Georgina

What happened that night was a big mistake. I couldn’t remember being so caught up in the moment that I almost believed it was a fairytale but I was actually in it, it felt like a dream with nightmare in my head. After that night I couldn’t stopped comparing the sex I had with Davin with the other guys I slept with, not that I had many, that time I only slept with two people, three plus Davin. When I got home that day, I noticed the paper I wrote a poem for Gavin, but because of the shame I felt I burned it, there was nothing I could do to talk to him, anyway.

The next morning I went to school with fear that people knew about what happened, I was seven years older than Davin, yet I didn’t. I was quiet for the whole day and my head was spinning I just wanted to sleep. It was boring and I did it for the next three days. Every time I came home I did my unfinished school work but I could picture his face that night, his hands, his lips. I was dumb! I was aware that he was just a kid but I did it anyway and it was my fault. I was more stupid that I did it, and the knowledge that he was the little brother of my ex-boyfriend. I was so ashamed that I didn’t know if I could talk to him or his brother anymore. Fortunately, I didn’t knew why I thought about it as fortunate, Gavin didn’t went to school, anymore.

A week after that event, it was Wednesday and the weather was bad, it rained the night before and that Morning, I saw Marcus and Angelis soaked in the rain, they were talking silently I didn’t want to interrupt them but I wanted to know why Gavin stopped going to school so, I jogged towards them. I held my umbrella towards them to hinder the rain soaking them.

“Georgina.” They said in chorus.

“Hi.” I said lifelessly.

“Well, we’re gonna check Gavin.” Marcus said.

I noticed Angelis shoved Marcus’s shoulder with his shoulder. Marcus shocked like he made a mistake telling me about it. He turned to me and back to Angelis, undecided whether to made excuse as if it was prohibited to let me knew. I put the umbrella down, the three of us are soaking. Marcus combed his hair with his hands.

“What?!” I said, annoyed.

“Well,” Angelis begun. “The thing is, Gavin doesn’t want you to know about it. It’s something about his… mom.

“Honestly, we can’t tell you about it.” Marcus said.

“It’s not right.” Marcus added.

The time stopped, like everything froze. Multiple times my heart folded until it became the size of an atom. I felt more stupid than I felt a week ago, I’d never asked Davin even once where their mother was, he only mentioned her once, the first time I visited. Never thought why he was only left alone with his brother and never saw her going home even I spent most in their house until late at night. My eyes watered by the thought of it. I walked away from them leaving the umbrella lying on the ground and ran out to the gate without another word. I walked and walked and ran and ran and face the door of Gavin’s. His friends said that they would be here so I assumed that he was inside. I remembered imagining a coffin inside, with a candles, and a scent of dead flowers, and a picture frame with the face of their mother. I was afraid to knocked felt like I was an invited guest who would not mourn to the saddest part of the life of the two boys loved the dead woman lied on the white coffin. I fought back that picture and the thought. Knocked and stood straight. As the usual scene Davin opened the door with his usual outfit.

“What are you doing here?” was his opening words.

He wanted to push me away because he knew that I was there to disrespect his mom’s funeral. And what happened between us. I tried to peek inside but nothing was there just what it looked like when I left him a week ago.

“I…. was…. Your mom.” I tried to speak my sentence turned out to be a phrase.

His face turned into something I couldn’t read. Davin was unreadable, like everything he did, his facial expression, was something I couldn’t read. He stepped outside looked at his back and closed the door. And with that words, he was angry.

“What about her?” he asked with a tough expression.

I swallowed my tears. “Gavin’s friends told something. They said they’re not the right person to talk about it.

The door opened and Gavin looked at me. His face was mad and I guessed his friends told him about what happened earlier that made him upset but he was not mad at me, for sure. He patted Davin and he read about it cued to go inside as he was about to talk to me, for the first time since the breakup. Gavin took a moment of silence as if he gained all of his energy, as if he needed it, but he would just talk to me. He looked at the moon wished for something out there. I looked at it too and mesmerize that even on the saddest part in the life of the people the moon can still shine reminding us that everything is going to be alright.

“Angelis told me.” he said while looking at the moon.

It was five something in the afternoon. The moon was in the blue sky with its faded white color joining the clouds. The smelled of the air lingered like a perfume flying around us but I couldn’t felt it when I was holding my breath. He looked at me with bruised expression that I almost couldn’t recognized him: he was so forlorn that made him looked like a ragged faced. He tried not to cry but before he can ever utter word he could no longer hold his tears.

“She died.” He couldn’t able to sound the ‘D’ because of his sobbed.

He sat on the floor covered his face with his palm. I didn’t know what to do so I sat in front of him brushing his shoulder giving him a comfort that he needed. I just noticed that he was wearing a knee-length green plaid shorts and a clean white tee but as neat his clothes looked his hair was messy.

“I’m sorry.” Was all I said.

I cried with him for a minutes we covered the beautiful serenity with our tears while the rain subsided with our melancholic heart. He looked at me again with a blood shut eyes. We sat straight and leaned on the wall. He wiped his tears away and I did too. We looked at the sky like we just drowned ourselves with cocaine.

“She had a cancer that killed her.” he started. He exhaled slowly then goes on. “She really wanted to meet you, before, you know, but you always declined. She wanted to talk to you and see you.” he fought back his tears but it was streaming.

I sniffed and remained quiet because my words didn’t matter. He needed an ear to listen to him and I gave him that.

“She died that night, the day I drove to your house. That was the reason why I broke up with you, she was dying that day Georg, when I was begging you in that car to meet her. You never granted her wish.” He said with pain and hatred. “You always seemed to hate her for it. I can’t understand myself, but you became a reminder of her pain.

He told me he was frequent in bar and left me after that statement and went inside. I didn’t apologized again because it won’t matter to the situation like that. The door opened again, Davin invited me to get inside and informed me Gavin left, which was another mistake of mine. He gave me water and comforted me. I explained to him why I refused all of the invitation of his mother; my insecurities, my selfish reasons, and my inferiorities. Never thought why I couldn’t explained those to Gavin. For the first time I never felt so guilty in my life since that time. Davin kissed me, I got shocked and pushed him.

“Davin,” I whispered.

“We did this before, remember?” he said.

He put his hand on my legs. And kissed me on my neck. Another mistake I did because when he returned to my lips I kissed him back. The taste of his lips tasted like freedom and happiness that I never knew had a taste. It was different to the other lips I tasted before. He slowly caressed my legs up to my panty and pulled it down. He rubbed me and I tickled, when I moaned he kissed me harder and harder, he shoved inside his one finger and when he did it again he entered two fingers. He unbuttoned my uniform one by one without leaving his lips to mine. I never knew how he learned to pleased me after that event. I removed my bra and he immediately sucked my nipples like a hungry puppies. I moaned, then tickled the fruit of mine again, he shoved me again gently. I was seven years older than him but unlike the first time we did that that time I let him lead the powerful cursed we performed. I didn’t know if it felt the same to him, neither the first time we did that, but he didn’t stopped nor I didn’t stopped him. He kissed my neck again down to my collar bone. When he caught my eyes his eyes were focused. I didn’t know why I let that happened but it was a sensation that I couldn’t deny.

“Turn off the light.” I whispered as I moaned.

He stopped kissing me, stood in front of my exposed body. He asked me if I was sure I replied, “And lock the door.” he did locked the door first then turned off the light. In the dark room I saw the silhouette of Davin when he sat next to me, he told me the activities of his brother that Gavin already informed me. I knew why he told me that, even Gavin’s reason of informing me, they blamed me for the death of their mother as if I killed her. He found my hand in the dark.

“Aren’t you scared?” He asked in the unsureness of what we were doing.

“Are you?” I asked him back.

“This is what I always wanted.” He replied.

I wanted to laugh but part of me believed in him. I didn’t knew if I needed to say something but he didn’t let me speak he kissed me, passionately and wrapped his arms around me. He kissed my lips, then my jaw down to my neck, I gasped for air. I didn’t know what I was feeling but it was good. It was very different the way we did it before. I moaned when he hit the right spot. I closed my eyes, I saw the lights, tangling with all of my concerned and regretted things but I shook them up and pushed them out of my mind. Davin returned his lips on my neck. I shivered as he moved on top of me. I slowly removed his shirt and his pants. I ran my hand down on his back and helped him in, he gasped when he finally made it inside. It was his time to put the pace to the flamboyant hunger of desire. He penetrated me above a feeling faraway with infatuation but just lust, it was nothing near to the first time we did it. When he got satisfied he groaned again, like a tiger, he let go of me, I sat and he sat next to me we were both naked. I dressed myself alone while he was just looking at me in the depth of darkness, I felt his eyes in the dark night piercing on me, then I sat again next to him. We were not kissing anymore, we were not talking either. He put his arms around me gave me a warmth on my cold feeling. It felt like I was obliged to say something but I didn’t know if I had to. I didn’t know if he was thinking the same nor if he was awake.

“Kiss me.” he whispered hinted with beg.

His voice was bitter: I assumed it was because of me or maybe he was just angered on what had happened. Or maybe he was just broken inside. I leaned my back on the couch and closed my eyes.

“Please.” I heard him begged again.

I hugged him didn’t have an intention to move but he grabbed my wrist I gasped by his demeanor, pushed me down on the sofa. Without wasting another second he kissed me pulled my undies and entered again. I moaned immediately and he groaned. I didn’t knew why the second time felt like my first. He kissed me, thrust his self deeper and deeper. I felt the connection of our body I moaned softly. He kissed my neck between thrust. We were covered in sweat, the award for our lustful performance. Moreover, I felt raped. We sat once again, I put my head on his chest gasped for my breath. I felt his chest jumping through his body as the air exited on his nose. I looked at him, the moon light reflected to the window illuminated his face, with the position of his head. He pushed me, threw me like a garbage. He threw my clothes and put his clothes.

“Davin?” I asked puzzled.

“Kuya will be home any minute now. You should dress and leave.” He said in panic.

“Georg! Faster!” he ordered.

His voice pinned on my chest, I heard that tone before, sounded like Gavin, talking down to me like I was stupid. He quickly turned on the light after he put his clothes on. When he saw me still naked frozen on my seat holding my clothes he became more annoyed at me. He pierced his eyes on me and marches towards me.

“Do you want me to dress you?” he snickered. “I get it. It was a great fuck, Georg! I enjoyed it a lot!

I sank on my seat, embarrassed on what had happened. The whole situation and the past event played on my eyes like a cinematic revelation of my stupidity. I deceived myself on the fairytale I’d created. The world grew doubled its size and that moment I felt so small, smaller than the anything else. I heard his laugh over, and over and Gavin’s dissing me.

“I thought…..” I broke.

“Oh, you thought that, that was beyond a fuck?!” he snickered again. “C’mon Georgina! I am the younger brother of your boyfriend. Let me rephrased that ex-boyfriend.

And that was the thought I’d forgotten, enjoyed the body of Davin, and forgot about Gavin. Why I didn’t thought about that? I did, a week ago, but at that very moment? I became a moron on the play Davin and I played, it was nothing but a good sensation of our body but there were no feelings involved to him, it was just a sex. My question earlier was answered by the way he looked at me, it was never be the same to him. And I was right when I referred it to ‘hunger desire or our body.

“Then… why?” I broke down in tears, flooding my eyes with my own tears.

I covered myself hugged my body tighter. I felt like I was a stupid whore and that was the first time I felt like that, but again I can’t compare myself to whores because at least dicks gave them money after fuck but me? I just lost my dignity and worth over that fucks. That was the first time I saw myself in the eyes of the others who could just played me like I was a simple game. What’s worse like a whore?

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