Lost Desires

This happened while I was with Mark.

Age 21 until 27, There was Francis, my hunk coworker. I made an effort for him to like me, I visit him when he was sick and offered him blowjobs everywhere. We worked in a 5-star hotel. And we do it in guest bathrooms. Then there's Dan, an affectionate guy who took me in his house to have exciting hope-we-do-not-get-caught sex in their living room.

I had a relationship though before that- Ryan. He was the cause of having casual sex. I thought he had real feelings for me. Yes, we did adventurous sex too! We went to Puerto Galera literally sex on the beach. Got drunk the do it again. It ended with "I cannot let me Mom know about you, and your daughter." So that hurt, but I will not beg for that.

His friend JP, became my friend. JP was present during my playtime with Dan and Francis but never judged me. We would go heartbroken drinking mostly every night. Our friendship developed into a relationship after one hot drunken sex.

He was older and mature. A breadwinner and values his family a lot. He introduced me to them and I was welcome. I embraced our relationship because of that.

JP was small but has a huge asset. I mean, I could not take it if the sex goes for hours. Though we have not really discussed it, he has a fetish for rough sex, he liked biting my nipples that hurt. That is how I perceived him. Until one time he forced me to do from behind. He was drunk and I would not approve. I left him right after that.

I left the hotel and transferred to an exclusive membership club nearby. The sex continued -Rob, Christoff, Deff, Odie, Don, and Butch. I had a threesome sex with Rob and Christoff. There was no action though between the two men, it just both of them and me. I explored and settle Christoff was better. Odie another guy who made me believed he liked me, it was an okay experience though. I just branded him as the guy that his girlfriend cannot satisfy so he was fooling around. Don and Deff were my friends who comforted me from Odie. Comfort sex- great! Then there is Butch. My forever constant. He had a girlfriend but he never made me feel less simply because they would only see each other during the weekend. Weekends are off-limits. We talked about everything. Good, bad, nasty desires, thoughts and feelings. We try to fulfill our sexual and emotional needs. It was all acceptance. No judging that is why to this very day I never put him out of my life.

Then I moved again. Mark picked me up one day and took me to the hotel room. He told me that maybe if we do sex more, make it more exciting then we could work out. I guess he knew a thing or about my sexual journeys. Then asked me to marry him. Maybe I was tired of this kind of foolishness - I said yes. I vow to myself that I will never go back to my desires. I bore my second child.

It got rocky again. Mark and I got caught up with our gambling and financial problems- we split up when we were 30. And I met someone- She became my world. I was the princess of that world. Vanessa is a legit lesbian. The usually lesbian that would give you everything, save you from anything and be there always. It started with sex. I daringly asked her what it felt having sex with a girl and I ran naked into her room. To my surprise, lesbian give mindblowing sex. But we had a relationship both our families knew about it. For a year, we had sex almost every day. Mind you long sex, not quick ones. She will satisfy you to the very core of you. I could not get enough of it that to this day I have fantasies of her. I could not help watch femdom porn and lesbian threesomes. We ended by the way because she was tired of sex and looked for a stable relationship. I felt the most heartbreaking sadness in my life when she left. She took everything from me because I fell hard for her. I went crazy.

I do not know if Mark was a fallback or my meant to be. He had known of Vanessa and pull me up from it. He saw me drowning and told me I did not deserve such.

He embraces me every night. He tells me he loved me and our children. Maybe I was not for Mark but I am for my children.

Then, I gave up my sex life.