Monica: Weapons training is one of the most important aspects of army training. We train in many kind of weapons, but guns are the most important in all of them. People often have the wrong impression that having a gun with you makes you stronger, but it’s not true. A gun is a responsibility, any weapon is a responsibility. Having a weapon makes you more mentally vulnerable. It takes a lot of mental strength to decide on where and when to use it and where and when not to. For that your mind is the first weapon that needs to be trained. What that is right according to one person might be wrong according to another. If any such situation occurs, always try to choose humanity. Because humanity will never be wrong. Understood?

Cadets: Yes Ma’am.

Monica: You guys have been getting this training since the last one week and I already know how well each and every one of you is in shooting. So, I will try to help out those who are still finding it difficult to shoot.

Monica casually looked at Ali. He seemed like a daring person, but she has been hearing that he had issues holding a gun, his hands were shaking while he was shooting, and she didn’t know why that happened.

Ali listened to what Monica was saying and he wanted to take the gun and shoot at the board but every time he looked at the gun, he could only remember Ahaad’s lifeless body and the bullet wounds on it that he saw in the pictures that were circulated in the news. Guns scared Ali and he only realised it now. But it was too late, he can never become an army officer without holding a gun. Ali looked at the gun again and his vision became blurry because of tears.

Monica: Diksha, I know that your parents are in the army and you have studied in an army school and you know very well to shoot but, I would prefer you to calm a bit down while I get everyone else in the batch ready.

Diksha: Yes ma’am.

Diksha couldn’t wait to show Monica how well she can shoot a bullseye. She just wanted Monica to see what she can do. Her batch mates made fun of her saying that she was in love with Monica, but no one knew how much she admired Major Monica since years, ever since she saved Brigadier Shah’s life and how her parents, Army surgeons praised Monica. They were the ones who operated her when she received multiple bullet wounds on her body while saving Brigadier Shah and a few other officials. She was a Captain then. Monica was Diksha’s role model and will always remain so.

The first six of the Phoenix took the guns and aimed at the board and Diksha hit a bullseye and the rest made it inside the board. Then next set had Ali in it and his whole body started trembling. Monica could see Ali’s hand shaking. Monica walked towards him and stood close to him and spoke in a low voice.

Monica: Ali, is there anything wrong? Is there anything that you would like to tell me?

Ali could feel Monica’s hot breath near his ears.

Ali: No, nothing at all.

Monica: You can speak to me after the section if you want any help. I won’t tell anyone. Trust me.

Ali: No, there is nothing.

Monica was worried about Ali and she didn’t know why. There was something about him, something dark but it didn’t scare her but made her feel protective towards him.

Monica stood close to Ali and held his shoulder with one hand and his hand with the other and pointed the gun at the board and she could feel the heaviness of his hand. He didn’t want to shoot. She used more force and raised it up and put her fingers inside the trigger.

Ali stood there frozen. Monica was so close. He didn’t know what he was feeling at that moment. Whether it was his fear towards the gun or the tension rising in his chest because of the closeness to her. His heart started beating faster. He understood that Major Monica was only trying to help him fire at the board and he didn’t want to disappoint her. Before he could decide what to do, Monica pressed the trigger with her finger and the bullet hit the bullseye.

Monica took her finger from the trigger and left Ali’s hand and his hand suddenly fell. It felt strange seeing him weak. He scored best in track and field and was good in kick boxing as well. But the same guy didn’t have the strength to hold a gun and fire. Ali was good in archery, so taking aim is not the issue, it was guns, he had a past with guns, Monica realized.

Ali felt weak suddenly when Monica released her hold from his hand. He didn’t want her to move away. He felt like he could no longer stand, and he would fall, he immediately dropped the gun to the table and moved away. Monica noticed it.

The next set took the guns and was about to shoot when Monica found a folk of pigeons flying to the field. Before Monica could ask to stop, the cadets fired and one of the pigeons got hit. It was a rubber bullet with color on it but it was enough for one to fall. Monica ran towards the pigeon and Diksha and Ali followed. The rest stayed there as the cadets are not allowed to leave their spots without permission. Ansh called Ali to stop but Ali didn’t pay heed.

Monica kneeled on the ground and picked the pigeon up. It was alive. She checked its body and there was no blood, but it was really hurt. Ali and Diksha sat down next to her.

Diksha: Is it hurt?

Monica: It is. But it will be fine.

Ali: You people kill humans without any remorse, then why does a pigeon matter so much?

Monica could feel contempt in his voice. Monica looked up.

Monica: What do you mean by you people? It’s us, we. Do you get it? And we do kill people, but we don’t draw satisfaction out of it, we don’t, trust me. If there is any other way, we would never choose to kill. And for this bird, it’s an innocent being and as soldiers our first duty is to protect the innocent and as humans, to save all we can.

Monica looked down at the pigeon and caressed its body and her eyes filled with tears and she didn’t know why she cried. The pigeon slowly got up and flapped its wins and Monica and Diksha watched it flying and Ali watched Monica all the while. He didn’t see the bird flying, he didn’t see the cadets, he didn’t see the rain drops falling on his body, just her.

********

Ali was ready with his batch. It was a battle. Four batches had been made in to four teams and they were given guns with color bullets of red, blue, yellow and white. They were all wearing camouflage with heavy jackets and military boots. The teams would be sent to the forest nearby the campus from four different places and they should find their flags and come back and hoist it at the academy. The first team to do so will win the battle and will be announced the champions. There would be maps given to them and they have to come back before it is 7.PM. Everyone was ready with guns to enter the forest. All Ali wanted was to throw away the gun and to run back to his room.

******

Monica wanted some time for herself. She thought of going in to the forest for some time. It was almost dark, and she was wearing a jumpsuit and a jacket. She had a gun in her hand. She thought of spending an hour away from everyone and everything to clear her mind. Monica had been checking each and every person in the academy as well as the tracking the signals in and out of the academy. There was nothing suspicious. If there was anyone involved with the sleepers, there would be some kind of conversation and her devices would pick up the signals but there was nothing. Either there is nothing at all or there is some other way of communication. Cell phones were not allowed in the academy for students and for faculty during duty time and that made her job easier.

It had been three weeks, and, in another week, she would leave. Lt Colonel still hadn’t found the traitor and he was getting frustrated about it. Monica walked towards the area where the cadets were not battling. She walked about two kilometers and that is when she saw someone standing above a rock, looking at the academy. She was shocked. The man was fully dressed in jacket and pants and didn’t look like a local. Monica looked carefully and found that the man had binoculars with him. She slowly took her gun out and moved stealthy towards the person. He was about half kilometers away. Monica tried to camouflage herself in the trees to catch him alive. Suddenly a rabbit jumped in front of her and the man heard the sound and turned around to find her. He started running. He didn’t have a gun, an informer. Monica ran after him with the gun. She ran as fast as she could. The forest area had changed a lot and it was getting tough for her to move through the plants and the rocks. Recent rains had made everything slippery. Monica chased for long and lost track of him and she fell down multiple times while running. Her jacket was stuck on a tree and she had to lose it while trying to get to him. Her jump pants were torn and there was wet mud in her boots. Monica ran for some more time before realizing that she had lost, the man and her way.

*******

Ali didn’t want to shoot but he still had to participate in the battle. He got killed by multiple teams at multiple times. He still didn’t lift his gun. If someone finds his jacket after the battle, then he won’t be able to look people in the eye. Especially Diksha, his team captain.

Ali thought it was better to stay away from the battle and moved off from the mapped area. He was wandering nearby parts of the forest when he saw someone running. He was astonished to find that it was Monica. She was chasing someone, and Ali ran behind her. After some time, he could sense that it was getting darker, but she was not stopping. Ali was getting restless; the area was totally out of map and she was all alone. He had to reach her. Ali ran faster to find Monica standing in between a group of trees looking all around her. Ali walked towards her. The moon was shining bright and he could only see the outline of her body, but he knew that she was lost and disappointed and tired.

Monica heard footsteps and raised her gun towards the person approaching her.

Ali: Don’t shoot, it’s me Ali.

Monica: What the hell, Ali? What are you doing here at this time? You were supposed to report at the academy before 7.00 PM.

Ali: I got lost.

Monica kept her gun inside her pants and walked towards him. The closer she got, the clearer Ali could see her disheveled self. Her hair was a mess, her pants were torn, she was wearing a sleeveless top and was shivering in the cold.

Monica: Do you have a map or a torch?

Ali: I might have a map but that is only for the mapped area, we are clearly in the unmapped part of the forest.

Monica: I know the way, not clearly but if I can climb a tree or a rock, I can find the direction of the academy, but it’s so dark here and walking in the dark will only be dangerous. I don’t know what to do. If I should wait till morning or walk back now.

Ali: I don’t know.

Monica walked towards Ali and he could see that she had trouble walking, clearly because of some sprain on her leg.

Ali: You are hurt.

Monica: It’s just a scratch. I can make it.

Ali: Let’s wait for the night. We will go in the morning.

Monica: There is no need, I can walk.

Ali: It’s not about your leg. I know that you will walk no matter what. But there would be snakes on the ground and the whole place will be slippery. It’s a risk walking at night without a torch, let’s wait for the night and go at the first light of the morning.

Monica: Maybe you are right.

Ali: Yes, let’s rest on the rock. Should I light a fire?

Monica: No, no need. We are safer in the dark.

Monica couldn’t wait to go back to the academy and let Brigadier Shah know about the man, waiting the night made her more restless. Above it, she was trembling in the cold night. She couldn’t light a fire because if she does, then if the enemies are still in the forest, they can spot her easily and might attack. Her body was mostly exposed to the cold and Monica regretted that she wore a jumpsuit to the forest but anyway running behind an informer was not in her plan.

Monica and Ali sat on the flat rock. It felt cold against their body. Monica couldn’t imagine sleeping over it with the clothes she was wearing. She was tough, so she would do it. Her legs and her hands hurt a lot. Her body had cuts here and there, running between the trees and rocks. Monica looked at the fully clothed Ali and felt good that at least he would be fine.

Ali kept his gun down and took off his helmet. He then removed his jacket.

Monica: Why are you removing your jacket? It’s too cold.

Ali: It’s for you. Wear it, you are cold.

Monica: I can’t. I don’t want it. I can handle the cold and you are a cadet and as a higher official, I am bound to make sure of your safety first.

Ali: I am a Kashmiri. Cold and snow are a part of my life and it doesn’t quite bother me. I walk in the snow barefooted if that helps. So, wear it and get yourself comfortable.

Monica: I just.

Ali: Don’t think much. If you are in need of help and the person next to you is capable of helping you and is willing, then you just have to accept it. I am not doing this because you are a woman or my senior. I am doing this because I am capable of helping you.

Monica: You speak too well for a twenty-two-year-old.

Ali: If the quality of words is accounted based on age then the world would never have known Keats. Age does not decide maturity.

Ali smiled.

Monica took his jacket and wore it. Her body hurt at many places. She took off her boots and hit them on the rock to remove the mud and wore them again. Ali was already lying down on the rock. He was wearing a shirt, but Monica still couldn’t understand how he was able to withstand the cold. Monica had only gone to Kashmir thrice, but she was always in hotels or army headquarters. She was never stationed outside, and she had never really felt the cold. She wished she had gone in the snow as well. Monica tried to lie down on the rock hugging herself and she suddenly found something soft under her head. She turned and found Ali’s hand below it. He had moved a bit closer to her and had placed his hand as a pillow for her.

Ali: Don’t say anything. Just try to rest. The rock is too cold.

Monica didn’t say anything and smiled at him. His face was barely visible in the moonlight. Monica closed her eyes she was too tired for an argument. She unknowingly moved towards Ali for heat in half sleep and placed her hand above his chest and drifted to sleep.

Ali kissed Monica’s forehead, then her nose and her lips. Her eyes were wide open taking in his face and her body heated up in his kisses. Ali could feel both their temperatures rising and he moved closer to her. Monica touched his chest through the unbuttoned shirt and moved her head and kissed him. Her hand moved down to his abs and then Ali suddenly woke up. His heart was beating faster. He had the most shocking dream. He opened his eyes wide and looked at the starlit sky and the full moon trying to hide behind the clouds. He looked at his side and found Monica fast asleep next to him. Her head was almost over his chest. She has moved closer. He couldn’t believe that he had such a dream about her. He was offering her help and he can’t take advantage of it. He prayed to Allah for forgiveness and closed his eyes. He regretted his dream and the guilt made him want to push her away but when he looked at her and found her so weak, Ali pulled her closer and hugged her tighter. He can’t let her freeze. He forcefully shut his eyes and kept on repeating prayers in his mind.

The next day, Ali woke up before sunrise. He could feel his hand frozen below Monica’s head. But he didn’t move it. He waited till there was light in the east and he slowly woke Monica up. She opened her eyes and when she realized the closeness to Ali, she moved away. Monica got up and sat straight. Ali took his hand from the rock and it hurt him so much even to hold it up.

Monica: We need to go.

Ali didn’t say anything.

Monica: Thank you for yesterday.

Ali: I am sorry.

Monica: For what?

Ali: I had a dream.

Monica: Since when did people start apologizing for dreams?

Ali: The dream was about you. I saw a dream which was shameful, and I feel bad about it.

Monica smiled and looked at Ali.

Monica: Why are you so innocent Ali? It’s not new that people have dreams like this. You were good to me. That’s all that matters. We can’t control our dreams.

Ali: Dreaming or thinking about you in such a way without your permission is disrespectful and I don’t want you to be disrespected by anyone, even if it’s me.

Ali got up and walked down the rock and Monica sat there confused and then got up and followed Ali.

Monica: Wait Ali, let me figure out the direction.

********

Ansh: So, what happened the night? Did you kiss?

Ali: What?

Rahul: You both were alone in the forest, a whole night. Say everything in detail, idiot.

Ali: I was lost, she was lost, and then we found each other. That’s all what happened.

Jahangir: So, didn’t you even touch her?

Ali: No, I didn’t.

Krishna: Liar. You touched her. You both were close. You can’t lie, Ali.

Ali: It was cold outside. So, we stayed close. But there is nothing else and just stop assuming things about her. I don’t like it.

Sarath: Oh, lover boy. Diksha has got a tough competition now.

Ali couldn’t take it anymore and he got up and walked outside the dorm room.

Kajal and Diksha came running to him.

Kajal: Are you all right, Ali? There was a search party sent for you yesterday, but they couldn’t find you. We were all so worried.

Diksha: How is Monica Ma’am? Is she alright?

Ali: She is alright. I am fine too.

Ali walked away.

******

Shah: So, you think that we have a problem?

Monica: We do. I don’t know the magnitude of it, but we have to be careful.

Shah: But it’s just one person. Or is there anything more I should know?

Monica: I don’t know anything more than what Lt Colonel Upadhay had told you Sir.

Shah: We will look in to it. We will increase the security.

Monica: Thank you Sir.

Monica saluted Brigadier Shah and walked out of the office. When she came to the academy, she was taken directly to the hospital within the academy even though she asked to meet the Brigadier first. Monica could feel impending danger, but she was not sure whether the Brigadier was taking it seriously and she had no idea how much of the information Lt Colonel had passed to Brigadier Shah, but she can’t say anything without Lt Colonel’s permission. Monica walked towards her quarters and suddenly she remembered that she was still wearing Cadet Ali’s jacket with multiple color bullet marks on it and she smiled softly looking at it and walked further.