“There’s more at the gate, please go pick those up” she said. Babushka was so infuriated. As always, he wanted answers! “Where the fuck you been, Hailey” he asked, “Dude, chill, you are not my dad so please” she said. Hailey had finally returned from who knows where, it seemed like she had been out shopping, treating herself and doing all the girly things – That wasn’t a problem, but her timing was extremely wrong and insensitive, it seemed like she had been out celebrating Faith’s sudden evacuation from the house, or the fact that we fucked.

I feel like the past few months have been a bit too hard on her and I don’t mind her going out and treating herself, but this isn’t the right time. I watched as my boys helped her out with all the grocery bags, I just stood there, then eventually went out of the room. “Tonight I’ll be cooking a delicious meal for you guys, to cheer you up” she said, “I bought all your favorites”.

I didn’t care really, I was less interested in what she had to say or do for us – There was just something off about how happy she seemed, while I felt miserable and ashamed from these past events. Nobody seemed to understand the way in how I really felt, and at that moment I felt like she was just trying to rub it on my face. Babushka and Jake appreciated her efforts and were convinced that she really did this out of innocence, I wasn’t buying the whole act and neither was Savage. He kind of knew what was going on, he could read in-between the lines and see right through the whole situation. 

We had a bit of eye contacted before I exited the kitchen, I went straight to my room. A few moments later I heard a knock on the door – “knock, knock”, “Who is it?” I said. “It’s Hailey, please step outside we need to talk”. I felt some sense of relief, but one thing about me? I hate sympathy, I hate feeling like the victim and I hate it when people feel sorry for me. As tough as I am or as tough as I always pretend to be – right here, right now, I am being offered the chance to be weak and vulnerable. For the very first time in life I felt like my group took off my high walls and allowed me to be sensitive, to be in my feelings and if needed – to cry. “I’m coming” I said. I opened the door for her, she refused to step inside and instead suggested that we go talk out in the open where everyone can see us. If we stayed in my room it would’ve created a lot of unwanted attention and speculations, it will seem like Faith hasn’t been gone for that long but already someone else is warming up her side of the bed.

We took it outside, walking across the hallway with everyone looking at us with those eyes really felt weird and uncomfortable. I don’t understand why they were prying, this whole  situation with Hailey started to feel a lot more like a burden to me, it was getting out of hand by the minute. I had no idea where we were going, I was just following her up until we reached the poolside. She finally stopped and asked me to sit down, she opened up her side bag and pulled out a freshly rolled joint, “This is for the nerves” she said. I took it, pulled out a lighter and sparked one – it hit all the right spots, it eased my muscles, calmed my nerves and instantly took away most of the things on my mind. 

We shared the joint; but Hailey was an occasional smoker and didn’t do it all the time. For a good moment we were just smoking in silence, it was peaceful. We had no idea on how we would break the ice regarding the issue at hand, we had to address it first before anything. It wasn’t my responsibility to break the ice, she brought me out here so I just waited and enjoyed the blunt while she figured out what’s the first thing that she will say to me.

“You know why we’re here right” she said. “No” I responded. I wasn’t about to make it that easy for her, and I wasn’t planning on making it difficult either. The attitude that I had was to simply express the way in how I felt, not about her or the sex – but the way in how she went about the whole thing. I personally don’t think she should’ve caused all this drama; it was unnecessary, and I knew she did it on purpose. From my point of view, I felt like she just wanted attention from all of us, especially me. Even though I was upset, I still wanted to hear her out and see where she is coming from.

“We need to talk about what happened between us in the m..” , I cut her off – “Before we go any further, what’s with all the excitement?” I asked. “What excitement, D?” she said, “Please don’t call me D, that name is no longer yours Hails, please stop what you’re doing because you’re going to get us in trouble and ruin things for all of us” – she started crying, “Hails? Well, that name is no longer yours too Daemon, do you know how long I’ve waited to feel the way in how you made me feel this morning? Do you know what it’s like to watch you love someone else on a daily basis while you pretend like I’m not even there? Do you know how many nights I’ve cried myself to sleep asking myself why her and not me? Do you know how hard it is to move on from an ex which you live and work with? Do you know how hard it is for me to actually move on and love someone else because I am still caught up on you? On top of that I have to see your face every fucking day, playing lovey-dovey to another woman right  Infront of me and I just have to suck it up and pretend that I am okay with it – you have no fucking idea what it feels like” she said.

I was crushed, it felt like a bulldozer hit my chest and it felt like a thousand buildings fell on top of me, I felt like the titanic when it first hit that iceberg – I was slowly sinking into her words. Thing is, I always thought that Hailey moved on and was okay with the whole set up, I knew it would bother her at some point, but I didn’t think It was THAT deep. The money we made from the operations we had was too sweet, it was enough to make her look the other way. I always knew that one day all these demons would catch up, and they are finally here in full circle. 

I tried to calm her down, the more that I tried the more emotional and hysterical she became. Hailey was a bit of a loose cannon, whenever her emotions got to her, she would cry, scream and say all sorts of things. I could barely hear what she was saying, and she wasn’t even making any sense. Luckily music was playing in the house, so her screaming and shouting got dissolved by the UK drill music that was blasting off the Hi-Fi speakers. I knew her energy would soon deplete, I waited for her to get tired of her own dramatic acts and calmed her down.

“Hailey, Hailey, listen” I said, “What” she said – while wiping tears off her pretty face, I loved the way in how she looked when she was upset, her cheeks would turn red, eyes would become small and she would have this glowing effect – You’d swear she just put on an Instagram filter in real life. Hailey was one of the prettiest girls or human beings that I have ever come across in my whole entire life, I would be lying if I said I didn’t fumble a diamond. Hailey and I would’ve worked out in another world, not this one, I doubt we’d ever get the chance to be where she wants us to be, she needs to understand that and just take it easy on me – I also just need to stop leading her on and giving her false hope, it’s way too risky.

“Hailey please listen baby, please, calm down now” I said, while holding both her cheeks and wiping off her tears with my soft, delicate thumbs. “Yes?” she said, “Listen to me, and listen to me carefully. I know how you feel, I fully understand where you’re coming from but in this point in time, we have to look at the bigger picture, the future and our own finances. Us being together goes against the groups guidelines, policies and rules – we’d be going against the whole system and trust me it’s a battle that we will definitely lose. We will be left alone and isolated from everybody, these people that we live with are practically the only family we have, they are all we’ve got! without them we’ll be lost in the world, the whole operation would fall apart – and remember Babushka doesn’t play when it comes to the business, he has other people that he answers to and won’t be able to protect us if they found out and we’re kicked out. We’re not prepared for all that please, we can’t afford to be treated as the weakest links, not right here and not right now, PLEASE” I said, with tears rolling down my eyes.

In return, she started wiping my eyes with her extra soft and extra delicate thumbs – I could see that I finally have her where I wanted her, she was starting to see reason – she was listening and I could tell her walls were broken down and she let me inside, and then.. .