My Sweet Obsession

Have you ever experienced falling inlove with someone whom you know you have zero chance of being loved back?

The kind of love where you vow to never give up even if being noticed by him is next to impossible?

Even if you're far from each other, you're still hoping that one day, your path will cross and you will finally meet him?

Even if he has no idea of your existence, you feel like you're the reason why he's smiling?

You never get tired of thinking of him and your day is already complete once you see him in the television screen?

I'm sure everyone could relate. I'm not the only one who experience being in love with a celebrity. But me, I'm not going to give up on my dreams.

One day, I'll get the chance to meet and be noticed by Saint.

"Ms. Tan," Mr. Henney called. "Would you like to share with the class your stand regarding the issue?"

I lazily looked at Mr. Henney, our old history teacher. I know that he noticed me not paying attention in his discussion.

"W-what issue?" I mumbled.

Whispers filled the room.

Mr. Henney shook his head and was about to speak when the school bell rang. I sighed with relief.

Saved by the bell.

"I want you to focus during my class, Yumi," Mr. Henney said on my way to the door.

I shrugged. If his class is interesting, my mind wouldn't be wandering off.

"You were not paying attention at Mr. Henney's class again," Shelly told me on our way home. She's currently my closest friend. She's also from the Philippines and had just arrived a few months ago. We usually speak in our own native language when we don't want our classmates to understand what we were talking about. We do have friends outside the school but we don't go out with them often. Most of the time, it's just me and her.

"He's boring," I complained.

"Boring? Or maybe your mind is somewhere else. I bet it took a plane and is now having a vacation in Japan," Shelly said, teasing as she gave me a little shove.

I laughed and took my phone from my pocket.

"Have you seen Saint's recent interview?" I couldn't hide my excitement as I show my phone to Shelly.

Shelly just shook her head but I could see her eyes lit up as she read the article. Like me, she is also a die-hard fan of SNEWM or Sons of New Millennium, the rock band where Saint is the lead guitarist. And like me, Saint is her 'bias', which refers to the favorite member.

"He's really deep," Shelly exclaimed.

I smiled even if I don't understand how could Shelly think of the interview as something deep when Saint's answers were generic answers of a typical celebrity. I feel like a proud mother every time someone praises Saint.

Besides, you can't rely on international blogs because most of them are translated from Japanese sites and when you translate something, the idea usually changes. Maybe, Saint is really a smart and deep person during interviews or it was just me making excuses.

Saint doesn't really speak Japanese well even if he's half-Japanese. He grew up in America with his Filipina mom and I heard his parents were divorced.

He was scouted in an amusement park when they went to Japan for vacation.. He was a trainee for two years before he had the chance to debut as a band member last year.

He was still a trainee but I was already rooting for him. I wasn't into Asian music before but when I saw him in one of the music video of a popular band where he has a minor part, he already caught my eye. I searched his name in Google and I found out a few things about him. Information was limited at that time unlike now. I was so happy when I heard the news that he would be included in a band that would debut under Rhombus entertainment.

I don't know if his being a Filipino had something to do with my sudden interest in him But somehow, it made him more relatable.

The hope that I would one day cross path with him became possible. Philippines after all is a small country. Race wouldn't be an issue if ever and maybe, he also speak the Filipino language.

I'm also taking Japanese lesson. We can always communicate in English but I'd like to show him how dedicated I am.

"Miki is really attractive. I like her personality," I stopped day-dreaming when I heard Shelly's voice. She was already holding my phone and was seriously reading the article.

"I think he likes Miki," Shelly exclaimed, obviously annoyed. " I remember one interview. He was asked if he would date any member of DUCHESS and he said yes."

"He was just being polite," I replied. Duchess is a famous Japanese pop band. "I don't think he would say something that would upset the fans of Duchess."

I took the phone away from her.

Actually, I'm not sure. Miki fits Saint's ideal girl ,according to an article I read. Passionate, confident and articulate. But I'm not sure if I could accept the fact that he likes her. He can do better. That girl is an attention seeker and in my opinion has mediocre talent.

I'm sure, he was just advice by the management to say it for clout and I'm not going to buy that.

And Saint has a secretive personality. He seems like a typical boy next door amidst his Rockstar, bad boy image. He's not going to admit liking a girl in front of the TV. He'd go directly to the girl and would rather keep his relationships private.

"By the way, Emily invited me to go the mall. Do you want to come?" Shelly asked. Emily is her American cousin and she was a member of a booklover club I used to attend, until I lost interest due to being addicted to Asian music.

I thought for a while. I can't afford to spend money now because Snewm's new album will be released soon.

"I can't. Mom would be home early," I lied. "How about we hang out on Saturday at home. Invite Emily and Charlie too."

"Okay."

Charlie is the daughter of my mom's friend as well as Shelly's mom. She's from Philippines too and my first friend in America. She was the one who introduced me to Asian music.

Until the school bus arrived, we were still talking about our favorite band. I could spend my day talking about SNEWM especially Saint and even that wouldn't be enough.

We finally arrived in our bus stop and I got off with Shelly as we live in the same area.

"Don't forget to be online later. SNEWM will release their new music video. SFKINGS has 3 millions views in an hour of release. We need to top than," Shelly reminded me before going to their house.

l nodded. I don't really see the logic behind those online views. In my opinion, if you want to support your favorite group, you should buy their album.

But as much as I hate competing with those toxic fangirls of SNEWM's rival group, SFKINGS, I wont allow my favorite group to fall behind especially when the fans of the other group love to bash Snewm.

I wouldn't care if I would look immature fighting in forums and I don't mind losing sleep to stream the music videos of SNEWM.

Yumi's google search history

Saint Ishikawa's new commercial

Saint Ishikawa's ideal girl

SNEWM new release

SNEWM concert in America

Saint Ishikawa's favorite song

Saint Ishikawa's blood type

SFKINGS are gays

SNEWM Rumors and Blind items

We're currently hanging out at Charlie's house and everyone's busy doing her own thing. Emily was painting her nails, Shelly was watching SNEWM new music video, and me, I was doing my daily stalking.

Charlie's room was covered with Kpop and Jpop posters and some western bands.

But majority was Snewm especially Yuto.

"Guys, I have a big news to tell you," Charlie said, excitedly.

I stopped browsing photos and turned to her.

"There was an international audition last month in San Diego. I tried auditioning and got accepted."

"Really?" we asked in chorus.

"I'm going to be a trainee at Rhombus entertainment!"

Everyone screamed and went to her for a hug.

I tried to be happy for her. I knew that it was Charlie's greatest dream. She's passionate about music and performing. But I couldn't help not to envy her, especially as she would have the chance to meet Saint because she will be in the same company with him. I wish I was as talented as Charlie.

"I wish you, guys, could come with me," Charlie said.

I'm not sure why I felt a little irritated and secretly wanted to roll my eyes. She didn't inform us that there was an audition in San Diego. Not that I'm interested but if you see an opportunity like this, wouldn't you want to tell your friends?

Who knows, maybe Shelly would have made it too. She's good at performing, even better than Charlie.

"We'll visit you there," I just said.

"Yeah," Emily agreed and gave Charlie another hug. "I'm really happy for you."

I wanted to scoff. They weren't like this when I won the regional ice skating competition.

I honestly want to be happy but I couldn't help not feel a little left out as they weren't as happy with my achievement.

I tried to ignore my feelings. Charlie is my friend, my first friend in America and she's leaving. It will take time before we see each other again. I shouldn't be feeling like this.

It was already late at night when I arrived home, and my mom was waiting at the door as soon as she heard my footsteps.

"Where have you been?"

"I was at Charlie's house."

I said, casually as I took a brownie from the plate.

"Let's eat."

You haven't eaten yet?" I asked. I thought she was already having desert.

"I was waiting for you."

I felt guilty and silently followed her, promising myself that I would never miss dinner again. Ever since mom and dad separated, it was just me and her, although I still have my grandparents but they live in another state.

I know it's important for her to have a little time with me. If only we have something in common like being a fan of Kpop and Jpop.

I stayed in my room after dinner pretending that I was doing a research. I'm really doing a research, and my topic is Saint.

Even if I was busy with my stalking, my mind was reminiscing what happened during our hang out a while ago.

Charlie is really going to be a trainee at Saint's entertainment company. I know her favorite member is Yuto but everyone likes Saint too.

What if my bestfriend would be Saint's girlfriend in the future?

They would surely get along due to having a similar background.

I finally decided, I need to go to Japan.

I checked the web for the list of entertainment companies in Japan and decided to send an audition video to all of them. I can sing a little and knows basic ukulele. I lost track of the companies where I sent applications to but I was really desperate and won't take any chances. If I won't be accepted in Rhombus, maybe, I will have a chance in other companies.

I was really frustrated as I still haven't heard from any company after a month.

Charlie will be leaving next week for her training. I want to leave with her.

A week later, Charlie had already left but I'm still in the U.S., trying to figure out how I would be able to convince my mother to let me move to Japan. For a few days, I took a break from my fangirl life and concentrated in my studies. Next week is exam week and I want to get good grades to make mom a little happy.

I was checking the exam schedule at my school's website when something caught my eyes.

Be an exchange student in Japan. Application's going on.

This is it!

I could be an exchange student in Japan for a semester or a year!

I quickly sent an application even if I haven't discussed it with my mom.

I'll just cross the bridge when I get there.