CHAPTER 7

Jae-Eun’s POV

I woke up happy today.

“Omma! what are we going to have for tonight?” I asked my mother who is still busy cooking in the kitchen.

“Oh, I am going to cook all your favorite food, my dear,” Mom replied as she comes towards me and hugged me.

“Happy Birthday Jae-un!” father greeted me followed by a huge smile in his face.

“Oppa! Don’t forget to buy me a present later, huh?” I said.

“Okay!” Father answered back to me.

“Honey, we’re going,” Father said as he bid my mother goodbye and placed a kiss on her forehead.

Who would know that that was the last time I'll see my mother breathing.

Father dropped me to school before he goes to the office, he is a lawyer... a very good one in his field. He is known for being true to his words and he treats everyone with respect and fairness.

I usually come home first before my father arrives. But not that day. I saw him along the road driving his old Nissan car.

"Jae-Eun, get in,” I heard him shouted along the way. I was really happy to see him and be able to go home with him. I bet mom would be surprised and happy when she'll see us.

"Why are you early today?" I asked and smiled at him.

"I have to before your mother starts cooking for your birthday. Let's all dine out." He took a glance at me when he says that.

"Reall?" I asked and gave him a huge smile.

"Yes, my daughter is getting older and I don't have any idea what to give her any more," he said and try to look serious at that time.

"You should call your mother and tell her to prepare so we could go out immediately when we arrive," he commanded.

I smiled and took out my phone. I had to dial it three times but she's not answering her phone. It just keeps on ringing.

I look at my father and said, "Mom is not answering her phone."

I saw my father's brows furrowed as he steps on the gas harder.

“Maybe she’s in the comfort room,” I said trying to calm him.

“She does not leave her phone, she always takes it with her even in the comfort room,” the father says, I cannot sense the calmness in his voice anymore.

And then he hit the gas harder. It feels like we're in a hurry or something.

He immediately went out after we arrive, he almost hovered from his car to the front door of the house.

I ran towards the door when I saw it was open. Then I heard father’s voice as he cries for my mother’s name, I don’t know… but I felt like something hits my chest.

I slowly get into the house, scared of what I might see. My hands were cold and my knees were trembling.

I saw her in my father’s hands as her lifeless body lies on the floor.

I thought I was paralyzed, I cannot move the body. I want to run towards her, but I cannot move my feet. The feeling of being hammered on the ground.

“Omma! Omma!” I loudly call her as my tears keep on rolling on my cheek.

Then my knees slowly lost their hold, they collapsed on the floor… I have to drag myself to be near her.

I can’t think anymore and it’s unbearable. My heart is being shredded into pieces as I look at her.

I know my father is devastated as he keeps on calling my mom’s name.

We were devastated… on my 16th birthday, I lost her. We lost her.

I wiped my tears away as I think of that day.

It’s my 19th birthday today, the feeling of excitement has gone, and I can feel the emptiness every year since she died.

I came home and saw my father wasted. He lies on the couch with a bottle of soju on his hand. I don’t think I will be needing his help today. It's been years and I don't think he helped me once during these times. I guess I'll be leading it again. Do it all again, all by myself.

I prepare all the things needed for my mom’s death anniversary… yes, instead of preparing for my birthday, I prepare for her death anniversary. Then I look at my father.

It’s killing me as I see him in this manner. He didn’t talk, he didn’t question them. He didn’t bother to search further, he stopped the investigation. It doesn’t make any sense, I don’t understand my father. He talks like he’s afraid that something big is going to happen. He even stopped working, he refused to accept cases. He lost himself… I lost him.

No matter how hard I try to convince him to go back to work, he won’t listen. I cannot explain but he acts as if he is afraid of something. I wanted to know more. I want him to dig more… being one of the most prominent lawyers in Korea, I don’t understand why. Everything that I was expecting didn't happen.

I did what I’m supposed to do to honor mom’s death anniversary while Dad’s still on the couch. Should I just understand the situation we’re currently in? Should I greet myself with a happy birthday? Huh… why are these tears keep on falling? I don’t want to cry anymore… please stop.

I maybe look sturdy outside but God knows how I bleed inside, this is the façade that I’ve been trying to put every day.

My body is aching and my mind is about to blow. But I don’t want to stop… not yet. My heart is throbbing but I want to breathe more.

As I lay in my bed, I want to fall asleep but I can’t. These tears keep on rushing down my face. I am already tired… my body is already tired. Then I close my eyes because I know that I have to.