Fable

Just one second,

A beautiful moment

I’m falling fast, I can't forget

Over and over, your story's rewritten

Unbreakable chain, my déjà vu...

THE DREAM ALWAYS STARTS off with me sitting at the back of the bus. Everything's tinted gold with soft fall light, hazy and honey-colored like an old photograph.

I'm sitting with my two best friends. Just like I was on that day. Evan is to my right, watching the sea cliffs and fir trees roll by outside the window. Mia's on my left sharing my iPod, each of us with one earphone.

It's fitting that we're listening to Déjà Vu by Fable, because I feel the strongest déjà vu at this moment – like I've lived this over and over countless times.

As is the way with dreams, I can't remember where we're going or where we came from, but that's ok.

My math teacher Ms. Blythe is at the front of the bus with the driver, wearing the same white blouse and yellow skirt she was wearing on that day. She's standing in front of a chalkboard drawing the infinity symbol, tracing its curves and bends over and over. Some of the kids near the front are leafing through their textbooks. This is the part where I always forget it's a dream, and I'm unsure if we're on a bus or in math class.

I nudge Evan to ask him what's going on. I wish I hadn't. As he turns to face me something wet and cold brushes my cheek. The sunlight sparkles off a stripe of damp green caught up in his curls. I reach into his hair and pull it out.

A strand of dripping seaweed clings to my hand.

Evan turns to face me, lifting his finger to his lips with a smile.

"Shhh..." he tells me.

He closes his eyes and opens his mouth. Stinking, reddish-brown salty water pours out all over the front of his t-shirt.

Row by row, the rest of the class turns in their seats towards us with water gushing from their mouths, seaweed and broken glass glinting in their hair. Even though their eyes are closed I know they're all looking at me.

I can still hear Déjà Vu playing; Mia tugs the earphone out of my ear. A scream is building up in the back of my throat. I smell salt. Mia's lips are icy as she presses them against my ear.

"Ashes to ashes, dust to –" she whispers.

I open my eyes just before the scream.

The faces of five beautiful boys gaze down at me.

I'm lying flat on my back in bed, sweat-drenched sheets tangled around my legs. The scream dies unreleased at the back of my throat.

Mia. Evan.

I stare hard at the poster on the ceiling, blinking up at it through the tears. Images of that sunny morning on the bus flicker and fade away as I concentrate on the Fable poster on the ceiling.

I know it sounds ridiculous, but this stupid poster of a British rock band is the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning. The only thing that gives me the strength to face every new day.

"...unbreakable chain, my déjà vu..." The ringtone continues for a good ten seconds before I realize that my phone is ringing, and probably has been for a while. Zee. Damn.

I fumble for the phone next to my bed and almost hang up before hitting answer.

"Hey Sleeping Beauty. You coming down soon?" She sounds way too chipper for a school morning. I roll over onto my side, shutting my eyes against the line of sunlight creeping under my curtains.

"What time is it?"

"It's 7.15."

I sit bolt upright in bed. It's only a five minute drive to school, but I still need to shower and get dressed. At this rate we'll probably arrive late.

"Oh my god. I must have slept through my alarm." I'm already dragging myself out of bed, struggling to keep my eyes open. I don't feel like I've slept a wink. "Sorry for making you wait."

"It's ok Ashling." Zee's voice softens. "Was it... the dream again?"

I hesitate, pulling the curtain away from my bedroom window. In the driveway far below, Alix's Pontiac is parked dangerously close to the flowerbed. One more inch and he'll flatten my mom's beloved Iceberg roses. I make a mental note to tell Alix to park in the road instead of the driveway from now on.

"Are you ok Ashling?" Zee sounds worried.

"Yeah," I say as I close the curtains. "I saw Evan and Mia again."

We're both quiet for a moment.

"I'll be down in ten."

"Sure," Zee says. "Just take your time."

*****

I make good on my promise and climb into the backseat of Alix's car with a few minutes to spare.

"Just in time," Zee says with a glance at Alix. "I was on the verge of murdering him."

Alix is slapping his hands against the steering wheel in a steady beat, "car drumming" as he calls it. He says it's to get drumming practice in while he's driving; I suspect he just does it just to annoy Zee.

He doesn't turn around, but I see him wink at me in the rearview mirror before curling his lips into a wolfish grin.

"Hey Ashling," he says as he puts the car into reverse. "Welcome back to the land of the living".

Alix is one of the most wanted guys in the senior class, and he knows it. With a tall, tan, muscular physique, chiseled features and dark wavy hair courtesy of his Greek ancestry, he's built up a reputation as the Adonis of Huntson High.

At least six girls in our sophomore class have a crush on him. Zee and I know this all too well – as Alix's younger sister, Zee's been approached more than once by girls who want her to put in a good word for them.

I don't like him in that way, but sometimes the old me surfaces for just a moment. I feel embarrassed that he's seeing me like this. I look rough. The girl I used to be in middle school would never go out in public looking like I do now. I'm dressed down in skinny jeans, ancient converse sneakers and an oversized red hoodie over a camisole.

My hair is piled on top of my head in a damp blonde messy bun, still wet from the shower. There are dark circles under my eyes.

When did I stop caring?

We reach a stop street and Alix starts flipping through radio stations.

"By the way Ashling, still up for band practice tomorrow?" He says as his eyes meet mine in the rearview mirror. "Our parents are out from six. Which means..."

"You're going to make double the racket you usually do," Zee finishes off. "Kill me now!"

"Yeah, six is fine," I say.

I started playing together with Alix and his best friend Micah as a band last summer – ever since Zee told Alix that I sing and play guitar. I think she regrets that now.

The band's one of the few things I really care about any more, and recently I'm starting to have doubts about even that. It's been taking up more of my time recently, and I've slipped into the routine of spending at least one afternoon a week in Alix and Zee's dad's garage, aka our practice space.

When I'm singing, it's like I'm not myself. It's the only time I can drown out the worries, the awareness of other people, the fear... and just be. The band’s become like a lifeline for me.

That's why I have to leave.

Alix is still flipping through radio stations when we hear a familiar voice announce "...up next we'll be talking with the boys of mega hit progressive rock band Fable, ahead of tonight's performance at the Rose Quarter. Stay tuned to 94.8 Best of Portland FM for more."

Zee makes a sound I've never heard before, something between a gasp and an inward scream.

"Ohmygod ohmygod OHMYGOD," Zee shrieks.

Alix's hand is already heading to the dial to change the station, and Zee smacks it away just in time.

"It's my car," he says, reaching again for the dial "and I'll change the station if I want to."

"Don't you dare, kyrios kalamatianos," she tells Alix, sounding all the more scary for her upbeat tone. I don't know what the name means, but it works on him every time.

He sighs but doesn't try to change the station again.

"Maybe there'll be some clue about where they're staying," she says seriously as she turns to face me. "I don't know if I can wait until tonight."

Tonight. The event everyone's been waiting for forever, and I'm the only one of my friends missing out.

"Wow, this whole day is going to be torture," I say.

I instantly regret saying it – the smile slips from Zee's face.

"I'm really sorry Ashling. I keep forgetting,” she says. “You want me to turn it off?"

"Of course not!" I reply. "I want you guys to have fun tonight. Snapchat me some pics and I'll be fine."

I already know she'll probably forget to send me anything. She'll be too busy enjoying every moment of it. Singing, dancing, trying to catch a glimpse of one of the boys.

It's kind of ironic that she's going tonight and I'm not. When we first became friends two years ago, just after I moved from Southwood Lakes to Huntson High, she had no clue who Fable even were.

Back then they were still taking off. They were just some unknown group of boarding school boys in Wales uploading their songs to YouTube from the one guy's dorm room.

Now the whole world's in love with them, and being one of their first fans from before they were famous hasn't helped me at all. Zee's going tonight, and I'm not.

What makes it even worse is that it's the first (and possibly last) time Fable are performing in Portland, and it almost didn't happen – we were added on right at the end of their world tour.

There was anarchy at school when the news broke. One tweet was all it took. Singing in the hallways. Girls crying out of happiness. Beth Donklin, Fable's self-appointed No.1 fan, actually fainted in gym from all the excitement and had to go home early. It was crazy.

Since then the buzz in the corridors has been building, sort of like the build up to Summer Break, but better. Way better. All for this one magical night.

Magical for everyone except me, that is.

I know it's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and I want to go so badly that it hurts. Not just for myself, but to keep a promise I made. The one thing I'm still holding on to and sticking around for. Unfinished business, if you will.

But I just can't do it.

I already have a pretty good idea of what'll happen if I go, and there's no way I could do that to my friends. Despite my best efforts, I’ve grown to care about them.

And that can only be a bad thing for me.