Author's Note:

Hello reader! Just a quick disclaimer for the rest of this story... This is going to have events related to mental health-related issues as the plot progresses, mainly depression and self-harm. I don't recommend this route for those who are easily triggered by these sensitive issues.

Thank you for your understanding and have fun reading!

**~o~**

*Y/N's POV*

Out of the sudden sermon that my mom gave me, I did not hesitate to skip the next class which was Devildom History. Regardless of my fondness to uncovering the secrets of this realm, the events I encountered within this day left me exhausted enough to just ask for peace and quiet. It has been four years since shit began in our family; ruining my life and everything that's in it. For once I indeed believed in God's kindness for giving me a complete family and sheer happiness that no one could compare. But by the time I became fully aware of what the world really was left me deserted and confused. It was as if I'm still too stupid and too innocent to comprehend how badly I was living. I loved my family yet they hurt me so bad that I couldn't handle anymore. And by the fact that the idea of religion itself brought every living thing to kill each other; I'd not be surprised that Celestial war happened that once killed Lilith thousands of years ago. The question is: If their deity was really that loving, why were the brothers and myself suffer from eternal agony?

Holding back the tears, I ran to my secret hideout in the Devildom Garden where no one could spot me. Right there at the hidden maze of the area stood a large tree with a concrete barrier surrounding it that could be sat on. But I would not sit there, instead, I'd be sitting right on the branches of the tree. I tell you, it's not as uncomfortable as you think; in fact, I have my little comforter ready to aid my back pains. As soon as I sat down, I finally let go of the tears I have been keeping inside. I sobbed silently above the lime-scented tree, holding on to my knees to hide the gleaming artificial sunlight placed up in the sky.

...

*Lucifer's POV*

After the meeting with Diavolo and the rest of my brothers, we went straight back to our next class. Belphie, Beel and Satan were with me in physics class while Mammon, Asmo and Levi walked straight to history class where Y/N should be. The routine was normal and nothing of anyone's interest to be highlighted in this narrative. So afterwards, right when the bell rang, we heard a loud commotion coming from the hallways. It was too irritating that I already determined that the noisy-ass yelling towards us four was none other than Mammon himself. He was followed by Asmodeus and Levi running as well with faces almost draining in colour out of panic. They were catching their breaths as they stopped right in front of us.

"What is it now, Mammon?", I scoffed irritably at him, thought that he was into some sort of prank again like the last time. But his voice was something undeniably serious and face filled with fear as he answered me. The other two standing behind had the same reactions on their faces as well.

"Have ya seen Y/N? Is she in your class?", he answered, still puffing his chest, eyes almost tearing up in exhaustion.

"No, isn't she supposed to be with you three?", Belphegor responded with another question, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Then all of us stared at each other with eyes as wide as an owl, finally realizing that something was off.

"Don't tell me that Y/N isn't with you either", Levi spoke with immense anxiety, trying to do something with his D.D.D.. "I-I've been tracking Y/N ever since Mammon and Asmo noticed that she's gone for almost an hour after our classes began. I c-couldn't track her D.D.D. at all."

Asmo beside Mammon leaned onto the wall outside our classroom, started to swell up in tears as he spoke, "Mammon and I went out of the class to find her everywhere in the campus.. But we can't see her anywhere."

"Do any of you have any idea where she would've headed? We all know how strict this school is and she can't get out of here alone", I questioned them, not knowing anything where she could have headed even though Satan and I were the ones she last met... and Sia and Unique. That's it!

Just as I thought about it, the girls were walking into the hallway passing our direction. My reflexes made my tone grow loud that startled them and quickly turned to our faces.

"Miss Sia, Miss Unique! I-... Sorry.. But may I ask if you have any idea where Y/N went after lunch?"

The ladies looked at each other with complete confusion as if they did not meet with her. Unique stuttered along with her tiny voice as she spoke, pushed the middle rims of her eyeglasses.

"A-aye, Mister Lucifer.. She received a phone call from someone while we're eating lunch together at the rooftop. We assumed that it was Mister Diavolo since she told us that he called her for something urgent."

"W-what?! But we're all in a meeting with him at that time. It's impossible, our devices are in silent mode to prevent disruptions", Asmodeus exclaimed as they heard that the events were not matching with what had truly happened.

The atmosphere became more filled with anxiety and fear of Y/N's sudden disappearance, since we all know how fragile she was and vulnerable to accidents. A hoarse and deep voice caught all of our attention, Beel suddenly spoke a single word.

"Tree."

"Huh?", Satan quickly responded and tilted his head in turbulence. "What do you mean-"

"She likes trees", Beel completed his sentence, pointing towards the window where we could see the large garden below us. "I noticed her draw a lot of trees before. But for once she drew a specific one for me while we were hanging out in the garden."

"What does it look like?", said I, sighing as I hoped that we could find her right away. My voice sounded so concerned because I am. It frightens me whenever she is thinking of a way to fix something herself; regardless if it's dangerous, regardless if it would kill her. I am well-aware how her heart has a special place for us, brothers. However, letting her risk herself and her own happiness shatters my pride and I wouldn't let her take a chance to do anything of those again.

Beel nonchalantly pulled out his D.D.D. and showed Y/N's beautiful watercolor painting of an Angel Oak with him sitting on top of one of the large branches. As I remembered, there's a hidden old Angel Oak tree at the very center of the Leylandii hedge maze. I commended Beel by putting my hand on his shoulder.

Without any hesitation, I told my brothers, "Let's go there now."

...

Just as we arrived in front of the massive tree, I ran to it and immediately climbed up just to see her face buried in her knees fast asleep. I grabbed her things and tossed it towards the others so that I could carry her if she doesn't wake up. But alas, she was awoken by my presence and her eyes were burning with tiredness. She yawned yet kept herself from falling back to sleep again, her expression indicated how surprised she was to witness me staring worrily back at her.

"I... How did you-"

I cut her words with my long outbreath and scolded her out of the blue. I couldn't contain the fear I felt once I found out that she's been missing for hours. It kills me.

Although... it seems that my pride is too strong to show her how anxious I was.

*Y/N's POV*

"Why didn't you attend classes with Mammon and the others? You even lied using the name of Diavolo. Do you even know how important his reputation is in the Devildom once you got hurt in his premises?! And what if you-"

Lucifer began blurting out those words that appeared to sound the same as my parents. I hated it but I should not let anybody of them know the real reason why I decided to ditch class. Me being torn apart got worse when I heard him blaming me again for something I did not intend to do. As he nagged on me, all the surrounding sound existed began to fade into a terrible white noise. My focus was no longer there as if my soul left my body.

As my natural response to his outrage, I let myself fall from the high branches of the tree to immediately evade. "Ah!" I reacted as I grazed my arm and sprained my ankle after hitting the ground, although I got back up again then snatched my backpack from Mammon's hand. Their reactions were priceless to me; concerned but brimming in utter confusion. Am I considered a sadist for that? Or just a mere idiot?

"Y/N!", Lucifer then again yelled but I already muted the rest of his words in my mind.

The only way that I could respond was, "Don't worry Lucifer, I'll be talking to Diavolo about this right now. I promise to receive the punishment. Ciao!", I sniggered back at them with a wave as I tried to leave the place all alone. I did not want any of them to follow me at this rate or else I might act violently towards them.

"Y/N, self control... self control...", I muttered to myself as I walked further from them. Before I could take another step, I faced them again, witnessing their frozen expressions glued on their faces as I left. I spoke, smirking, "I'll meet everyone at the gate. I'll be out in a while."

...

After a good talk with the president of the student council, we headed back home. I still couldn't forget how utterly perplexed Diavolo was when I told him what happened. I didn't tell him about the real reason though, the narrative was from Lucifer and the others. There was nothing but silence in the dining hall as we partake our dinner prepared by Lucifer himself. Even when we were all walking home, the sound of silence was deafening with the constant white noise taking over my sense of hearing.

I hurried eating my meal in fake delight, keeping that bright smile towards everyone just to hide what had torn me apart. I could not tell anyone of them in belief that they would not understand. Even Lucifer himself blamed me, as well as the rest of them went straight mad at me without even letting me have the chance to recollect myself to open up to them. There's their chance but it just fluttered away as if it was not necessary and rational at all.

After all, emotions are worthless in the eyes of these demons... in the eyes of everyone.

... Do they really hate me that much?

'Ah, I've eaten too much again. Oh well.' I thought to myself as I stood up from my seat and cleaned up my counter where I ate. I felt everyone's eyes turn to my direction as I did this; maybe because of the fact that I ate too fast and left the table without them finishing their meal yet.

"Hey Y/N, are you okay?", I heard Satan ask with a noticeable concern in his tone of speaking.

I already knew what to do about it and smiled cheerfully back at him as if something good happened more than what's bad. I naturally responded, "Yes, of course! I just need to head up now because I still need to finish an artwork I just thought of."

My response left them surprised and made them think that Lucifer's scolding wasn't that of a big deal.

"Hey, about a while ago. Don't worry about it. Diavolo and I already talked it out, okay? So smile!"

I said my good nights to everyone then immediately went to the bathroom upstairs. I locked myself, made sure that no one noticed that I was there. I walked towards the large mirror almost filling the wall sticking to the counter where the sink was constructed. Turquoise and Topaz stones were safely shaped in every tile to compliment with the interior of the extravagant bathroom.

I clutched my hands at the edge of the counter as I stared at my own reflection, wanting to throw up. I need to throw up... 

I felt a burning sensation inside my chest as I force myself to let out everything that I just ate. I vomited everything that I ate just then, leaving myself agitated and pale. 

"One more time..."

My mind wasn't even satisfied on a single session of vomiting; hence, having me throw up a couple more times until I felt an excruciating pain right at the pits of my stomach. Surely I didn't eat a lot but what I did is somehow worth it for a reason.

What was the reason for this again? I wonder...

I continuously panted as I felt my body grew weaker that my hands held on to the sink tighter. My tears streamed down continuously out of the fact that I was helpless in this situation. This shit is stressful that I just wanna have my soul leave my body in an instant. I'd rather have a painless job of taking stress out but... there is no other way less painful, isn't it?

"Why is everything I do wrong? Why am I suffering when the people around me are happy? Do I not deserve to be as happy as them? What did I do wrong?"

I took my final sigh then cleaned up after the mess I made. My agitated face was highly noticeable, thinking what possible excuse I should make in case I bumped into one of the brothers. And so I went out of the bathroom and hurriedly ran across the hallways towards my room. 

"AH!"

I just felt myself fall from my back when someone I crashed into knocked me over. Dammit, I haven't thought of any excuses yet. All I ever wanted was to be left alone for once while I recover from the mess I made.

*Lucifer's POV*

"Y/N, I thought you're inside your room. Why are you running down the hallways?" I asked her clueless after realizing that she wasn't in her room when she headed upstairs. I was about to talk to her about the situation she's in earlier, after all, our conversation wasn't done yet. 

She hid her face from me but she answered straightforwardly, "Ah, about that. I was in the bathroom and I have to take a shit. Sorry for worrying you."

"Is that so? Well, we need to talk... Because I feel as if I need to know what's going on. I noticed-"

And again, she cut me off then I saw her lips almost gray and her eyes swollen with her bags puffing. What concerned me more was that she still smiled happily towards me even though something seemed bad happened to her.

"Aye, Lucifer. I already forgave you, ya know", and she's sounding like my scummy brother now. She continued her speech, begging me to let her inside her room alone, "By the way, I love your cooking that it made me force myself to poop and eat it again."

I couldn't even react to her silly toilet humour as usual because I really felt that something's off but she was not willing to tell a single thing. My lips moved as I worried, looking back at her then spoke, "You look unwell."

Her tracks stopped for almost a minute of dead air before she could regain her senses again to reply, she again gave me a wide grin, "I just really had a terrible nuclear war in the bathroom haha."

I couldn't think of any words to say anymore to force her to speak up like I wanted. I don't want to be exhausted about small things anyway. Maybe I was just overthinking that I drew conclusions that weren't even right. 

"I guess that can't be helped then. I will leave you be for now", said I where I just felt myself move involuntarily towards her then held her face. I gently kissed her forehead that left her flustered as she finally locked herself in her bedroom.

I then head out towards my own room to give a good night's rest upon myself. And as I walked, my heart was uncontrollably racing; felt my face heat up in the embarrassing move I've done in front of her.

However, I still couldn't set aside of what's baffling me when I saw her running in the hallways. She didn't look good to start with. I can easily tell it from her eyes how much she's hiding though pushing her to tell what's up won't do any good either. All I wish was for her to be okay.