Mr. Morris? “Isn’t she a beauty?” I whispered to myself. “It sure is, but what is it doing with Morris. I have never seen him driving it. Why does he even have it? Such beauty should be in capable hands” Matt said. The smirk on his face and the devious gleam in his eyes suggested he was planning to do something reckless. Even he was scared of Mr. Morris but he was a slave to his impulses. “Let’s take it for a spin.” he said. “Don’t be crazy Matt, we can’t steal it.” I said. “Don’t be such a wuss. We aren’t stealing it, we are just borrowing-” There was a loud thud that cut him off. Mr. Morris closed the garage door and came into the driveway.

I had never seen him in anything other than his dull robe. But today he was wearing a white t-shirt, denim jeans and a blue jacket. There was a bright shine on his pale skin. He was wearing aviators and black boots. Despite being skinny he looked handsome. Matt’s jaw was dropped and Luke was rubbing his eyes. None of us had ever seen this side of Mr. Morris. It was more of a shock for Matt and Luke than me. I had seen Mr. Morris only a couple of times since I moved but they saw him practically every day. He sat in the car and drove it off to the woods. I couldn’t help but wonder where he was going. A voice in my head asked me to follow him. But it would have been rude to interfere in his life. “Let’s follow him. Luke, go get the car.” Matt said. “Leave him alone guys. It wouldn’t be right of us to follow him. Besides what will we get from following him?” I asked. Matt looked at me with judgy eyes. His glare was full of disgust as if those who didn’t agree with him were less than him. Luke looked a bit disappointed. “Who cares man? Let’s go, it will be fun.” Matt said. “It might be, but I am in no mood. You guys go if you want to, I am going home.” I said. “What happened to you? Guess all the guts in your family went to your brother.” Matt said.

Why did he bring this up? It felt like someone had slapped me in the face. But why did this bother me? I should have told him to fuck off and go, home but my legs wouldn’t budge. I stood there helplessly as Luke turned the car around. Matt asked me again if I wanted to come. Everything in my body told me not to go but for some reason I sat in the car. My hands were shaking and I couldn’t get them to stop. I clenched them into a fist so the others wouldn't see them. Matt was whistling with joy at my expense. Why was he in my head? Those words loomed around in the depths of my mind as I tried to piece them together. Mr. Morris’s car was racing ahead and we paced behind it as discreetly as possible. Following someone, much less Mr. Morris, was the worst idea but somehow Matt’s words were enough to cover it up. I felt torn within myself. The screeching car jarred me from my thoughts. I was so preoccupied with my thoughts I didn’t even realize we had arrived. But where had we arrived? I knew we were in Oakmont woods though I had never been to this part of the forest. It was a relatively small forest near town, most people rented cabins here for a few nights. The last time I was here was in 2012. We had come here for a family getaway. The damp smell of Earth had an unnerving effect on me. My eyes relaxed and a weight seemed to have lifted from my chest. The moss-covered trees were shining dew under the bright sun was a sight to behold. I would sit just here all day if I could. But we had to move along. None of us could enjoy the view due to Luke’s chattering teeth. It wasn’t even cold. That’s when I remembered whenever he was scared his teeth started to chatter. I was pretty sure they both didn’t know about this place either. Mr. Morris was going towards the sound of a stream so we followed him. He was surprisingly agile on his feet. We had to run (as quietly as possible) to keep up with him. I could hear my heartbeat as we followed him. What if he saw us? What if we got caught? But I had to admit that this gave me a rush. I was still torn over my decision of coming here but now was not the time to think about it. All of us were panting by the time we reached there.

There was a small beautiful lake in front of us. We were standing behind a few trees looking down at the lake. The sunlight glimmered across the turquoise water radiating the lake. I wanted to just sit there and bask in the beauty of such a magnificent view. I was a little envious of Mr. Morris. He had access to such a beautiful place, but he didn’t seem to be enjoying it. He was sitting beside the water on a rock staring at the water. I wondered what he was thinking about? Behind him was a wooden cabin. It was different from the other cabins in these woods. Its construction had been done in a very articulate and alluring manner. The blue paint mirrored the color of the water. The wood was intricately carved with different caricatures. It looked much more spacious than the other cabins. I could see why he came here. I desperately wanted a brush and some colours. I don’t know if I could ever catch the essence of this moment but I would like to try. “How does Morris know about this place?” Matt asked. There was a mix of envy and fascination on his face. The corner of his lip had curled up which showed his pointy incisors. It was evident that he wanted this place. I knew he was planning something but I didn’t want to deal with it. Before this whole thing blew in my face, I decided to go back home.

I couldn’t take the car and it would take me an hour on foot to walk back home. But I would rather walk an hour than stay here for another second. Who knows what Matt will do next. I turned around and went the other way when I saw a signboard. It said, ‘This property belongs to Tom Morris. No trespassing’ Out of nowhere Matt was in front of my face. He held my hand but I jerked it away. “Where are you going?” he asked while grinding his teeth. “Can’t you see this board? We are trespassing. I am going home, Luke you should come with me.” I said. “Luke isn’t going anywhere. Who cares if we are trespassing or not. But alright wuss, go on. Just riddle me this, how will you get home?” Matt asked. “I don’t need that piece of junk to go home. Why do you even want to stay here?” I asked. “He is bound to leave this place at some point. Once he does then we will spend the night in the cabin. After all, why should Morris get this place?” I clenched my fist as an urge took over my body. My nostrils had flared up and knuckles had gone white. He was saying something when a voice echoed through the trees. “Who is there?” It was Mr. Morris. His voice quaked with anger. The thought of getting caught terrified us all even Matt. In a flash of movement, all of us ran towards the car. Luke was in front, Matt was behind him and I was the last one. I was almost certain that we were going in the wrong direction but I kept running anyway. I had almost caught up to Matt when my leg was caught in an entangled vine. I jerked forward and went down. The thorns pierced my skin and pain shot up my leg. My head was in throbbing pain. I could see two Matts standing above me. I called his name but he ran away. I could hear him laughing as the world started to spin around me. My eyes closed and darkness descended upon me. Someone lifted me up and after that everything was pitch black.

The air was filled with gasoline and the ground covered in glass. I was surrounded by a pool of blood. My mom was lying on the ground covered in sweat from the heat. Dad carried me in his arms as I saw the look of horror on his face. He was gasping for air as his heart thumped against my ear. He gently laid me down and mere moments after that there was a bang. The explosion knocked dad to the ground. My eyes flew open.

I was covered in sweat and gasping for air. I relived that horror once again but it never seems to get easier. I was lying on a grey couch with peach sheets over me. They were covered in sweat just like the rest of my body. My dirty clothes were sticking to my body. I was inside of a cabin. The walls were light purple and there was a wooden table in the middle of the room. Some noise was coming from what I assumed was the kitchen. I could see the lake from the window. Which meant this was Mr. Morris’s cabin. My throat had dried up and my head was aching. There was a bandage wrapped around my head along with some pills on the table. Did Mr. Morris treat my wounds? I was holding my head when he entered the room stomping his feet with a kettle in his hand. His eyes were rolled up and his jaw was tightened. His anger was completely justified though I couldn’t tell if he was angry or not. He didn’t say anything but he offered me a cup of hot tea. The mug was warm against my hand. The first sip was enough to relax all my cramped muscles. All I wanted to do was lie down and take a nap but I couldn’t, not with Mr. Morris sitting beside me. He was looking at me with a strange look. The unnerving silence was driving me crazy. I was not used to it at all. I couldn’t take it anymore and I whispered in a soft voice.

“Thank you for treating me.” There was no reply from his side. “I am sorry for sneaking in your property.” There was no response from his side. He took a sip of his tea and kept the cup on the table. “You are always apologizing for something or the other. Will your mother be paying me a visit again?” he asked in an accusatory tone. “Mr. Morris I know you won’t believe me but I asked my mom to leave you out of this. But she talked to you anyway. I apologize on her behalf.” I said. There was a sarcastic smile on his face. “There you go with the apologies again.” he said, “Why did you follow me here?” What was I supposed to say? I didn’t know the answer to that myself. “It’s okay kid you don’t have to tell me anything as long as you don’t come here again. Are we clear?” he asked.

The tea finally went down my throat after hearing those words. A wave of relief spread through my body as I could finally relax. I looked around the room and it was beautiful as compared to his house. The contrast between his two houses was enormous. How can one person live in both of these places? I had a lot of questions which needed answering. Mr. Morris somehow picked up on that. “I know you want to ask me something, just go ahead and ask.” he said. “How did you know I wanted to ask something?” I asked. “I used to be a cop, kid. I can tell what people are thinking.” he replied. Mr. Morris was always the creepy guy around the corner. I never thought of him as having a life other than that. This side of Mr. Morris was rather alluring. “Why do you live in that house Mr. Morris?” I asked. I didn’t understand the depth of the question that I had asked, but it was clear from his face that it was a grave one. The faint smile from his face had disappeared and it was replaced by a look of regret. He tried to say something but couldn’t. He was holding his left hand to stop it from trembling. I immediately regretted asking him the question but it was too late. “That house is the last connection I have. It may be burnt but you don’t see it the way I do. I remember every single day I spent in that house and I can see it replay in front of my eyes. It is the only thing that brings me a little peace. If I change that place in any way I will lose all connections I once had.” he said. I didn’t understand most of what he said but I wanted to know more. “Sir, if you don’t mind me asking how did it burn down? No one in town knows what exactly happened.” I asked. There was a moment of silence. Mr. Morris took a deep breath and launched into his story.

“I remember the fresh smell of paint the day I moved to that house. It was roughly twenty years ago. I had just retired from the force and was looking forward to a quiet life with my family. I wanted a house where I could enjoy every passing moment with the people that I loved. Somewhere I could wake up to the sound of my daughter, Claire, playing outside. The folks in my hometown weren’t exactly cop friendly. Despite that I had a good life back there. My work made it difficult for me to spend time with Claire and Martha, my wife. So we decided to move here. This town doesn’t have a lot but it was quiet and peaceful. But that peace was temporary and eventually my old life came knocking at my door.

Peter Smith after twenty years of sentence, came looking for revenge. He somehow managed to track me down to this town and burned down my house. It was two at night when the screaming started. The fire was mainly concentrated on the ground floor near Claire’s room. Martha and I rushed down to save her. The flames had engulfed the entire floor. Martha had Aortic stenosis, a heart disease which made it difficult for her to breath. She was burning up and I had to do something. The smoke was choking us as we tried to make our way out of the house. Claire was trapped in her room. She was calling me, her screams were ringing in my ears. My eyes were burning and the smoke had formed an impenetrable wall around us. Martha was gasping for air as her lungs began to close. There were tears in Martha's eyes but not for herself. All she wanted was to see her baby safe. I can never forget the look on Martha’s face. The fire was slowly eating the wood around us. The floor was caving in and each step was more difficult than the previous one. I covered Martha with a cloth and rushed into the wall of smoke.

We managed to get out of the house and fortunately Martha was much better than before. Once I laid her down I rushed back inside to save Claire. The inside of my throat was burning with smoke as my legs began to collapse. The screams had now been subdued by the raging fire. I could hear my heart thump against my chest. The heat was unbearable; it was as if I was on the inside of an oven. My whole face was damp with sweat and my heart was caving in. The only thing that kept me going was the thought of Claire in that room. I had nearly reached her room when a cupboard fell on me and pinned me to the floor.

The flaming wood burned my left hand. I was writhing in pain but it was nothing. The thought of Claire being trapped in that room was the actual pain. I pushed with all my might but I couldn’t budge that cupboard. I pushed it to no end as I screamed for help for my Claire. My entire body was grappling with fear and pain as the fire had burned most of my left arm. I gasped for air in that cloak of smoke. Tears trickled down my skin as I kept calling her name. I was too weak to save her and in that moment I wanted the fire to consume me. The way my old life was consuming everything that I held dear. I had never believed in God but in that moment I prayed for her safety. The heat choked up my throat and my eyes began to close. My body had finally given in and I let the heat take me. Her giggling face appeared in front of me. She looked truly happy. I couldn’t help but admire her beautiful smile and her soft eyes. She was calling for me as she ran down the hill with the wind blowing her hair. My name was the last thing I heard before I fell into a dark abyss. But that darkness was nothing compared to what I had to face for the rest of my life.

I woke up two weeks later in the hospital. My eyes were searching for the two of them but I couldn’t find them anywhere. Their smiles would have been enough to mask the pain of my wounds. I kept waiting for them to show, with my eyes glued to the door. I kept telling myself that any minute they will be here with a surprise for me. That Claire would run up to me and tell me about her day. They didn’t show up but the doctors did. They told me Martha couldn’t handle Claire’s death and she passed away shortly after hearing the news. I still didn’t believe the doctors and I waited for them and I have been waiting ever since. Even today when the phone rings or there is a knock on the door my heart leaps. The hope kills me everyday. They both left me alone and took with them the man I once was; leaving behind a shell who neither knew how to live nor love. My whole life was torn apart in a matter of hours. I haven’t been able to gather the courage to go to Claire’s room. The echoes of her scream haunt me. Every moment, every second all I think about is what could I have done differently. That house lives as a reminder of how I failed them. It was designed by my wife just like this cabin: the colour, the decor, everything. Most of those things in my house were destroyed but I can’t throw or replace them. Matha picked them out herself. I have been lost since the accident. I tried therapy and other things but they couldn’t teach me how to live without them. Breaking my house would mean to start over and I don’t know how to do that.

Claire would have been thirty today. That car was supposed to be a gift on her eighteenth birthday. It was her favourite place to hide when we played hide and seek. But I never got to give it to her. This was the first time in eighteen years I took that car out. Today was her birthday so I came here. This is the only place in this world where I can breathe. A place where my memories are intact. In this mess I call life this is the only standing structure. Everything else including myself died all those years ago.”

Tears were rolling down my eyes but his eyes were completely dry. Though they weren’t exactly necessary to tell me how broken he must feel. The entire town called him names, but no one ever bothered to know what actually happened. His life had been twisted in ways we could never imagine. It was a shapeless void too deep to be filled. I felt guilty for listening to people brew those stories about him or to let Matt make those faces at him. My heart reached out to him but I couldn’t do anything. I was glad that he confided in me but at the same time I was perplexed as to why. Out of all the people, why did he choose me. But after his last answer I couldn’t bring myself to ask another question. It lingered on my tongue but he saw through me yet again.

“You are wondering why I am telling you this aren’t you?” he asked in a plain voice. “Yes sir.” I replied. “You remind me of Claire. She was a lot like you. I don’t know you but there is something about you that is different. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that your outlook towards me is not the same as others. You have compassion the way most people don’t. The first time I saw you all I could see was her face. I didn’t mean to scare you last night. The noise you heard yesterday was a tape recorder. I was going through some of the stuff which wasn’t destroyed. One of them was a recording of a fight between Claire and Martha. Claire was shouting because Martha refused to buy her a new doll. I couldn’t bear to watch it so I turned it off immediately.” he said. “Sir, doesn’t it bother you what people think about you? The names they call you?” I asked. “Liam, right?” he asked. I nodded. “Even before the incident people used to call me names like the crazy cop but it never bothered me. When you worry about what the world thinks of you, you start to lose yourself. You try to mold yourself to their perceptions. I never understood the notion of changing yourself for someone else’s approval. Acceptance is important but the people to whom you really matter will love you for who you are.”

There was some truth to his words but I disagreed with most of them. But I wasn’t going to tell him that. The last light of the day shone through the window as the sky took on a new shade. “It’s getting late I should drop you home. I was planning on staying the night but I guess you will need a ride and I doubt your friends would be coming back.” he said. Mr. Morris grabbed his jacket and he helped me get up slowly. It took a moment for me to get the feeling back in my legs. The floor pricked my feet as it sent shivers down my body. There were goosebumps all over my arms. I could almost hear my bones cracking due to the sudden drop in temperature. Mr. Morris offered me his jacket. “The temperature around here is always fluctuating. It is incredibly difficult here at night if you come unprepared.” he said. As soon as I wore the jacket it felt like I had come home to my mother’s soup after a long hard day. I hugged my arms to cover my chest as we stepped outside.

It was all the more chilly out there. The wind blew the lake’s water to my face. It felt like I was getting pricked by sharp needles. We quickly sat in the car and left for town. The car was much more elegant from the inside, for a moment I wanted to drive it. The ride back was surprisingly a quick one. Neither one of us spoke throughout the entire way back. It was late and most people had gone home. That’s when it hit me, mom must be waiting for me. The image of her livid face was running through my mind. The twitching lip muscles, her raised eyebrows and the over enunciation of each word. We reached my house and I noticed the kitchen lights were on. Though I wasn’t even afraid at this point. Everyday something of this sort would present itself. Today was my fault but most of the time it was the tiniest of detail. One small error and I had to incur her wrath. I stepped out of the car and wished Mr. Morris goodnight before heading in. He silently drove away silently without acknowledging me. It was a little weird but I had bigger things to worry about. He was gone when I realized I still had his jacket on. I decided to return it tomorrow. I stepped inside my house and the moment the door shut my mom was standing there.

She looked tired, her eyes were drowsy and her hair was a mess. “Where were you tonight?” she asked. Her voice was calm but I knew the storm lingering behind those eyes. “I was out with my friends.” I said. “Don’t lie to me Liam. I called Matt and he said that you had left his place hours ago. Now tell me where were you and what were you doing?” she asked. There was a strange look on her face. Not one of anger but something else. It was the jacket I was wearing that caught her eyes. “Whose jacket is that?” she asked. “It’s Matt’s I had it on and I forgot to give him back.” I said. I didn’t want her to involve Mr. Morris, not after today. “If I call Matt right now would he tell me the same thing?” she said. I didn’t say anything but I knew he would never have my back. Especially since he is the one who sold me out. My mom’s eyes were more piercing than the wind at the moment. Her breathing was audible now and it increased with every moment of my silence. I knew the bubble was about to burst and maybe I wanted it to. “Liam tell me where were you?” she shouted. The tenacity of her voice was alarming. Her hands were trembling with rage and there were tears in her eyes. She could barely contain herself. “Tell me what were you doing?” Her eyes did not waver from mine for a second. Her resistance knew no bounds. She would stand there all night if she had to. It felt wrong to tell her where I was. I would have told her had she understood. She sat down on the steps of the staircase. It was perfectly clear that the only way I could go to bed was by telling her where I was. My heart began to accelerate as I breathed deeply to calm myself and muster up my courage.

“I was with Mr. Morris.” I said in a low voice hoping she wouldn’t hear me. The muscles in her face were tense. It took her a minute to process what I said. She got up, grabbed a painting with her shaking hands and smashed it on the floor. I took a step back as the glass broke into a million pieces that spread around the entire room. The storm had finally struck, sweeping away everything in its path. Wreaking havoc, and it had just begun. “Mom please listen to me.” I said. But she was so flustered that she wasn’t even hearing me. It took everything in her to hold back her tears. She rushed to the living room and buried her face in a pillow. I sat next to her. Seeing her cry felt like someone was cutting me with a slow albeit sharp knife. Her face had turned red and with a breaking voice she said, “We are going home, I am selling this place. I talked to an agent today and it’s final. We are done with this house forever.”

It was like taking a punch to the gut. I wanted to throw up. “You are selling the house. Don’t you think we should have discussed it? When will you stop taking decisions that affect the both of us all by yourself?” I asked. “Don’t you dare say a word to me. I am doing this for you. This way we can get rid of this town.” she shouted. “Did it ever occur to you that maybe I don’t want to get rid of this town. Does the fact I spent most of my childhood here mean nothing to you. Of course it didn’t just like it didn’t when you shifted me from painting to football without even considering my feelings.” I said. My voice was a little loud but I couldn’t help myself. The fact that I would never come here again tore me apart. A piece of my childhood lost forever. “Look where that decision got you. Today you can go to any college. You can have a decent job with a great paycheck. What would you have done had you been painting doodles?” she asked. I hated the look she had on her face. “I would have been happy, mom.” I said.

The anger seemed to have disappeared from her face. I couldn’t help but notice she rubbed her scar on her right hand. She did that whenever she was nervous. “Throughout my life you have controlled my every step and the worst part is that I let you. Just because it made you happy. Go ahead sell this house you wouldn’t listen to me anyways.” I said. I was completely oblivious to what just happened. I didn’t understand what I said and neither did I want to. My heart was being pulled by an invisible force. A war was brewing in my mind but I wasn’t scared of the result I was scared of the casualties. Who else will go down, and which one of us would survive. I didn’t wait to see my mom's reaction and rushed upstairs. I turned off the lights and let the door shut behind me. I sat against my bed thinking about that day. The day that changed everything.