Ali woke up at 4.00 am and completed his Namaz and got ready for the morning exercise. Working out for two hours from five to seven was compulsory at the academy. He had no issues waking up early as he used to go to mosque every morning in Kashmir. His roommates were fast asleep, so he tried to wake them up before it was five. They scolded him and went back to sleep. He couldn’t blame them as it was cold in Phascat in the morning and at night as it was a mountainous region. You can’t keep your bare foot on ground at night without it turning in to a popsicle. Ali walked barefooted on the tile. He was from Kashmir, it’s a routine for him to wake up to the chilly mornings and to go to the mosque or to sing with his gang and the entire winter night. Ali called his roommates again. They finally woke up cursing Ali, the academy, the cold weather and their parents for giving birth to them.

Ali, Ansh, Rahul, Krishna, Jahangir, Diksha, Kajal, Sweta and the others in the new batch ran towards the ground. They are supposed to exercise at the open space for one hour and then at the gym for half an hour. All of them were shivering in the cold when they saw someone at the side of the ground on something that appeared as a goal post without the net. The person was hanging from it upside down holding to the pole with the legs and was doing pull ups. The entire batch had their jaws dropped. They looked carefully through the morning mist to find out that it was Major Monica. She was exercising alone. Ali was astonished. She was wearing a sweatshirt and jump pants and he couldn’t stop staring at how she balanced herself on the pole without anyone’s help.

Diksha: I am in love.

Ali, Ansh, Krishna, Kajal: What?

Diksha: What?

Everyone looked at Diksha in surprise and she looked at the sky.

Kajal: I think we should start working out.

The batch moved to the track and field except for Ali, Ansh and Diksha.

Ansh: She is amazing.

Diksha: I know right.

Ali just stood there and watched Monica in awe. He wanted to do what she was doing. It seemed really challenging.

Monica watched the cadets walking and running on the ground. She also saw three of them standing in a corner and staring at her for the last ten minutes. Monica continued doing pull ups for five more minutes. Then she slowly came up and held the pole with both hands and raised her legs to the other side and jumped down to the ground. She took her towel and walked towards the cadets.

Diksha, Ansh and Ali saw Monica walking towards them and Diksha slowly went towards the field. Ali stood his ground and he didn’t understand why his legs were not moving. Ansh tried to pull Ali and walk but Ali stayed still. Monica reached them.

Monica: Why are cadets asked to come to the ground before sunrise?

Ansh: To exercise ma’am.

Monica: I asked both of you.

Ali: To exercise.

Monica: To exercise?

Ali: Ma’am.

Ali could feel his temperature rising.

Monica: Five rounds around the ground before the sun comes up. Both of you, now.

Ansh didn’t say anything and cursed his existence under his breath while running. Ali still didn’t move.

Ali: Why should we run? We were just watching you exercise because it was impressive. I don’t think it’s a mistake.

Monica: Mistake is putting your time for the wrong purpose. Ten rounds.

Ali was shocked, and Monica walked away without looking back.

*******

The batch was asked to sit in a room, which looked like a classroom, so they called it class VI A for no particular reason. One by one, the faculties of IAA came and met the batch. The batch Ali belonged to was called as Phoenix and it reminded him of Lord Voldemort when it should have reminded him of Dumbledore. Ali watched the sunlight coming through the windows while everyone was busy talking to each other as soon as the faculty left. Discipline was something that the batch would learn one day but today was not that day.

Suddenly, the entire class became silent and Ali looked at the entrance and found Major Ronald walking in to the room. She was in full army uniform and he could hear Diksha’s gasp.

Monica entered the class with a smile. She had already talked to two other batches today and this was the third batch. She was keeping an eye on the cadets as well as the faculty since the last four days. No one did anything in particular that alerted Monica. There were no clues of any activities that she should be worried about. Monica was almost convinced that the sleeper had something else to do with IAA and it was not involving the academy or the people here. Maybe, JOKER was where the attention was needed. Monica was not worried about her department. Lt. Colonel already knows about the issue and he will find the traitor soon. Monica smiled at the class.

Monica: Hello Cadets. I am Major Monica Stephen Ronald, your temporary faculty at IAA and I am here to know about all of you. So, everyone please stand up one by one and say who you are and what you like to do.

The entire class started introducing themselves formally and Monica studied each and every one in detail. She found that Cadet Ali was in Phoenix and she couldn’t control her eyes from looking at him from time to time just to see how he was looking at her. Ali fascinated Monica. He was so straight forward, and he never hid what he felt.

Monica: As you all know my name and rank already, I will say something more about myself. I am from Goa and from a huge Anglo-Indian family. I have a lot of relatives and it’s like a festival if we all are together. My family owns a club and restaurant chain called The Ronald’s. You guys can visit it if you are in Goa. So that’s about me.

Diksha: So, ma’am, you are an Anglo Indian, so why are you here? What inspired you?

Monica: Well, to say, my family mostly owns restaurants and clubs in Goa and I am the first person from the close family to work for Indian Government in the last four generations. I don’t know exactly when I was fascinated about the armed forces. My great great grandfather was an army man but of course the English army. I used to hear about him from my grandparents when I was a child and I loved what he stood for, his nation and that’s what I wanted to do as well, to stand and fight for my nation.

Diksha: It’s kinda confusing but inspiring as well.

Monica: There is nothing confusing about it. My great great grandfather was an English man and he was loyal to his Country but my great grandfather and my family after that have been in India and have accepted the citizenship and this country as ours. It’s never confusing to fight for what is yours, to defend what you believe in.

Monica looked at everyone and smiled again. She wanted to be soft to them. They were new in IAA and she was sure that the other faculty had already scared them enough and being nice to the cadets would also make them feel relaxed and they would open up to her and that would help her in the investigation.

Monica: When you join the army, your gender, your religion, your place of birth, your family, all of it will disappear. You will become an Indian first. For you, your country should be the priority. No matter how much you love your family or your life or your dreams, none of it matters before the nation’s interest and the safety of the people. So, before you wear the uniform after you pass out from here, remember this, you are an army personal. You are not a man or a woman, not a Hindu or a Muslim, you are not a North Indian or a South Indian, you are an army personal and that should always be your identity.

The class said in one voice: Yes Ma’am.

Ali watched Monica talking. She was steady with a little body moment. She had her hands tied behind her back. Her face was small, and hair was tied to a bun and it was covered by her army cap. She hadn’t worn any make up, her eyes were shining, they were full of life. She had a perfect nose and full lips, but her teeth were a bit imperfect, no they can’t be called imperfect. If they made her how she was, then they are perfect, she was perfect.

Monica: Cadet Baig, would you like to run another ten rounds?

Ali: Yes, I mean no.

Monica: Then, where is your mind wandering? Pay attention to what I am saying.

Ali nodded and kept his head low. If he pays more attention to Monica than what he was giving right now then he would look like a psycho or maybe a serial killer, Ali thought.

Monica thanked the batch and walked out of the room. She watched everyone carefully and she understood that everyone is different and needed more studying to figure anything out. But she was sure that if there was something fishy, it would surface in some sort of way that she would immediately pick up. Figuring people out was her greatest strength. She could sense when there was something going on and she could feel that about multiple students in all the batches, but she needed proof and she had to wait for it. People have various characteristics and they can act any way they want to. Just because someone seems different, you can’t go ahead and say that the person is the culprit.

Monica also thought about Ali. She understood that he has a crush on her. She didn’t feel anything special about it. People having crush on her was not something new to her. She never found herself better looking than her cousins or her friends, but people found her different and attractive. She always wore the least make up, even for marriages or parties. But still people never stopped admiring her, maybe it was her small face, it might be appearing cute to them, Monica thought. But there was a time when she used to feel good when someone admired her. How his eyes watched her every time she passed next to him. How his hands would try to touch her hair thinking that she doesn’t know about it. He used to write poems about her, about her eyes, her heart, her voice, her depth, he knew her, only he knew her, her first love. He always wrote about how he wanted to drown in her eyes, drowned he did, but not in her eyes though.

Monica was fourteen when she first met Charles, he was new in school. He told her that he loved her when they were fifteen. She never said anything back, never admitted how much she loved him, how much his poems meant to her. Then he drowned in a river during an excursion, he drowned in front of her and she stood there watching and screaming when others tried to rescue him. She couldn’t help, Monica couldn’t swim. When he was taken to the hospital, she thought that he would be alright, but he was gone, just gone. How can people smile at one moment and then lay dead in the other, it was strange how life was, Monica had thought.

For the next few weeks his memories haunted her. Whenever she showered, the image of him drowning came to her mind and she cried sitting on the floor. Then she thought of learning to swim. The guilt of not able to save him made her get in to the water. When she went below, she could see him swimming around her. At first it scared her then it was her peace. Later it became memory and then a blur, then he was gone, only his poems remained. Monica have had four relationships after that. She couldn’t bring herself to love anyone after Charles, but she did get in to relationships to make her family feel that her love life was good, and she was happy, but she knew that love would never happen to her again, she tried, and it just won’t happen, she can never see anyone like how she saw Charles. Monica would have given anything for a chance just to say that she loved him, only him, just once.

********

Ali laid on the bed. Six days had passed since he had come to IAA. On the first two days, he clearly regretted coming to the academy. The way the officers there treated him because he was from Kashmir hurt him. He came here for the people of Kashmir, but he couldn’t take more of it, the doubtful gazes affected him badly but then he thought about his childhood friend Ahaad. Both Ahaad and Ali went to school together. Ahaad used to speak a lot about freeing Kashmir and sending the army back. Ali always listened to him and thought that one day he would become a politician and would change the face of their land, but he joined militancy when he was seventeen. Ali hadn’t seen him for three years and then there was news of a bomb blast in a bus stop in Jammu which killed three people and it was done by Ahaad. Army went on searching for him everywhere and his family cried sleepless nights knowing that their child had become a militant. His mother said that she preferred him dead than knowing that he had become a terrorist. Someone who killed his own people. Army found him on the third day and only his lifeless body was left after hours long gun battle. Ali came to know about the developments only through news. Ahaad’s family refused his body and it was the army that buried him. There was unrest in Kashmir that day, but it was brought under control. Everything went to normal but Ahaad never came back, he was only twenty. That day his mother made Ali promise that he would never go in that path and Ali agreed. Ali never wanted to join militancy but he wanted to do something good for the people and thought it was better to be a good soldier and serve the people than letting bad ones hurt them. Militancy was never the solution, and Ali was never going that way.

Ali was lost in thoughts when Ansh shook him out of his line of thoughts.

Ansh: Ali, what are you doing inside the room on a Saturday night. Everyone is outside around a campfire and are singing and dancing. We are allowed to have gatherings like these once every month. Come on out. Let’s join them.

Ali wiped his tears without letting Ansh see them and followed him outside.

*******

Monica was reading through the old diary that she took from Charles’ House. The diary that she stole, to be specific. His diary was all about her, his two years of life was all about her. It felt good reading through them at times, whenever she was confused or scared or sad, it felt good reading the familiar verses of the diary, it reminded her that she had been through tougher times before.

Monica never told about Charles to anyone. Not even her grandmother. He was her secret pain. Sharing her pain would make her look vulnerable and Monica never wanted to appear weak in front of anyone, neither friends nor family.

‘Your eyes, they seem as though they are oceans full of dreams.

I try to swim in them, but something pulls me down, down in to the abyss.

I want you to help me up, with a single word, or a glance or a smile.

I might just live, live at least for this one day.’

Charles

Monica was turning to the next page when she heard a voice singing. It was coming from the Cadet gathering area.

‘Koyi Fariyaad Tere Dil Mein Dabi Ho Jaise

(As if some request is suppressed in your heart)

Tune Aankhon Se Koyi Baat Kahi Ho Jaise

(As if you've said something through your eyes)

Jaagte Jaagte Ek Umar Kati Ho Jaise

(As if a lifetime has passed while staying awake)

Jaan Baaki Hai Magar Saans Ruki Ho Jaise’

As if there is still life left but the breaths have stopped)

Monica had been hearing the students singing and laughing outside her quarters, but this voice caught her attention like no other did. She closed the diary and walked towards the door and opened it wide. She walked outside. It was really cold, and she was wearing a white cotton top and leggings. Monica regretted that she didn’t take her jacket and she hugged herself and trembled a little.

‘Har Mulaakat Pe Mehsoos Yehi Hota Hai

Mujhse Kuch Teri Nazar Pooch Rahi Ho Jaise

(Every time we meet, I get a feeling

as if your eyes are asking me something)

Raah Chalte Huye Aksar Yeh Ghumaan Hota Hai

Woh Nazar Chupke Mujhe Dekh Rahi Ho Jaise’

(While walking down a path, I often feel

like your eyes are watching me from hiding)

Monica looked at Ali and the rest of the cadets. They seemed happy and innocent. There wasn’t much she had to do here, Monica thought. She would just stay here for a month and would update Lt Colonel about the mission.

Ali found Monica standing outside her quarters looking at him. She wore a white top and was hugging herself because of the cold wind. He had a sudden urge to get up and go to her and cover her with his blanket. But he stayed there. By then Ali was sure that he liked Monica. She is not the first woman he had liked. And he understood that it was only normal to be attracted to a girl. But it was the first time that he was liking an elder woman. Still, he was not much bothered about it. Monica would be here only for a month and would leave after that. Ali might never see her again and like every other crush he had before, he will forget her in two or three months. That’s all, that’s all she was to him. Ali continued singing, watching Monica at a distance.

‘Ek Lamhein Mein Simat Aaya Hai Sadiyon Ka Safar

Zindagi Tej Bahut Tej Chali Ho Jaise

(A journey of ages has wound up in just one moment,

as if life has moved fast, very fast)

Iss Tarah Pehron Tujhe Sochta Rahta Hoon Main

Meri Har Saans Tere Naam Likhi Ho Jaise

(I keep thinking about you for hours in such a way,

as if every breath of mine was just yours)