Dirty secret

Esther Holland

I'm so damn bored; I could cry, I think, as flop back on the bed I've had ever since I stopped using a crib. I'm taller than the twin-sized lumpy mattress. I feel like I haven't had a decent night's sleep since my last growth spurt seven years ago. I'm not one to complain out loud, though. My Pops, Darren, is a hard-working man who is putting me through college so that I can go to nursing school. He doesn't think I should be working. Instead, he thinks I should focus all of my time and energy on school and my apprenticeship; my mother is a self-serving bitch.

Rita Swisher.

She left town a month after I was born. Pops met her at a bar in Anchorage. She didn't tell him that she was already married with two other children down in Washington State. For a year, she was in Alaska to set up a new branch of her family's company, Swisher Toys. She had an affair, got pregnant with me, and left me with my father when it was time to go back home. She paid child support faithfully and even sent me a little extra. I put it in the bank. I don't want anything to do with the woman. I am a hundred percent sure she never told her husband or my half-siblings about her wild Alaskan indiscretion. My poor Pops has never trusted a woman again. Can you blame him, though? Whenever she's in Anchorage, she tries to see me, but I can't. Maybe one day, but not now. I don't like it, but I can understand how you can fall into bed with someone who isn't your husband as a one-time thing after a few drinks, but that's not what happened here. She put on a huge front that lasted until a month after I was born. My father even went so far as to propose to her, which she accepted. She never said a word to him until it was time to go home. I also can't understand leaving your child behind. No matter what the situation was, I digress. All I've ever wanted was for my father to find love, but he doesn't even try anymore. When I was younger, I tried to set him with my teacher, doctor, and anyone I thought was single, but it never worked.

Ever since I graduated from high school last year, I've been listless. Antsy. You know that feeling you get when you know something is about to happen? I've got that. I just don't know if it's going to be good or bad yet. Oddly enough, I'm excited, though. Really excited. Either way, something will happen, and it will change my life.

I go to Anchorage Area Community College online, but it's just not the same to me. I need people and excitement. My goal is to eventually be a midwife, but who knows if I'll even make it through school. School wasn't all that easy for me. It was pretty lonely for me. I was the only person in the class of 2021. I didn't get a homecoming or prom; I never served on the student council. It was boring, and to be honest, I want a little excitement in my life. Nothing awesome ever happens here. It's always the same. We are born, bred, and die ever since the town was founded in the 1700s. Nothing has ever changed, and I don't think it ever will. Small town vibes never do.

I'm lying in bed right now, getting ready to take a nap. See, I'm so glamorous, taking a nap mid-afternoon because I've got nothing better going on. Lazily, I flip through Amazon Prime, settle on a show, and lay back on the pillows. I am almost asleep when my phone rings.

"Hello, Esther. It's time." That's it. Four little words, and I am up, tiredness forgotten, because this is where I'm needed right now. I like being needed; it breaks up the monotony a bit. My listlessness is at a head. I need to do something before I lose my mind, but there's time for that later, now.

"I’m on my way, Hannah,” I say excitedly before hanging up. Finally, something exciting is happening. Hannah Saunik is a legend around these parts. She’s a native Alaskan, Inuit, to be exact. She uses what she calls the “old methods” of childbirth. I find it fascinating. In fact, she’s the best midwife in the state, and the fact that she’s based in Torque is a huge boon. She’s teaching me how to be a holistic midwife while I’m in nursing school, which I just started. Cherry King, Hannah’s current and only client, is in labor. It takes me a few minutes to get into my scrubs and my jacket; then, I’m out the door and into my car. Despite being May, it’s thirty degrees. I could walk down to the King's house from here, but who knows what the weather will be like later. It’s hard to predict it around here. One minute it’s sunny, and the next, there could be a whiteout from the snow. It takes just a few minutes to get there. My pulse ratchets up a notch as I approach the King's house.

The driveway at the King house is already full of cars and pickup trucks when I get there, so I have to park in the street. I know everyone present inside the house, of course, except for one man, though I do know of him. Football legend Calvin Daniels is the only famous person to ever hail from Torque. He also happens to be my father’s best friend from way back. He’s so much hotter in person than he is on TV, and he’s staring right at me, getting me all hot and bothered. I try to swallow, but my mouth has gone dry, and my pussy has gotten wet. That’s new.

This should be interesting.